| 31.3.04 |
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woke up kinda early to a call from dad...
think he found out i was visiting TTSH... and probably was worried for me... took the morning off to send me there... which is really sweet of him... though sometimes i do feel they should give my intelligence and independence a little more credit... doc at the orthopaedics was young... abt dr harold's age? told ben k the doc was cute... but nah... i was just trying to inject life in the boring afternoon... lame effort if you asked me... but at least i tried... asked me loads of questions... sent me for physiotherapy in about 2 weeks... kinda not good... coz i havent got my lesson schedule... so its like... darn... was waiting at the pharmacy after that... for some painkiller for my ankle... this secondary school girl probably was in some heated argument on the phone... with her boyfriend i assume... thought i picked up some keywords that directed me to that conclusion... the pharmacy was already quite noisy with the pharmacists trying to get themselves heard while explaining the medication to the patients... i was trying hard to concentrate on my book.... while constantly looking out for my number whenever i heard a beep... oh well... healthcare sector is probably one that would never see a downturn... CGH please call me... which brings me to the fact that my speedpost to CGH cost me 8 bucks... quite dumb if you asked me once again... but i din wanna hand deliver... coz the Human Resourse Department was probably deep in the no-visitor part of the building... and getting my dad to drive me all the way there was kinda =P as well... i know how to get there, yes... but oh well... i guess i decided that paying the singapore postage system 8 bucks was my best contribution to society... if it was in the first place... coz i kinda doubt it... at least my parents are apleased... they have been rather excited about me sending in my application... constantly reminding me... and giving me suggestions of how to beat the deadline... this was tough coz we only knew of the scholarship about one week before... and i couldnt get the form printed from the site... but i guess they know... and i kinda have it at the back of my mind as well.. that this suited me more than all the engineering... and since this was a chance at an overseas education that they could never afford for me... naturally... they jumped at it... i got a little irritated, to be honest, the last couple of days... with them fussing over this thing... coz they alwaz left details/choices of my education to me... and only i could decide... so their sudden interest kinda gave me this pressure to get it through... and knowing i'd probably not get it... it only meant i'll disappoint them... if there was one thing i hated doing... it's disappointing pple... coz i hate being disappointed myself... i hope i get an interview at least... but judging from the way i screw interviews up.. it might not be great to hope that after all... ate nasi lemak with dad for lunch.... surprisingly... we din talk much... maybe it was the car ride before that... i wouldnt say we argued... but in my family... a heated debate was bad enough... if we ever got to shouting at each other... i dunnoe what would happen... coz i dont think it happened before... we had our usual disagreements... and i'll alwaz end with either my "i dont like you" or "i dont wanna talk to you"... people who know me well would know i never meant any of this... so did my dad... but i guess when such things happen... and you have two strangers sitting at your table... you tend to quiet down alot as well... i think he sent me one piece of his fish cake as peace offering... i love my dad... i alwaz say this... and when pple say too much of one thing... that one thing usually loses its meaning... but i dont think it is.. coz i really do... weather got really too hot for comfort... switched on the aircon and stuffed myself in bed with the Grisham novel... weird reading about storms in autumn when the weather out there was killer... kinda regretting the length of my hair right now... but oh well... fell asleep after some time... i dunnoe why i was tired... maybe inactivity was just stifling... it is probably time that i really continue reading on the atomic structure i was supposed to teach really... if not... i'll have to use the move angel was telling us about... when a student asks you a question u are clueless abt... direct the question to another student... darn... must do the mr yip thing... emphasize on group discussions... do not disturb teacher... nah... havent really thot of how i was going to carry out class... which i think is rather important... esp on your first day when impressions is ever so important... in sport we call it mental training... visualization... like in bball... doing that perfect lay-up... putting in that free-throw... or simply getting the defences right... in windsurfing... the fast gybe or tack... quickly deciding the laylines with the various factors that come into play... the current, the wind, opponents covering you... the start line being crowded with racers... all screaming at each other to get out their way... the f-words... all the cussing... sometimes you'll wonder how come windsurfers have such split personalities... being ultra nice on land and watsoever... and probably out to get each other throats on the water... but frankly... its a fair sport... they swear and all... while i never got accustomed to that... but we never come to blows... protests are handled by a reputable jury... almost like a court case... sat in one international one before... coz it was a huge protest against the race committee... interesting coz u get to hear the jap, hkg, korean accents all at the same time... trying to get their point across... and u try you best to stay silent coz you're just a little fry that probably comes in last at all the races... oh well... small fries do get bigger... but sadly... bigger fry still comes in last... ----Stef stopped rambling at 22:04 --Link to Post |
| 30.3.04 |
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went to moe to sign up for relief teaching....
lotsa security to go thru there... then just pass everything to the officer... so duh... went shopping.. bought a couple of pants... about 3 tops... stuff that i hope can pull me through the teaching stint... but as a 't-shirt and jeans' person... alot of stuff i bought are kinda out of character... but oh well... shirts are the safest bet... esp when u've got big arms, thick waist and all... still i went for a bento at sakae before my prata party... met the prata gang at jln kayu... first one there... rest all late... had two kosongs... lotsa crap... and a milo-cino... which was freaking expensive... talked about loads of stuff with qi today... i think we share some fantastic secrets... which kinda, i guess, bring our friendship to a different level... a toast to our friendship, gal! think i din blog like i usually do... just i'm just tired... dunnoe why really... guess it's the weather and my flu... argh... bed time... *crawls to bed* ----Stef stopped rambling at 23:50 --Link to Post |
| 29.3.04 |
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if all goes well...
the subject head doesnt call me up and tells me she doesnt want me anymore then i'll be starting to teach chemistry at MJC starting next week or sometime this week... kinda crazy yes... considering how jialat my chem is... but i'll be taking term 2 of JC1s... which is probably the most physical of chems... the kinda stuff I like... starting with atomic structure... was reading some of those in the car actually... some stuff looked a little foreign... but i think i'll be able to manage... if not... i have jas in the compound somewhere... will probably be able to get her to answer my questions easily... i think the subject head was kinda hesitant abt recruiting me... told her frankly that i struggled with it at some point of time... but managed to do ok (A/B) at major exams... she wanted to 'call-me-back' initially... coz she said she had another candidate coming in after me... she went ard photocopying my stuff... and came back to me asking me to start next week... which was queer... coz i was starting to accept that i wasnt gonna get the job... really panda eyed today... was having a terrible time in the car with my mind threatening to shut down while my body was still terribly active... fever seemed to be coming back... and the eeky yellow stuff in my nose and throat was choking me... am onlly blogging coz i din wanna sleep with my hair wet... and washed my hair coz i was sweating truckloads on my way to lala's place... and at her place too... i dunnoe whether it was coz i was sick... or that the weather was really terrible... i guess it was both... stella (not SML) applied for the uni of sydney scholarship with CGH liaoz... am trying for it too... for the fun of it... but more that i want the experience... and the feeling of pple spending 140 k on four years of your education.. mom did a conversion... one year tuition fee alone is 23k... liew... that is insane... wonder how all those pple afford it... know i cant match up to those pple with perfect scores and all... but i guess its better to try and fail... then fail to try at all... lunched with lala (SML), merv and YC... just simple BK fare... BK seems to be our fav haunt... but laughed alot with YC's army stories... me being the butt of merv jokes... and lala and eh-hem eh-hem... merv going tekong soon... will miss his hair... not him though... need clothes... really... kinda desperate liaoz... if not... i'd probably have a fixed wardrobe for mon to fri... and that wont do... being an ex-JC student myself... i know what students gossip abt teachers... am not going to invite those... anyone knows where to buy decent clothes at decent prices? preferably one-stop shopping... coz lazy stef here kinda hates shopping... esp when she cant find wad she needs... dying for gelare's praline and cream... but still nursing that flu... argh... *prays to recover faster so that i can eat wadever i want... and start exercising again...* actually... i think my life's pretty good rite now... settled my uni applications... if all my envelopes get to the respective pple in time... got a job... if i can manage my students and my work that is... family's getting along great... get to meet my pals often... i'm finally starting to get a direction in life... kinda too many actually... so still am deciding... i still dont have a special someone... but i have alot of special pple... some girl just msged me on IRC ask me whether i want sugar daddy... that she can intro me someone... *wonders how eeky the net has become already* was tempted to act interested and find out more... interesting really what pple do in real life really... and "min. $1000/mth, no sex, meeting 3-4 times a month"... dont these pple have a better way to spend their money?!?!?! i just read of this disabled racer who needs a new bike... 25k to fly to germany and custom make one... potential sugar daddies... please send your money there... reckon your money will seem more well spent... ----Stef stopped rambling at 21:02 --Link to Post |
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think i'm such a loser...
procrastination has got me in a state of panic... now i'm doubting the efficiency of the singapore postage system... whether my docs will get to nus and ntu in time... by 1st april... if not ah... i think my applications wont go thru... and i'll probably be school-less when school starts... so my dad has to go NUS for me... during his lunch tmr... so that the application for NUS is complete at least... heck the USP for a moment... the place in NTU... and the CGH scholarship... the place in NUS matters the most right now... but feel ultra bad... that he has to do this for me... just coz his precious daughter loves procrastinating... think he was a little 'grr...' coz he reminded me many times liaoz... have alwaz been this empty headed... couldnt sleep the whole of last nite... it was either henry's goal that kept replaying in my mind... or the fact that i have tons of 'unfinished business' that kept me awake... decided to stop trying to sleep at 6am... when the kids are scurrying about the house preparing for school.. kept the lights on and started on the John Grisham novel i borrowed yesterdae... it was good... only problem is... eyelids started getting heavy by 8am... slept till ard 9... called CGH... got them to send me an application form... sat myself at the PC here... deciding when will be a good time to call stella without waking her or causing massive disturbance to her peaceful home... am going over to make acquaintances with her xerox... or watever they call it over there... and lunch with my girl fren... i think i still sound hoarse... cant help it... was probably hacking away throughout the nite... hopes the dark eye rings wont come out.. i still need to look like a decent being for my interview at 4.... pray pray pray... meeting stella (the other one, not SML) so that she can bring me to the correct place without me getting lost or otherwise... oh well... i hope the person is at least nice... then i can use some of my crap at least... ----Stef stopped rambling at 09:42 --Link to Post |
| 28.3.04 |
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stef's got her gior junior tees liaoz!
oh happy day... went for a haircut... dunnoe why ah... the hair alwaz looks good when you're in there... about to walk out... but as the day go by... it doesnt feel that fantastic anymore... *shrugs* but i love haircuts... went to compass point... borrowed a book by john grisham... ben k's recommendation... will see how it goes... havent finished the previous two books... but i think The Stand is too thick for my small brain... bought my gior junior tees... hehehe... mommy paid for them... muahhaha.... but i paid for my sis' wallet, stationery and stuff... and bought a $1.90 pouch for myself... dont really use wallets... but love those quirky, coloured pouches for all my cards, coins and cash... if i happen to have those... now its a funky purple and blue bubbled one... met stella and her tuition student at the library... stella's starting work tomorrow... was surprised that jas called with the job opening... coz she tried to get yiqi in last week... but was told that there wasnt any vacancy... oh well... was supposed to meet her and the others for bball today... cancelled coz too many of them cannot make it... but we realised that we had at least enough pple to play 2 on 2 wad... grr... chou 486... alwaz make arrangements cannot make properly one... talking abt 486... wondering how she's doing now... started work at garlic restaurant a couple days back... seemed so excited... cant blame her... first job ever... ching's working there too... so fun... ----Stef stopped rambling at 21:10 --Link to Post |
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did meet the gang at glass house last nite...
was careful not to over expose them to my virus though... girl gang shared a couple of seafood platters... and lotsa drinks... so girl side bills came up to abt 17.70 per person... guys paid alot more though... most of them had a full set each... plus the bottomless quenchers... great seeing them all again... other than me stealing fries from YC and getting THE LOOK... weisong was cute... coz probably oni two of us chose mech engineering... was joking that he'll be needing my help when he goes in in two years time... c'mon... we all know how much better he is in physics than me... went to play pool after that... further confirmation that "stef cant play pool"... did pocket a couple of shots... but oh well... dad came to pick me... think he was afraid i might faint along the NEL maybe... jas called with a job offer today... sounds fantastic... might prove a little challenging... but i'll try... judging from all my failed attempts at getting a job... reckon i should first secure the job before i announce it to you guys... so plz... pray for me... but this will be really great... coz stella (of TK bball) working there liaoz... and jas's starting on 5th... it's pays much more... and i get to be with my best buds... wad more can i ask??? just hope my throat gets better by tmr... so that i can at least talk to my interviewer... saw cy and fish yesterdae... when i was on my way to meet the gang at the control station... shook fish's hand coz he congratulated me abt my results... with cy its was nuthing more than a hi, bye and a smile... which was queer actually... considering we were much closer back then... felt weird... coz i din know wad caused our friendship to drift so distant... sad coz he was a great fren... tried asking him out today for a movie or anything... but he had something on... somehow i feel he's trying to avoid me one way or another... i dunnoe... even my parents asked abt him... the fren whom they picked up with me at ikea... there was nuthing more than frenship between the two of us... though i will add that he was one of the more special frens... having came to my place to play ps and marinate chicken wings before... hate it when frens come and go like that... its almost as if they HAD to go... there are very little frenz who would stay in your lives for good... and those who do... are really very special... so plz treasure them... i hope i do... ----Stef stopped rambling at 12:14 --Link to Post |
| 27.3.04 |
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terrible flu...
bout of fever that 3 doses of panadol couldnt cure... couldnt sleep properly last nite... was in my mommy's bed coz they decided it was easier to look after me... couldnt decide whether i was feeling hot or cold... so most of the nite was spent kicking the quilt away... and pulling it back again... think i drooled on it alot... coz couldnt breathe through my nose... eeks! what a horrible thought... still feeling feverish... but am now breaking out in cold sweat... by experience... it's a good sign... coz it means i've probably seen the last of the fever... mucus turned a horribly bright yellow... gross... but oh well... wonder if i'm well enough to meet the rest at glass house.. coz i really wanna see them... dying to get out of the house... but as a civic-minded citizen of singapore... i should just stay at home and rot... received some seminar invitation from SMU... reg the girl in the leaflet... i think its my senior in TK... jade seah... pretty yeah? heard she did some singtel commercial too... think tk's getting pretty good at churning out mei nus... look at mediacorp's felicia chin... woohoo! just wondering when would i get to see Wynn on adverts or TV... judging by the amt of attention my good fren gets... its only a matter of time ya? think my dad's real sweet... even though i displaced him from his bed last nite... he still came in to check on me... and sponged my head with a wet cloth... at 4am no less! unless someone tells me he was watching soccer or wad... i think thats darn sweet... and him rushing home from work last nite... even when he was planning to do OT... just to send me to the doc's... feel bad for acting like a spoilt brat... but i was really having a tough time with my nose and fever... stef feels like buying the cute giordano junior tees she saw with lala the other day.... quite suay yesterdae... was at compass point... banking in my paycheck... when this guy came up to me and tried to sell me some andersen ice cream discount card... of which 30% of proceeds go to charity... was cornered actually... so there was no way i could escape... and he did sound quite poor thing... having only sold two throughout the whole day... bought one in the end... coz my family do eat ice cream from there... but that e-diot even tried getting me to buy two... coz i gave him 10 bucks... when i joked with him i needed that money to eat... considering i'm jobless and all... he even offered to intro me his job... *pengz* no thank you la... usually i wont even listen to this kinda sales pitch one... but i guess considering he's almost the same age as me... having such a terrible time earning a few bucks... i guess why not... so i guess i got conned out of 5 bucks yesterdae... people who wanna eat andersen's ice cream plz look for me... so that we can make my discount card worth its 5 bucks... ----Stef stopped rambling at 12:32 --Link to Post |
| 26.3.04 |
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watery eyes...
lotsa kleenex... throat turned inside out... more kleenex... nose with plumbing gone wrong... i think i'm falling sick... ----Stef stopped rambling at 10:44 --Link to Post |
| 25.3.04 |
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ok...
money-minded stef talking liaoz... got my paycheck today... after waiting abt half hour for mr koh at the centre... he rounded up the figure... against the laws of mathematics... so it ended up as quite substantial a bonus... pretty amazing... coz the pay for 8 days... ended up almost the same as my first paycheck for 14 days... the 14 days which included tons of OT... so now i cant complain that he never gave me CPF or 1.5 OT... coz really... it was more than i deserve... which makes things pretty difficult really... i cant dislike or like him... darn... oh well... still am invited to the company dinner on tues... i think he's just trying to make numbers... 10 per table ya? lalala... ate with my bro today... dinner at the library... we kinda love that place... my whole family really... borrowed Harper Lee's To Kill a Mockingbird... was someone's lit text i rem... though i cant rem who... almost wanted to lug home a book on Nostradamus... however his name is spelt... i'm a goner at spelling... ----Stef stopped rambling at 23:27 --Link to Post |
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i think i'm such a *beep*...
missed recruitexpress's call yesterdae... and turned adecco' one day temp job down... coz it was in tanjong pagar... half day... pays about 6 per hour... i think what i earn would probably go to MRT sia... tanny said the other temp job was still pending... oh well... i had to believe her... need to settle my USP application anyway... and get my pay... argh!!! am done with the essay... but seriously... i think it digresses too much from the question... may have to rewrite... and maybe i should try to find the essay i wrote for council application instead... draw some inspiration from there... parents are pretty keen on me trying the CGH scholarship... 4 years in sydney... 6 years bond... but they felt i would like it better than i would in engineering... dont even know whether i should try it... maybe if my mood was a little better i would have... but it isnt... mr koh has been delaying my paycheck for days on end... which is sucky really... and my respect for him is decreasing at a rate too fast to measure... if there's one thing u can never do... its make ur employee chase you for his/her paycheck... am wondering whether he was nice to me oni coz he needed me to stay... and when there was no need and when i declined... just start treating me like dirt... but i guess i've to slowly understand that thats how things goes... and no one really does nice things for its own sake anymore... just hope that it doesnt rub too much off me... helped a lady yesterdae when her baby pram carrying two children tipped dangerously off the curb... and i mean path-curb-road kinda curb... i think i must have flicked some of my sweat onto them while helping to upright the pram... cant help it... was jogging... did a 15:03 plus the overhead bridge... was kinda pacing myself with this middle aged man running on the grass... overtook him at some point... but gawd... he really just kept running... overtook me after pressuring me for like 5 mins... and soon after i couldnt see him liaoz... *kudos*... saw the tai-chi guy again at the fitness corner... but without his doggie... think he really scared of me... oh well... ----Stef stopped rambling at 11:49 --Link to Post |
| 24.3.04 |
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am kinda wondering will i survive if i'm ever unable to blog...
this blog has been such a big part of me since the very day i started... i admit i started writing coz other pple started... coz it sounded like a fine idea... but i think in terms of enthusiasm and my volume of crap... i think i outlasted them all... i'm not an exhibitionist... some people might strongly disagree... maybe i am... unconcious of it... but that was never my primary goal... all i really wanna do is share my feelings, emotions and experiences with pple i hold dear to me... fine... i'm self-justifying... and its not working... the real reason behind is... i cant think of an easier and more convenient way to keep a journal than push-button publishing... 1. i dont have to spend money on pens, books, correction fluid... 2. i get to leave frens subtle hints of wad to get me on my birthday... (muahahhaa! bet you never knew!) 3. that maybe one day... after ten whole years of blogging... i get to touch pple's lives like the books i've been reading did... was icq-ing ben k the other day... that un-Morrie-like people probably outnumber 'Morrie's 1 : 1 000 000... okay... that was an exaggeration... but was discussing that in one lifetime maybe... the number might... just might... turn into 2 : 999 999... thing is... i wanted to be in that very minority... i guess all of us do... and judging by the odds... i think its more difficult than getting into the dean's list ya? ----Stef stopped rambling at 17:25 --Link to Post |
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read till about 4am last nite...
was totally captivated by the book... so it wasnt any surprise when i found it was 3 plus when i first looked at the clock... almost finished it... but reckon that if i tried to... i'd probably meet my dad when he comes in to wake the kids... and i'd probably get a thrashing for not sleeping... and reading with the light on while my sibs were asleep... the book kept me awake later than 4am though... was thinking about alot of issues that were raised through it... am wondering why Tuesdays with Morrie din have such an effect on me... think i should read it again when i get the book back from ben k... it's something reading the entire book at one sitting and another fitting it into segmented parts of ur schedule... but the book made me see alot of things in a different perspective.... which is really wonderful... almost like a literature lesson... just that Mr B. Connor wasnt teaching it... talking abt Mr Connor and his lit lesson... i think i miss it thoroughly... it was one of the very rare chances that students actually had the opportunity to raise issues, doubts and their views on practically everything on the text... i've alwaz found it rather rude of us to disseminate the book into its technicalities like we alwaz do in lit lessons... i've alwaz considered a good book as a work of art... why should we be peering at wad brand of paint van gogh used... but Mr Connor alwaz made it so interesting... that it was a sin not to participate... i admit... i succumbed to fatigue more often than not... thats usually only when he's rushing through a lesson... and simply spoon-feeding us... he admits it as well... but when he ends... the questions and points i had wanted to raise simply burns within me... and then starts the firing session... and same goes for a few others in my sec4 class as well... so its really amazing the depth of thought it puts the whole class through... rushing through an amazing volume of second opinions and such... lit lesson was that very something i spoke about in the post yesterdae... so much so that my essay in my application for the USP would probably center ard that... coz truly... it made that much a difference in my life... there were alot of things that i thought abt before finally entering slumberland last nite... but regurgitating them here right now kinda spoils the sound of it... nevertheless.... they remain stuff worthy of mention in my blog... considering how "i-woke-up-i-ate-lunch-i-bathed" my blog grew to become... i'm losing that additional level of thought in my posts... esp since my job started... it changed me... the job... but i cant tell for the better or the worse... coz alot of times... good and bad cannot be differentiated as easily as we think we can... but i guess... experience... good or bad... is alwaz a useful thing... and i dont just mean on the resume... esp since i only worked for less than a month... life's very real lessons... thought about phone calls last nite as well... and how many pple i enjoyed having phone conversations with... those numbers dont add up to alot... coz i'm rather particular about phone conversations... if you're the wrong person... i think you'll probably just speak to me once on the phone.. and you'll never call back... to me... if a phone conversation has that horribly awkward silence... it isnt a good one... spoke to serene and stella really really long the other day... when i was struggling with my decisions abt uni courses... i simply had so many things to tell them... that i really couldnt stop... after one topic ended... the next just comes up naturally... i was practically pacing the balcony like an excited little child... frankly... i think i missed them... even though i just saw them not too long ago... i miss seeing them every day in sch... in the bus... or the like... i dont know if he'll read this... but yujin was one of those without the awkward silence as well... there is silence... but usually its when he poses me this ultra cheem question... and there i was... trying to fake a ultra cheem answer... but his conversations are thought-provoking as well... or so i thought... maybe i was just awed by his voice... but i've alwaz enjoyed our phone conversations... although they seem to be the reason why i did so badly for my mid year... one reason i never really liked phone calls with people i dont know that well is that it gives you too little time to think and react rationally... its probably alrite with close pals... coz they would probably let you get away with practically any trash u throw at them... not that i alwaz do... alwaz felt that i'm not a person who would alwaz react the correct way when something unexpected happens... and i'll end up hanging up on pple... not everyone of course... wf got extremely pissed with that habit of mine whenever we quarrelled... coz whenever i cant win the argument... he'll probably just hear the loud click... i stopped doing that... coz i realised how immature that was... cant blame me ok? i was oni 14... i guess the last person i've ever hung up on was probably ben w... cant rem why i did it... maybe it was something hurtful he said... judging by my sensitivity... usually turns out not-that-hurtful after all.. but remember rather clearly that after the call... i started watching 'you've got mail!' which he loaned me... and i started crying... not knowing whether it was the call prior to the VCD or the show that made me cry... i think he realised... or was it that i told him i did... that that very moment changed our lives almost immediately... maybe a blessing in disguise... whatever the case... i never did hang up on anyone again... hopefully i've finally grown out of it... ----Stef stopped rambling at 12:35 --Link to Post |
| 23.3.04 |
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"hello stephanie? this is benny here...
you know, benny-andrew, andrew-benny?" that i found funnie... was surprised that he called as well... but its business... needs flyer-distributors... and i was the e-diot who did the recruiting the previous time... mr koh lost his list of numbers... so i had to be the e-diot who had to trudge to the centre... get the numbers for him... just coz andrew koh couldnt find them... surrendered my keys while i was there... felt a little like some severing of ties... din get my paycheck though... coz mr koh was rushing out to pick his students... left out my juniors in the list i dictated to benny... dont want to involve them in stuff i know nuts about... but benny owe me sia... made me sweat so much in my OBS shirt... just for a few numbers... but made the most of my trip out... paid my reg fee for uni... and spent the rest of the afternoon reading at the library... am almost halfway thru Memoirs of a Geisha right now... entirely intrigued by it really... esp by this line i read... "We live our lives like water flowing down a hill, going more or less in one direction until we splash into something that forces us to find a new course." just felt this tug to msg this to someone... anyone, really... just so it'll be in my Sent folder of the phone... muahhaa... came home after hogging the cafe's seat with just one cup of hazelnut frap... then quickly changed for a jog... ran to compass point and back... and spent some time at the fitness corner... really sweated it out today... trying to build up my fitness regime again... will be going back to training soon... am feeling a little lost... out of place.. need some sort of goal to keep me in check... my sanity to be exact... back to book... am glad i'm finally getting back my interest in books... in reading for its own sake... it's something really hard to come by... usually ruined by the need to go through endless paras of physics and chem... but seriously... reading is a great thing... and other than human interaction itself... its probably the best way one truly grows... (like chalking up exp points for your neopet...) ----Stef stopped rambling at 22:04 --Link to Post |
| 22.3.04 |
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NEWEST UPDATE!
stef's into the NUS Engineering wind liaoz... and it looks set to stay... other than the old-looking campus... there's the USP which she'll be trying for... gives her until the end of second year to choose her major ... NUS mech engineering includes aeronautical... something she's been dying to have a hand in... NUS's nearer than NTU to ECP... should she decide to continue her windsurfing craze... stella's darn keen on NUS... great that she can bunk with her liaoz... and the prestige everyone's been talking about... like her kor says... most of singapore's ministers from there leh... and oh ya... stef's praying for a good temp job to drop from the sky... fren's of hers do feel free to join in the prayer... clocked 15:12 on the run today... din do the whole two rounds round the estate thingy... but did a flight up/down the overhead bridge... and saw the centre's buses like thrice lor... what a time to choose to jog... was trying to avoid the rain... spent some time at the fitness corner... i guess the fresh air did help me in deciding abt my final choice... was looking at the cute doggie on the bench... turned to look at the owner... think he almost growled at me... did i look so psycho as to steal his dog or harm it? hmm... saw this little boy at the void deck today... so cute... u know the little kiddy thing about looking at the floor and going *stomp stomp stomp*? he was doing just that... wonder if i did that when i was young.. stomp-ing on goodness knows wat.. but whats a childhood if you never did silly things... its probably the best time in one's life... coz no one remembers your screw-ups... ----Stef stopped rambling at 21:27 --Link to Post |
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just back from work...
weird hour i know... but just helped to answer the calls for the advert... until ms siti came in the afternoon... before i was shoved out... felt very exploited... coz of this... put the other job on hold... lost that... adecco never got back to me... then get shoved out... not really as well... just that he thought i had nuthing to do anyway... then ms siti wasnt that busy... oh well... could have been out there working proper... damn... clocked 9 hours anyway... just that he better pay me what i should get... before he starts to 'push 3 push 4'... at least i've learnt something from this stint... a glimpse of wad working world is like... but not bad la... this crazed couple of weeks... havent been working full time... but earned quite a substantial bit of money... am looking out for new stuff now... hopefully i'll get a new job soon... to contribute to my 'fund-stef's-laptop-and-misc-fees' campaign... was hesitant abt finally applying for engineering again... average pay for an average engineer doesnt seem very good... but does that really matter? business looked enticing for a moment... just that my lack of econs background gonna stick out like a sore thumb... and my reluctance to go into that field of work... watever work it might be... just thinking whether the outcome would justify the input if i decide to go ahead with engineering... tough choice... coz dont see any of my frenz going engin... am wondering if its that bad a choice... 'why is this so difficult!!!??!?!' ----Stef stopped rambling at 16:28 --Link to Post |
| 21.3.04 |
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yc.me.JPG
this is yc... looking all hunky post-BMT... one helluva guy who got me thru maths/physics/chem... studies with me even though there is a high risk of permanently damaging his own brains hanging ard me too much... one who knows the answers to all the questions i had prb with... and even if he doesnt... he'll get it for u... where can u find such a great study buddy? count my lucky stars that i live in sengkang... coz he does too! ----Stef stopped rambling at 01:19 --Link to Post |
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thought about it...
to help me start acting like an adult... i should ease the burden on my parents a little... am gonna save up everything i'm earning now... then fund my own laptop and misc fees for uni... plus my own savings... it should be enough for one year... try to work again during the hols... and fund the next year's misc fees... cant afford to pay for tuition and hostel fees... so that would have to be a loan from daddy's CPF... i know it aint much... but the least i can do is stop spending unecessary money... i guess its time i grow up and start being independent... responsible for myself at least... i guess after 19 years of bumping ard blindly... its time for me to really plan ahead... i'm leaving teen-hood very very soon... ----Stef stopped rambling at 00:00 --Link to Post |
| 20.3.04 |
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something pretty major happened...
mr koh's in CGH with ultra high fever... tried to get me on my hp early this morning to handle the castastrophe... but my silent mode saved the day... classes for the day had to be cancelled... at least for kids who cannot get own transport... siao liaoz... i think they'll have to schedule replacements until siao siao... actually thought of getting my dad to help out... coz he has the specialised license to handle sch children as well... din know got such thing... but he's kinda scared of manual vehicles now... and had some office thingy in the afternoon... spoke to mr koh on the phone... sounds ok... considering whether or not i should go visit... but hadnt been home since morning... and now heading out for family dinner... reckon i should at least tide him over the rough patch first... whether or not i'll stay long term.. hmm... we'll see? went to book theory test date... and went all the way to suntec just to buy yami yoghurt... with yifang and rene... stopped by the padang to check out the softball match... met ms lee wei... happy that she still remembers me... amazing actually.... talked alot with the both of them... about uni stuff... money... family... and of course... crap... more or less confirmed abt taking engineering in NTU liaoz... hope i'll manage... hope rene gets to study her maritime studies... that her family allows... ----Stef stopped rambling at 18:34 --Link to Post |
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reckon the tag board wont be enough for me to start rebutting...
not really a rebuttal... but more like my point of view... coz i totally agree with you ben... thats how society works... but i think the system sucks... the thing abt 'prestige better at wherever, then going there'... that pple look at the schools you attended... rather than the grades u get... the stuff you did... or things u achieved... my family doc... kinda blasted me about choosing AJC... he's a great guy... alwaz remembering to ask about me... my results... my races... even when i din go see him... he'll ask my mom.. who's there often to monitor her blood sugar level... unlike my relatives who never once asked abt my GCE examinations... we're (my family) not dying to flaunt my results... my parents are the 'oh, she's happy with her results' people... when queried abt how i did... but can see my mom would appreciate the concern from her six other siblings... oh well... no one did... but back to the doc... he kinda made me regret AJC... coz when u think abt it... its true.. people just glance at the resume... oh, RAFFLES junior college... there's this wow factor... and quite frankly... i think 80% of the population dunnoe AJ was continually ranked sixth... the oni ones who knew are probably students, staff, ex-students, families of students, friends of students, residents of AMK and our dear AJ Ice uncle.... dunnoe this year got break into top 5 annot.. think we did ultra well... as a cohort... but two weeks ago... when i left AJC officially... i felt ashamed of my regret... prestige is something surface-level... its a want... not a need... u'll probably need it to get a high paying job and all... but ultimately the question of whether it's wat we want resurfaces... the blind cycle of study-paper-career-money-more money-even more money... then what? we're all lost... dun wanna follow the ones in front of me... coz... they're lost too... there's nuthing 'wow' about me... my schools... my results... i dont crave that wow-factor... addicted to going against the flow... i like the salmon... swimming against the flow to its death... but still doing it... maybe i just like eating it... but oh well... going against convention... i guess that way... i get to experience things that i mightnt ever get to see... ok... think i talked way too much... i'm losing my point liaoz... *wonder how i passed my GP* in short... i'm a go-getter... yes... i try to be... but i only need to turn out just fine... and be amazing in the eyes of those who matter... coz that's what REALLY matters... i never substantiated my 'anti-NUS, pro-NTU' stand... grr... lets just say NTU can study abit of Aeronautical? something i've alwaz been interested in? now can erase the front part liaoz... =P ----Stef stopped rambling at 00:00 --Link to Post |
| 19.3.04 |
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woke pretty early today...
adecco never called... hiaks... think its retribution for me... the way i had to treat the other pple for the flyer thingy... oh well.. but on the bright side... at least mr koh called again... spent some 20 mins on the phone... crapping and bargaining... discussing uni entry or whether females should just get married and be happy... but he needs help on monday la... thomas going to leave... which is weird coz pple his age would be rather happy with a stable job... the kids did ask me abt his absence... but din know he really quitting... so mr koh's advertising for drivers... hiaks... told him to change the ring tone... i abit scared of his previous ring tone liaoz... it's quite enticing an offer actually... coz it's effectively a raise... and considering once again that i save on the PTS... stef sounds human again.. money isnt everything... but it makes things work... The Stand is a really thick book... dont even feel like starting on it... i take a pretty long time before i start getting intrigued by a book... almost finished Lord of the Flies before i started liking it... appreciating it... i have short attention span... and very little patience... actually there are only two things holding me back from reg for engineering in NTU... 1. the fact that i never enjoyed science/maths that much... unlike in JC where there was GP lessons to keep me sane and balance... where thought it provoked and creative thinking encouraged... i think the literary side of me will feel rather claustrophobic in such a E=mc2 environment... my english is not that wonderful... but like the volume of my posts suggest... i like writing... not writing abt serious stuff... but i appreciate literature... and expression of one's thoughts/feelings/emotions... scared i cannot handle the massive amount of physics/maths... and my lack of f maths background... 2. pple keep telling me NTU engineering no good... and what not... dumping ground... second choice... i guess it might be time to disregard wad pple say... yes, i appreciate feedback and opinions... but recalling wad countless individuals told me abt AJ... hearsay aint alwaz rite... i'll never know what i'll turn out like if i went to some top5 JC or something... but frankly... i think i turned out just fine graduating from ajc... ----Stef stopped rambling at 12:30 --Link to Post |
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taken the day we got our results... i miss them... kept me sane throughout my two frantic years in JC... wonderful pple! ----Stef stopped rambling at 01:07 --Link to Post |
| 18.3.04 |
 See what Care Bear you are.
cool! ----Stef stopped rambling at 21:50 --Link to Post |
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went to PS with my sibs...
pigged out at mos burger... introduced my sibs to burgers they now totally adore... sis loved the ebi rice... and bro, the unagi rice... the milk tea... oohhh the milk tea was divine... woohoo! feels good when pple actually like stuff u recommend... tried to shop ard for work clothes... but with an 12 year-old bro dragging his feet... u cant really do much... watched My Girl... and this has nuthing to do with my fascination of all-things-Thai... but oohhh... noi nah was sOOOOOOOOooooooo pretty... and jaeb and boy was sOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooo cute... stef the paedophile talking again... but seriously love the sound of pple speaking thai... feel like doing wad jason did for his stint at NUS... take up thai... so cool rite??? but considering how much i struggled with chinese... dont think i'm much of a linguist ya? dunnoe why... i think the language just makes one sound so demure... coz i aint... that even when i say 'thank you'... 'krop khoon kraa...' it sounds so... long flowing skirt and hair blowing in the wind... muahhaha... but back to the show... it was fantastic... wonder how come other pple's childhood all so happening... i think my childhood kinda boring lor... seldom go down to play with the other kids... oni until i moved here then i started playing bball with guys downstairs... i guess these kinda movies gives me a glimpse of wad i have been missing out on... and its really cool... was passing by my workplace the other day... the private estate? then u see all the kids in the neighbourhood cycling ard... looking for their frens in the last unit or something... its kinda cool... something i never really got to experience... met shimin and shiyue at the library again... weird that i taught them on tues... met them at the library when i was there with lala on wed... met them at the library again when i was there with my family today... having pre-dinner snacks of seafood spagetti and wedges... ice-blendeds and lattes... borrowed stephen king's The Stand... din know it was this ultra thick book with lotsa pages... *faints* hope 3 weeks is enough for me... will be teaching the kids for the last time tmr... haiz... =) actually mr koh called me this morning... sometimes i do wonder why he so keen on me continuing to work for him... i'm not a great employee... i'm still an impetuous teenager trying to feel her way ard... i'm not a great asset to the company... and i dun wanna be cheap labour anymore... weird that he'll actually call abt the extension... *shrugs* but at least it aint as uncomfy as it was after the conflict last thursday... we're back to our crappy selves pre-conflict... i guess it's alwaz better one fren more than a fren less in this warped world we live in... ben k if you found that familiar it's coz i kept using it after u wrote it in ur first msg... just thot it sounds... profound... mr koh better pay me tmr... he better... i'm been spending money like water the last week or so... today just made my mom pay for this pair of jeans... realised i can only wear pants from giordano... totally adore their affordable yet comfy bottoms... they seem to be the oni ones which could accomodate less-than-perfect gluteus maximus and thunder thighs... adecco never called me back... die... that phobia of 'we'll get back to you' is coming back! man... thought she needed someone urgently leh... darn... actually 3 different pple from adecco actually called... but told the other two that tanny already got to me... and she aint gonna get me the job?!?!?!? *faints* maybe i should re-consider mr koh's offer... bet alot of you would be piak-ing ur head in exasperation... 'what is she thinking!??!?!' even the long-time-no-hear ben l. is telling me i'm being bullied... ahhhh... visiting dad's best fren on sat... probably get to see justin after soOOOOOOOooo long... hmm... does he count as childhood fren? i guess so... considering he's one year older... and i dig up photos of us holding hands... muahaha... i think its real cute how parents try to pair up their kids... and 18 years later... the kids dont even recognise each other on the streets... justin's a smart kid... rosyth...DHS...VJC... he's in the army now... going for psychology when he gets out... oh well... i tink we're going over this weekend to help me decide where i should set my sights on... once again... the paradoxical, 'need-yet-dont-need-opinions' situation... well... will be trying to increase the font size of my blog... make it more reader-friendly... but considering how UN-friendly HTML is to me... i can only TRY... will see how things go... ----Stef stopped rambling at 21:02 --Link to Post |
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okok....
i took out the song... partially because of negative feedback... 'feed it to the op-amp...' *wink* at physics students of AJC'02... but more importantly i was having that song ringing in my ears... i love it... yes... but it was a tad too much repeating it whenever i check in for tags... and coz i use my blog as a directory for other sites i visit... i check in at least once a day... met up with lala for coffee and some shopping... was trying to look for decent stuff to start work with... got a top and a pair of sandals... sandals wasnt the pretty one that caught my eye at first... coz my feet are quite flat for its width... kept sliding off the heel... settled for a rubber banded, plastic straped one that looked pretty cool as well... had a hard time choosing... coz i never really (ever) was into pretty stuff... oh well... suddenly am quite into green... the really muted kinds... found this 3/4 sleeved sweater like thingy that has a nice v back and front... aint very good coz my back is not very nice... acne scarred... but oh well... same goes for the face.. wad to do? walked home after that... wasnt very long... but the weather was kinda humid... and i was in my fav singapore open polo tee... so it was kinda *sweat sweat sweat*... came home... changed for my jog... penang regatta shirt and nike shorts... my NEW fav PT kit... took a different route today... feel abit eat snake... coz the route took abt 6 traffic junctions to complete... i had a number of rests... evidently... my fitness has gone downhill... trying to build it up again... and hopefully lose some weight before uni... at least back to my sec sch size... i'm not asking for much ya? step1: stop snacking... esp on chocs and octoballs... havent heard from ben k since 2am monday morning... aint like him to go missing like dat... not even replying my sms... maybe he's busy busy busy... while i'm slacking slacking slacking... hey buddy... check ur mail on friday... sending out the book by tmr... its a little doggie eared liaoz... but just as long as you dont give the book to frisco (hope i spelt it rite) to gnaw on... i'm fine with it... decided against trying for any scholarship... reckon i'll try uni out first... if i'm confident of managing my time well and doing well... might try for it in y2... dont want my dad to end up compensating them coz of my poor results... not like i'm gonna get it if i do apply... but dun wanna take any chances... i'm not a risk taker... was surfing frenster for a while just now... its pretty amazing how a relationship can change a person... funky garang bballer... to someone totally smitten by her spouse... erm... some ex-gangster... turned sensitive new age guy... u get the picture... i guess its shows how beautiful and wonderful love can actually be sometimes... and all the amazing stuff it can do... =) ----Stef stopped rambling at 00:58 --Link to Post |
| 17.3.04 |
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i think the question of wad course to take and whether or not to try scholarships is giving me more sleepless nights than the release of the results itself...
*shrugs* and getting the relevant forms and knowing what stuff to write aint that easy as well... just regret i din start earlier... not like starting earlier will help either... i'm still undecided abt the course to take... its quite irritating really... *hiccups* want to take engineering... coz have alwaz wanted to join the RSAF... it'll be great, wont it? seriously i have no idea... goals and ambition change all the time... reckon if i'm bonded somewhere... it's highly likely that i'll regret and end up dragging my 4 years... but if i dont try for one... i wonder about my family's finances... parents are both working... but mom's company is re-structuring within the year... and there IS 9 pple in the house to support... will uni tuition/hostel fees would be a terrible burden... even if they are oni from my dad's CPF... quite frankly i dunnoe... i want job security that comes with scholarships as well... i'm talking as if i'll get them if i apply for them... darn... quite frankly... i dont know what i want... ----Stef stopped rambling at 11:08 --Link to Post |
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after more than 3 years...
he's telling me this?!?? telling me now??? i wonder wads the point... maybe its a closure... but i survived 3 years without one... so why would i want this now... i'm having a great life now... not everything's going my way... but things are good... in the same line of thought... there is someone in mind rite now... though i dunno how much of it is valid... do opposites really attract??? i sure hope they do... am just sitting here hoping... ----Stef stopped rambling at 01:17 --Link to Post |
| 16.3.04 |
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taught the 3 classes today...
p2 class was okay... finished our stuff pretty early... so gave them quizzes... and lotsa sweets... which i bought earlier at NTUC... p4 klass was ok... other than the fact that they stole my sweets while i was away... ben k... i really cant admister your form of punishment... i think if i asked them to go out of klass... they'll probably just burst out laughing... i've been too lenient... amalia was so sweet... and she's good with her work too.. shimin and shiyue's leaving the centre... just hope it wasnt my fault... p5 was crazy... ellen was *insert appropriate word*... going up to the board to draw stuff when i wasnt in the room... was shuttling between students to answer their questions... there is oni one of me.. and oni one brain... oh well... told the p2 klass abt me leaving by next week... happy yet sad to stop teaching them... but i guess i have to move on... ----Stef stopped rambling at 23:33 --Link to Post |
| 15.3.04 |
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adecco's pretty fast really...
resubmitted my resume today... needed to update my a level results... and ive got a call abt a job starting mid week.... had to turn that down sadly... still deciding abt my uni entry... and of course... i'm still helping mr koh out... pay is abt 6 to 6.5 per hour... not much more... but i reckon i could alwaz hitch rides from dad... went to visit nanny... bought lotsa food over... her fav kueh salat and xian jian bing... bought cookies for jie... coz she bought us chocs from aust... kor was at home... so we squeeze into his car with boy boy to go pick jie up from her workplace... damn fun... somehow there is a very family feeling in this... even closer than some of my cousins really... little dong-en is a darling really... boy that nanny now looks after... runs all over the place... pulls ur hair... climbs all over you.. yes... but he's damn cute... his intelligence is something u cant deny... his hokkien is probably even better than mine... but like i said... really love kids... cant teach them though... terribly short on patience... went to eat crabs and stuff at yishun... oat prawns... black pepper crabs... chilli crabs.. fried fish... chicken... ribs... salad tofu... woohoo! 9 of us altogether... realised that my family's appetite for food is much bigger than others... even mr koh... with his size... eats less than me... that day at no sign board... benny and i outlasted him... but i think i was still the ultimate winner... last man eating... kor's damn skinny lor... really... he's really guess skin and bones... buay ta han... damn scary... but i guess some people just cannot gain weight... its really amazing how different people have such different metabolisms... oh well... i simply love eating.... jie's going to bangkok with her cousins mid-week... oh yah hor... then i should have passed her the thai baht i had left over... darn.... lallalalalala.... its tuesday tmr... other than the fact that i have 3 classes to teach... its tuesday! so it means half priced waffle at gelare's... wonder if i should meet pple after work tmr to chiong ice cream... hmmm... *feels tummy* fat... but dont care... nuthing can keep me away from my praline 'n' cream... oooohhh! oh ya... emergency... stupidly let my 'decent wear' laundry accumulate till today... so... i'm dead... tmr... work... skirt? hiaks... then i'd rather wear my sch u to work sia... ahhhh! ----Stef stopped rambling at 22:31 --Link to Post |
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was just talking to ben k the other day...
abt me and my 'unfinished business'... you know... friendships and relationships that came to an abrupt end... without a proper closure... damn... it feels as if it happens to me really often... but when i do try to recall pple i've failed communicating with... i dont get a really long list... i guess the topic came up the other day coz i felt it was happening again... with mr koh... think i never mentioned it here... but i apologised to him abt me being entirely impetuous... and he said i reminded him of himself when he was younger... oh well... but back to 'unfinished business'... i'm not that much of a people person... maybe its just me... but such things kinda weigh me down alot... coz there will alwaz be a 'what if' that you'll never find out... sometimes it hurts... that beautiful friendships wound up this way... and i have no one to blame but myself... and no matter how great your life looks on the outside... there is alwaz something missing inside... the unanswered questions... let me try listing... 1. like with ben w... i never got to know what he really thought... but with him... at least i know i tried to salvage whatever was left... maybe i overdid it... maybe not... maybe the fact that i din want to lose the friendship accelerated the loss... thats how things go actually... but i learnt and grown from that... i still ask 'what if'... but i've moved on... contradicting? maybe... maybe its just that i dont expect anything anymore... so that's one... 2. a girl called esther in my primary school... we used to be really good pals... i dunnoe... somehow... i think something happened.... i lost trust in her... we began the irritating comparing of grades and teachers' favour... my pals started to dislike her as well... we never spoke again... not even when we left primary school... sometimes... i dunnoe whether this was worth salvaging... but i guess... there is, once again, the 'what if'... 3. wf din end that amiacably... sucky eh? while it was a unanimous decision... it felt a little sore actually... coz i never got to know his reason for it... while he wanted to tell me recently... reckon i rather not know... oh well... think i'm getting along fine with his bro... maybe it's a form of make up la... 4. cant think of anyone at the moment... but i'm sure i've offended loads of pple... some of them even reading this blog... hehhee... running late... going to visit nanny... and having that kid climb all over me... literally... he's a tough cookie... maybe i'll have to use some of the moves i practised while watching WWE... ----Stef stopped rambling at 13:24 --Link to Post |
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just came back...
at an unearthly hour... by my standards... supposed to go for a play at SRT with shuzhen... but we only ended up having our dinner at 1900 at suntec... when the play was gonna start at 1930... waited at the taxi stand until 1935... reached the start of the line... before finally having scissors, paper, stone... to decide whether or not we still go... i won... so we ended up watching 2130's butterfly effect... it was pretty good a movie really... something you really need to think about... good stuff... watch it if you havent... think my dad's really great.. not only did he come to pick me... he sent shuzhen back to ntu as well... crazy stuff... but my dad's that great... truly... coz i've never met someone as selfless... even though he has work tomorrow... thats probably why i keep gushing abt him... coz he rocks... sometimes he gets on my nerves... but really... if only i can find a guy like him... *starts daydreaming* correction... if only i could just find a guy... muahaha.. met alvina again... wow... two times in two days... power puff... the world's getting a tad smaller i guess... hear my name behind me more often nowadays.. maybe its just that i'm getting fatter... pple spot me more easily then... ahhhh!!! lose weight! lose weight! first monday that i no need to go to work in a long time... woohoo! feel a tad lost though.. ----Stef stopped rambling at 01:16 --Link to Post |
| 13.3.04 |
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stef wanna try something new...
blogging in proper english... but my angmoh not that good... so my idea of proper aint that proper actually.... lets see how it goes ok??? i woke up rather early today. at 7 am to be precise. my dad practically stood by my bedside, pulling me out of bed. i cant blame them, really. they have been rather flustered about my next big step. they were rather keen on having me go to the open houses today. i met angel and merv at yishun. that was around 0830. that meant that i was half an hour late. i did try to be early really. but i just didnt make it. had a big breakfast for breakfast today. it was yummy... but i din get my maple syrup to go with my hashbrown and muffins though... if not, it would have been even better. took the mrt to clementi. met stella. queued up in an awfully long line to get on bus 96. got ourselves to NUS. we din really know where to alight. ended up walking quite a bit.. we didnt go for the talks... reckon they'll be boring. talking about aims, goals and what not.. so listened to pple speak at the booths... advertising their faculties... learnt alot really... i met shufang... sweet shufang... told us a bit a Uni life... my friends got a little spooked i think.. am kind of interested in the university scholars program... but will probably see how things go... next week will see me going out full force regarding my uni entry and scholarship application... but like i hear... there are countless of straight As students... and no matter how i compete... i'll still be two 's' papers and one 'a' level sub short... feel inferior... but oh well.. we then proceeded back to clementi to eat and laze around... wanted to go visit ntu as well... but as fate and time didnt permit... we gave that a miss... i had to call james twice today to get myself ard the west of sg... it pays to have frens living in different parts of the island... during our lunchtime 'talk cock' session... friends attempted a 'dig-out-your-past-relationship' thingy on me... nice try stella... it didnt save you... but realised that i really forgot the details to what i regarded as one of the sweetest things that happened to me... oh well... dont count on stef remembering anything at all... i'm worse than mr yip when it comes to remembering pple and faces... oh well... merv, angel and i went on to watch honey at cine... as bad as the movie poster might look lousy and all... it's pretty good a movie... i dunnoe... learnt a number of things from the show... not just that hip-hop looks cool... but truly.. it's kinda interesting... am entirely motivated to take up kick boxing though... wonder how far my lousy ankles will take me... wont be long before they decide to get sprained again... and i'll probably die of pain... oh well... like i said... see how things go.... oh ya... the kids in the movie are really cool... you should go check them out... lil romeo... stef the paedophile... ate at the steps of taka... octoballs... yummy... wanted to go for a nice cup of coffee actually... but gave that a miss... considering my day started at 7am... bleah... watching a play with shuzhen tomorrow... trying to get back to weijie about eating together someday... chunyong doesnt ever seem to fulfil his 'let's go out together someday ya?'... but heh... since i'm jobless now... i can fit into anyone's schedule man! so much for proper english... ----Stef stopped rambling at 21:45 --Link to Post |
| 12.3.04 |
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went to work at 1430 today...
just to teach the 3 klasses... left after those at abt 1900... din speak to my boss much... just once to ask him where's tan wei's file... and another time when he called me out to ask abt whether i could extend till miss au comes in the week after... wanted to decline actually... considering i needed the time to decide on my course in Uni and whether or not i was gonna try for a scholarship... so he suggested that i just relieve the klasses... i agreed... becoz i know that he really doesnt have a choice... was kinda short on patience with the p2 kids today... i wonder if it was because i had been too nice the previous lesson... then i'm having trouble with them today... surprisingly hao wei was very good today... sitting down and doing his work... but i had trouble teaching them abt mass.... i dunnoe whether it was coz i was a lousy teacher... or that they refused to listen... but i was really trying... and trust me... it was a trying experience... p4 was ok... p5 erm... abit tough getting them to swallow area of triangles... but they did eventually... happy for them... now... i really appreciate my teachers... ----Stef stopped rambling at 21:24 --Link to Post |
| 11.3.04 |
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had a major quarrel with my boss...
quite frankly... i dunnoe whether it was me going overboard or otherwise... but think my principles are getting me into too much shit... pardon the sh*tting... i'm not usually that uncouth... just when i get really frustrated... i act out of character... muttered the f word after andrew's gym session before... but i even offered to pay for it out of my own pocket... feel that he's another andrew foo... the chauvinistic traits... now i see the similarity... they are both ANDREWS! i felt responsible for my juniors... and the fact that they wasted so much time here today... really made me feel terrible... dont want them to feel exploited by their very first employer... it aint good for their minds... he was still out when i call-ed him about them waiting for the past two hours... sms-ed him after that... telling him to pay them from my salary... he called me back and demanded an explaination and all... felt i din have to answer to someone i felt i no longer respect... like i mentioned before... business is something really horrid... aint something that i can accept... before this... i was kinda starting to treat him as a fren... was planning to bring him to MY favourite bak kut teh so that he could try... planning to get him strepsils for that horrid cough of his... oh well... i think i started crying out of fear... am hoping he din hear the tears over the phone... no way i wanna him to know that he COULD make me cry... thats why i left before he came back... maybe i cried coz i saw someone i was starting to 'like' become like dat... i was starting to get the momentum back into the job... i was enjoying teaching the kids in my klass... maybe at that very instant it all started falling apart... i mean how often does one get the chance to hang up on ur boss... refuse to answer his calls... i'm kinda enjoying it man... aint many chances i can do this... but i dont care anymore... who cares if he has alot of connections... blacklist me for the rest of my life... at least i stood up for what i believe in... i dont even care if he's not going to pay me for this week of work... my conscience is worth more than that... the xerox machine big problem... the technician asked my boss to just buy new one la... if not ah... even my pay also cannot pay for the repairs.... quite crazy liaoz... then worksheets for next week i dunnoe how... anyway it wont be my business anymore... my second resignation goes in tmr... called ben k on my way home... felt bad to have interrupted work... but at least he did what i needed most... someone to tell me i did no wrong... din want to go home... 8 pple at home would fuss all over me seeing my red eyes and all... din want them to think my boss did me some great injustice or wat... so i sat at the void deck in the adjacent block & finished up my book... tuesdays with morrie... finally!!! under dim light and wat not... i think my astigmatism must have got worse after today... and maybe kena a bit of myopia liaoz... morrie passed away liaoz... no... he moved on... starting tearing again... i dunnoe whether it was coz morrie died... or that issue prior to that... it was sad... the author asked... if there was any one teacher in my life that left a lasting impression... frankly... i dont recall anyone that fits into that picture... maybe my pri sch teachers who got me thru early years of education... or my sec sch teachers who made me realised that its not just books... or my JC teachers who believed in my 6 pts... rather than the constant Fs i was getting in sch tests... probably my dad... who i can simply sit down with.. without speaking a single word... yet walk away feeling like we had the best conversation of all time... sounds cliche? but its that feeling... thats how much i love my dad... and my mom... =) ----Stef stopped rambling at 21:38 --Link to Post |
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xerox machine broke down today...
while i was using it... hurray! i swear it wasnt my fault... all the karate chops and stuff i've been blogging abt is fake... i din do nuts to the stupid machine... but quite jialat liaoz... earliest it can be fixed is friday... and i was thinking of breaking over the weekend to check out the open houses and finally decide on my courses/scholarships... if friday is the earliest... think i'll be quite shit liaoz... i'll probably be rushing out the worksheets on sunday or monday morning... since i'm teaching friday afternoon... argh! stressed stressed stressed... wonder why am i going through all these for a mere few bucks... talked alot to mr koh's mom today... coz her son went missing... coz of some army thingy... then she whole day bo liaoz... no TV... so came and talk to me.. and what crap.... she's nice la... funny also... pretty much a strong woman... physically and mentally... mr koh told me before how hardworking his mom really is... and that she had a tight control over him when he was younger... it's pretty interesting when u get a peek into someone else's life like dat... its a whole new perspective... she treated me the new mandarin orange pie from mac... liew... a whole glob of the filling just oozed out when i bit into it... fell into my hand... hot hot hot! 100, 000 flyers came in today liaoz... looks like our uncle benny really very efficient... design looks somewhat similar... but the colour went from a baby yellow to a baby blue... ooo... just hope it ends up in the right hands... did alot of calling the whole of today... morning shift looks pretty on like alwayz... just that i cant get auntie angeline... coz mr koh lost her number... new guy in the morning slot... and afternoon two oldbirds and two of my TKG juniors newbies... aint a very good lobang to intro them... but they wanted a job desperately... so i HAD to be the middleman... but trust me... it wanst THAT easy... mr koh die die wanted the magic number of 4 per shift... you wont have any idea what i had to go thru getting tat number for him... imagine calling ken thrice... switching him from afternoon to morning to afternoon again... jackie four times to switch her to and fro and back again... argh... sometimes i think he's too rigid for his own good... but i guess most pple are like that.. unlike the sui bian sui bian me... been really productive today... finished p2 eng... and put together the booklets for p1, p2 and p3... quite an achievement... coz i had to do most stuff by scratch... proof read every single statement... no wonder the xerox machine broke down... its been overworked by me... but still need to do p4, p5 and p6... considering my friday is jam packed... i probably need to finish them by tmr... worked 12 hours today... kinda siao... but oh well... he really is short staffed now... until miss au finishes up at her other workplace... before coming here full time... until then... i'll probably continue working like a cow... pple have been telling me to try raise my pay a little more... somehow i feel bad... coz like i told him... it wasnt the money... but a matter of principles... when he paid me 4.5 p/hr instead of 5.11 like i originally understood... at least now he's willing to pay me that difference as my bonus at the end of my service... and is offering me 5.5 p/hr and 7 when i teach... he tells me its more than one of his full-time staff... i dunoe who... but i pity the person... thing is... i really wanna have a feel of the bigger picture... really go out there and work... where i cant sit with my legs folded at my workstation... where i cant wear 3 quarts to work... where i might get to meet more pple... and have a feel of working life... so many pple have been telling me stuff about it... i wanna know if its all true... i've been in a sheltered environment for far too long... dad has alwaz been afraid of me getting hurt out there... but i guess it's time that i begin to face the world... and take on anything it has to offer.... i think i sound weird... does anyone wanna go NUS with me this Sat... i think i'm desperate... i dun wanna go alone... yet i dunnoe who is going... pals who are reading this... plz leave a msg on my tagboard so i know who to call... dont make me beg... please... i'm so proud of myself... i spent only 4 bucks for dinner and lunch today... i think when you start earning ur own keeps... you tend to value money more... every single dollar i spent... is not spent without first converting it to 'hours-worked' and then its worth evaluated... i'm no miser... but i know my family aint well-to-do... and i've two little potential Uni-education seekers after me... i should ease the burden on my dad and mom as much as i could... just coz i'm the first child doesnt mean i should get everything... my sis has a better phone than me... samsung x430... lighter...chio-er...more sleek... thats probably one of the reasons i'm slowly giving up competitive sport... too much financial input... and definitely more to come... if i'm born with silverware in my mouth like andrew foo maybe... but i'm not... i'm not rich... but i know i'm happy... and like all the books i've been reading all say... thats all that really matters... ----Stef stopped rambling at 00:05 --Link to Post |
| 9.3.04 |
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just came back from work...
worked till abt 8 today... taught 3 klasses... p2, p4 and p5... bleah... mr koh made me a counter offer today... pay increment and no more split shifts... damn... just when i'm getting used to the split shifts... hmmm... seems like a little better... still considering... doesnt seem as if he's starting to look for a replacement... at this rate... even if i wanna leave... i dont think i can too... saw mr koh with this k2 boy today... coz the little boy was crying coz he din understand his work... u should have seen how he coaxed the boy... carried him to wash his face over the basin... seems totally out of character... but its interesting sometimes to see another side of pple... especially when it comes to handling children... you'll see their more gentle side... its nice actually... =) ate mac fillet o fish for lunch today... had yummy fries... befor starting work with the little p2 klass... quite killer actually... coz one boy was quite hyperactive.... but i guess it makes kids the endearing creatures they are... had my share of quiet students as well... while the latter seems easier and better students.. the noisy ones kinda brighten your day... IF they dont over do it... aint much today... mom sent my paycheck in liaoz... but it seems like it havent got banked in... hiaks! yet to see my first sign of money! ----Stef stopped rambling at 21:21 --Link to Post |
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Five for fighting_-_Something About You Lyrics
It's been a long time coming It's been a long time coming It's been a long time coming I don't know where to begin I don't know how to get out there... to see you I don't know where to dig in I don't know how to get in there...to feel you It's been too long and I'm about to be in time for me It's been too long and I'm in time, I'm in time Baby there's something about you that I can hold on to I'm Going to hold on to that Baby there's something about you that I can hold on to I'm Going to hold on to that I never thought I would win I never thought much about that (It's been a long time coming) I never stopped to begin Thinking about the process (It's been a long time coming) It's been too long and I'm about to be in time for me It's been too long and I'm in time, I'm in time Baby there's something about you that I can hold on to I'm Going to hold on to that Baby there's something about you that I can hold on to I'm Going to hold on to that And I'm going to be there... Be there... alright... alright... I don't know where to begin I don't know how to get out there to see you Baby there's something about you that I can hold on to I'm Going to hold on to that Baby there's something about you that I can hold on to I'm Going to hold on to that Baby there's something about you that I can hold on to I'm Going to hold on to that Baby there's something about you that I can hold on to I'm Going to hold on to that It's been a long time coming It's been a long time coming It's been a long time coming It's been a long time coming It's been a long time coming It's been a long time coming It's been a long time coming I'm going to hold on to that ----Stef stopped rambling at 00:16 --Link to Post |
| 8.3.04 |
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=P
supposed to be just helping out... but i ended up clocking 12.5 hours today... a one-hour dinner break only at 1815... dying... i typed stuff until my fingers kinda numb liaoz... used the huge staple until the palm of my right hand is red... karate-ed the xerox machine a couple of times... grr... i hate printing double sides! if not for the trees of the world... i would just print single sided stuff! argh!!!!!!!!! seems like mr koh's talking to me alot less... either that or i was really too busy to notice anything today... he did bring up an increment again today... but i think both of us just shrugged it off... benny came today... and somehow... i think wad he spoke to me abt... is somewhat connected to my resignation... told me abt how accountants too had to work long OTs... that even normal admin staff sometimes have to double up as delivery pple... running errands and all... showed me his twisted toe... now i'm thinking he looks like hossan leong... they asked me how to write a chinese word... damn... i might be ok in my other subs... but i got B3 and C5 for my O's and A's respectively... so my cheena's really no hope one... couldnt help them in that... wore my new long sleeves today... great chance coz of the rain since morning... damn freaking cold... so i was wearing 3 layers altogether... my tank top... the white sweater... and my nike windbreaker... liew... but still... the cold was getting to my head... couldnt do without the air-con coz i'd probably die hyperventilating.. temp was set to 27 degrees though... spent quite alot of time clutching my head in pain squatting on the floor... crazed... havent cashed mr koh's cheque... din have time today... i will and i must do so soon... been spending money like water... just hoping that i'll have some incoming before i start anymore outgoing... boss's sick too... been coughing and what not... hope he gets better soon... if not.... with my lack of sleep... and low immunity... i might succumb to the virus as well.. actually another reason that i'm not too happy with work is that... my immediate colleague is quite tough to communicate with... and considering i have so much stuff to ask her... and co-ordination in our preparation of the worksheets... it's really quite jialat... i'm a VERY team work person... i CAN work independently... but if the work calls for co-ordination... i'd prefer someone easier to work with... sometimes i dont understand... and i'm not saying its wrong... but i've always wondered... how a person can leave work undone... knowing that it NEEDS to be done... and only she can do it... yet still come only in the afternoon... leaving me all alone in the morning... boss points finger at me... then i'm the idiot who has to crack her head to decipher wad needs to be done... and how to do it... argh! starting to see a little of the light... no wonder my boss throws everything to me... cheap labour... i'm getting the feeling that he might be dragging out looking for new admin... grr... i really buay ta han liaoz... the feeling of being exploited is mounting by the day... hope the pack of milo i drink on the way to work every morning will sustain me... and all the bullying the day brings... =P ----Stef stopped rambling at 23:00 --Link to Post |
| 7.3.04 |
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just got my first paycheck today...
utterly sucky... 124.5 hrs of work... and just a few bucks... its not 5 bucks per hour like i calculated... but less that that... damn... told him that i would only be working for him till he gets a new replacement... and he better get one soon... i've been kind enough to serve him sufficient notice... the other teacher who left on friday din even gve him any notice at all... i think he was kinda taken aback... you know... the 'sui bian sui bian' me actually bringing up that i wanna quit... told him the truth... he was paying me way too little for the stuff i do... stuff too much out of my job scope... no CPF... no special OT rate... weird shifts... like adrian says... why wei qu myself for a mere few bucks... if wad i want is experience... i should go out there and work in bigger corp instead... 2 bucks/hr difference for the same job isnt little... thats like 16 bucks a day... so i'm like earning 36 bucks on a full day now... which doesnt even cover one outing to the bookstore or the record shop... like ben k says... feel exploited... to the core... heck la... i've got my pay... i'm now just doing him a favour as a fren... to help out before his new teacher comes in... he tried offering me more... and to teach... but ney... looking at the way he does business.... it wont be long before i realise i'm being cheated again... tried to offer to cut down my workload and job scope... forget it la... it'll probably come up to abt the same... he said my attitude changed after the two day break... its not that... i can be sui bian with my job one... if u desperately need me to do something and its within my means... i'm fine with it... but just dont take the inch and ask for a yard... there is a limit to my kindness... i CAN be mean if i want to... just dont MAKE me... ----Stef stopped rambling at 18:43 --Link to Post |
| 6.3.04 |
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woke pretty early today...
coz was supposed to meet alwin lai at 1130 at city hall... was early... so went to get my bro his simple plan CD... bought 2 VCDs for myself... a beautiful mind... and children of heaven... that came up to abt 40 bucks... but alwin wasnt there still... so went into MPH to random read... practically walked ard the whole place... all sorts of books.... read thru abit of big fish... looked at the back of some john grisham novels.... found memoirs of a geisha... read awhile a book that linked winnie the pooh's characteristics to taoism... went thru a thai phrasebook... tried to read abit of shakespeare... flipped thru a architecture book on japanese homes... another abt lofts... flipped thru the NYC mayor's book on leadership... looks like alot rite??? coz stupid alwin lai was late by 1 whole hour... =P so din stand on ceremony abt choosing the place to eat... made him treat me fish and co... seafood platter... complete meal... no less... muahhahah... kinda regretted though... coz i was really darn full... even before i got to the calamari... talk abt greed.. but it was good la... the food... and it was great catching up with alwin... abt all the stuff in KL and all... i think he did extremely well too... am utterly happie for him... was supposed to treat him movie... but the timing aint that suitable... coz he wanted to go back sch for the talentime... so we walked ard looking for senheisser's headphones... then headed towards the MRT station... met yeesh on the way... so the three of us went tower records to drink coffee... treat alwin... felt bad abt my lunch exceeding his budget... muahaha... but it was our long time bet la... the one who does well gets treated... at least 20 per pax... no less... hahha.... i guess he also bo pian but pay la... our lunch cost abt 50 bucks... oops! went shopping with yeesh then... walked practically the whole of suntec... then went marina square... citylink and raffles... din spend alot... coz i think i was feeling too fat.. besides... i havent got my first paycheck... damn... i dont care... i'm demanding it tmr... bball with the gang tmr... somewhere in sengkang la... cant wait... but my ankle's a little sore after shopping today... then dunnoe wad time i'm working till tmr... oh well... regardless of everything... i desperately need to lose some weight... crash dieting?!?! ney... never believed in such stuff... 'can eat is bliss' ok? hahhaa.. but when i get engrossed in work... i can survive on banana walnut bread and water lor... hehhee... but when i pig out... i REALLY pig out... oh well... till tmr comes... good nite! ----Stef stopped rambling at 22:33 --Link to Post |
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