| 30.4.06 |
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a whole day after Fluids paper with the guy... lunched a late lunch at Far East... grabbed some books from Borders... i love the fact that he reads... means that i can borrow! Chelsea - Manchester United over cranberry juice and iced tea... yummilicious goals i must say... gallas, cole and cavarlho... watched 16 blocks at Cine... it was paper recovery night... no brain cells were harmed throughout the course of the evening. yeay! now it's back to books... ONE MORE! ----Stef stopped rambling at 22:30 --Link to Post |
| 28.4.06 |
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lunched with the guy after his killer paper yesterday... with a couple of his coursemates... i dont exactly dislike eating with his friends... but more often than not, i find myself clamming up... more like i like... i'm noisy by nature la... and the only way you can shut me up is when you have a big group where i'm not the loudest... then, knowing that i cant be louder, i will clam up and act like the most demure character... which i'm not... thing is... it always happens when we eat with his friends... let's see... with his cousins back in Taiwan... with his Indon friend who came over to visit... with one of his best buds... with his parents... *gasp* with his coursemates like today... with his friends who live in PGP while he was still here... i not only clam up... but trip left, right and centre with my words... end up mumbling and sounding like a helium balloon... i know i can carry a conversation... not the most intelligent... but i definitely can... i dont read a lot... nor stay updated with the news... but i know my shit... like how i know that CAVITATION is formation of tiny bubbles in liquid due to the reduction of absolute pressure which cause dissolved air to come out and expand due to a lack of tension within the fluid. i dont know why it happens... but i guess sometimes i feel like i'm being judged... evaluated... subsequently concluded to be inferior to the guy... and therefore unworthy of his affection and concern... and what i dont like is to be spotted by his buddies in PGP with a takeaway meal in hand... happened like sooooooooo many times already... i must definitely appear like i have no life beyond my books and my boy.... which ISNT the case... or so i hope to think... why do i ever care so much about how others see me? and see use in our relationship? a fear of being judged? we're all judgemental... i know that because i was surfing pageant pages with viv just now... and also because i watched SATC... it's damn easy for me to form opinions about others... yet so difficult to accept people's opinions of me... undesirable opinions that may, in fact, be correct... that is why i hated being where i am right now... heading both Windsurf and Sea Sports Camp... it's damn hard to get things done... or asking people to get things done... without so much of stepping on their tails... or toes in this case... i'd like to be liked... i dont have the face or body or brains for people to envy... so i'm banking on my character and personality... but after these couple of stints running the two committees... i dont know if i can walk away without being anyone's pain in the ass... unlike with the guy... where i will sound out displeasure at the precise moment i feel it... to the extent of calling him in the middle of the night to complain... i tried delaying my reactions to people quite a number of times... in a bid to neutralise my feelings abit... and hopefully act in a more rational and mature way... else i would have strangled a large number of people... and put in jail under the charge of murder of first degree... (and i wont have to take these blardy exams...) i didnt even blog about most of them... which is a blardy good improvement... maybe coz the guy received the brunt of it... my complaints of the evil people... Shixin, Viv and I termed them so... and i can even proclaim that there was once he reacted so adversely that i was shocked... maybe because i was crying like shit... okay... make that two times... so it made me feel good to have him on my side... i cry a lot... i admit it... but i'm not ashamed of it... i think it's a great thing to be able to express your emotions... and to feel emotion in the first place... but what is not good is my inability to control it... which is a skill i had better pick up before i enter the workforce... bye bye tears! so... where was i again? wahahah... ----Stef stopped rambling at 04:10 --Link to Post |
| 27.4.06 |
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the Mister S*ngapore pageant looks more like a bodybuilding competition to me... and you wonder why the trophy is a sculpture of a man from his thighs to his neck... ----Stef stopped rambling at 16:40 --Link to Post |
| 25.4.06 |
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internships are just not happening for me... i think i jumped at every single chance offered by FOE and USP... but to no avail... NOT EVEN AN INTERVIEW! how would they know how AWESOME i am just from my blardy resume and ugly photo? maybe its the photo... but seriously... it's making me very depressed and pessimistic about the job market... and i seriously wanted something to give me a glimpse of the engineering field... so that i can decide if i should go into engineering immediately after my graduation... IF i do graduate that is! else, i would probably venture some other where... where they only require "A good degree." Engineering what, no good meh? internship, please drop from the sky! now i'm regretting not taking up Shaun's offer to help me get a resume into SIAEC... with nice words thrown in... *boohoohoo!* on the other hand... i wrote to my previous employer, the French photographer... asking if he would need any help during my holidays... i was half-expecting a hostile email saying STOP CONTACTING ME... but he was nice in his reply... stating nicely that he was running at full capacity with a new full-time producer... plus the fact that the studio's really small... he did say, however, that it might be a good opportunity to take on more assignments... so i just mailed in my reply with my salary expectations... which will be his determining factor... *prays that i'm worth the $$$ i asked for... time to work on Mechanics of Materials... MOM, you're going down! ----Stef stopped rambling at 00:31 --Link to Post |
| 24.4.06 |
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i think i am way too dependent on the guy... i even dropped my books... carried a set of maths notes though... and took bus-train to United Square to buy him Subway... then took a bus to his place... to watch the Arsenal-Tottenham match together... to watch him watch the match rather... but he promised to drive me back thereafter... so it wasnt that bad... but periods of non-compulsory activity like this of mugging for the exams... just makes me want to see him so much... and when i feel that way... it's damn easy for me to feel like our relationship is cooling off... because he doesnt need me as much as i need him.... not in the big sense... but more like... he doesnt need to see him as much as i would love to... i think i know better than to feel that way... it has been good between us... although things are getting abit routine between us.. like when we study together.... he'll be at his desk... i'll be on the bed under the quilt.... i will slowly move downwards until i am in a totally horizontal position... i tell him to wake me up in ten minutes... he laughs and does his usual exclaimation that i will never be able to wake in ten... i sleep anyway... and sleep... or when he gets ready to go out... pulls out the orange Nautica tshirt that i hate... coz orange and bright colours just aint his thing... he threatens to wear it with his awful berms that crumple at the waist with the drawstring... to go to town... i chase him around the whole room... trying to grab it from him... and he ends up picking out something else to wear... funnily enough... i never tire of these... routine or otherwise... time with him... is like no other... maybe cause he's the one... ----Stef stopped rambling at 00:57 --Link to Post |
| 21.4.06 |
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i think the guy's Taiwanese culture is really getting to me... in a good way of course... i am like MAD about Taiwanese variety shows... and being in PGP without cable is very torturous indeed... i even gave up and started watching Chn 8... but yeah... i love all the weekday late night variety shows... kang yong dang jia without xiao S is no fun... but xiao qi da cai shen.... tao se dan bai zhi... and other talk shows are oh-so-great... they are so funny and not in the Chn 8 lame sorta way... i have no idea why our programs cant be more like theirs... zeng guo cheng and xu nai ying rules! ----Stef stopped rambling at 21:00 --Link to Post |
| 20.4.06 |
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i'll make this quick... am really behind in my revision... i kinda asked the guy why he puts up with my nonsense... coz truly... the fuss i kick up sometimes are really unforgivable... then i got the following reply... "coz i am a nice guy..." so... is he with me just because he is nice? wah lau... sympathy ah? dinner with his parents at Marche was fun... his dad finally corrected his mom that my name was Stephanie and not Daphne... it didnt make much of a difference to me... but i guess it's astounding how long i have let it pass... more than a year? wahahaa... study study... first paper tmr! ----Stef stopped rambling at 19:00 --Link to Post |
| 18.4.06 |
Joel, of Jojo Brothers' fame, sent me this link... *cues majestic Greek-Epic soundtrack* fwah... are you impressed? I AM MIGHTY okay? so are the rest of the 317 people he sent this to... ----Stef stopped rambling at 01:02 --Link to Post |
| 17.4.06 |
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the guy doesnt read my blog... and i dont know whether that is good or bad... good: i can gush about all the ham-sum Korean guys like Kwon Sang Woo... and he wont hear/see/know anything about it... bad: i cant hint to him that i want a IXUS 55... or that i wanna go Phuket/Hong Kong/Batam this holiday... the weekend was an eventful one... or at least Friday evening was... i acted up again... and made unreasonable demands that left the both of us rather sad... i have no idea why i did that... but PGP is capable of making normal people very depressed and lonely... and i think i fell victim to that... but saturday made up for everything... we studied together.. had lunch at United Square... yummy Ben & Jerry's again.... parents picked me up for dinner... simple fare at Macpherson... but oh-so-good... went home to my comfy quilt... sunday was uneventful... other than trying my best-est to study my hard-est... nothing really worked... i'm screwed for this exams... even YXY abandoned me.. i'm so screwed... ----Stef stopped rambling at 14:58 --Link to Post |
| 13.4.06 |
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the guy and i caught another movie last evening... we couldnt help it... Korean movies are our thang... the blood... the gore... the ham-sum Korean hunks... the innovative ways of killing and torturing people... the ham-sum Korean hunks... the tears... the ham-sum Korean hunk crying... the realistic fight scenes... the storyline... save for the ending which the guy hated... we loved Running Wild... the same way we loved the vengence trilogy.. Oldboy, Sympathy for Mr. Vengence, Sympathy for Lady Vengence... and the other more fun stuff like My Sassy Girl and My Boyfriend is Type B... Korea is definitely the Hollywood of the East... far surpassing the film industry of Hong Kong... and it's not just about the ham-sum hunks...  the guy on the left is the Oldboy baddie, Yu Ji-Tae, but he is still very yummy... i couldnt help but think he is darn goodlooking in that suit... the guy on the right is my new love... Kwon Sang Woo... bet he's been in some Korean drama that i never watched before... thus, my feelings are long overdue... but i totally dig that moustache and beard of his... and also the messy moppy hair... it just makes him so man... so man that i cried every single time i saw him cry in the movie... which is a lot of times by the way... he is quite the nutcase... but still very sexy... i told the guy he is now officially allowed to keep a moustache and beard... and i will not complain anymore if he irritates me with his stubble... (though i think it will be very hard to convince him about the hair...)  i *heart* Kwon Sang Woo... ----Stef stopped rambling at 13:55 --Link to Post |
| 12.4.06 |
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i just recalled that i had a Yahoo! email that i haven't been using... when i logged on again... i found that i had 1345 unread emails... mostly spam... actually, ALL spam... i wanted to start using the email again... so started deleting & blocking the spammers... though i dont think it'll be that effective... i have a couple of folders... one named b|az and another named fOng... truth be told it wasnt pleasant memories... one ended without closure... the other ended with a total cut-off... much as i would like to think i was good with the relationships i had... i wasnt... and at the end of it... i hung on to what wasnt there anymore... i was 15... i was 16... we didnt even get to be friends... was it me? was it them? i keep emails because i like to relive moments... regardless of whether they are happy or sad... though i would definitely prefer the former... thing is... i was fearful of reopening a boxful of worms... to open the folders and read them again... but instead of reliving the pain i felt years ago... i was, instead, disgusted with my behaviour... in text, that is... save for the fact that i was 15/16... i had no reason to be as immature... i thought i was more rational than that... but i guess love, or what one might temporarily perceive to be love, makes you act against will... with the new-found feelings... and the loss of the old... deletion of the folders... losing of this pseudonym that was never mine... i guess i can finally say that i no longer feel anything with regards to the above... i've grown... i've found someone new to torture... but most importantly... i've learnt about relationships and how to handle them better... though the guy will beg to differ... it doesnt exactly matter whether or not we work out in the end... i can say this now... but feel something else should something happen... the most important thing is the time we've been together... being happy... happiness. arent we all in pursuit of it? ----Stef stopped rambling at 03:24 --Link to Post |
| 10.4.06 |
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the long awaited "force-the-guy-to-write-me-mushy-email" email is finally here... at least this time it isnt plagarised from some Moulin Rouge song... or in capital letters... but the reason why i am talking about this here is a line in it that i was like, "oh really?" i know it's super mean to extract from his email and talk about it here... but i have to... it was bugging me in the shower... while reading my Feedback Control notes... thing is... "really think it's not easy to find someone that u can be so at ease with.."is that true? i mean... are there only so few people you can actually connect with in this world? while i'd like to be all confident and say i can get along with most people... definitely not all... i really cant... i mean there are people who would definitely be on different wavelengths... thus can never connect on the same level... but there must be more than just a handful on the same wavelength right? if you think about it from a Physics point of view... there is only so few frequencies for 6 billion people to share... bound to be millions sharing the same... is the idea of a exclusive connection real? or is it simply just an ideal to bolster the not-so-magical of relationships? truth is... the guy and i, we click, despite having differences... click, clique, however you spell it... we werent exactly brought up on the same language.. but i guess after years of being brainwashed by Hollywood and the likes... his english (AND mandarin) is probably 10 times better than mine... we dont exactly share the same values... him being the laidback type... not caring for very much else than those absolutely necessary... and me fussing over minute details... like how i must divide parts of my towel for different parts of the body... ends for hair and unmentionables... middle for face and the mentionables... he doesnt exactly have a sweet tooth... while i love chocolates and candies to bits... which means i get to finish them! though he started getting his hands on my coffee chocs and jellybeans... but the part about us spending time together... feeling comfortable with one another... just seem so effortless... so much so that it makes me feel as if i could do that with anybody if so i wanted... not that i want to... he gets irritating sometimes with the rib-poking, repetition of lame one-liners... but a night out or a walk downtown would never feel the same without these... on the other hand... being with him is just so easy... easy beyond the usual easy... like with family... i can just let my guard down... act as whiney and childish as i so please... without thinking about whatever he will think of me... i dont know if i could do the same with anyone else... he doesnt ask me to grow up... nor ask me to get serious... but instead... reciprocates with a side of him probably only i get to see... plus the fact that he doesnt use all the expletives he uses with his friends when he's with me... uh-oh... is that good or bad? but even Korean BBQ with his dad the other day was quite enjoyable... i think i stepped out of the paranoia already... letting my guard down slurping away on the ultra-yummy Spicy Tofu Soup... and also coz his dad introduced us to the next table's people as "my son and his girlfriend"... *floats* verbalisation makes so much of a difference! i fully appreciate the relationship that we're having... despite the many times i pick on the little things... it takes 5 seconds for me to get rude to him... but 5 minutes to comprehend the real situation... very unfair to him... but he's been ever so understanding... i cant tell if the connection is exclusive... truth is... i felt a connection with my ex 6 years ago... only for it to end like how a movie never should have... i dont have much experience to go by anyway... but whatever it is... the connection with the guy has been magical... he made me love Taiwanese talkshows... i think i made him love Poiful jellybeans... we're good... i think we're good... ----Stef stopped rambling at 03:05 --Link to Post |
| 8.4.06 |
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Marche, Genki Sushi, Korean BBQ... in two days... Ben & Jerry's, TCC, Yami Yoghurt... within one week... i think i am gonna put on loads of weight... exams... am so gonna sing when it's over... 'cause.... it aint over to till the fat lady sings! (okay...bad joke...) ----Stef stopped rambling at 21:27 --Link to Post |
| 6.4.06 |
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i had a short chat with Nils outside LT7 before ME2142 started today... he gave me this super wide smile while i was rushing into the LT with a packet of Milo... i couldnt help but stop to say hello... hello turned to how-are-you-doing... and into more in-depth discussion of our common module, Feedback Control Systems... in-depth: moping about how difficult is it... but i soon asked when he was leaving for Germany... 3rd of May... that reminded me that all the nice exchange students that i got to know are going home soon... saw John while on the bus... he was wearing bright yellow but he didnt look too cheery at all... smsed him a short msg to say HEY and asked him to cheer up... and he walked all the way to The Deck thinking i saw him from up there... was complaining to him about my SSC tshirt woes... he offered to show me his favourite inside-out shirt... so he cycled over to PGP just to do that... and so we had ice cream... it was our little indulgence... ever since we first met at the windsurf camp... am so gonna miss him when he flies back to Holland... time with the guy has been nothing short of fantastic... Taiwanese varieties... attempts to study... his nice comfy quilt... Dark Devotion at TCC... he doesnt like sweet things so i could have the whole entire warm choc cake to myself! movies at The Cathay... we're mad... it was so difficult to get him to say mushy things to me... he still owes me a mushy email... the previous one was rejected coz he plagarised! i kinda forced him to use the word girlfriend... and it was the worst diction ive ever heard from him... "who am i to you?" *reluctantly* "yooouuuuu aaarrreee moooiiii guuuurrrrlllfwweennnnn..." and that is like how cute la... ----Stef stopped rambling at 02:08 --Link to Post |
| 3.4.06 |
 time really flies... ----Stef stopped rambling at 02:26 --Link to Post |
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had a great sunday at the beach... hawker food with his parents... me spending some time queueing at the stall with his mom... brought them into the club to look see... guy tried to sail to PA... keyword: TRIED John took over after that.... and sailed it to PA... i went on Mr Tan's formula board again... it was the same old 155 board and 7.0m sail... but the wind was much stronger... i catapulted like more than 10 times... flew into the sail... head hit the mast... cap fly away... punctured 2 holes in his sail with my harness... though he was nice to comfort me that the sail is old and lousy... easy to 'band-aid' one... if you dunnoe what being catapulted in windsurfing means... watch the following video... intensity of wind and waves divide by 100... but imagine me in very unglam position face flat on the sail... harness still hooked on... so hanging like chicken... ----Stef stopped rambling at 00:09 --Link to Post |
| 1.4.06 |
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hey there... i'm better now... Inside Man was good... so was the new Cathay Picturehouse at 2am in the morning... it was a good Saturday... i hope it extends itself to Sunday too... ----Stef stopped rambling at 19:29 --Link to Post |
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