| 12.4.06 |
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i just recalled that i had a Yahoo! email that i haven't been using... when i logged on again... i found that i had 1345 unread emails... mostly spam... actually, ALL spam... i wanted to start using the email again... so started deleting & blocking the spammers... though i dont think it'll be that effective... i have a couple of folders... one named b|az and another named fOng... truth be told it wasnt pleasant memories... one ended without closure... the other ended with a total cut-off... much as i would like to think i was good with the relationships i had... i wasnt... and at the end of it... i hung on to what wasnt there anymore... i was 15... i was 16... we didnt even get to be friends... was it me? was it them? i keep emails because i like to relive moments... regardless of whether they are happy or sad... though i would definitely prefer the former... thing is... i was fearful of reopening a boxful of worms... to open the folders and read them again... but instead of reliving the pain i felt years ago... i was, instead, disgusted with my behaviour... in text, that is... save for the fact that i was 15/16... i had no reason to be as immature... i thought i was more rational than that... but i guess love, or what one might temporarily perceive to be love, makes you act against will... with the new-found feelings... and the loss of the old... deletion of the folders... losing of this pseudonym that was never mine... i guess i can finally say that i no longer feel anything with regards to the above... i've grown... i've found someone new to torture... but most importantly... i've learnt about relationships and how to handle them better... though the guy will beg to differ... it doesnt exactly matter whether or not we work out in the end... i can say this now... but feel something else should something happen... the most important thing is the time we've been together... being happy... happiness. arent we all in pursuit of it? ----Stef stopped rambling at 03:24 --Link to Post |
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