| 30.4.05 |
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finally. ----Stef stopped rambling at 16:07 --Link to Post |
| 27.4.05 |
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the blue blacked toe looks slightly better now... since i dug out a humongous piece of dried blood.. everybody go EEEWWWW... everybody? what everybody? this site is supposed to be a secret... shhsssh.... seriously... i find this entertaining... self entertainment brought to a whole new level... i'm only writing to amuse myself in the future... when i ultra bo liao... wanna look into archives and reminese... crazy shyt... just had a short chat with xinyi from my cluster.. so sweet... havent had human-to-human communication in a few days... other than the canteen uncle/auntie... where i mutter, "auntie/uncle, tabao..." think i tabao-ed too often this sem... might even have to takeaway physics... dont know how... dont know why... just know i'm gonna die... but i'll miss being in the same cluster as xy... she's sweet... utterly... ever since our writing class days... she's so perky she made my day... even at 2am at nite! feel ultra bad... as if i've let my parents down... they dun pressure me... insist that i do well or anything... but the thought of them being disappointed in me... and hiding it... is enough to kill me... my dad din make it to uni coz of a misprint in his results slip... apparently they use typewriters then... and the ink was smudgeable... i guess i'm almost a surrogate... and being the first child in the family... and in the extended family in the uni... is crazy... if only i'm really as smart as they think i am... ARGH. ----Stef stopped rambling at 04:04 --Link to Post |
| 25.4.05 |
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another move... was dying to post something closer to heart... suddenly recalled how we started out... it was a monday morning... we spoke till dawn... maybe not till so late... but i remember i couldnt sleep... coz it was our first date since getting together... and we din even hold hands... reckon it would be weird anyway... prior to that we were at each others' throats... in a buddy-buddy sort of way... it was dinner at some ulu part of sembawang... thank goodness for the car... buckaroo's... super big portions... and really good ambience... he really knows his eating places... he suggested drinks... but i thought of my dad... knowing that they knew a guy picked me up that evening... after my sis kindly announced to them all... when she spotted him at the driveway... went changi to look at planes instead... stopped by one of the e-exits... with a nice cool breeze... and us just talking... i half expected him to hold me from behind... but he stood like 1m away... and moved away when i moved closer... started to wonder if he's gay... then i remembered he was supposed to be my boyfriend... second date was supposed to be windsurfing... but no wind... i waited like 50mins for him... coz the ediot was late... but oh well.. i did so willingly... we decided to head down to suntec for a movie... think it was Meet the Fockers... love the "ASS-HOOOOLEEEE..." we didnt hold hands either... though we did speak about pple we know spotting us... (read: windsurf comm. when we didnt exactly want them to know yet...) and he said something about they probably wont conclude anything... unless they saw us like "this", proceeding to put his hand on my shoulders... still remember how weird that felt... i have a very GUY mentality... not exactly tomboy-ish... maybe that too... but just not very GIRL la... so when he did that... there was this sudden jolt of "you-are-no-longer-buddies" kinda feeling... but that didnt last... coz it was just a demonstration... throughout the movie i was wondering why he didnt reach for my hand or something... on the contrary i was like dying to hold his... in the end i made the first move... *rolls eyes* and we ended up holding hands throughout the movie... the best part? as we made our way out... he sweetly reached out for my hand before we headed down the steps of the cinema... how sweet... *melts* then for the rest of the day... we were struggling to find the perfect hand-holding position... until we met the gang for xy's bday... then have to pretend like we dunnoe each other... "those were the days man.." he was like so adorable... how not to fall head over heels you tell me? ----Stef stopped rambling at 13:26 --Link to Post |
| 24.4.05 |
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trying to stop myself from falling into the trap of blogging about him/us again... quite hard... coz... *sings* ~you are always on my mind...~ eeks... i think i just freaked myself out... kk... get serious... i'm wasting precious studying time to write this... whole day i was oni working on one maths paper... and my helpsheet... think i need serious help... not being very productive here... think my system of calling long-time-no-hear friends when i am outside walking from place to place is a smashing idea... cant possibly study when i walking... and it's making use of my mouth and brain... when usually we just walk with our mouth shut when walking alone... what the crap... but really what.. saves some time... and you get to catch up with your pals... talking about phone... told my parents to reduce my phone plan from corporate ultimate to prime plus... still corporate... so i get smashing free caller ID... free autoroam... not alot of sms nor free incoming... but i still get loads of minutes free... not like i talk on the phone that much... i kinda forgot that he's not staying on campus next sem... so... might use my hp abit more... even before that... i'm still wondering how to survive the 4 weeks... it'll be the longest ever... actually... anything more than 3 days is considered longest liaoz... wahahah... thats not considering calls or msn somemore... i thot it was just me... but he called me out of the blue today as well... made me so happy... wahhaa... and i was starting to think i was the one perpetually on his back... taiwan taiwan taiwan... it's gonna be so darn cool! kk... mechanics of materials now... i HAVE TO study... ----Stef stopped rambling at 19:10 --Link to Post |
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physics paper was worse than horrible... it's beyond description... think the tutors are better off burning my script... guy and i went for din tai fung... the place where (according to him) how WE started for him... had yummy xiao long baos... and he managed to convince me that the couple of hours watching Sahara wouldnt matter much... it was pretty good... good action... and quite funny... had his favourite chicken cutlet from shihlin... talking about taiwan... parents seem pretty ok about letting me go with him! thats like so.....AMAZING... considering like a couple of years or so back... i was still 'asking' permission to go out... especially after the 'mt faber' issue... maybe me telling them EVERYTHING abt him helps... at least they know him... and would probably be more at ease... i made sure they have a good impression of him la... left out certain things like... langga taxi... compulsive soccer betting... casino itch... and the like... why have my posts been ALL ABOUT HIM!? darn... i think i need to start on my withdrawal measures... 4 weeks being thousands of miles apart would kill me! ----Stef stopped rambling at 03:31 --Link to Post |
| 22.4.05 |
 memories of AJC... ----Stef stopped rambling at 17:34 --Link to Post |
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just a random thought... "girls... if you are moping that your guy isnt all that generous with sweet nothings... praises and compliments... do not despair... you probably should rejoice that he isnt some pretentious, sweet-talking wang ba dan... those tend to be bad for health..." taking abt health... have been boon tong kee-ing for supper the last few nites... the occasional convenience of an automobile... is permanently damaging to one's health... though i must say supper was sinfully gratifying... econs wasnt too bad... did pretty ok for my response papers and project too... hope i get a good grade... physics tomorrow... time to chew on the 1001 formulas! ----Stef stopped rambling at 17:24 --Link to Post |
| 21.4.05 |
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Spizza at Habourfront... passed by the restaurant a couple of times... but wasnt enticed to actually go in... maybe coz of the fast-food sounding name... and the gaudy red umbrellas outside... havent seen it anywhere else... goes to show how ill travelled i actually am... like i said... the name gave me a fast food impression... so i was happily there in berms and slippers... dining with porcelain plates and glass wine goblet... tried the glass rubbing thing... so fun! minestrone was thick... served on a humongous plate... calamari was yummy... fried to perfection... and the pizza was a weird flavour... coz i happily asking for something i dun know about... but it was yummy nonetheless... will go back again... prices are not THAT much higher than pizza hut... okok... higher... but worth every penny... the server's pretty nice and friendly too... he din poison our food despite the guy wearing a chelsea jersey.. and the server announcing his loyalty to arsenal... with the impending game last nite... makansutra gave it 6 chopsticks! ----Stef stopped rambling at 12:47 --Link to Post |
| 19.4.05 |
 wahahha....addicted. ----Stef stopped rambling at 23:50 --Link to Post |
 trying out picasa2... ----Stef stopped rambling at 20:57 --Link to Post |
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dont think i ever addressed the move-house issue on this blog... on the surface it seems rather superficial... immature maybe... and considering the extent of pervasion of the internet... moving is almost equal to not moving... contemplating another move being discovered by Mr. counter-stalker... thing is... i too find it unfair when i'm reading into other peoples' lives... making conclusions and judgements... sometimes involuntarily making them... and i avoid giving them that benefit too... the enjoyment of reading into my mundane life... and deriving perversed pleasure from realising the beauty in theirs... that why, in the past, when i leave tags... i leave my blog addy as well... not as a form of advertising my blog... but an act of courtesy... a "hey! i've been reading your blog...here's mine if you want to take revenge..." contrary to popular belief... bloggers are not exhibitionists... okok... thats too general... xiaxue *oops* probably is... i am not... wahhaa... i can imagine my 'stalkers' shaking their head in disapproval... but bloggers are actually a bunch of truly insecure individuals... okok... just ME... who have an emotional dependence on putting their life in words... for me it serves as a reason for me to look back on my day(s)... reflect... and in turn, keep it in my memory or throw it aside... happy things i write for future use... jolting myself into pretty memories that are lost when i start cramming for exams... am a stauch believer of the theory that brain memory is limited... to abt 2GB... and that things get overwritten all the time... so i have to study the same things over and over again... and bad stuff i write to help me get over it... providing an outlet for my frustration... anger... violent tendencies... and the works... blogging is freaking important to me... readership was never in the equation. the boyfriend is a private person... and was uncomfortable with the mentions he had been getting in my blog... despite remaining anonymous... it's probably not his cuppa... and it was something i have to respect... regardless of how it should be my call, the fate of my 2 year old blog... he respected that too... told me it was fine to keep it... and that he would get used to it... but for a relationship there has to be compromises... and there is no such compromise where only one side steps back... i have to meet him halfway... reducing my readership by changing addresses... not announcing it to anyone? and declining when asked for it? not very effective a method to privatise something... but at least it kept the non-psychos out... i'm saying you are a psycho, Mr. counter-stalker... that reminds me... i should take out my tag board so that i can continue pretending no one's reading... i didnt violate any agreement between us... coz there wasnt one to begin with... and dont think i would move again... you can run but you cant hide... so i'm staying put here... unless i discover that i am truly an exhibitionist at heart... and succumb to the temptations of moving back to my old addy... where many linked me... and i'll probably have viewership like xiaxue's.... where my one year's worth of vistors is equal to her one day's... i cleverly choped the addy with a pseudo blog... wahaha... so i left myself that option... and we agreed that it was an option if i really couldnt take it... a valid possibility... he once questioned my blogging, before we got together... that if i really din want the viewership... why do i still blog... why not just keep a journal? i din know how to answer him... i was speechless... i told him it was a convenient way of documenting what i wanted to... everything is dated nicely and organized prettily... all at a push of a button... push-button-publishing... keyword: publishing... it is an issue i still grapple with... please tell me i'm no exhibitionist... ----Stef stopped rambling at 15:42 --Link to Post |
| 18.4.05 |
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love peeping at the way he amuses himself with cow and pig... almost as if he doesnt know he's being watched... wonderful feeling to be able to see a side of him that probably no one has... maybe he's just amusing me... nonetheless, utterly loveable... ----Stef stopped rambling at 13:35 --Link to Post |
| 16.4.05 |
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we discovered this new sandwich place at united square, Fuzzy Billie's... while looking for brunch for him... it was new and queer looking... and i usually wouldnt want to be one of the first few who steps into a new joint... but him being enticed by the words, "healthy", "non-processed meats", "low sodium", "high in fibre", "beef", "beef", "beef"... who walked in and bought one... it was really yummy with a soft layer of bread at the bottom... sliced beef/chicken/fish... lotsa onions, green/red peppers, sauteed in olive oil... and melted cheese on top... 4.80 for an 8inch... and top up 2 bucks for an ALL YOU CAN FREAKING EAT! we went back there for dinner... derive your own conclusions... ----Stef stopped rambling at 23:09 --Link to Post |
| 15.4.05 |
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finally got down to making the lasagna rolls i've been wanting to make for ages... according to the boyfriend... it was not too bad... save for the overly generous sauce topping... but it was an interesting experience, to say the least... rolling up rolls... with hotdogs and cheese inside... stuffing them with more cheese... laying them out and dumping sauce on it... was pretty yummy really... thoroughly enjoyed my portion... though i'm not sure if i can say the same about him... am definitely getting more experimentative with cooking these days... though i'm not cooking alot... but it's pretty fun trying out things you never tried before... praying/hoping that it'll turn out at least edible... he was having class during the production process... so he didnt have any hand in it... but having mixed feelings about groaning that he never helps out... or having the xiao nu ren mentality of being glad just to be able to cook for him... coz i am definitely not xiao nu ren... i am glad though... happy that he's even willing to put the suspicious-looking thing in his mouth... having been poisoned by me before... that plus the fact that he never fails to make noise in the kitchen... that i'm doing a onion overkill... or that i should cook the meat longer... oh well... maybe i'll be glad with a wee bit of an appreciation... *hint* while i'm on the topic... was just thinking when was the last time you gave me a surprise... or gave me anything for that matter? ok... that sounds terribly demanding... terrible! no lah... i'm not asking for anything (BIG)... just wondering out loud... (might be useful to note that a girl usually means the opposite of wad she says) though you seldom treat me like girl in the first place... NOBODY DOES! come to think of it... i havent been doing nice stuff for you too... except for cooking for you... buying you ur mango tea... folding notes... oh well... ignore this whole para... i'm just having a whimsical moment... i'm just glad to have you by my side... that alone is worth more than anything you can do... way behind in my schoolwork... revision for the big exam... argh... and i'm doing this... need to destress... not like i'm not destressing enough... every hour he msns me to play solitaire showdown... i'm not complaining though... addicted to it... though i never seem to be able to win him... it's quite eeky to be with someone who is better than you in almost everything... it sucks... to say the least... doesnt help the failing ego... the lack of one... the rapid decline of self-esteem... and all... i guess it's one of the love-hate kind of things... you love him for being so smart and know-it-all... yet hate him for being so smart and know-it-all... hard... oh well... i think the former is still the dominant feeling... at least you know that you have the option of dropping out of school... and living off him for the rest of your life... yeah rite... for now... i'm just glad he's willing to drive all the way down from home to pick me... so that we can watch soccer together... at least the first half... before i doze off.. i'm sorry for being so un-private in my entry today... just had so many emotions running inside me... that you might want to know as well... you're the only one with my blog addy... or at least, i think u're the only one... ----Stef stopped rambling at 17:56 --Link to Post |
| 14.4.05 |
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was watching usher's Yeah video... just occurred to me that i miss council dances alot... mass dance... whatever... regardless of how dumb we look... how lousily we might dance sometimes... though i have serious grounds to believe we werent too bad... but really... its a good way to lose weight too... especially with rockafella and slam dunk da funk... damn cardio... havent got such a good workout in eons... talking about workout... i really must lose weight this hols... gawd... been gaining like nobody's business... told viv... maybe i'm heavier than lu now... I AM SO NOT GONNA WEIGH MYSELF... till i start working out that is... now for its mugging time... doing physics now... i'm not even doing... just staring at the lecture slides and copying formulae... its really alot of formula... and i wanna die liaoz... dunnoe how i'm gonna survive the exams... urgh... at least the presentations are over... and now it's just full steam ahead to the exams... after that its 3 months of slacking... taking up wsf instructor course... miss him for 4 weeks... slack somemore... and hopefully i'll manage to convince my parents about taiwan... ...and hongkong... come to think of it... not very possible... but oh well... no harm trying... it's time they learn to put some trust in me... though i know i'm not very trustworthy... still floating... in glee... in divine happiness... it's so great to be able to say things that you really feel for... like the 3 little words... knowing that u truly feel it right down in ur tummy... and even the thought of it gives you a warm fuzzy feeling all over... ----Stef stopped rambling at 19:37 --Link to Post |
| 11.4.05 |
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since this site is out of 'public' view... other than psychos who google me... or people who cleverly checked their site referrals and found me peeping at them... i think i'm safe to say things closer to heart... think our relationship is getting better... maybe its only that we're getting crappier by the day... but of late... i keep sneaking peeps at him... like i used to do... when we werent together yet... and the whole thing feels so surreal... i think relationships reach new levels when you allow your other half to see u in ur sloppiest, most lok-kok state, without regard of how the other person thinks... though between us, staying in hostel, that started ages ago... but everything just feels so comfortable... and u feel like you dont have to pretend... or act demure/sweet/kind/whatever... coz u just have to be you... and dun care that the other person minds how you act/look/are... i never truly experienced being myself in front of people... maybe there is... before people, if anyone, start thinking i'm just a pretentious bi-atch... but yeah... been feeling fantastic... he's been fantastic... my parents cant stop asking about him... my sis and bro dying to meet him... and my granny just popped a question out of nowhere today... "so you got boyfriend?" what the crap? and i thot she was still thinking about me and wf... watched Be Cool today... bad influence... *points at the boyfriend* but i really liked the movie... lotsa cool music and dialogue... fantastic.. lurve the pairing of uma thurman and john travolta... think they're just fabulous together... and the music... OH THE MUSIC... i'm so gonna get the OST... thinking of making lasagna rolls tomorrow... wahahah... experimentation time again... hope they dont turn out hard... have to cook them rolls first! time for a bath... did a A1 route with berw just now... poor girl had to wait ard for me again... i'm definitely way too slow... argh... would be using the hols to get back in shape... have to pen down a training regime... else i'll get nuthing done... think i can get back to 50? i think thats next to impossible... i'll see what i can do... dont think i'll be working this hols... slacking my days away! ----Stef stopped rambling at 01:34 --Link to Post |
| 9.4.05 |
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i just chased him down the corridor... we were on a hitting spree.. ouch! he sure doesnt give chance... i wonder if we're anything like the adults we're supposed to be... ----Stef stopped rambling at 01:27 --Link to Post |
| 8.4.05 |
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dammit... milk photographed jon jonsson for catalog... WHILE i AM NO LONGER THERE! *weeps* WHY ? WHYYYYYYY? argh... oh well.. somethings are just not meant to be... i have my slitty-eyed bastard... thats all that matters... ----Stef stopped rambling at 01:47 --Link to Post |
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been a long time since i last ran... today was really bad... couldnt get to run with berw... coz she conveniently forgot about our date and blamed it on me... so i managed to catch syah before she took her bath... wahahhaha... poor girl had to wait for me at every junction... i was so slow... i think a pregnant cow could overtake me... met sam cho downstairs while cooling down... poor guy looked so underfed... lack of sleep and what not... the guy got gian seeing us all sweaty and all... dragged shaun down to play table tennis with him... whahaha.... at midnite no less... crazy people... at least they have a super onz bunch there... envy... but i have my super onz bunch too! and of coz... the super onz ONE... i'm never gonna run with syah or berw ever again... they make me feel so slow... haiz... maybe i should just run alone... or get the guy to go two rounds while i do one... he might just lap me anyway... crazy stuff! went to habourfront to eat and walk ard today... guy was disappointed with the lack of shops... but oh well... we had like 2 chicken chops and a floss omelette crepe from shihlin... my favourite orange-pineapple from orange julius... and a subway 6inch meal... all on him! coz i whined about how all the vendors definitely wont accept my 50 note... wahahhaa... i should just keep it in there 24/7... but ney... he took it to pay for his book... *whines* today... while i was slogging over my econs essay on my laptop... which was on my lap... i was leaning against his headrest... with a nice view of KE7 and the 'mountain' and forest in its background... the sun was a pretty orange-red... and just suddenly... it occured to me... that even if i were to die that very moment... i wont have any regrets... except that i would have prefered a higher CAP score... coz i have all that i wanted in the world... ----Stef stopped rambling at 00:36 --Link to Post |
| 6.4.05 |
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the evening sky turned my view at the window and a little of my room a pretty pink... the very same way he lights up my life... ----Stef stopped rambling at 19:08 --Link to Post |
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got a ride from laremy back to PGP yesterdae... first time getting back so quickly from class... it was a white coloured Vespa... told him it looked like an iPod... wahhaha... now i know how to get on/off a scooter gracefully... lalalaaa.... but it was pretty cool... been ages since my last bike ride... and he said i was a good pillion... that i dont fidget... wahahaha... it comes with experience my friend... i think talking things out is more useful that people think it is... in fact... i even believe it to be therapeutical... in a sense... it makes you think things through... and solve the problem... hopefully at its source... but sometimes, some things i juat cant bring myself to say... so we write... actually its just me... being the queer and eccentric dwerk i could be sometimes... and i watched MY SASSY GIRL!!! finally.... after donkey years of wanting to watch it... i tried hitting him as frequently and as hard as the girl did in the show... to the poor guy... who happened to be quite cute BTW... but the thing is... just couldnt do it... maybe on the arms or back or the wobbly stomach can... but i simply cant do it on the face! whahahhaha dont think he wants me to anyway... ----Stef stopped rambling at 12:34 --Link to Post |
| 2.4.05 |
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just had statics test... wasnt THAT bad... but suli and i had the last couple of answers different... coz of a mix-up between alum force and copper force... oh well.. maybe its better that we never found out who is wrong... *prays* i cant hope that i am rite either... coz she will be wrong... but i cant hope that she is rite too... wahahha... lets hope that it's only a minute mistake. at least the projects are about done... albeit half heartedly... and of pretty lousy standards... not that we din put in effort... i think we chose tough stuff to do... still glad... coz i met great people through these... cool weather today.. lovely to sleep in... but couldnt... coz of the test.. oh well... time to start working hard... first exam in exactly 3 weeks... GAMBATTE!!! ----Stef stopped rambling at 11:50 --Link to Post |
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