| 31.10.02 |
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=)
had a pretty slack day... well... had too many breaks for one... almost a total of 8 breaks... quite insane... but enjoyed just sitting around reading the adventures of dr hannibal lecter... hmm... he hasnt appeared though... he will soon... klassmates got caught for playing cards in AJ nexus... dont know wad shit i'll get from the twin towers (mr pat lim and mr lim kim thye)... moral of the story... if you're doing anything illegal in the nexus... dont switch on the lights... =P mr lim kok wee damn nice... kinda like he promised me a second hand camel pak as a reward for my competition... but he got me a new one... 2 litres at that... gosh... not cheap lor... never beared to come out with the money.. but he so nice... =) think he's the most misunderstood teacher in the whole of aj... k k... i'll keep today's entry short... long day tmr... hope everyone has fun... yeay! ----Stef stopped rambling at 22:48 --Link to Post |
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something cool i took from the email goofy GY sent me...
Big Mud Puddles and Sunny Yellow Dandelions Author Unknown When I look at a patch of dandelions, I see a bunch of weeds that are going to take over my yard. My kids see flowers for Mom and blowing white fluff you can wish on. When I look at an old drunk and he smiles at me, I see a smelly, dirty person who probably wants money and I look away. My kids see someone smiling at them and they smile back. When I hear music I love, I know I can't carry a tune and don't have much rhythm so I sit self-consciously and listen. My kids feel the beat and move to it. They sing out the words. If they don't know them, they make up their own. When I feel wind on my face, I brace myself against it. I feel it messing up my hair and pulling me back when I walk. My kids close their eyes, spread their arms and fly with it, until they fall to the ground laughing. When I pray, I say thee and thou and grant me this, give me that. My kids say, "Hi God! Thanks for my toys and my friends. Please keep the bad dreams away tonight. Sorry, I don't want to go to Heaven yet. I would miss my Mommy and Daddy." When I see a mud puddle I step around it. I see muddy shoes and dirty carpets. My kids sit in it. They see dams to build, rivers to cross, and worms to play with. I wonder if we are given kids to teach or to learn from? No wonder God loves the little children! Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things. I wish you Big Mud Puddles and Sunny Yellow Dandelions!!! "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away." ----Stef stopped rambling at 22:33 --Link to Post |
| 30.10.02 |
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hiaks...
had a pretty long day today... lotsa stuff happened... and i dunnoe which one to talk abt... mayeb i shoudl start of with the sad news that ms siau fong fui is leaving council... i think she's da best lor... dont think any of the teachers can beat her at being a council teacher... she's got the best ideas... most support for your projects... i really cant say more... i'll start crying... haiz... we'll get mrs ho dai hwee from AJE, an econs tutor... mr ARI....physics lecturer... i guess he'll be quite cool... considering the fact that he's on good terms with CCM... can help us with AVA stuff next time... yeay... but still... will miss ms siau... walked ard AMK with huiqing today to rackey the place for o1 newspaper collection next year... so cool that we met the local postwoman.... who told us the number of units in that area... so that we no need count so badly... but when she told us... we alreay at the LAST block... oh well... it was oni 13 blocks that we counting anyways... realised that HQ was quite crappy... so we ended going home together too... and crapped somemore... but actually... i kinda enjoy going home alone... (stella, dont misunderstand...i love going home with you...just that if without pple i really close with...i rather be alone...silence can be rather torturous...) i mean... though i have no one to talk to... i rather enjoy the moment of peace... to reflect on the day. think abt stuff...and maybe just drool at some cute guy in the opposite seat... or is it just that i wanna sleep in the cool comforts of the air conditioned bus... hmmm... i dunnoe.... ----Stef stopped rambling at 23:58 --Link to Post |
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haiz...
think there's something seriously wrong with me these days... going ard unbuckling weihao's sch bag... doing disappearing act for mervin's bag... hmmm...stepping on YZ... something wrong with me rite??? or issit just the playful me finally shown its true colors... muahaha... dear klassmates... expect all and more... from me... mauahahhaa... so happy that the lounge thing is finally materialising... today when cecilia and marcus looked me up was kinda surprised... hey...marcus looks really cute with his dimples leh... (other than his 'council sux' remark...i think he's a pretty attractive guy...) dunnoe why my pals say he not shuai... hahah... dunnoe why i hate it when pple say that council sux... maybe its coz i really dont think council sux... i mean we really worked damn hard for the sch... do all the shitty work... we are like contruction worker... cleaner...professional mover...organizer...planner... seriously...we do all the dirty jobs... though we seem a little extra at times... its just us taking the opportunity to have abit of fun... fun that we worked so hard to get... i think we deserve it... dont we, council? i might sound zhuai... but it's justice done... =) hehhe... k k.... better brush up on my OP... kinda sucky... think my group will kill me tomorrow... YZ is this long enuff??? i cant type anymore... type too many proposals liaoz... bleh... ----Stef stopped rambling at 23:58 --Link to Post |
| 29.10.02 |
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read YZ's entry again before embarking on mine...
but not really his entry... but the description... abt how it takes a life time to forget somebody... hmm... =P sorta rem this not famous song from savage garden in their hey days... starting abruptly... '...its been seven months and counting... you moved on and i still feel exactly the same... just that everywhere i go... all the buildings know your name... like photograph and memories of love... steel and granite reminders... the city calls ur name and i cant move on...' =( sad... just like today... was in serangoon gardens again... at grace's place... we ta pow food from chomp chomp and went to her place to eat.. yummy! stingray...oyster eggs... yummy! me kinda a *oink*oink* when it comes to food and sleep... hehhe... but once again... gardens bring up memories that i would rather keep under the bed... just in dreams would suffice... =) coz thats where all the beautiful things can materialize... not like in the practical world... where everything is transient... even love... but oh well... i love my family... talked to my dad alot on the way home today... just love him to the core... would chauffeur me ard to and from places... without any complaint... he's the best... really... though a little unreasonable sometimes... and little =P most of the times... he's a great guy... haha... i alwaz liked to shoulder charge at him... even though i'm like 17 now and a girl at that... but he just plays along... and i really appreciate that he's ard for me... still rem when i was younger... he would make me cry by telling me what if one day he was to met with an accident and could never come home... i cried so badly my eyes puffed up... even when i think of it now... i start tearing... kinda emotional when it comes to seperation.. this may sound farnie... but i almost cried today when i left mr quek's f maths klass.. he made it sound so... ...cant explain... but i felt bad for not studying hard enough to remain in his class... as if i let him down... dun really know wads wrong with me... but i really cant perform up to the std i'm expected of... i really tried hard... i never studied this hard before... not even for the o levels... issit council??? no...thats an excuse... issit me??? i think so...my dad says i dont organise my time enuff... i guess... i love carrots... ...does that make me a rabbit? ----Stef stopped rambling at 23:53 --Link to Post |
| 28.10.02 |
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hmmm....
today was an ultra long day... it like i would count down every minute of every tutorial... sianz... gone were the days when i would sit attentively at mr connor's lit lesson... literature... i really liked it... despite how others mock and express their disgust of it... i have alwaz believed that it was able to help me cultivate the habit of looking at things with different perspectives before taking a stand... i dunnoe... but lit was the only subject that kept me thinking outside of lit lesson... just out of no where i'll ask my pal... 'hmmm...i really think benvolio (of romeo and juliet fame) is a great guy...do you think he's handsome too???' nah... but something of that nature... like...'hmmm....do you think guys like benvolio exist now???' hah.... just crapping... ignore me... went to compass point after sch with YC and lala... heheh... had a crappy time talking abt marcus... he wont be reading this rite??? lala you better assure me of that... met an ex TK fren 3 times around the mall... haha...kinda cool how a fren whom you oni meet on the bus to sch some mornings... can converse so much with you... my... if i had time... i think i wanna know hows all my TK frenz doing in their respective JCs now... hmmm... wonder whether crazy GY is still as crazy... whiny rene...still siao over xiao mian yangs... ching...and her council work at VJ... bernie and her ultra cute bf at TJ... rachel and her antics... faidah and our never-fulfilled-date at gelares.... miss our siglap ice cream dates every tues... yummy!!! muahahaha.... the list goes on and on... oh ya... and whether joy is still as guy-crazy as ever... hmmm...and whether wynn is doing well or not... wynn... dont really know how is she... she was kinda one of my best pals in TK... appreciate her frank and direct nature... wonder whats she up to now... still rem the times when she'll come to sch all red and puffy eyed... then i'll be in the toilet with her for most of the day.... girls sch is cool... i mean... you just tell one another everything under the big bright sun.... heheh... realised i sound quite cheerful here today... guess your mood really affects how ur entry sound... i'm happy today... are you? coz saw new flavours of skittles today... remember how ben and i saw the new mint and sour skittles... bought them on the same day and sent them over to each other... tropical flavour...i saw today... got banana...(monkey's favourite...) peach...and strawberry...my fav...proving i'm no monkey... will buy a box and send it to him tmr... =) happy... coz hope he'll be happy upon receiving the sweets... k k... need to get down to work... kanbate!!! ----Stef stopped rambling at 19:42 --Link to Post |
| 27.10.02 |
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(they long to be) close to you - the carpenters
Why do birds suddenly appear Every time you are near? Just like me, they long to be Close to you. Why do stars fall down from the sky Every time you walk by? Just like me, they long to be Close to you. On the day that you were born The angels got together And decided to create a dream come true So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair of gold And starlight in your eyes of blue. That is why all the girls in town Follow you all around. Just like me, they long to be Close to you. On the day that you were born The angels got together And decided to create a dream come true So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair of gold And starlight in your eyes of blue. That is why all the girls in town Follow you all around. Just like me, they long to be Close to you. Just like me (Just like me) They long to be Close to you. Wahhhhhhhhhhh, close to you. Wahhhhhhhhhhh, close to you. Hahhhhhhhhhhh, close to you. Lahhhhhhhhhhh, close to you. ----Stef stopped rambling at 23:49 --Link to Post |
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"When two people try to lead, nothing feels right.
The movement doesn't flow with the music, and everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky. When one person realizes and lets the other lead, both bodies begin to flow with the music. One gives gentle cues, perhaps with a nudge to the back or by pressing lightly in one direction or another. It's as if two become one body, moving beautifully. The dance takes surrender, willingness, and attentiveness from one person and gentle guidance and skill from the other." that was something i found in my inbox... kinda cool when you think abt it... it truly explains how just some relationships last... while others simply fail.. shant elaborate much on this topic today... been through too much of it in previous entries... judah's going to canada after his o's... haiz.. was reminded of that a couple of days ago when he msg-ed me... kinda sad... esp when i think back on how wonderful a fren he was... he was like the main life of the whole windsurfing team... bringing us fun and laughter... and considering he was eye candy too... kinda made him a good fren to go out with... muahahaah... still rem the crappy times we all shared... shufang...jud...WQ...shuzhen...we all had crazy ideas all the time... once at nooch...cant realy rem the name... the noodle house at wheelock lah... we put all sorts of chilli condiments in one of the soups... gross... but we still drank every drop of it... not coz it was yummy... but coz it was pricey... or even the times when we would shiver wet and cold at our base... stuck at shore with lightning and too strong a wind... we'll beach the equipment and hide behind one another... esp jud who was so skinny... it was kinda scary seeing him in that state coz of the dangers of hypothermia on someone with so little body fat... freaky... simply put... i'll really miss him... and guess most of us would too... which makes me wonder... if i was the one leaving would everyone miss me just as bad... din guess so... considering how thin i spread myself all the time... i had to juggle between the basketballers... my classmates...windsurfing team mates... alex/ben... its hard to strike a balance yet maintain a close and personal relationship with them all... sometimes i really wonder... would i be better of if i concentrated on a certain few friends... coz all i can salvage now is maybe oni rene, bernie, GY, jud and maybe SZ... =) but at least i still have them... and my 'new' pals at AJ... hmm... sometimes when i'm out with the peeps... and hear them gossiping abt others... though i admit i do join in... i cant deny that i feel bad also... very bad indeed... 'do onto others what you want others to do onto you...' applies in the negative way as well... 'dont do onto others....' do wonder how would i feel if others spoke abt me the same way... i'm not perfect... guess some might... but sometimes though i may be mean or something.. i'm not fully aware of it... kinda like the incident in my PW group... still feel bad... and feel strained in the grp... but it's just not me to sit back and not say anything when mr wee sits in at our table... i really dunnoe wat to do... what boundaries not to cross... that was the first time i broke down in AJ... i hate crying... can never stop... would just go on and on and on... the same theory with my laughter... 'once you pop you cant stop' like the pringles advert... i may look like someone who dont get emotionally affected easily... but i do... just that i'll bottle everything up and go home... wait until nitefall before i hide under my blankie and cry... lousy feeling... to be hiding from everyone else... but i cant affect everyone else just coz of my prbs alone... sometimes i do confide in pple... like ben when he was still my sandbag... chunyong when we were talking... rene of coz... stella when we go home together... on hindsight it looks like alot... muahaha... just me not to appreciate things when i have them... k better stop... need to do the stewpig design experiment... and write my script for PW tmr... it'll be a brand new week... and hope things will go fine... =) ----Stef stopped rambling at 22:33 --Link to Post |
| 26.10.02 |
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=P
back from the sea expedition off the coast of sembawang... gosh...i swear i'll stick faithfully to windsurfing... and feel terrible for jisiao-ing abt the kayak-ers at ecp when i'm on my surfboard... bleh... its not easy lor...but maybe coz i was unfit... worse thing...i was heavier than YZ some more! so paiseh...must train must train... coach's gonna kill me when he sees me next week man... haiz...feel so weak and unfit... expedition was fun... just laughing mindless with YZ...or rather at him... coz even though i cant see him...(he was sitting behind...) he was so damn funny... boat kept rocking...haha! but noticed that most of the odacians are kinda weird... u bang them...they stare you down.. they bang you....and disorientate your kayak... they are no reaction... =( i said sorry whenever i banged them okie??? courtesy i learnt while sailing with thai and hkg sailors... especially when prize money of races even reach $1000 each... u ought to apologise for taking that away from them man... woo...but the max i've gotta from racing is $200 bucks i think... when i was super lucky...muahhahaa... but really tired...slept in my dad's car like a *oink*oink*... actually was supposed to go granny's b-dae celebrations... but kinda got into a mini-tiff with my mum... coz i was dead tired with PW due for meeting tmr... i wanted to stay home... =( she got sarcastic with me... so i got sarcastic back... haiz...come to think of it it was quite childish... but oh well.. hope everything's fine now... passed by serangoon gardens today... and like i alwaz do... kinda peered out of the car to look out for that one green jimny... hadnt got the luck... seriously wonder...when would i ever stop doing that??? for all i know...he might not be even driving that car anymore... or would it take someone else to pull me up from the depths of depression??? frankly its kinda tiring... hope can be both a good and bad thing.. often, both at the same time... it keeps you believing in the impossibility... but also gives you a false sense of assurance... of something that can never happen... so wat? do i keep hoping??? that one day i would see him again and get an answer that i've been waiting for... a reply that i've been hoping to get for more than a year... it was something that meant so much to me... yet i was denied of it... shucks... i think this blog makes me think of all these stuff... but its hard to remove urself from these thots when you're in deep thot of wad to include in ur blog... hmm... you tend to think more... therefore...higher the probability that you'll think of something unpleasant... =P but oh well... life must go on... despite how sad or depressed we are... and once again... i shall dump all my =( here... and go on to a happy person... until tmr... =) ----Stef stopped rambling at 19:04 --Link to Post |
| 25.10.02 |
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=( kinda jialat...wrote a super long blog entry...
but server screwed up again and its gone... happened while i was writing emails b4... aint good...coz all the true feelings are in the first entry... *bleh* so sad... but as i was saying...enjoyed today's activites quite abit... though the bleak expectation i brought to sch kinda dampened the anticipation... but tile painting was okay...getting ur hands abit black... polka dotted with paint and screechy tiles... *eeks* arts appreciation session was cool... c'mon...wad more can you ask from the sch??? a 'whose line issit anyway?' with dramaplus... bunch of droolable musically inclined guys in uniform...with the string ensemble from SAF... a farnie animated mini-movie...with an adorable doggy... woohoo! it was great... *applause* =) took the bus today... attempted to read...but eye was threatening to shut close... put the book away...and was half asleep with 92.4 in my ears... but woke up to find a nice looking guy in the tiny space beside me... could sleep no more i tell you... but of coz...mind wasnt on him...(or how to pretend to fall asleep on his shoulder...) just started gazing mindlessly at a distant object..(the legs of the lady opposite count?) music just moving thru my ears to the other end... thought of stuff that i put aside some time ago... hmm...wondered how life would be for me now if i am with someone...(you know wat i mean...) i do appreciate the influx of freedom and liberty to make my own decisions... but sometimes you do wonder...will i be more emotionally stable if i have someone to go back to? (not literally of coz...) thankful that i have more time with my pals...to finish council work...and of coz the academic aspect of life... sometimes i do wonder how i managed two CCAs...mountains of work...life and him in sec sch... on hindsight...its like... wow... (alot of times you only appreciate things on hindsight...so it doesnt hurt to do reflection sometimes..) but of coz do miss the kind of feeling that no matter what happens there's someone to hear you out... u know? the shoulder to cry on... the hands to catch you when you fall thing??? cliche as it might sound... it's true... and u'll only appreciate it oni when you lost it... all 21 mths of it... =( kinda disappointed with a lady i met on the street today... on the way home...in the RAIN!!! we were in opposite directions of the walkway... and she almost bumped me off into the muddy grass running parallel to the path... people.... i mean the path so big...i already on the edge liaoz... argh... where is basic courtesy in these people? dont their conscience bug them when they think abt poor me who was trying to brisk walk in the pouring rain??? the woman had an umbrella for goodness sake! grr.... better stop now... need to pack stuff for tmr!!! woohoo! time to be happy again... feels alot better after bleh-ing out on the blog... this is wad blogs are for man... hehee... =) ----Stef stopped rambling at 22:00 --Link to Post |
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hmmm....another long day today...
read YZ entry today before doing mine... aint healthy...kinda affected by his tone and mood in the entry... but have to say that i thot of what he thought of today too... its no fun growing up... its liek suddenly all the beautiful and best things in your life is adruptly taken away from you... =( too many things... today was quite an enjoyable thursday... though its one of the suckiest sch day... it was quite okay today... despite lectures being too boring... maths tutorial being too taxing... physics being too monotonous... PE being too tiring... i just it simply boils down to wat you make out of your day that really matters... if thats the case...i've really missed out alot in life... guess that my mind aint strong enough to overcome setbacks... been sometime since i stopped to look at the pretty stuff in my day... remember i once saw the prettiest blue in the sky... and how i rushed home and drew it out and sent it over to my net pal... he got quite a shock...but it felt good to share the little things in life that can brighten one another's day... eh...like trying out different bubble tea flavours and sending each other reviews on how it tastes... sending by post little packets of sweets and chocs...(in an attempt to make the other grow sideways...) or just composing a piano piece attaching it to our frequent correspondence on the email... sadly...these stopped... =P but once again...maybe its for the better... feel as if i've got lotsa stuff to say today... dont really know why... but things just start flooding my mind and i cant put them down in words... maybe its just be brooding again... thinking abt stuff i should not think abt... =P weak mind... on hindsight... realise that i've been extra hyper these couple of weeks... cant fathom whether it's just self denial of the terrible promo results... or that i've really started to open up to my JC frenz... (trust me to take so long to break the ice) cant tell...but one thing for certain... i'm like kinda wary abt the probablity of me really breaking down one day ...from the stress in council or my hideous academic results... its almost like running away from reality and trying to decieve not only the pple ard me... but myself as well... been thinking recently... can i really tell myself that, I am a good person. without batting an eyelid? sad to say i'm darn prone to self justification... and dont know whether to believe myself sometimes... hmm...think i better stop to let YZ read... he like so bored down there... so i shall be a Nice person and finish up... heheh... (actually...also becoz i got no more energy to continue writing...dead tired...) maybe tmr will be a better day? hope so... ----Stef stopped rambling at 20:28 --Link to Post |
| 24.10.02 |
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sad. sadder. saddest.
start with how YZ started his thought-provoking entry today. its scary that what he wrote was quite true about life now. never before have i ever been so skeptical about my life. something happened in school today. the most shocking of things. cant say much due to the repercussions if its revealed. but it just shocks how scary some people can become. full of deceit and betrayal and a face that hides it all. its like some novel or drama serial materialised. sometimes i do wonder how can such pple exist. lying without batting an eyelid. freaky. usually in sec sch i was just prancing around the whole school with nuthing weighing down my mind. its like monday will be bball training. tuesday, without fail, the bunch of us would just go to siglap for ice cream waffle that we simply adore. wed go down to the beach to train with the waves. thurs down to the hoops again. friday...attempt to slack but would stay back in school for some reason or another. saturday, shuttling between two CCAs. life was routine but friends ard made it fun. despite how un-fun i was. and still am. kinda miss my TK pals. not that i cant find any in AJ. but the bonds in there is hard to forge again. life now is a bleak routine with lotsa tutorials on my back. lectures that come one after another. hours of boring meetings. what is life? i do ask. but i must still clarify that i do appreciate the pals i have in AJ. a whole bunch in klass. a few in council. i guess it just takes time to fully get to fully confide in one another. glad to say, i started doing so in some of them. which makes me feel much better, much at home. better end here. got chem to finish. physics to start. proposal to begin on. and script to write. may my insomnia last longer. =) ----Stef stopped rambling at 01:24 --Link to Post |
| 22.10.02 |
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my first posting... hmmm...octoballs...weird name if you think abt it... couldnt think of a name that isnt already used...but IS me...and aint kiampa... OCTOBALLS... my favourite...dont you think it's cool...i mean the food octoballs...not this blogsite... heh...wanted to use no_subject actually...coz of the little significance it has on my life... or should i say...rather important part of my life... have you ever had a fren who is close enough for you to confide ur deepest thoughts in... yet far enough to know that whatever you say wont have negative repercussions... it helps alot in life...really... kinda like a sandbag where you can vent ur frustrations on... coz most, if not all, of us...(at least me though) have that little devil in us... just waiting to pounce on anything or everything that incurs our wrath... or maybe just a friend to share ur joy with... or a shoulder just to cry one...(pardon the cliches.) life is beautiful? maybe oni in the DBS commercial...(when u have lotsa money to spend like water...) k k...shall not sound so pessimistic... take heart... God helps those who help themselves... think positive... ----Stef stopped rambling at 19:19 --Link to Post |
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