| 31.5.05 |
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am officially a red lobster... terrible tanlines... coz until now... i havent had enough courage (nor figure) to flaunt it all in a bikini top... but face is burning... coz lazy me conveniently forgot to bring/borrow/steal sunblock... ahhh! assessment in a couple of days... friday to be exact... hope i pass... and chop chop finish my attachments.... then i can be a full fledged instructor... and all you people can be my students... wahhahaa... but you can ask mel... we were practising together today... i forgot SO MANY things... missed out on points to teach... darn... screwed... pass me!!! not much to update on... dont have hello on the home PC... so cant upload the weird pics i have on this comp... not cant... im just lazy... freaking lazy... ----Stef stopped rambling at 23:13 --Link to Post |
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** finally got to him today... right after my day at the beach ended... even before i went to shower... i made a call to him... i had to... the conversation two nites prior ended rather terribly... it was cold... he was cold... i asked him about the sms i sent... he said he didnt receive... i didnt know what else to say... hate it that we're so far apart... yet it had to end up like that... it's hard to miss him so much... ...needing to hear his voice so bad... but feeling miserable... ...from his nonchalence... ...thus wanting to be angry with him as well... i have no reason to... but he did make me very sad... two more weeks... if only they would fly past... ----Stef stopped rambling at 22:59 --Link to Post |
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instructor course today... at least today wasnt as bad as last week... was supposed to have lunch with my coursemates... end up oni me and mingle at airport BK... but it wasnt too bad... he's a great person to talk to... great sense of humour and wit... and is super nice also... sailing today... so we didnt get to hear much of starfish... and somehow, he likes my gybes... so, phew... during the sailing assessment... i was freaking riding on waves... and that felt soOOoo good... despite not having a big sail... nor harness... nor super duper board... it just felt super good to put to use a skill that past coaches and seniors taught you... mood wasnt entirely good after the episode last nite... didnt and wont go into it... but something today made me so entirely happy... dont even know why... boo's family came down to the beach today... his wife... and his two young boys... the picture of a happy family... was so perfectly blissful... it just got me smiling for no reason or other... boo borrowed my rig to take the older one out for a ride... a loOOoooong ride... not that i mind... the boy was so terribly cute... kept screaming in delight... the little one was even cuter... walked over to me... gave me a pebble and a seashell... and ran away... wah lau eh... the bf never gave me pebbles or seashells ok... the teeny boy was sOOOOOOOOooo cute... buay ta han... met dilun for sakae sushi and The Amityville Horror... was only ten minutes late... mingle and i... really super duper thanks to jeremy and the ride to suntec... he dropped us liaoz... then kena stuck in jam... so kelian... but he totally went out of the way to give us a ride... The Amityville Horror... bad show... i dont mean bad as in bad... but super scary shyt... Happy Birthday, fren... may your pinkie recover... ----Stef stopped rambling at 01:18 --Link to Post |
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** i'll be there for you... these five words i swear to you.. when you breathe... i wanna be the air for you... i'll be there for you. i told him i was meeting a guy friend for dinner... dilun, for that matter... his tone changed immediately... said it was late... and he wanted to hang up... i knew something was wrong... and refused to hang up... at least he din karp the phone on me... i relented... and said a reluctant goodbye... i msged him, that he can give me a missed call to signal that he really didnt want me to go... but he replied, i wont stop you from going. good nite. that really trashed it for me... all i could do was reassure him that nuthing would spring from this... i couldnt cancel on dilun... coz it was his bday... dont really know what to do... now his china line is switched off... he aint replying my sms... i seriously hope he's alright... plz plz plz... i wont go out with any other guy just as long as you call me back... ----Stef stopped rambling at 00:19 --Link to Post |
| 29.5.05 |
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** da guy says he thinks that 11 days of R&R is way too much... dont even know what they're gonna do with 10 days in china... he was thinking of shortening the trip... come back earlier... but he would have to convince the ladies first... coz he doesnt want to leave them alone... to fend for themselves in a foreign land... so considerate/responsible/sweet rite? IT BETTER BE TRUE... else he'll get it when he comes back... i'll hatam him left, right and center... but really la... miss him a freaking lot... ----Stef stopped rambling at 23:15 --Link to Post |
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sis is finally back from the hospital... regained most of her cheery self... which is really good... hope she stays strong... know it hurts... even if it means even more painful cramps for me next month... i pray that she doesnt hurt that much anymore... pains me to see my parents so stressed out like that... sat was my dad's 50th birthday... not only we din do anything for him... he had to run ard like mad... shuttling between SGH and home... i feel so freaking bad... not being able to do more than i already can... argh. instructor course for the next 3 days... hope i pass the sailing test... hope i dont piss the starfish off anymore... with my inability to keep to the centerline... hope i can chop chop pass everything... then i can bring my bro go watch madagascar... *clapz* ----Stef stopped rambling at 23:13 --Link to Post |
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yeay! he said nuthing would change... even if i failed my mods this sem... (meaning: he won't dump me for being excessively dumb...) now to convince my parents: Results ain't everything. ...And let me go Taiwan. ----Stef stopped rambling at 20:28 --Link to Post |
| 28.5.05 |
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** he din call today... funny how i told him that it's ok not to call me everyday... when i want so much to hear him every nite... dont think i wanna call him... coz they have meetings and reflections... damn paiseh for him... to have a gf who calls every single nite... hope he calls tomorrow? miss him so much. **update** he called at like 0150hrs... who cares! as long as he calls! missed him so much i even dreamt that he came back earlier than expected... urgh... i gross myself out... ----Stef stopped rambling at 01:16 --Link to Post |
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instructor course today again... sucks... the head instructor doesnt like me... and it's damn obvious la... he keeps picking on me... i feel super duper irritated... i think he's almost like andrew... maybe worse? i dont know... worst thing is that i cant show him i reciprocate his 'feelings' too... i need him to pass me at the end of it all... heck... i dont think i'm hiding my feelings for him... think he knows... went to hospital to visit my sis... din have the op today... coz there were super alot of emergencies today... her docs din even get a chance to eat their breakfast, lunch, dinner... poor surgeons... but my sis too... can see she was fighting so hard not to let us see her cry.. i felt so terrible i almost cried myself... suddenly... this incident kinda makes me feel protective of her... something i never felt before... it's like suddenly i realise that she's still my little sister... and i ought to protect her... but i cant.... protect her from what? i dunnoe... just that it hurts that she's hurting... and i cant do anything abt it... grandparents are super worried too... grandpa keeps praying for her... can see that he wanna go see her... but is too weak to go out... i would willingly put down my instructor course to bring him to SGH... but he reckoned that it'll be quite a risk by itself already... i miss having my sis in the same room as my bro and i... please let her have a safe op... so that she can come home soon... ----Stef stopped rambling at 01:07 --Link to Post |
| 27.5.05 |
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had instructor course today... did our presentation... but patrick didnt seem sufficiently pleased... oh well... covered classroom basics... and did a trial run... not bad i guess... was a tad nervous maybe it's cause patrick was around... but i guess i'll be fine even with students i do not know... i derive confidence from the fact that i know more than them... wahahaha.... met SML for MJC choir concert... they were pretty good... and i met fuquan in the next row... ediot probably forgot who i was... but oh well.. just glad i managed to recall his name in time... spent the whole concert doing so... sis is finally having the op tomorrow... hope she'll be fine... grandpa is super worried... he keeps prayin for my little sis... shall do my once-in-a-blue-moon bedtime prayer... pray that she'll be fine... ----Stef stopped rambling at 00:47 --Link to Post |
| 26.5.05 |
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** the previous entry is a total lie... the fact is... I MISS HIM SUPER-DUPER A LOT... wah lau... it's like really bad la... sometimes i wanna knock myself on the head when i recalled that i said "it's okay..." when he asked if i was alright with the fact that he was having a week of R & R with the group... after the trip proper... it is the right answer... i know i should/would/must give him the opportunity to have a good time... even though it's without me around... him calling me like everyday is crazy enough... bet his mates over there are like... wat the heck? his gf makes him call back every single day... usually he makes the call first... but maybe it's because i told him how i cannot sleep when he doesnt call... argh... i hope i din send him the wrong signal... while it's true that i miss him so much... and want to talk to him every single day... i really dont want him to feel obligated to call me every day... it's becoming such a habit... that i feel sour that he didnt call me today when yesterday he told me he would... but still... i appreciate his efforts... love him to bits. he called today... spoke for the longest ever... 20mins... coz i told him... i didnt really wanna hang up... although i told him to sleep early... and he said we didnt have to... so we carried on talking... he sounded really tired... so it was me doing most of the talking... he'll be back in like 2+ weeks... w ont start a countdown yet... but looking forward to it... terribly... ----Stef stopped rambling at 02:06 --Link to Post |
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** i missed a call from a china number... but it wasnt his... called him instead and no answer... probably asleep by now... maybe call him tomorrow... using the champions league final's score as an excuse? i miss him so much. ----Stef stopped rambling at 01:12 --Link to Post |
| 25.5.05 |
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in terrible pain right now.. though nuthing compared to what my sis felt the other day... cramps are simply HORRI-GIBLE... oooowwww.... will blog short... visited my little sister with my bro... bought her a sweet little bouquet of flowers... met dilun for dinner and star wars... was not bad really.. not as bad as people said it was... yoda and r2d2 so cute... obiwan so cool... awww... pain pain pain... need to go sleep it off... nitez. ----Stef stopped rambling at 01:53 --Link to Post |
 YEP thailand... one of the few evidence of our abilty to squeeze 4 people in the train's upper bunk... drinking singha... and playing truth or dare... boredin, nian, joyce and i... ----Stef stopped rambling at 00:58 --Link to Post |
| 24.5.05 |
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after the sudden influx of catching up sessions... and precious girl time... the timely article from TNP about male and female undergrads is really helpful... both as friendly girl gossip... and conversation space-fillers... yes... i'm NOT a conversationalist... thing is... while we, as girls, want to readily slam the guys and pronounce them guilty as charged... accused of being whiney and dependent... shallow and superficial... and the list goes on... but the fact remains... it is not fair to put all the eggs in one basket... and label the entire thing QC FAIL... i used to think we can... until i met him... and decided that he defied all laws of classification... mushities aside... it is not possible to say that all male undergrads are necessarily shallow/whiney/superficial... coz of the simple fact that not ALL of them are... but the shocking truth remains... a lot of them are... (i'm not gonna get hatemail over this la... i'm not star-blogger...) let's analyse the guys first... going trait by trait... if da xiao jie here decide that she has too much time sitting on her butt... she shall move on and write about the little princesses accusation as well... those ignorant fools! but i wont plead innocent... coz it's pretty true... SUPERFICIAL only going for the goodlookers... leaving the ugly ducklings like myself sad on the shelf and all... told you HE is an exception to all laws of classification... thing is... it is something that they are aware of... and readily admit... without any hint of sheepish-ness... if such a word exists... was giving kelvin suggestions of topics to blog about just now... and i told him, "why guys only go for goodlookers?" he said it cant be explained... and that i should ask God... i think this ties in with the part about being SHALLOW... while i wont slam guys abt being SUPERFICIAL/SHALLOW... because it's like a natural defect... they didnt have a choice... born like that one... i seriously think that effort should be made on their part to minimise this defect... maybe it's the air in Mars... men are from there, you see... okok. not funny... thing is... in my personal opinion... no one should be victimised for something he/she cannot do anything about... that is to say... if a person is not born visually appealing... in comparision to the vast majority... it is not his/her fault... and therefore, he/she should not be punished for it... he knows better than to ask me if a person is pretty/handsome... my answer would be, "yes, but by my standards, dont know about yours..." so if you spot me gushing about cute-looking doctors and surfers... you know not to stalk out the hospital or beach... the point of my long and unruly paragraph here is that... too many guys passed on great girls just becoz they didnt look as great as they want them to be.. looks are transient... and isnt something that you can take with you throughout the years... go for someone you can relate to... someone you feel comfortable with... someone who, when you close your eyes (literally and figuratively), gives u a fuzzy warmth... oh ya... i ought to tie it in with the undergrads part... it's obvious la... the link... trust me... i in engin, i know... guys treat me like guy, so i know... i hear stuff in lecture theatres... in canteens... about which girl chio-er than which girl... which guy woo-ing that chio bu... exchanging girls' photos on MSN asking for one another's opinions... club pick-ups which is definitely based on visual appeal... i'm not surprised that girls becomes obsessed with their exterior... with eating disorders... slimming centres/pills/programs... dress like a millionaire, eat like a pauper... how how how? i guess it's a vicious cycle... guys like pretty girls -> girls wanna become pretty -> some girls become prettier than others -> guys want the prettier girls -> girls go get pretty and back to square 1... lost? i think i lost myself too... think the topic hit too close to home... ouch... kk... the moral of the story is just that... "Guys... Stop complaining you are still single... All you need to do is to tweak your expectations... Look beyond the exterior... Character and personality are 10 times more important..." girls are guilty too... though i think not as much... the other traits some other time la... sleep time... dun wanna wake at 12 noon anymore... wanna get off my butt and start exercising... keep fit! who wants a FAT instructor? ----Stef stopped rambling at 02:04 --Link to Post |
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sis is really down with appendicitis... but the (young, cute looking) MO said that she might be able to escape a surgery... if the anti-biotics work on her... met her *eh-hem, eh-hem* when he was there to visit her... first time seeing him... in the two years they are together... cute chap... doesnt look his age... probably younger... but he's cool... can see sis is pretty scared of the possible op... she's the strongest emotionally among us 3... and to see her frail and vulnerable like that... beneath the strong front she puts up... is heart-wrenching... gave up the book i was currently reading to keep her company in the hospital... will be visiting her again tomorrow... with my bro... and probably adjourn for dinner with suraj... lalalaa. ----Stef stopped rambling at 01:36 --Link to Post |
| 23.5.05 |
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** he called me so many times yesterday... if i didnt know better... that there was soccer on that evening... i would have been like floating in space... grinning from ear to ear... in extreme elation... but it was cool la... he couldnt get to watch the match... so the guys over there were like dependent on him to get the score... and probably a brief commentary... who better than the one with a china line.... who has a gf with $70 worth of calling cards... but he made me really happy... last nite... he said, "i'll call you tomorrow morning..." which i was rather reluctant about... knowing that i'll miss his missed-call usually coz i'll be sleeping... but also becoz i'd rather our calls be more spread out... especially since he wont get to call often... he din call this morning... but i called him before dinner just now... and we spoke for some time... and i spoke to the windsurf girls too... wahaha... they only have 10 more days in the mountains before their R&R... good life huh? he said, "i'll call you tonite k?" but he didnt... was disappointed... but who am i to complain? we get to speak almost everyday! oh happy day... now parents arent keen on me going to taiwan with him... i have no idea why the change of mind... maybe the last time i asked, it was during the exams... they din want to affect my papers... but i felt cheated... was so happy when they were receptive to the idea... was totally looking forward to when he gets back from china before we start planning... but it had to fall flat like that... i know my dad is super protective of me... but sometimes i do think he goes overboard... cried quite abit... coz the trip was probably the only thing i was looking forward to for the whole holidays... and yet i had to be deprived of it like that... i have my mom on my side... but it probably wont be of any use... knowing my dad... i didnt tell the bf abt the change of my parents' minds when i called him just now... while he isnt excited about it like i am... i dont think i should get him thinking about how it affects me... coz he knows how much i want the trip... i know 5 mths between us is kinda short for things like that... but you know that feeling where you just know that there is something about him... something that you dont want to let go... ever... ----Stef stopped rambling at 00:59 --Link to Post |
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insane sunday... long day coz it started in the wee hours of the morning... visiting temples coz it was vesak day... nothing interesting there... so wont go much into it... had a good brunch with my family... ate a lot... and enjoyed time with one another thoroughly... with the usual crap... dad muttered something like, "the mud very muddy..." then bro went on to do a, "the water very watery..." my prized contribution was that "his hair is very hairy..." damn dumb... but it totally cracked us up at that point... i cant help it that my family is easily entertained ok? council peeps were going sentosa for a day in the sun... ck called me... and was sad to have to refuse... sis wasnt feeling too well... started off in the afternoon... it's like past midnite now... and parents have yet to come home... coz sis got warded.. not sure when or why... will ask my parents when they get back later... hope she is fine... has an 'o' level mandarin paper next monday... pray that she'll be fine before that... she's been studying really hard for it... met the YEP gang for dinner at some turkish restaurant... when i realised i couldnt do much to alleviate my sis' pain... mum was worried it was similar to her problem which struck while i was away in thailand... hope it isnt... wrong timing for a surgery of any kind... she's my little sister... had a shish kebab... never knew it really existed... thot people just used it as a way to exclaim about something, somehow... it was good meeting up with the people after so long... forgot my camera... but had my dose of crapping nonsense for the day... suaning shaun as usual... hitched a ride to serangoon from nian... then made my way back home with joce... we're all missing the time in ban tham... =) ----Stef stopped rambling at 00:30 --Link to Post |
| 22.5.05 |
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had a super duper good time with the 0102 bunch... met for dinner at chomp chomp... had alot of food... including the wait-45mins hokkien mee... bbq stingray... carrot cake... fishcake tofu... oyster omelette.... chicky wings... sugar cane... truly pigged out... quite alot of pple came... which is really good... but the usual MIA-ers are still MIA... oh well... we adjourned to kopi bean and teh leaf after that... spent like 2.5 hrs chatting away... NS stuff... soccer... bfs... qian bian wen da ti.... the usual suaning... good to catch up... sharing the funnie stories... of our time in AJ... in our own lives now... =) hard to have big gatherings where you can get conversations that involve everyone... but we did... and i thoroughly enjoyed myself... miss the gang... hope the bbq will come soon... tomorrow... YEP gang! gonna get my money back! ----Stef stopped rambling at 01:26 --Link to Post |
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at chomp chomp food centre... makan makan makan...  candid...
kopi bean and teh leaf...
----Stef stopped rambling at 01:21 --Link to Post |
 0102 gathering @ serangoon gardens... ----Stef stopped rambling at 01:15 --Link to Post |
| 21.5.05 |
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** and he calls again! like 3rd time in 24hrs... while i know it's like gonna max his bills and mine... i really don't mind... coz i really miss him... and obviously, he does TOO! but the ediot changed his phone wallpaper... he has this habit of having calendar as his wallpaper... and i will alwaz put our photo on his wallpaper... in a bid to irritate him... and also for him to miss me... thot that on this trip he would at least not change it... but grr... HE DID! wanted to strangle him... and if it werent for the fact that he keeps calling me when he can... i would have thought he didnt miss/like/love/watever me anymore! i told him about how i cant sleep on the days that he doesnt call... and he was like "why like that....so lousy..." not my fault leh... it's not that i miss him like crazy then cannot sleep... just that my subconcious mind just cant shut off... probably coz i do miss him... argh... but it's good... our 5.5 minutes conversation just now felt long enough... he tells me he's enjoying himself... and that this has got to be one of the best YEPs ever... glad he is enjoying it... that his work has not come to naught... feel so good, so good... my baby misses me!! ----Stef stopped rambling at 15:14 --Link to Post |
| 20.5.05 |
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** i missed his missed-call! *wails* and he had to switch off his phone coz he needs to conserve batt... *slaps myself* ----Stef stopped rambling at 22:11 --Link to Post |
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first day of the instructor course... patrick really OTOT... and most of the time... we are more like chit chatting than really having a course... but oh well... like i mind... actually... the many stories he tells.. and the number of occasions he digresses... is quite distracting... but the gang taking the course with me are pretty great la... mingle, jeremy, joel, melissa... pretty fun bunch... some of us started surfing ard on one board with NO wind... wahahha... had dinner with the guys... then jeremy sent mingle and i back to sengkang... woohoo! good life huh... nothing much to add... good nite ----Stef stopped rambling at 21:46 --Link to Post |
| 19.5.05 |
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i woke up at 7 am this morning... yes... you heard me... SEVEN IN THE MORNING... yeah... no choice... mingle told me that patrick (the instructor) is very particular about punctuality... and with PA being so inaccessible... and taxis being non-existent at that time in the morning... i reckoned i should leave my place like super duper early... just as i left my house... mingle called... saying that patrick cant make it today... wahahhahaha! was freaking happy... oops! i dont think i'm supposed to feel that way... but wasnt feeling all too well... was prespiring like crazy while shuffling about the house, packing my stuff... bad headache and all... *bleah* tomorrow, tomorrow... ----Stef stopped rambling at 21:37 --Link to Post |
| 18.5.05 |
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windsurfing instructor course! here i come! just hope i pass it... spent way too much money on it to fail... eurgh! ----Stef stopped rambling at 23:51 --Link to Post |
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** i called buay ta han-ed and called him at like 2245hrs just now... number not available... ask me try again later... got abit worried... coz i knew they were getting to the mountainous place... yesterdae... and he havent called since then.. was worried something might have happened... alarm reminder to call him rang at 2300hrs... like i need a reminder... i was practically counting down to nitefall when i can call him... and he missed-call a couple of minutes later! was so freaking happy... punched out the required combination of numbers to get to his china line... was terribly happy to hear his voice... he didnt know that i called him... but he called me all the same... that means he missed me! according to him, he has been missing me all the time... unbelievably mushy... but i'm believing him all the same... i knew i was about to tear... but i told myself i must keep it in... else he cant hear me... and we'll just be wasting precious talktime... and guess what? we would be wasting precious phone battery too! the place that they are staying in got no electricity... i din manage to ask about lights and all... but they dont even have a place to bathe ya know? it must be very very uncomfortable for them... especially the girls... he admitted... he was so soft i thought he was ill.. but apparently some others were sleeping... so he didnt want to wake them... said he has so much to tell me about when he gets back... and it's only the 4th day! i couldnt sleep last nite... i dont know whether it was becoz i didnt hear from him last nite.. or anything else... but i know that he wouldnt be able to call me much... or let me call him coz his phone cant be charged... would that mean more sleepless nites? i hope not... hate feeling so needy... in need of him... i miss him. no one appreciates Solitaire Showdown with me like he does... ----Stef stopped rambling at 23:32 --Link to Post |
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dyed my hair... a dark brown... had a cut... which reduced the volume of my hair... i cant tell exactly how it'll look like without blowdrying after the wash... hope it's ok... coz i hate blowdrying myself... so i never do it... hell, i seldom comb my hair too... went to the dentist... who said there was nuthing wrong with my teeth... which means i've been brushing rite... just that i've been drinking too much coffee maybe... bad colour... so had some cleaning done... everything on mommy! feel extremely bad for spending her hard earned money... mommy dearest! i will love you forever! *muacks* i need a date for the 26th of May... MJC choir concert... they're really good... i've got 2 tickets... either sacrifice yourself and go with me... or buy the two tickets from me... 30 bucks... would prefer the former... although i know that there are individuals who die-die dun want to be seen with me... my daddy is impossible... just now he was making a lot of noise about exchanging beds with me... no-no... he's not having prbs with mummy... just that we do it sometimes... and today he wants to spy on my little sister... coz she has been staying up late studying... my mommy kinda told him cannot... coz she dont wanna wake me up in the morning... the whole family uses the bathroom in their room... awwww.... so sweet! and my daddy made a monkey face... started whining... put his legs in the air and started kicking... *psst* he'll hit the big 50 end this month... go figure. (oh ya... he also told me about how he cannot sleep in my bed... saying that all the little plushies lining it must be hantam-ing him or something... so he cannot sleep... ask me to throw them away...) -_-'' ----Stef stopped rambling at 01:25 --Link to Post |
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** i am very aware of the fact that i'm doing an overkill abt my feelings for him... i embarass myself too... but to serve the very fundamental purpose of this blog... i HAVE to write it in here... note the stress on the necessity... but i'll be doing it more subtly... kk... if you are an avid blog surfer like myself... you would probably just read the latest entries... right up to the last one that you remember, rite? so my ingenious plan is, to keep 'mushy' entries as drafts... before releasing them long after it's completion date... that way... the entry gets inserted to its correct place in the timeline... and named **... pple who stalk my blog seriously would have to put up with finding it... but i get to talk about things closer to heart... i know it's not a fool-proof method... but i guess it's the best i can go... so if you found this... just shuddup... dont let me know... seperate blogs are a no-no... i like things WHOLE... not dissected... i like sections of my life interwined... probably only him would see this... who might rouse himself to read my whole may/june archives to update himself on sg... while he was away... a long and tiresome task... considering how much i would blog over the 4 weeks... remember the day at the airport... frankly... it just occurred to me... that if i were single... din know he was attached... and were on the YEP team with them... i would most definitely have this seriously major crush on him... power attracts me... gawd that sounded so wrong... but i like my man to be confident... to be able to take charge of a situation... who doesnt shirk responsibilities... and steps up to do things others refused to... although his responsibilities as logistics head has taken him away from me alot... and that his ego is, sometimes, beyond comprehension... but it has also shown me a side of him that i probably wouldnt have seen... it's so cool to see him work... i always eavesdrop on his phone conversations with the china side... listening to him going shisha-ing away in fluent mandarin... and how he patiently does flight arrangements for every single member of his team... even if they had particularly difficult plans... changing their vacation plans like every other day... and liasing with the travel agent every time they changed their mind... if it were me, i would probably have flipped inside out... and frustration would set in... which i would happily unload onto him... where it magically disappears... that's his magic... but he didnt... he is always this picture of a cool cucumber... but lionel said maybe it was coz his eyes too small... cannot show emotion... *proceeded to squint his eyes* "angry like this, happy like this, sad, also like this..."  his eyes... was funny... but lionel was right... the guy is always fine about everything... yes... there are pple who gets on his nerves sometimes... i dont mean on his YEP team... just generally... he confides in me why... but never to an extent of bad-mouthing them like i do all the time... voodoo dolls and all... he didnt call me tonite... probably having a long night trying to settle into their long-term lodgings... was contemplating calling him... but reckon it'll be better if i left him to his work tonite... coz i believe that he would call when he can... when he misses me... i miss him too... but sometimes you gotta give one another space... more air... so that we can burn more brightly... together... (is that from somewhere? it sounds so cliche-ly pretty... definitely not from my rotten mind...) another thing i wanted to put down for a long time was... his parents... i know i mentioned it to him before... and he dispelled it as one of my many think-too-muchs... but my parents keep bringing it up to me... i seriously wonder if there can be any truth to it... my parents think that there might be a status mis-match between us... and i think they watch too much korean drama... thing is... i seriously dont think his parents are taking to me too well... my visits to his place never yielded more than the basic greetings... although we always end up in his room... closed door because of the air-con because of the heat... i was expecting questions from them when we loitered ard from time to time... or that they'll ask him about me... the way my inquisitive parents do, ALL THE TIME... or at least my name ya? which i think, till now, they do not know... even their domestic help asked him my name... i might be thinking too much... they might be too tired after a day's work/mahjong/golf to entertain a 20 year old... but from past experience... i dont think it should be like that... added to that... he is their only son... i'm his first girlfriend... shouldnt they be more anxious? it might also be the fact that they seldom return my smile that got me thinking... and that i vaguely remember his dad smiling at me when i first met him... when a big bunch of us were over at his place... although some pple dont have the habit of smiling much... i kinda value reciprocated smiles a lot more than they should be... i seriously dunnoe what to think... vivien said it might be they dunnoe how to react to their only son's first gf... maybe it's the best reason i can hope it to be... coz the fact is... i love him too much... too much to lose him for any reason other than if he have had a change of heart... i know that love is a complex thing... how a person can love another so much... but move on to a third, and love he/she so much too... it taints its reputation... but it's unavoidable i guess... while it is so... i think i can safely say... at least for now, i know that he loves me so... and me, still loving him even if he dumps me in some pit... why? coz he is everything i dreamed of... epitomises everything i wanted in a man... is a man... loves me... even after his trip to china, i hope... puts his arms around me even when i'm at my sloppiest... which happens to be every other day... i only have 2 change of clothes ok? strives to make me happy... even though i torment him so... with thinking ever so much... eats my cooking... albeit a tad unwillingly... coz i already gave him my heart... ----Stef stopped rambling at 00:38 --Link to Post |
| 17.5.05 |
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i think it's super gross that i keep talking about him... eurgh... i make myself sick... ----Stef stopped rambling at 01:21 --Link to Post |
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spent the evening with serene and jieying... had a good time... who doesnt, suanning rene all day... had dinner at crystal jade's la mian xiao long bao... good... but abit too full... had my yami yoghurt too... which was superbly gratifying... tau huay while on the way back with parents somemore... =P miss the girls loads... planning to have a bball bbq or something... been ages since we last saw the rest.. miss them like crazy... guy called again! and he keeps asking me what i'm doing... like few times in one phone conversation... either that is like textbook question to ask... or he's really interested... we have had 6 in two days... 4 of which were pretty brief... it wasn't my fault! he missed-called me! (his sign that he wants to talk...) at the rate i'm missing him... this month's bill is gonna skyrocket... ----Stef stopped rambling at 00:04 --Link to Post |
| 16.5.05 |
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and he calls! ----Stef stopped rambling at 01:57 --Link to Post |
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we had an agreement that i will do the calling with the prepaid cards... and the first call was the nite of the day he left... counted down all the way till 10pm... when i deemed it was safe to call... but he told me to call again at 1130pm... and i counted down the 90 minutes again... and he told me it was going to be a long nite with the accounts of all their puchases... couldnt catch what he was saying... think i misunderstood that he'll missed call me that very nite before he sleeps... so that i can call him back... but it's 2am now... i guess not... think he meant the next few nites... oh well... i guess this is the compromise... if you want a responsible and capable bf... you'll probably have to accept the fact that he wont have much time for you... though i alwaz call him The Slacker... i know for a fact that he is far from that... maybe only becoz of how little he studies for some mods... but he sounds ok... and he din complain about anything yet... in that short little conversation of ours... so i guess most things are fine over there... glad i got to talk to him... i wonder if he remembered to call his mom... coz i remember her telling him to... whole day was spent at home... watching crappy TV programmes with my sibs... and trying to concentrate on The Rule of Four... which has yet to catch my attention... meeting rene to watch a bball game and dinner... miss her like crazy... more tomorrow... i think my blog shall be my most trustworthy form of entertainment... ----Stef stopped rambling at 01:41 --Link to Post |
| 15.5.05 |
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well... he is gone... he flew off this morning... din get to talk to him much at the airport either... being "da MAN!"... quoting lionel and all... logistics head... but it seemed as if he was almost in charge as well... queer how my log comm wasnt as enthu... lionel mentioned briefly about how he is quite capable... and asked if i ever seen him angry... which is true... coz i almost never did... pissed off maybe... i've got a track record of being able to do that very well aye? him being capable yeah... he sounds so super pro while briefing the rest... yeah... that's my boy... just managed to stuff a note into his hand-luggage... a couple of hugs... i didnt cry... maybe coz i was prepared i guess... let's see how it'll be when it finally sets in in a couple of days... gave me 60 bucks worth of calling cards last nite... so that i could call him all i want while he is there... sweet, he is... SML said... but i'll try not to use so much of it... he's using his dad's china line too... he goes there often for business yeah... so i guess it's the cheapest method of communication we can manage... will miss him... but i will manage... ----Stef stopped rambling at 09:18 --Link to Post |
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spent a lot of the last 3 days with him... cant help it la... trying to get 4 weeks worth of him... ain't easy... when he just has so much to do... and so little time... as it is, ain't taking the impending absence too easily... in the last 4 months or so... he has become an integral part of my life... in school... out of school... at the beach... we have so much in common... i mean activities... coz we differ too greatly in terms of tastes and the like... so we inevitably spend so much time together... the thought of not being able to just pop by his place and "boo!" him... kinda facilitates the production of water... NEWater... albeit a tad salty... thursday was spizza... some shopping... and Kingdom of Heaven... which was cool... i like... friday was nasi lemak dinner... USP musical... mac's supper... and packing late into the nite with him... saturday was lunch... the pple at mos burger, j8, were fantastic... the guy spilled drink on himself coz we were playing this hand hitting game... told them about the mess on the floor... they came over to clean up all smiley... and replaced the 3/4-gone milk tea... with a fresh new cup... Cheers! watched adrien brody's The Jacket... not bad... butterfly effect-ish... he's so sweet... and keira knightley's character rocks... will miss him. so much. ----Stef stopped rambling at 00:33 --Link to Post |
| 13.5.05 |
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4 weeks leh... how to freaking survive 4 weeks? at least i'm not the only one feeling this way... ----Stef stopped rambling at 11:30 --Link to Post |
| 12.5.05 |
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i'm like spotted with blueblacks... and you know why?? . . . . . . . . . coz i, so freaking did, went sailing!!! woohoo! all thanks to sz who managed to convince uncle robert to take us out... and give us a crash course on laser sailing... he brought both of us out once... then brought sz out... let her try... and then uncle sukor brought me out... let me have a go at it... and let him laugh at me... i was terrible... BEYOND WORDS i tell you... everytime the conditions changed... i reacted with a windsurf answer... and screwed up everything... on one of my tacks... i thought i had everything nice and good... a wave had to hit my stern... and throw me off course... off the boat... into the water... with my legs tangled in the ropes... man... i was horrible... i think uncle sukor tore hair from head trying to get me to understand the works... knees took more bruising when i decided to head out on my One-Design in the mediocre winds... was it then? cant exactly rem... more on the laser definitely... it was fun... but really freaking difficult for me... new found respect for sailors man! went for dinner with sz... BK... woohoo! love the chicken whopper... been ages since i last had one of those... was totally addicted to those sometime back... probably the, study-fervently-with-victim-YC-to-hopefully-get-good-results period... had a blast with her... mostly at giant supermarket... i think i went slightly crazy there... crappy stuff... miss girl talk... girl time... i managed to book rene on monday... watching bball game... with kitying and her... probably do dinner too... looking forward... merv asked me to go a senior's bday party with him... and considering how much of a jiemei he is... it counts as girl time too... though i dont really think i should go... dont exactly know that senior entirely well... 0102 girls (guys, i dunnoe got annot) on fri/sat evening... miss them like crazy too... though i just met merser and SML last week... hmmm... who else do i need... bernie oh xu hui! wahhaha! i need an update on that love life of hers... last i saw on MSN... she has lotsa explaining to do... she's my laopo you see... havent seen chunyong in ages too... but i guess he has become one of the disappearing friends... i think he's doing it by choice... and i have no idea why... am i that repulsive? lai ki-ming as well... stupid guy go SMU then forget all abt me liaoz... thought my fish and co treat the last time is worth more than that... weixian's due in a couple of weeks... crazy guy messaged me like 3am last morning... lucky i was having trouble sleeping too... else you're dead, buddy! dead i say! i think he'll be done with army soon... berw's in bangkok for freaking long time... her mom's really thai... i finally am convinced with that story... diana's in faraway US... on WATUSA... never ever like went out with her like outside of NUS before... would love to... i miss the TK bballers... wah lau... we were supposed to celebrate each others' bdays like every year... no more... no more! the so-called captain shall remain silent... =X during sailing today... thought it would be drop-dead romantic to just go out sailing with a loved one... it seats two comfortably... and just a great date... just the two of you... in like a half-mile radius... the wind... the blue (green) sea... the cotton-streaked sky... maybe a sunset... freaking pretty... all the better if the guy was the one slogging it out with the ropes and the rudder... and all the girl had to do was look at him lovingly... *pulls myself out from dreamland* =P now he has an urge to go australia instead... not that i mind... but thought that it would probably burn a bigger hole in my pocket... not like it wouldnt burn a hole in his... i think the australia ad on TV is really brainwashing him... but the place looks so pretty rite? so amazingly colourful... but yeah... i wont mind australia... just that i thought that i should take advantage of the free taiwan tour guide NOW... like NOW... just in case... choy! (haha! so funnie...when i hit the exclaimation mark...i did it with force too... to emphasize, to myself, how bad that thought is...) my mommy's on cruise with her mommy... hope she's enjoying herself... she deserves the break... for being such a freaking good mommy... and we, the kids who never did anything for her, are a total disgrace... i love her... terribly... my daddy too... ----Stef stopped rambling at 01:03 --Link to Post |
| 11.5.05 |
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lasted 26hours (and counting) without msging him and vice versa... am doing ok... but it has only been one day... and he's only in malaysia... i wonder how is it gonna be with him away for 4 weeks... in freaking faraway China... i made the possibility of him having a change of heart during that time sound like a joke... but it feels far from one... he tells me it wouldnt happen... and i, once again, believe him... coz he told me why... sweet nothings always saves the day... ----Stef stopped rambling at 02:30 --Link to Post |
 i kinda miss having my OWN room back in PGP... ----Stef stopped rambling at 02:12 --Link to Post |
| 10.5.05 |
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ok... you guys can expect an influx of entries over the next 5 weeks... i'm unemployed... and he's going away for 4 weeks... i'm definitely going to be blogging like crazy... unless i can find anything else to occupy myself with... downside of signing up for wsf instructor course... it's spotted over 2 weeks... and i probably cant get a job coz i wont be able to take leave or things like dat... spoke to the parents... and they are fine with me not working... i mean they dont need me to work to help with finances so i'm fine... actually i dun mind helping kids with their maths or things like dat... but dont think i can commit whole year... eeeks... so picky rite? oh well... i shall remain unemployed... my long-term goal is to be a tai-tai... though i lack many prerequisites... doesnt hurt to dream rite? i'm brushing up on my mahjong... trying to enjoy shopping abit more... blah blah blah... got something serious to blog and ponder about... thats why i'm here... barely 1.5 hours after i woke up... yesh... i woke at 1230hrs... wahahahah! living it up man! (just goes to show how i should get a life...) have been blog surfing and the like... and having the usual coffee conversations... the issue of clubbing, pubbing and stuff alwaz comes up... and it's something i have yet to experience... yesh... you heard me rite... i have not been to zouk/cblack/dblO/newsroombar/attica/watever/anything before... the closest i got to a place with blaring music and alcohol was in pattaya with the team... wasnt an entirely good experience... wq can attest to that... must appear darn mountain tortoisey rite? especially with the notion of clubbing being such a big thing with pple my age... i totally cant drink... guy and i shared a bottle of champagne... and i was mumbling rubbish by the end of the third glass... bourbon knocked me out... a single bottle of heineken is enough to get me swaying... i think i inherited this trait from daddy dearest... he goes red on a single sip of beer... crazy stuff... cant dance for nuts either... even if i have to do it to save my life... gyrating to music isnt exactly my forte... i prefer stifling my giggles at people who try to dance... and the key word is try... i'm not sure whether i should feel that it is something i need to and should try... before i grow out of my teens... or that i'll be better off without it... and i could definitely survive the rest of my life... w/o including clubbing/pubbing in my list of 'been-there, done-that's... i'm not exactly a nite person... i reach home before 12 every nite... wahahaha.... like real... before we got together... clubbing did come up in our conversations before... and since he does engage in such activities... (not without including the fact that he's not into after-club activities other than supper...) it made me more pessimistic about US being a possibility... coz i expected myself to end up with a geek of sorts... someone who probably is as mountain tortoisey as myself... and we can just sua-ku together... (cant rem if wf was the clubbing sort... but i guess back when we were together... it wasnt such a big thing? maybe coz i was too young... and him, too short-of-cash and busy for anything like that...) one of my girlfriends asked if i go clubbing... and when given a negative reply... she was like, "so guai ah?" well... must you club/drink/smoke in order to be branded as a bad kid... eh... i quite the bad one ok? just that you dunnoe oni ah... and i know of some good kids who just enjoy the 'workout' dancing the nite away... others who simply relished the attention given to them... and of course, those who simply enjoy the eye candy... this entry is rather disjointed... coz my bro, who just came from school, insists on having the PC... to chat on MSN... and when i finally gave in and saved the draft... so tha he can CHAT on MSN... he went to watch TV... so i came back on... and when i'm halfway through the entry... he comes and niao me again./. *bish* bad bro! ----Stef stopped rambling at 13:57 --Link to Post |
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flag day at bishan today... wasnt exactly looking forward to it... but at least it's for a good cause... and unlike the usual sign-up for flag day for CIP points thing... this was a project closer to heart... since the guy was involved in the project... and we know darn well where the money is going... to help the kids in yunnan, china... his fren and the latter's gf came along as well... and we collected a pretty decent sum... but it was interesting to observe how singaporeans react to pple selling flags too... i try to donate when i can... cause i learnt my lesson well selling flags back in sec sch... do onto others what you want others to do onto you... and walking a few streets through a number of flag sellers without donating once... was tormenting... felt so extremely guilty... i must not do that to the poor kids out in the sun like dat... at least those who bother to show a sincere smile... some of them are just doing it for the points... as in they dont even bother to open their mouths... kk... out of point... my few observations... the kinds of pple u meet... while on ur flag day mission... 1. the snake-and-ladder players... (terminology courtesy of the said fren...) the kind who avoid you by moving out of collision course... plan his/her next step according to yours... weaves effortlessly around pillars and corners... jumps into the safe sanctuary of the MRT station or shopping mall... where, FYI, flag sellers are not allowed to venture into... and if, and only IF, you manage to ambush him/her in some way... after a good choreography of intricate footwork... u would probably get a sheepish smile... or if, and only IF, you're lucky... some loose change... 2. the eyes-so-glued-to-floor-you-wonder-how-they-avoid-pillars folk... actually... their eyes are anywhere... EXCEPT in your direction... they swear by the mantra... Ignorance is not a crime... though i think its more like... Ignorance is Bliss, even if it means you have to fake it... these come in many variations... and possibilities include, *the handphone user fervently sms-ing away.... *the newspaper-in-his-face reader... *the blow-smoke-in-ur-face-to-camourflage-his-getaway smoker... *the fumble-for-ur-wallet, eyes-in-pocket... (which also gives kid false hope of getting a donation) 3. the well-dressed, seemingly more affluent class of individuals... the LV totes coupled with a "no money..." claim... granted that those might be fake... they probably are... 4. the "no small change, sorry"... i accept notes too... (observation courtesy of said fren again...) and if we can get an ATM... u can withdraw as much as you want... or if we can find a shop with Cashback... i will happily supply the surcharge for you to cash any amt you want with ur NETS... 5. the white-collared lunch crowd... bad that they come in big bunches... worse that they rush past you like you werent there... terrible that you tried to greet them and there was no form of acknowledgement... pure evil that i started cursing them with voodoo dolls when i got back... oops... 6. the mother-and-child combo... (as observed by the bf...) kids like stickers... mothers like kids happy... 'nuff said. 7. money came in faster when they see you prespiring like nobody's business... i think they must have seriously took pity on me or something... the hot weather... the black tee... the lack of ventilation... good point to note... for pple planning to venture into flag days... and contrary to popular belief... 1. schoolgoing kids can be really generous too... you just have to ask nicely... ...coz most of them EMPATHISE with your plight... even the geeks... who i so idolise right now... coz they rock! 2. angmoh doesnt = very generous... though you would think so with their expat paychecks... the bf says it might be because they arent used to the flag selling culture... well... i think i made myself clear enuff... "Morning Sir, would you like to DONATE to the project fund?" oh well... shall give them the benefit of doubt... 3. aunty-killers might not get ALL the aunties afterall... said fren got reprimanded about dyed hair... was asked to dyed back to black... in exchange for the said auntie's donation... said fren refused... auntie offered to donate tissue paper instead... it was, by far, an interesting experience... but something i dun wanna try ever again... things like this kill me... i seem extroverted... but no, i'm an introvert... i dun like talking to strangers... much less convince them with parting with their hard earned money... i'm not expecting everyone to make a 10 dollar donation when i ask them to... or even make a donation... just asking that they acknowledge my toiling under the sun... and effort to overcome my insecurities and open my mouth... with a simple reply... or better still... a heartwarming smile... the day ended ok... i escaped unscathed... the event concluded pretty nicely especially after i met... 1. a fellow first year NUS engin guy who gave me ALL his loose change... 2. a girl from Arts fac who sweetly wished the project/me "All the best!"... 3. a guy who, before passing me a namecard about recruitment for some dubious-sounding distributor job, gave me all his cash (a few coins) including a few ringgit... 4. nice kids who not only stopped to dig for coins, but rallied their frens to do the same... 5. aunties and uncles who showed genuine interest in the project and wishing the YEPpers well too... ----Stef stopped rambling at 00:48 --Link to Post |
| 9.5.05 |
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i give up... (okok... you're rite... i gave in to temptation... i need the readership... i'm an exhibitionist... darn addiction.) ----Stef stopped rambling at 23:05 --Link to Post |
| 8.5.05 |
 the group at marche and linc's specs...  linc looking bored and kelv threatening paparazzi with paper...  xinyi looking as happy as always...  huiqian giving shimei a ear massage...the latter utterly enjoying it.... ----Stef stopped rambling at 23:15 --Link to Post |
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caught the mini-storm yesterdae... man... it's runs like that that rekindles my love for the sport... i was planning crazy with the elephant of the board... and i was (still) happy on the 7.4 coz i din fall... therefore din uphaul... man! it was shiok-a-mama! too bad none of the NUS guys saw how i was planning... the slitty-eyed bastard said he din see anything... meanie... but in the end i din get back fast enough... uncle sukor towed me back... then the rest of the day was spent floating around... and passing the rig to the guys... letting them try the rig out... dinner with him... then his place to watch Sympathy for Mr Vengence... abit like Old Boy... it was super gory and lotsa blood... he din exactly like it... but i thought the underlying story... about the endlessly recursive nature of revenge is freaky... and put across quite well by Chan Park Woo... moved out of PGP today... freaking alot of stuff... gawd... never knew i had so much back there... i must have looked crazy with loads of boxes... and bags of stuff... urgh... the eekiness of hostel life... you have to move in and out like twice every year... gross... packing is no fun... no fun at all... surfing today again... with the bf and his buddies... no wind... and his mastfoot broke... passed my rig to him to sail back... while i happily played the damsel-in-distress... nobody came to save me... obviously i'm not attractive enough... but uncle robert from PA was like super nice... came to sit down with me... float around with me... and told me like 3 stories about broken mastfoots... funnie guy... made the day pretty... was pretty worried abt the slitty-eyed bastard... but he managed to get back to shore in one piece... in a freaking long time though... at least he did... wind was practically non-existent... proud of him... dinner was takeaway at home... but good to have the whole family eating together... grandparents included... long time since we ate together like that... feels utterly blissful... kk... crapped enough... TV time... ----Stef stopped rambling at 19:14 --Link to Post |
| 4.5.05 |
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was lying sleepless in bed last nite... thought about alot of things.. wanted to blog them all down... but conveniently forgot... oh well... there goes a possibly good post... wad can i do? want to like look all my buddies up... since it's post-exams... but at the same time... i wanna spend as much time as i possibly can with him... considering he's leaving for yunnan soon... havent exactly registered the fact that he would be away for 4 weeks... not sure what i was going do... who i was going to call if i feel bored... though stella sweetly marked his departure down on her calendar as the day that marks my 4 weeks of availability and that she can ask me out for anything... save that she is starting work... yes, i'm clinging onto him... regardless of whether he likes it or not... wahahaha... feel ultra bad... coz i have alwaz been an advocate of space between couples... i've never been able to do it... with him... i see him alot... we spend alot of time together... so much so that 4 mths seems like a long time... but every moment he's not around... i yearn to see him so... it's pathetic really... never expected myself to be reduced to such a state... i feel sorry for myself... of course we have our ups and downs... downs created by yours truly... but that one smile from him... or a single peck on the cheek... a little whisper of the little words... is enough to convince me that nuthing else matters... and that he truly means it... despite the donkey loads i hear about men who lie blatantly... i'm sorry i keep blogging about him... though i am seriously clueless as to who i'm sorry to... dun think i have an audience anymore... but after like 3 months of subtle posts about him... i feel so darn repressed... like lana lang said in smallville... that she has never been happier... and it was just difficult she cant share it with anyone... not like we're underground or anything... just dont think it's good that i announce everything out here... blog our every move... i blog because i wanna read in the future... i make it interesting to read coz i wanna make sure i dont sleep while reading... actually i am really insecure... about myself and therefore, about us... he would probably just dismiss it as me thinking too much... but oh well... i keep thinking its not... parents are really dying to meet him... mom just told me the other day that they were talking.. and dad expressed impatience about not getting to meet him... hard to blame him when the guy keeps postponing... from a "next week" weeks ago... to a "after exam" that is TOMORROW! dont think he can escape this time... i feel bad for putting him through this as well... but i really think there's nuthing to fear about my parents... they dont bite... and it's not any form of commitment watsoever... they just wanna meet the guy i am so crazy about... who i speak so much about... only becoz they ask donkey loads of questions... i've never been this honest with them about anyone... maybe coz i'm all grown up now... and they probably have to accept my decisions... to them, i know, i'm still a child... but man... i'm a willing one... nuthing beats their love for me truly... though i desperately hopes he would match that... at least he matches my dad in the fact that he is willing to drive out of the way to get me... even though he wraps me in his quilt and tickles me to death... even though he makes me scratch his back whenever he cant reach a spot... none of that changes how i feel... how i feel happy just by seeing him happy... ----Stef stopped rambling at 00:42 --Link to Post |
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