| 4.5.05 |
|
was lying sleepless in bed last nite... thought about alot of things.. wanted to blog them all down... but conveniently forgot... oh well... there goes a possibly good post... wad can i do? want to like look all my buddies up... since it's post-exams... but at the same time... i wanna spend as much time as i possibly can with him... considering he's leaving for yunnan soon... havent exactly registered the fact that he would be away for 4 weeks... not sure what i was going do... who i was going to call if i feel bored... though stella sweetly marked his departure down on her calendar as the day that marks my 4 weeks of availability and that she can ask me out for anything... save that she is starting work... yes, i'm clinging onto him... regardless of whether he likes it or not... wahahaha... feel ultra bad... coz i have alwaz been an advocate of space between couples... i've never been able to do it... with him... i see him alot... we spend alot of time together... so much so that 4 mths seems like a long time... but every moment he's not around... i yearn to see him so... it's pathetic really... never expected myself to be reduced to such a state... i feel sorry for myself... of course we have our ups and downs... downs created by yours truly... but that one smile from him... or a single peck on the cheek... a little whisper of the little words... is enough to convince me that nuthing else matters... and that he truly means it... despite the donkey loads i hear about men who lie blatantly... i'm sorry i keep blogging about him... though i am seriously clueless as to who i'm sorry to... dun think i have an audience anymore... but after like 3 months of subtle posts about him... i feel so darn repressed... like lana lang said in smallville... that she has never been happier... and it was just difficult she cant share it with anyone... not like we're underground or anything... just dont think it's good that i announce everything out here... blog our every move... i blog because i wanna read in the future... i make it interesting to read coz i wanna make sure i dont sleep while reading... actually i am really insecure... about myself and therefore, about us... he would probably just dismiss it as me thinking too much... but oh well... i keep thinking its not... parents are really dying to meet him... mom just told me the other day that they were talking.. and dad expressed impatience about not getting to meet him... hard to blame him when the guy keeps postponing... from a "next week" weeks ago... to a "after exam" that is TOMORROW! dont think he can escape this time... i feel bad for putting him through this as well... but i really think there's nuthing to fear about my parents... they dont bite... and it's not any form of commitment watsoever... they just wanna meet the guy i am so crazy about... who i speak so much about... only becoz they ask donkey loads of questions... i've never been this honest with them about anyone... maybe coz i'm all grown up now... and they probably have to accept my decisions... to them, i know, i'm still a child... but man... i'm a willing one... nuthing beats their love for me truly... though i desperately hopes he would match that... at least he matches my dad in the fact that he is willing to drive out of the way to get me... even though he wraps me in his quilt and tickles me to death... even though he makes me scratch his back whenever he cant reach a spot... none of that changes how i feel... how i feel happy just by seeing him happy... ----Stef stopped rambling at 00:42 --Link to Post |
| template and images ©
elementopia 2003 |