| 30.9.04 |
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it's 3am in the morning...
its not that i dun wanna sleep... or that i have too much time on my hands... or that i just plain bored... been rather stressed the entire night... need some release... trying to write graded log entries and forum contributions... about philosophers that i dont really understand... am starting to wonder if i'm made for USP at all... really... i'm trying to catch up... understand... do well... but everything seems so evasive... i just wanna pass... with a CAP of slightly more than the required 3.5... unlike maths, physics, engine stuff... its hard to find someone to teach you a concept... considering its easier to get someone to send you a programming code... and you work from there... feel terribly demoralised... but its a knot i cant get out of... when i was working for olivier at Milk... there were many instances when the work proved too tough for me to handle... try doing production work when you havent got any prior experience... i wanted to quit at every single point... but i held back... even when i was getting shit from the clients... with that irritating lady who doesnt know where she stands... thinking that wat doesnt bring you down, only makes you stronger... i aint stronger.... i think i just got my parents really worried with my constant frowning over dinner just now... i couldnt help it... i had the writings stuck to the back of my mind... sometimes i wonder if i closed my eyes for a really long time... would all these just go away... but the answer is no... they wont... i'll have to live with it... get through 2 sems of engin + USP... decide where and how i wanna go in Yr2... finally managed to compile my tictactoe.c... thank goodness for pple like lu who would go out of their way to help you... not like he climbed mountain for me... but getting his fren's code to send to me was something i'm eternally grateful for... better than jon... who refused to send me his PrintBoard function... saying it was way too easy... so cooked lu dinner for the favour... super watery pasta.... think he had trouble swallowing that... and some of my dory fish... hahha... think he wont ever dare to step into my cluster for dinner ever again... my cooking is that BAD... though he has to meet me some time soon to get the muesli bars he left at my place... din check whether he had stomach ache today though... hope not... had the worst programming lab ever today... was such a crazy program to write... i din even manage to compile a proper PrintPlate... was just typing alot alot of stuff... so that my TA can give me some marks for some of them... hopefully he doesnt give me a zero to make up for the fact that i made him go through that crap... oh well... if it wasnt meant to be... it wasnt meant to be... i should be sleeping soon really... having a 8 o'clock tomorrow... then a chiong day till 6 with only a lunch break... friday is almost the same... only problem is that i have tutorials and lab galore... and i havent started on any of them... dont think i'll be able to start wsfing anytime soon... need to get my equipment down from NSC to PFSSC... will take some co-ordination between me, andrew and sam... considering my things are all over the place... sam is rite in saying that i alwaz take long breaks, throw my things everywhere, come back and start looking... which is stupid really.... bad habit of mine.... i do miss the sun, sand sea now... hope to touch water soon... did i mention i made a new fren while waiting for mr tan that day? was surprised that i could get along pretty well with him... tim's fren, just graduated from NUS... recreational wsfer... we talked loads... quite amazing coz i usually take some time to open up to pple... before bombarding them with my incessant crap... weird ways of meeting new pple... but oh well... i dont think i have a problem with that... pack bag and sleep time.... zZzZzzZZzzzZZzzzZZzzzzZ.... ----Stef stopped rambling at 03:03 --Link to Post |
| 27.9.04 |
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came back to PGP yesterdae afternoon...
had loads to do... lotsa tutorials... but i ended up spending the whole afternoon and evening just staring at them... i wasnt even doing them... coz i really couldnt do them... was really really depressed... demoralised... but oh well... at least lu came over with prata from fong seng... special delivery... my bday treat... and i was joking about the milo dinosaur... but he tapowed that as well... shiok! though it was water dino liaoz... i ate till i had curry stains all over my shirt... how crazy was that? but supper was cool... nerissa came back in time to meet lu... JC classmates they were... how cool is that? small world eh... but the most interesting part is that... someone in my cluster found lu cute! haha... shall not reveal names to incriminate anyone... but hah... i found that so funnie... told her she must never let him know... lest it boosts his, already huge, ego... hahha... he better never find out i said these things about him... =X slept pretty late last nite... coz lu decided to send me kung pow... so i watched some of it... thought i could sleep till pretty late today... but james called... woke me... usually i'll just tell whoever disturbs my sleep to just bug off... but this guy was calling from london... how could i? was rather shocked... coz was surprised he would even call... spoke for about 3/4 of an hour... which was crazy.... just hope i wont incur any cost... he said he was on prepaid... so he was fine... aiyoh... he feels lonely there... co. sent him there to work for the first couple of months... which i thought was so ultra cool... but apparently not... he seems to be suffering there... oh well... at least he'll be back soon... maths and physics tuts today were terrible... gawd... din understand it at all... considering i have that tic tac toe game at the back of my mind... i'm quite stressed actually... not too great a combination... stressed and depressed... but i think i have to pull through... "It aint over till the fat lady sings." ciaoing for dinner now... getting free dinner from diana... my bday treat... hahha... i'm living it good man! ----Stef stopped rambling at 18:55 --Link to Post |
| 23.9.04 |
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sister mary said something rather profound when i was there on monday...
it doesnt sound so... but it did set me thinking... and as long as it did... this simple mind of mine would think its profound... "the more skilled and able a person is...the more humble he/she must be..." i think its impt to keep one's feet on the ground... even though the higher you are... its more difficult to stretch and reach the ground... but u have to... was at joyce's place the other day... had fun playing lame games and stuff... won a game of bluff... eh lu... i won 13 pple okie??? not like he'll read that... but i had to say it... ate stuff that pple brought for potluck... i bought fishballs from tiong bahru... played more games... theatre workshop... which was really weird... but really interesting as well... never knew theatre to be so technical... thought it would be driven by creativity... but man! think i learnt alot that nite... esp with the scene building exercise... super proud of my peeping tom character... hahha... and.... IT'S MY BIRTHDAY TODAY!!! yeah... great... esp since i had a draining physics test... had to sit through a 2 hr movie nineteen eighty-four after that... and come back to PGP stoned and dazed... but looking on the bright side... there's alwaz a bright side... there were people who remembered... lets see... alwin, casey, sentill, KT, berwine, lala, GY, SZ, aunt emily, bernie, pamela, merv, renez, darren, YC, HR, xiuz, etc... and my STUDENTS!!!! so surprised that they remembered... coz it wasnt the klass that celebrated my birthday on my last day... yes...in MAY... but seriously... i was almost moved to tears when my phone kept vibrating with their msges... only that if i cried... the people ard would have thought i was crying coz of the terrible physics paper... am really thankful for these people... as a person who guiltily forgets everyone else's b-dae... i am so glad i have these pple... actually its quite weird how no one really physically wished me a happie birthday... except for my family, 01 peeps (last nite) and darren, when i met him b4 the test... its pple who i havent been seeing for donkey months who are sending me the msges... wonder why... oh well... it'll be weird telling pple "hey, wish me...its my birthday!"... so i just floated ard campus today... just like any other school day... even though its supposed to be a mid term 'break'... but brimming with happiness inside... i thot it was gonna be a sad gloomy b-dae with no one remembering... ...but it wasnt... thank guys... what would i do w/o you? (rhetorical qn, no answer needed...) nanny coming over to visit tomorrow!!!! yeay... at home... so i'll have to miss USP mid-autumn celebrations... but its so great rite??? i miss her soOOoooo much.... feel bad for not being able to visit her more often... am thinking of getting the mooncake from Ubi for her... but havent got the time.. and asking parents to get it for me will defeat the purpose... oh well... just glad she's coming... i think i sound overly gleeful now... to a point of being ditzy... c'mon... gimme a break... it's my BIRTHDAY okay? hahah... i have to keep reinstating that point... yeah... mom's got me tiramisu cake! woohoo! yummy yummy yummy! i've got love in my tummy and i feel like loving you... think i crapped enough and let off enough steam... its EE revision time... and prog tut... and EE tut... and proposals... and.... AHHHH! ----Stef stopped rambling at 17:36 --Link to Post |
| 20.9.04 |
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it's totally weird how one's life can alternate between totally great and totally eeky within a couple of days...
i had a great friday evening... wsfing comm had a steamboat over at Ext A... after lotsa noodles, hotdogs and crabmeat sticks... after playing zhong ji mi ma to finish the food... we kinda spent the nite out at some place... playing lame ice breakers and cards... but i had fun... like me and justin, the polar bears, managed to get the villagers to kill darren, the detective... like lu doing his jellyfish action during concentration... like how i only won 2 rounds of bridge coz lu and the rest kept misleading me that they were my partner when they werent... played like lotsa rounds of bridge with darren, lu and yinghao... gawd... lu is freaking good at card games... we played bluff after that... and he was catching me EVERY single time... and he only catches me... darn... lincoln joined us some time later... and we played till really really late... i think we reached pgp ard 5 plus... we managed to hitch a ride back to hostel... else it would be a super duper long walk... starting to feel that camaderie within the comm... which is great really... had a great time messing ard with the food with the girls in the kitchen prior to the steamboat... laughing at cheryl's driving and her obsession with pigs... i was supposed to wake up early on sat for a seminar and lecture in the afternoon... i woke up at the start of the lecture... decided to skip it... and watch webcast instead... oh well... should have gone for windsurfing with the rest then... but the last i heard... lu overslept too... hahah... but things started to go downhill... havent been able to study at all over the weekend... home is full of distractions.. so much so i wanted to go back pgp... but decided not coz of the many things i needed to do tmr... got proposals due... things to do for wsfing comm... my head is pressing me... but he's not helping me... YEP marketing comm... no one's reading my emails... nor replying to my sms... kinda maxed out... trying damn hard not to neglect my studies as well... my physics is in a big mess... my maths is non existent... my ee is "huh? whats ee?"... my programming is having major errors... why did i ever choose engineering!?!?!??! i'm just heading down to CDC tmr... then going for a gathering... somehow... CDC visits help me take my mind off things... its like a world on its own... cut away from the rest of the world... none of the common day worries... 'tis good... ----Stef stopped rambling at 01:19 --Link to Post |
| 17.9.04 |
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most of us felt that today's lab was a total waste of time...
considering it was engine day... and there was only lab in the morning... grr... but oh well... at least i made a new fren in klass... met joseph near the bus stop... poor guy was lost coz he got confused as to which block it was... so we went to find s14 together... stupid me chose to sit under the freezing aircon... brrr.... joseph was nice enough to offer a change of seats... but considering how un-fat he actually is... i think i better let him remain where he was... math lab was strangely slack... jason and pals left after like 3/4 hrs? kelvyn stayed back... but was dying to leave... so in the end some of us left after 1.5 hours? jonathan, eric, penny, kelvyn and i... which was mean to the Lab Assistant... but it was painfully boring... in the end kelvyn and i went to LT6.... to check out some career booth... guy thought it was something big... dragged me all the way there... and it turned out to be one puny table... but at least we managed to get food... and collect our lab reports.... i got a 7/10... =( sad... coz the guys got 8! maybe it was because i kept asking the TA stupid questions... and he super buay ta han... slacked ard somemore at the co-op browsing through books and stuff... before heading back to kr and pgp... am glad that i'm finally getting to know my klassmates better... when i first stepped into tutorial with d08... i thought alot of them were kinda dao and everything? after speaking to some on msn... i mean crapping actually... and hanging out in school... i think i'm beginning to enjoy being in the klass... even though the majority of them are male... average about 2 girls per tutorial... different pple come and go.. coz of tutorial clashes... but i think i'm the kind who get along better with most guys than some girls... though i DO get along well with girls... not sure if i mentioned before... i'm quite 'guy' by nature? so girls who are too 'girl' kinda make me uncomfortable ya know? *shivers* tests next week... now i'm desperately trying to finish my george orwell book... nineteen eighty-four... scary stuff... quite interesting... but the fact that i'm reading it for academic purposes kinda spoils it all... oh well... been reading the book all over campus... my engin klassmates are thinking that i so chiong... got time for leisure reading... until i tell them its for a module... oh well... i'm 2/3s into the book... hope to finish by the weekend... so that i can concentrate on the midterm tests.... wsfing comm steamboat later... exciting stuff... food food and more food... cant wait actually... but think i should go do my laundry now... so that i can chiong my weekend away in peace... life in uni is really life IN uni... i hope i'll be able to spare some time for a movie or dinner outside though... ----Stef stopped rambling at 15:16 --Link to Post |
| 15.9.04 |
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lots of things going through my mind rite now...
CDC visits are draining me quite a bit... sister mary told me before i left, "think about what you did today, but dont let it affect you.." i think she was quite accurate in saying that... i tink i should focus more on the work at hand... and not the situation itself... she mentioned something about keeping some things to within our group... i believe it primarily meant the patients... i think things that i post here will not incriminate anyone... but may instead raise an awareness against their discrimination... whenever i tell my dad abit about wad i do... he would go into this long lecture about how i wont know ALL the methods of transmission... and that i should do MORE to keep myself safe... i'm doing all that i can... and if things were to happen... they will... my point is... if i were to stay away from everything... i'll be doing nuthing... and where's the point in doing what i'm trying to do? i used to think that some of the patients actually deserved their lot... and things on that line... but the thing is... after my visits... after my dad reinstated that point to me... i was actually shocked that he had that thought... and furious with myself that i harboured such a idea... the thing is not to focus on their past... wad they did wrong... but their present situation... the way they are treated now... the way society marginalise them and despise them... frankly... its sad... when you seriously think about it... sometimes i do wonder how many of my frenz would actually keep their distance from me knowing that i make regular visits to the CDC... how many would stop sharing drinks/food with me... stuff like that... but i guess Life is fair in things like that... at least i'll get to know pple who are worth keeping as frenz... distinguishing the great from the good... guannie met me before klass started today... it was her birthday... but instead of me giving her a prezzie... it was her giving me a present for my bday next week... i felt terrible... i even asked her when was her birthday... i think as the days go by... i get busier and everything... i tend to lose the human in me... sometimes i feel like a jerk... that i am losing it... the basic courtesy of remembering someone's name... keeping the door open... thanking the food vendor... things like dat... i get too caught up in the everyday of life... is it really what we are striving towards? losing that human touch... my cinema klass once mentioned... us humans are trying ways and means to make robots/machines more human... and ourselves more mechanical... why? to reduce that great man-machine divide? ??? actually i dunnoe what i talking... dont really pay attention in cinema klass... actually i do... just that i dont understand!!! bought jay chou's new CD... first heard it in darren's car... thought it was not bad... but i think ba du kong jian is nicer... oh well... and on lu's recommendation... that day when i told him i liked tao ze... i bought tao ze's first CD too... realised alot of songs on ultrasound leh... bluff me... either that or the salesman at sembawang bluff me... coz i wasnt sure what the album looked like... or wad it was called... issit taoism? oh well... the other day... had sam, shaun, chelsea, berwine, dawn over as well... sam was playing on berwine's guitar... playing/singing all the songs i totally adore... an jing, ai hen jian dan, blah blah.... woah.... he was damn freaking good... plus the fact that he's an archi student... plus the fact that chelsea says he's super smart... plus the fact that he makes great ice-blended coffee... so much so that suraj asked if he wanted to help out at his cafe... plus the fact that he writes his own songs... ou xiang!!! ----Stef stopped rambling at 20:57 --Link to Post |
| 14.9.04 |
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this week isnt as busy as the rest...
readings decreased... tutorials kinda slack coz of engin day... movies stopped for a little while... and i'm done with the essays... but darren just reminded me of the impending doom... of the tests next week... physics, maths, programming, ee... hmmm... *initialising state of panic* will try to read as much as i can... understand as much as i dont understand... hopefully i'll pull through... went for volunteer work at the CDC today... it was an interesting experience... looking forward to more... dad was kinda against it... but i guess he finally opened up... and being the dad who forever gives in to this daughter of his... kinda gave me all the support he possibly could... i.e. chauffeur me to CDC from uni... AFTER dropping mummy off at work... marketing proposal to do up later... feel tired... but i think i can push on... like the cab driver i was speaking to... he was telling me about how people keep working even though they're tired... trying to make money... oh well... argh! ----Stef stopped rambling at 20:10 --Link to Post |
| 12.9.04 |
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great!
had my first thai lesson yesterdae... quite cool really! let me conduct a little thai lesson now... "sa wat dii kha hello sa-baay-dii rer kha? how are you? sa-baa-dii kha, laew khun la? i'm fine, how about you? khawp khun kha thank you di-chan chuur stephanie i am stephanie khun chuur arai? wads your name? di-cham maa caak Singapore, laew khun la? i am from singapore, how about you? di-chan pen nak sueksaa i am a university student.. khun rian arai kha? wat are you studying? di-chan rian engineering kha. i am studying engineering... khaw-thoat, hawng nam yuu thii nai kha? excuse me, where is the toilet? yuu thii noan over there! khawp khun kha.. thank you mai penrai kha its okay/you're welcome... khun yaak kin kaafae mai? do you want to drink coffee? yaak kha... yes i want.. mai yaak... no i do not... raan kaafae yuu thii nai? where is the coffee shop? di-chan may saap kha... i dunnoe~~~" most of us reckon that the last phrase would be the most useful thai phrase... and the other would be my favourite english phrase while i was there last year... "No speak Thai!" - *waving hands in the air frantically* ----Stef stopped rambling at 14:14 --Link to Post |
| 9.9.04 |
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0248hrs
i know its almost 3am and all... but believe it or not... i just managed to barely cover what i need for tomorrow... friday is another headache... maths lab... cinema essay due... EE tutorial... and programming tutorial... but actually... kinda glad i stayed up till so late... coz i finally... in other words... for the first time... wrote my first program... not too complex... but its a good start i think... at least it involved some algorithm and not simply a printf ("Hello World!")... actually there were 2 other programs prior to this one today... Lab 1: Part 1... which i relied heavily on Eugene's code... only changing variables, combining statements, deleting redundant stuff and adding "\n"s... Lab 1: Part 2... skeleton came from lab instructions... hint came from eric... and i consulted the TAs like....TWICE... but talking abt lab today... damn stressful... not only i stress... but my whole row... coz all of us were getting logical errors... which wasnt the best of things to get... they're the WORST nitemare... in the end... the guys solved their problem... i havent... with only 3 minutes to submission deadline... should have seen how stressed eric and i was... he was frantically trying to see where my error was... i was frantically trying to get the TA's attention... TA decides to ignore me... when it was finally pointed out... eric was like "Quick! complile it! test it! submit!!!!!!!!!!!"... think both of us the BP shot up sky high during this 1.75 hrs... but thankfully i had him beside me... gosh... but back to my first ever accomplishment... feel so proud... largely correct... except for one parse error and a confusion between the "\" and the "/"... and i made use of 3 different kinds of loops! *smirks* am a huge fan of for loops... just think it looks so classy... lets hope i survive the rest of programming module... am starting to find programming quite fun... if only i have the time to read and fully understand the textbook... 0345 hrs. second program done... it was an easier program... but got compile-time error while experimenting with the loops... interesting stuff... sometime you wonder how come the computer is so fast... yet humans, the supposed higher beings, are like so slow... i took freaking long to calculate on the calculate what the program took seconds to answer... okok... i'm exploring the obvious... i think i'm just high... got a 8am lecture tmr... wondering if i should sleep and risk missing the lecture... or i should just work the nite away... and risk walking ard zombified for the rest of the day... nah... i think the panda eyes are already bad enough... and i have a cinema essay to complete by tmr nite... considering friday is a 9-6, sports ball at 630... thankfully, darren drives.... and he kindly agreed to give me a ride... feel like his stalker... know his every move coz he's in the next klass... with the same timetable... with eugene and YXY... small world... keke... ciaoz! ----Stef stopped rambling at 03:56 --Link to Post |
| 6.9.04 |
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busy busy busy...
never been THIS busy in my entire life... to think YEP stuff havent started... exams are still a number of weeks away... havent started training for wsfing... but i'm already maxed out... really dunnoe how... every week its the same thing... maths/physics/c.programming/el.eng dunnoe how to do... cinema/landscape no time to do, readings dont understand... suraj was just commenting i have no life... go home and sleep... come back pgp to work... yeay man... but i dont think i have much of a choice... much as i want a life... i dont think i can afford the time... but i DONT CARE... next saturday i MUST and WILL... unless the guys pang sey me... go for dinner/supper/drinks/watever with alwin and cy... lalalaalaaa... gonna be another 10-6 tomorrow... after that still meeting eugene so that he can teach me programming... and need to go library to study federico fellini's 8 1/2 so that i can write my 6-page essay on it... gawd... i dunnoe why i have been skipping meals so much... but i'm still growing fatter and fatter... my arms are like SOOOOOOO thick... haiz... very soon... i wont dare to wear sleeveless tops liaoz... and since i'm abstaining from so many types of clothes in case it accentuates the fat... i dont think i have much to wear anymore... how lamentable! we made jason drive us back to pgp on sat... so fun... i kept calling him the taxi driver... he's a nice guy to bully... just like shaun and all... so glad that they'll be with me on YEP: Thailand.. the YEP bunch are really really nice... pema and i were amazed at how at ease we were with everyone... there werent any overly =P kinda pple... i found a ex-schoolmate's brother... fiza from my cluster... the guy i was chatting to during nitecycling... becky from my jc... woohoo! i actually know more pple than i thought i knew... thailand trip is gonna be a blast... and considering its a meaningful trip to educate the public abt AIDS and all... it just makes it all so wonderful... uni life is not as lonely as i first thought it was... i guess as you slowly go ard... making frenz... building frenships... strengthening what you already have... you'll find that there are, indeed, alot of pple ard you actually... just that you didnt notice them... cant tell if it's wrong person or wrong time... its just wrong... dont know how to tell him... but cant leave it hanging like that as well... if only i am as wise as i thought i am... ----Stef stopped rambling at 01:57 --Link to Post |
| 2.9.04 |
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havent been blogging regularly since coming to uni...
i guess life here is really different... everyday is like studying for 'a' levels... and that very fact, sucks... but oh well... at least everyone ard me is suffering like this as well... its no form of alleviation... but it provides a little consolation... a walk-thru-this-together kinda feeling... really really tired... took a afternoon nap today... so i'm still alive at 0243 now... have a 8 o'clock tomorrow... lotsa stuff to do as well... the fate of my first draft for writing class comes tomorrow... if Dr Johan rejects it... i'm screwed.... its a rewrite... which isnt good... considering i have like 2 other writings to finish by next week... cookout on monday was quite fun... din have ALOT of food... had fun cooking mushroom pasta, spaghetti, garlic bread, soups... and sam made blended coffee... way cool... had darren, suraj popping by... the rest was my usual bunch of yonghui, shihui, shaun, sam, diana... thinking of doing the same with my cluster soon... should be fun... was cooking my own lunch today... and nerissa and cristel were ard too... had fun laughing at the stupid things we do... good stuff.. i wasnt too adventurous... just instant mee pok and frozen fish balls... the weather is kinda jialat of late... hot and extremely humid... my workstation is not under the ceiling... and the amount of heat my laptop is generating is astounding... went to the aircon reading room with diana just now... to do work... and watched CSI: Miami at the TV room... help! i'm melting! just got an email today... from the good people of YEP: Thailand... i got in... with a number of pple i know too... which is way cool... coz i didnt know they signed up for it too... but pema, shaun, rebecca and jacky (cinema class)... just hoping they wont reject it like berwine did... she's going for cambodia... it does sound like alot of commitment... my sat is burnt from 1000 to 1500... and i foresee more to come... plus the astounding workload... and the fact that i dunnoe what wsfing comm has in store for me... i think i need more than Nescafe to keep me alive... talking about coffee... now i'm on to at least 2 cups a day... which is scary... coz i've never been a real fan of coffee... used to only like those blended with choc and ice... but i guess its rather essential now... considering me and my bunch of frenz go ard like zombies everyday... panda-lookalikes... dunnoe how to survive... but hope i do... next few sems would probably be worse... but i'm keeping fingers crossed... i think its time to sleep now... or maybe continue on my 1984 by George Orwell... its an interesting book... would relish it if only it wasnt for my landscape class... i hate reading for academic purposes... it kinda taints the whole experience... lets hope i can wake up in time for lesson tomorrow... ----Stef stopped rambling at 02:41 --Link to Post |
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