| 29.10.04 |
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having a terrible headache cum fever now....
i know i shouldnt have played basketball... but i couldnt help it... its been months since i last got to play... and my hands were itchy like siao.... it didnt matter that my head was heating up.... playing kinda took that headache and fever away... ...momentarily... weird how i din feel a weeny bit sick while playing.... now i'm suffering... the aftermath of a moment of folly... when self control succumbed to a moment of temptation... now i dunnoe whether i can make it to Thai lesson tomorrow or not... and i wasted so much time i could have spent studying.... darn... but gawd... i have been so work-driven that i really have no life watsoever now.... which sucks... and which brings me to my next lament... dunnoe why i'm working so hard for this team now... i have truckloads of things to finish... but the 'sense of responsibility' in me din allow me to put aside YEP duties.... if i ever had one... coz no one is doing them... i ended up folding the sponsor letters... with berw... asked berw to get the stamps for me coz i had klass... liase with the t-shirt pple... arranged transport for the mugger kits purchase... and pple are even planning to not go for thai lesson... wat the.... things like that are meant to be "everyone-suffer-together-give-each-other-strength"... but it seems the "everyone" aint so everyone afterall... it is times like these that the thought of "why is it so unfair?" kicks in.... on one hand... i feel like walking away from it all too.... coz regardless of whether i do these stuff or not... no one cares.... and it doesnt matter.... but is that really how the world revolves? ard the self-centered individuals who simply ride on the work of others? i dunnoe.... i guess that there has to be pple like me for this warped system to work... but i'm suffering... i have a tissue stuck in my right nostril... my fever is not going down... fang fang, the chinese SEP cluster-mate, gave me med from china to try... but she says it will make me sleepy... how? i need to work... i cant put it down... nor can i swallow the disparity... do i really have to accept that this is how life is? "if you cant beat them... join them..." i must appear really uptight to the others ard... its not that i want to... but do i have to? if not nuthing will ever be done... its a scary world out there.... how do i ever survive it? the everyday halloween? wad am i doing here? lamenting... wasting my time... i need an outlet... if not i might just break... where's cy when i need him... i need my sandbag back... he'll be back from aust soon... got a B+ for my paper 2... eeky result... oh well... i should really work harder for paper3.... may the force be with me... lets hope the yuckiness of it all will disappear when i wake tmr... lets hope i wake... dun wanna disappoint dr titima... she's such a sweet teacher... ----Stef stopped rambling at 22:13 --Link to Post |
| 28.10.04 |
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lets see...
slept at 0430... woke up at 0730... i wonder should i be proud... of my ability to wake up.... or worry whether i will be able to last the day... i'm skipping physics lecture... not that i think that i'm THAT God-like... not needing lectures... but because i really dont think i'll be able to survive the 2-hours and also because lala is on MC... working hard to finish my readings on the Lacanian mirror.... so i can at least start writing my cinema term paper... 4000-6000 words.... dunnoe when i can ever finish... spent a while advocating the rationale of blogging to yet another cynical individual last nite... oh well... i think pple just cant understand why we do this... frankly i dont either... so i just crapped some lame stuff that hopefully sounds pseudo-scientific and cheem... dont think i convinced him... but oh well... why do i (or anyone, for that matter) need to answer to anybody in the first place? its a matter of doing what makes us feel good... *eyes half shut* having ta-powed yong tau foo now... mom and dad got it for me... since they dropping by to pass me some clothes and let me throw my laundry into their car... i'm quite sure i'll be short of an item of clothing soon... though i am not sure wad... darn... please dont let me realise the hard way... but they taste really yummy... the yong tau foo... i wonder if it was really this good.. or that i'm appreciating it more becoz of the TLC thrown in... with regards to the clothes... i know i'm being ultra spoilt and all... and i promised myself to start being independent and doing my own laundry... but somehow... it serves as an excuse to meet up with my parents... i do miss them between weekends as well... and sometimes... we dont get dinner together together on weekdays... like how my dad rather watch sg idol than meet me tonite for dinner... so much for TLC.... did i mention i love rainy days? it's kinda nice to cuddle up on such days... though i hate wet socks and feet... contrary to the usual perception of rainy days being gloomy... i welcome rain actually... if my room window is closed... the sunshine after the rain is really pretty too... i dunnoe... but it is kinda symbolic in a sense... tried cooking shepherd's pie last nite... using pasta sauce instead of brown gravy... think we kinda ended up with potato lasagne instead... which is hilarious... had a good time actually... funny la the guys... worrying to see guys cook... esp nian... they just throw everything in... in their garang "everything-can-eat" mentality... let's hope we dont have to go NUH today or tomorrow... singapore idol tonite.... i should get back down to work... so that i would appear a little free-er tonite... hiaks! ----Stef stopped rambling at 07:26 --Link to Post |
| 26.10.04 |
updates...
----Stef stopped rambling at 20:33 --Link to Post |
| 23.10.04 |
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think today is an amazing day...
slept at 5am this morning... was studying for my EE test... woke at 8 plus... needed to go for thai lessons... got cute kids visiting from thailand... so fun... having them teach us thai... and me being the paedophile that i am... kept telling nianlong i wanted a photo with the boy teaching us... but we didnt manage to take one... argh... went for lunch... went to test... which i am totally gonna fail.... totally dunnoe la... i was like, "huh?"... whole hour just *scratch head*... argh... rushed down to ECP after that... no wind... darn... but still sailed down to PA... reached when the rest were washing up... lu and linc had a hand at my hard sail... sailed back.... got to PF at abt 1820... uncle robert was nice enough to stay back and make sure i got in... so sweet of him... weicong got back from rollerblading or something.... really jialat la... the windless conditions... probably was the only one out there at sea... not that i was scared... but its been a long time since i have been that AWAY from human life... was supposed to meet the rest for dinner at suntec one... but considering how late i were to reach suntec... and there are like so many hungry people... tired and cold... reckoned that it'll be better that i didnt join them... lagging more than on hour... lest they feel obliged to stay... its quite a pity actually... coz i missed out on nianlong and gang's attempt at a shepherd's pie because of wsfing... argh... but at least i managed to catch my family dining in katong... havent ate with them for ages as well... i should have.... i miss them really... was kinda cranky during dinner today... might be the lack of sleep... i'm sorry... oni they can tolerate my horrid moodswings... realised that i have been rather uptight of late.... i think its stress... its getting bad really... just got the programming lab assignment... game of boogle... darn... how am i ever gonna complete it? i'm just screwed la... glad shaun, berwine and i attempted a cookout last nite.... we had celery and mushrooms, fried rice, soup, dory fish... which were pretty good really... we had fun... teaching shaun how to cook and all... and they said my celery and mushrooms were yummy! yeah... i'm working on my fried noodles now... experimenting with cheese and egg soon... need to get more groceries soon... so fun! i think food is such a happy thing... explains my rapidly increasing circumference... argh... uncle sudin is now bent on calling me 'fat girl'... darn... have to run more... when my cough gets better... its time to make up for all the lost hours of sleep now... back to preparing for the week ahead tomorrow... i hate PGP, yet love it all the same... ----Stef stopped rambling at 21:25 --Link to Post |
| 20.10.04 |
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lots of thoughts have been running through my mind actually...
especially when someone i spoke to said something about "depression, loneliness, having no one to turn to, stress"... i guess in a sense it does apply to me as well... just a matter of how much... its a swinging thing... sometimes it feels terrible... sometimes it doesnt... not that i do often... but the question of "to love or be loved" comes ard again... it's not that its a huge issue... but i cant decide whether the contemplation is due to the negativity of it all... or that i am really considering the possibility... i cant tell whether i enjoy his company simply as a fren... or that i was really hoping that something would actually develop from it... not that i'm darn hoping it would... but i dont know... sometimes it happens all too often for me to differentiate between what i really feel and wat i joke to my frenz about... it sux... i'm just one confused individual... not knowing what to do... i know i'm not the kind of person he is looking for... i know... he sat to my right yesterday... couldnt help but steal glances... praying hard he does not notice... he didnt... he wouldnt... he couldnt have... maybe it should just remain this way... i think i'm hoping it does... this isnt the time... and i know that... i have a crap load of things to do... i better get down to doing them... so that i'll, at least, make it pass sem1... will go down for surfing this weekend... yeah. i will... ----Stef stopped rambling at 14:06 --Link to Post |
| 19.10.04 |
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wanted to blog a lot this entire weekend...
dunnoe why... maybe just felt more philosophical recently... day today was ok i guess... din do much... was sleepy most of the time... was half asleep most of cinema lesson... dunnoe why... syah saw me nodding off a few times.... not that i want to... but dunnoe why i was.... presented maths in class today... first time i really went to do my tuts... oni after bugging yxy to teach me most of it... hahha... poor guy... had to type out most of his solutions online... for me... went for victoria's wedding... quite young that she's getting married actually... pretty bride... happy for her... just that parents thought her groom was a little unlike herself... but we concluded love is complex... something dr chan mentioned in klass as well... we're just happy that she's happy... havent seen him for some time... haiz... cute guy sat beside me on friday! not really cute... but u know how weird my taste is... my idea of cute got a bit of nerd mixed in... and he spoke to me!!! *faints* saw him again today... *faints* ahhhhh!!!! one of those who look good in pink! *two thumbs up* lu sent me his serpentine program... so darn cool! dont think i can ever do that sorta thing... think he is so smart... darn... i'm just a stupid piece of sh*t... haiz... got lots to say... but too much liaoz... need to work on my essay due tomorrow... and start studying for EE on saturday... will be seeing him tmr.... yeay! (which him?) erm.... who cares! *jumps ard* both! ----Stef stopped rambling at 01:05 --Link to Post |
| 17.10.04 |
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first weekend that i'm REALLY spending outside school...
not on campus... though it is becoz i took all my activities OUT of school... saturday was great... spent the wee hours of the morning watching old boy that lu sent me... good show... dark and haunting... but good... will write it for my viewing log... if i have a theory to back it up with... *starts flipping readings from cinema module* spent the morning lazing ard at home... (something i regard as one of the best luxuries any uni student could ever have...) good lunch at home... then made my way... (in other words, had dad to send me....) to ECP... rigged up my SIN23... without the outhaul pulleys... lucky i had uncle sudin to help me tension the outhaul... he has rough hands and strong arms... (i have relatively soft palms and weak, fat arms...) and he said i gained weight... wanted to promote me to baby elephant... a title previously reserved exclusively for wq... oh well.. i think its something i have to slowly accept... =( was totally afraid of falling in and uphauling... esp the latter... coz no strength... oni uphauled once... beach started the rest... even though i took like so long to get up... hahha... even renhao was laughing at my gybes... eeks! really the elephant-can-walk-thru-kinda gybes... TC see he sure say one... but really thankful for having mr tan ard to help me today... took mast for me... gave me leeching's harness lines to use... her downhaul pulley... but quite jialat... dont have my sheeves... my blah blah blah.. hiaks... at least i managed to fix my harness... the sewing was great... just that i twisted the strap... now i have to twist it to buckle it... damn... lack of foresight... always prided myself for having good foresight... in my temp jobs.. in SC... in event management... but i cant even sew a darn leg strap properly!?!?!?! haiz... sailed ard quite abit today... but sun wasnt too hot... still as fair as ever... haiz... but was good la... at least got to sail... settle some admin stuff for IVP... and speak to tim over carbo reloading after water.... went to grab a bite at the food centre... spoke about the team... how to get pple to come down often and everything... building team morale and spirit... business ok? so stella, dont kill me for being late... couldnt refuse when he suggested it... he seemed rather keen on the team... which was a wonderful thing... *claps* not like Lu who refused to join... =P went to meet 0102 after that... was super late... but oops... great to see some of them after so long... like... hmmm..... those i saw today are either in nus or i see them occasionally leh... except for merser, merv, weisong, and laoda... reached in time for dinner... but most left after dinner... oni me, YXY, william, merv and weisong left to prowl the streets.. YXY and william left when we reached taka... so the rest of us 3 ordered coffee and crap... good seeing merv after so long... and weisong also... who was sweet enough to sit with me at wisma to wait for my parents... but like every other guy... e.g. YC... he refused my offer to send him home... oh well... great to see everyone... MERSER esp! havent seen her in so long... din get to speak to her much.... woman! i miss you! was supposed to join the YEPpers at brewerkz for soccer... but like usual... my dad isnt that keen about me going for the nitelife... *good girl* tomorrow is another exciting day... having a helluva weekend... feeling good! this is life man! when you can do things you like! i think stella is rite by concluding that intelligence attracts me... coz i think it does... but i think a sense of humour is important too... and maturity... why does he have to have all three? and still be ultra nice enough to be bullied by me? ----Stef stopped rambling at 01:00 --Link to Post |
| 13.10.04 |
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maroon 5 - she will be loved
Beauty queen of only eighteen She had some trouble with herself He was always there to help her She always belonged to someone else I drove for miles and miles And wound up at your door I've had you so many times but somehow I want more I don't mind spending everyday Out on your corner in the pouring rain Look for the girl with a broken smile Ask her if she wants to stay awhile And she will be loved And she will be loved Tap on my window knock on my door I want to make you feel beautiful I know I tend to get so insecure It doesn't matter anymore It's not always rainbows and butterflies It's compromise, it moves us along, Yeah My heart is full and my door's always open You can come anytime you want I don't mind spending everyday Out on your corner in the pouring rain Look for the girl with the broken smile Ask her if she wants to stay awhile And she will be loved x4 I know where you hide Alone in your car Know all of the things that make you who you are I know that goodbye means nothing at all Comes back and MAKES ME catch her every time she falls (yeah) Tap on my window knock on my door I wanna make you feel beautiful I don't mind spending everyday Out on your corner in the pouring rain (oh) Look for the girl with the broken smile Ask her if she wants to stay awhile And she will be loved And She will be loved And she will be loved (Please don't try so hard to say goodbye) And She will be loved Please don't try so hard to say goodbye Please don't try so hard to say goodbye (I don't mind spending everyday out on your corner in the pouring rain) Please don't try so hard to say goodbye ----Stef stopped rambling at 01:56 --Link to Post |
| 12.10.04 |
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now waiting outside 7a for prog lect to start....
kinda rare that i'm THIS early for lecture... but oh well... there's a first for everything.... met eugene to work on the Lab3Part1... he's my official program debugger... but thing is... got yibin (the doc) to fix my leaky flood program liaoz.... so just met to discuss why the leaks happen... and sit outside 7a with cherchin... wave to all the people we know... smile like we have known them for years... oh well... sometimes i do feel this whole uni socialising thing is kinda pretentious... but who am i to say? i think in my klass... i'm one of the few who would turn ard to anyone and everyone and start crapping till the cows come home... now even eric's starting to suan me liaoz... and lu's already having a good time freaking me out with scary stories and wmp clips.... *shrugs* if that gets me more free smoothies and dinner... he can scare me all he wants man! finally managed to finish my landscape first draft... and my cinema term paper proposal.... kinda freaky and all... but hope i dont get it all thrown back at me... asked to rework on it... that will be crap... havent sleep well for awhile already... panda eyed every morning... and it seems that i'm not the only one... berw's dying too... essay due and she was only on her 2nd para.... argh.... i'm so so screwed... hopefully i can find time to go down to ECP this saturday... leeching gave me permission to use her pulleys and harness lines... and i'll try to sew up my torn and tattered harness.... hopefully can get things together and working to sail on saturday! please please pleasE! ----Stef stopped rambling at 11:34 --Link to Post |
| 10.10.04 |
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its getting crazier...
while doing research for my term paper... found research paper that linked my landscape module's movie to the movie i was planning to write for the cinema's term paper... the links and possibilities are getting too much to handle... cant seem to find a good thesis to work on... and propose by tomorrow... i'm not even doing work for engin anymore! argh!!! bless my poor soul... *blows nose of yellow-green mucus* eeks! ----Stef stopped rambling at 13:02 --Link to Post |
| 9.10.04 |
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wad does it mean when i repeatedly open MSN just to look for his nick?
...that when he does come on MSN, i pray and hope that he'll msg me? ...that when he does msg me, i desperately wish that we could talk till morning? it's not that i dont see him often... i just wanna see him more... ----Stef stopped rambling at 13:31 --Link to Post |
| 8.10.04 |
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for the last 24 hrs was desperately trying to find someone to go RH concert with me...
renez cant make it last minute... and i was sick... having deadlines floating about my head... thot i should just give away those two tickets... 22 bucks leh! wah liew... wad a waste if i dont go... but everyone seems to be busy... cy's away in aust... lai ki-ming cant make it... stella got another concert.. berw has essay due tonite... jason cant make it b4 9... lu has got guitar... nobody wants the 2 tickets! even though i was giving it away FOC... save for a lunch treat... argh.... but at least i have my infallible sister! she's coming to meet me in clementi from home... should have just asked her in the beginning... but she had exams.... so i thot i shouldnt bug her.... lalala.... going for concert.... but before that... must go library to search for my books... for cinema module's term paper... argh... hopefully i'll be able to find my thesis in there.... so that i'll have something to propose on monday... if not... i'm screwed... landscape first draft due on monday... weirdly enough... i'm writing on the female representation in paintings and film... which doesnt have an explicit link to landscapes ya? oh well... classmates seemed rather impressed with my proposal on thurs... but like dr Johan said... it might be too ambitious an attempt... oh well.... let's hope i survive the revised idea... it's ciao to the library time... to be a chao mugger! ----Stef stopped rambling at 16:32 --Link to Post |
| 6.10.04 |
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familiar with the "oh my gosh...i never thot he was THIS smart..." kinda feeling?
over smoothies with lu yesterdae.... found out that he took 4 'A's and 2 'S' papers... *looks ard* wah liew! not that i thot badly of him before... just that maybe he looks and behaves like the slacker kind... encourage me to pon lectures and skip class... and "what?! you took all that?!?!"... suddenly feel very self-conscious... anti-superior... not that he made me feel this way... coz he didnt... i'm just impressed... gawd... look at him differently now man... into my second essays now... attempting something rather challenging for the writing module... doc mentioned that it was tough during klass... but i couldnt think of any other area to write on.... quite screwed... writing on Laura Mulvey and Gillian Rose articles... with Michael Radford's 1984 as the focus... crazy stuff... hope i'll pull through... have to propose a term paper for cinema module too... thats tougher... need to find the readings myself.... argh!!! ----Stef stopped rambling at 16:05 --Link to Post |
| 5.10.04 |
sportsball... a little small... but i guess it suffices... not the whole comm... Back (L-R): darren, lu, ben, renhao... Front (L-R): cheryl, pam, ME!, xinyi... ----Stef stopped rambling at 18:20 --Link to Post |
| 4.10.04 |
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i am not doing my maths tutorial for tomorrow...
i kinda made myself not do any work this weekend... after my test on saturday... was pretty stressed out by then.... needed some lull... couldnt resist reading what i needed for tomorrow though... and still had the paper proposals at the back of my head.... argh... cant get work out of my mind... but at least this weekend... i managed to go out with wsfing comm.... meet sz, wq and lili at parkway while we all were there... meet sam at nsc on sun... he was nice enough to come down during his a levels to help me with the equipment i needed... at least i did some human things this weekend... for that i'm glad... cy's going to fly to aust for about a month... army stuff... training... or stuff... will probably try to pass him the keychain i got him... shrugs... it aint that nice... but i guess it serves well enough as a reason to meet up before he leaves... he hasnt been smsing or calling as much since a couple of weeks ago... i guess i dont blame him for that... but i dont think i wanna lose the fren in him... went for a jog late friday nite... was having a horrendous time with mugging for programming test... decided to go for midnite jog with berwine.... couldnt even finish the A1 route... feel quite lousy... but its kinda crazy.... met gary on the way.... and started talking about the errors in his program... hah... engin students just cant take their minds off work... esp programs.... they just eat into you.... berw and i talked for awhile at the amphitheatre... talked a lot just now too... about people ard us... and stuff... about uni... about usp... friends... we dont have the luxury of time for such chats... but i guess sometimes... we cant help coz it's one of the only things to keep us sane... i realised a distinct change in me after i started uni... i've begun to hate making decisions... i can never seem to tell my dad when i wanna go back pgp... nor tell him when i wanna eat with them... where i wanna go for dinner.... argh... i think i'm not very cut out for life ard here... friday i had a major bout of "what-the-hell-am-i-doing-with-my-life" issue.... after my EE and programming tutorial... i was really questioning my very existence... i couldnt understand a single thing in klass... and the guys ard are like super-duper... understand everything... as i walked out with jo anne... i almost broke down... but i din... i just wanted to get back to pgp asap... lets hope this week is better... even though i never attempted my maths tut... got the lonely planet book on thailand from lu laioz... i think its a super expensive book... must take care... and i think lu is a super nice guy too... glad to have met him... and i think i wont have time to read the book... what the heck... ----Stef stopped rambling at 02:14 --Link to Post |
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