. be resourceful
 
 
. wasted time
 
 
. sanity check
 
 
. carbon dating
 
 
. frozen time
 
 
30.12.03
two races today...
in short...
they were TERRIBLE...
came in last for both of them...
but considering the wind...
am still glad that i survived...
man!
it was horrible...
and i was just holding on to dear life...
hope everything holds up till tomorrow...
me and WQ still fighting for the girls' prize...
wish me best...

went out with the klass...
wanted to watch sound of colours...
but sold out...
ended up walking practically the whole of orchard...
hehhe...
legs aching liaoz...
and i'm supposed to race tmr...
muahaha...
buay ta han...
am trying...
and will give it my all tomorrow...

i will not crumble when i am supposed to stand tall...
forget the fatigue...
the pain...
the stress...
just sail like i never did before...


----Stef stopped rambling at 22:51
--Link to Post

29.12.03
second day of singapore open...
damn...
too much behind yuni liaoz...
the indonesian lady...
cant catch up...
winds have been strong...
gusty...
quite tough to handle...
was on the sixth hole on the downhaul today...
grateful that meng warned me in time...
think he's damn good at wind prediction...
man!
am praying that this results will hold up for at least tomorrow...
then i'll be a happi gal...
still the cowardly me...
doing everything VERY carefully...
losing alot of places as a result...
but bo pian la...
scared to fall in...
coz if i do...
i'll lose more places...
and that isnt a very good thing...

uncle ben asked me abt training in china...
whether i was interested in going....
frankly...
i dont know...
it doesnt seem like a decision i can make myself...
WQ's keen...
if she goes...
our standards will probably be totally different liaoz...
with her very much above me...
even more than now..

but quite frankly...
i'm not comfortable with going so far to train...
for something i see so little prospects in...
i acknowledge the opportunity given....
but i doubt myself...
my own ability...
but at the very same time...
i want to get better...
even though i have been contemplating calling it quits for some time...
i dun want to repeat thailand again...
where on the 2nd day...
i was wishing it was the 23rd...
if china was to materialise...
i'll probably be stuck there for 1-2 mths...
i dont want to regret my decision and start crying for home...
parents aint keen abt me going as well...
but the yucky part is...
as alwaz...
they'll leave the decision to me...
freak...
that means i'll have to make up my own mind...
and i oni have one day to decide...
argh!!!

met up with my nanny and her family for dinner today...
piangz...
kena suaned by kor abt my colour...
and uncle abt my built...
am i really that broad?
am starting to think so...
but its all a matter of perspective i guess...
to think i'm considered relatively smaller-sized among windsurfers...
being unable to hold down my board...
though i must qualify...
i'm not light nor skinny...

but i guess all these is just a sacrifice...
i acknowledge that i'm much darker than usual pple...
but cant really help it...
have really really bad skin...
genetic? sensitive to sunblock/seawater?
board shoulders and all...
man...i'm already considered unfit...
i give up...
seriously i dont really give a damn to wad pple think anymore...
there HAS to be ugly pple in this world...
i'm just making up the numbers...

hitching a ride from kelvin again tmr...
me and WQ...
not so bad la...
at least his driving not as aggressive as other cars i sat in...
luke's pretty scary when he's frustrated...
andrew drives like some young punk...
dad speeds quite a bit when he gets impatient...
hiaks!
i promise to be a good driver when i do get my license...
but back to kelvin...
think he's so nice to offer us the ride...
dun know how early i have to wake if i go ECP myself man!
even andrew also seldom offer us rides out of NSC lor...
frankly...
i think andrew is such a practical ass...
kind of pple who dont do things that wont benefit him in the end...
sounds terrible of me to say that...
but for me to take that back...
i think he should prove me wrong first la...
trainings and races recently were never debriefed...
nor briefed...
he doesnt even speak much to us throughout the whole sg open...
nor did he bother abt the galore of mistakes i've been committing the last couple of days...
man!
i wonder wad on earth is he doing as a coach...
jio-ing the girls helping out at the start/finish boat???
mr tan is like doing 10 times wad he is doing lor...
unless you regard 10 time zero as zero...
but i'm sure you get wad i mean...
seriously...
he has lost all the respect i had for him...
and that's probably one of the reasons why i dont think much of him training/looking out for us in china...

have to go...
important day of races tmr...

----Stef stopped rambling at 23:06
--Link to Post

28.12.03
first day of singapore open...
piangz...
kept falling behind the INA6...
this indonesian lady...
but quite happy with myself la...
strong winds....
not really...
but ultra gusty....
so fact that i survived...
is quite a feat by itself...
but like mr tan says...
i really too coward la...
kept letting INA6 cut me at the turns...
piangz...
quite a number of times i can be in front of her one...
but i lost alot of ground at the marks...
and along the lay lines....
damn...
praying that i'll keep up the results i got today...
though it isnt THAT good...
but i think if i can race like dis...
or better for the next 3 days...
i'll go home a happier (and richer) kid...
though chances of that are extremely low...
coz wq's just behind me...
and our points damn near la!
will end off here...
feeling ultra tired...
will go bathe then sleep liaoz...
shawn and bryan are here...
little cousins of mine...
parents had to attend a wedding dinner...
quite fun la...
loud boys...
playful and all...
but can see that they made my parents laugh alot today...
at least they din give them a heart attack...
running all ard...
catching them....
*pengz*
ciaos for now...

----Stef stopped rambling at 20:56
--Link to Post

27.12.03
kelly chan marathon today...
siao siao la...
winds damn strong lor...
couldnt hold down my board or sheet in my sail...
even SIN20 ask us to put downhaul on the 6th hole...
man!
never seen my sail spill that much before...
but when the wind hit...
u simply just pull everything in ah!!
it was THAT siong...
piangz...
scared to fall in...
coz scared cannot uphaul liaoz...
hopefully winds tomorrow not as jialat...
if not...
i can really go hide in the toilet liaoz...
tiring leh...
somemore today oni marathon...
very little marks to round...
and adjustments to make...
tomorrow sure die ah...
must wash my mast track and spray WD-40...
so that i no need jerk the track...
idiot...
always make me fall down one..

spoke to one of the indonesians today...
heard his name as shaun...
hehehe...
cool name for an indonesian...
but thats not the point..
apparently his english not that good...
so i had to try my lousy malay...
my malay was so lousy i told him i was 80 instead of 18 when he asked for my age...
hiaks!
he must be laughing his head off when he walked away...
but he's nice...
dunnoe why i click better with the indons than the thais...
cant be the fact that i understand abit of malay...
coz the abit is really insignificant....
seems like soprandi's not here this year...
too bad then..
maybe will ask abt him tmr or something..
if i do speak to the indonesians again...
lalallaaaa....

thais came in today ya???
looks like quite a number of them...
my favourite thai senior din come though...
suhaimee...
hiaks...
got a photo of him taken during the penang race..
probably pass it to one of the thais soon...
=P

went to eat crabs with family...
damn shiok!
esp the black pepper crabs...
yummy yummy yummy!
miss eating with my family like dat...
and my dad just entertaining the whole family with his crazy antics and lame jokes...
hehehe...
enjoyed my dinner today...
hopefully i'll survive tomorrow ya???
packed with energy from today's dinneR!

----Stef stopped rambling at 21:12
--Link to Post

26.12.03
dragged myself out to training today...
managed to get there on time...
in fact...
i was the earliest among all of them...
enthu pig...
dunnoe where my enthusiasm come from...

was gobbling my BK meal while walking to the bus stop...
must have looked like a pig...
esp in my pink shorts...
but wind was pretty good la...
gusts came in huge patches...
and before long...
we were planing ard...
and i siao siao went to gybe around the coast guard boat somemore...
coz they stop there damn nice mah...
the position so nice for me to gybe ard...

but luckily i din fall in la...
or else so paiseh...
trying to be funny...
but so lousy...
but it really felt damn good today...
though i start planing later than sam or qi...
and i cant maintain the plane as long as sam...
am happy that i'm beginning to find the courage to really gybe in stronger winds...
and not do the chicken gybe...
am beginning to carve it a little more...
felt my board lift today...
when i hit the wave at high speed...
man!!!
it felt so good...
and the board just skimming above the water...
slapping each wave as it passed...
though occasionally i get slapped by the wave too...
but the control, speed and the adrenalin rush just feels oh-so-great!

food centre reopened liaoz!!!
hurray!!!
no more hungry days...
so happie that the hawkers remember us...
the hokkien mee uncle...the drinks stall...the satay uncle...
hehhee...
i din go say hello to the dessert uncle though...
he was too far away...
but the place's really pretty now...
nice huts with nice tables and seats...
white sanded floors...
like nites and landscaping...
pwah...
really like some resort or wat not...
hehhee....
but hope it wont get too crowded or expensive...
coz its a matter of nostalgia for us...

think i spotted the indonesian sailors coming in today...
cant really tell if soprandi's here...
but somehow...
vaguely regconized someone like him rigging up a MOD at the club today...
i was blur blur...
coz just came back from sea...
and was busy washing up my equipment...
so din take much notice ya?
but would be really happie if he's here...
and its not like wad WQ says abt me liking him or something...
but u just feel happie when foreign sailors u click with come in like dat u see...
its like having frenz you see oni once a year...
hehhe...

life in sg is finally piecing back together liaoz...
back to the sms-ing...
the bus journeys to the beach...
the rides home in daddy's car...
the staking out on the PC...
blogging, chatting, nua-ing...
the warm family dinners at home...
the rude counter staff at the BK near my home...
everything just seems back in place...

ate alot today..
after training...
just chiong the food centre...
even though i know i got dinner at home...
ate hokkien mee and satay...
and sugar cane juice...
came back for dinner...
then ate again with my sister...
and now...
i'm thinking of jio-ing my mom to drink irish cream with me...
over xmas log cake from yesterdae...
fat???
do i look as if i care???

----Stef stopped rambling at 22:08
--Link to Post

25.12.03
woke up really late today...
11am???
kinda one of the latest in a long time...
not counting the wake-sleep-wake-sleep in pattaya when i was sick la...
those daes were horrible...
fever/diarrhoea in a foreign land is a horrible experience...
so is getting drunk...
Please do not try this at home.
Or anywhere for that matter.


looney just msged...
sam just called...
training tomorrow...
the sound of that kinda puts me off a little...
cant say why or how...
but aint looking forward to wsfing like i did before...
its sad...
remembering how i would run from the bus stop outside bayshore...
into the club when i see that it's been blowing...

i cant tell whether its the people...
the siong training...
the coach...
my sucky skills...
or rather, the lack of skills...
or just that everything has become plain dreadful...
i'm still thinking...
have to be in water by 1pm tmr...
so would probably skip lunch again...
looking forward to having another of my favourite crossian'wich from BK though..
missed those...

went for LOTR again today...
sounds crazy...
sitting for a 3hr 25 min movie again...
but couldnt catch some of the dialogue when i watched it in pattaya...
couldnt read the thai subtitles you know...
not to mention the toilet trip that i simply HAD to go...
missed the plan abt diverting the attention of the EYE...

but it was a little crazy...
went with wf's brother...
in fact...
on hindsight i think its ultra crazy...
(watching a movie with ur ex's brother...)

but we werent alone wat...
the other two just happened to be frenz of his...
and i volunteered to sit alone coz we couldnt get tix for the 4 of us...
so technically i din watch the movie WITH him...
you get wad i mean...
but he is good company la...
had lunch with him...
and knowing me...
kind of person who cant really converse with pple i'm not close to...
amazingly we could talk...
even though it was obviously him who was desperately trying to spark conversations...
hey, i did my best ok?
pity i din get to know him better while i was with wf...
=P
but heard from him that wf's dating a thai girl...
well...
good for him i guess...
*desperately tries to recall the name of the thai guy who kept making eyes at me at the beach where i train*
joking la...
sadly...
no such person...


had my favourite ebi rice burger today...
and minestrone soup...
and milk tea...
ultimate!!!
good lunch...
though the amt is nuthing compared to wad i usually eat in pattaya...
the quality!
hahaha...
just love mos burger...
yummy!

will turn in early ya???
got training tomorrow to think abt...
=P

----Stef stopped rambling at 23:43
--Link to Post

24.12.03
was on the verge of calling it quits today...
u know...
rounding the marks last everytime aint a very good morale booster...
but the feeling of planing back to the club...
when everything just felt so right and in place...
on the verge of being overpowered...
but in total control...
and the carve gybe just looks so perfect...
the speed...
the pure adrenalin...

dun think i wanna make that decision to quit in haste...

----Stef stopped rambling at 18:54
--Link to Post

23.12.03
am finally back in sg...
but frankly...
am too fatigued to blog endless crap...
and there's training tomorrow to think abt...
crazy life...
but i guess thats my life...
had good dinner at home today...
enjoyed telling my family everything abt my trip...
luke left for china liaoz...
his bro told me...
too tired...
will unpack...
bathe...
and chiong the 18-20 knot winds the monsoon has been bringing in...

----Stef stopped rambling at 21:37
--Link to Post

22.12.03
just concluded another 2 days of racing..
at some other beach in thailand...
Bangsaem Beach...
wind's MUCH stronger over there...
gets pretty scary actually...
lost out on the first place to WQ by one point...
lost out on the 2000 baht...
but i guess this is wad racing is all about...
and considering how lousily i raced...
i dun even think i deserved the two trophies i tyco-ly got over here...
argh...

lost out on the chance to go india in jan...
WQ and sam went for the malaria jabs today...
loony might be going to shenzhen, china...
so i would be the oni one left in sg...
good or bad...
i dun really know...
pity the chance lost...
but somehow...
am glad that i avoided the conflict of whether or not i should go india with my dad...
sounds like sour grapes...
but truth is...
while i am disappointed with myself...
i guess there's alwaz a silver lining to think abt...

and back in sg...
after sg open...
i'd probably sit some pple down with me...
to help me decide, where from here...
this trip has made me rethink my objectives in alot of aspects...
whether or not to continue this sport which i think i had been rather stagnant in for the longest of time...
i want to learn new things...
to widen horizons...
and not confine myself to something i no longer see a future in...
many things directed me to think this way...
i guess the oni thing left is the decision...
hope i'll make the right one...

homecoming soon...
am glad...
looking forward to spending x'mas with loved ones...
my family coz i miss them so much...
luke, before he leaves for china...
class/council for our gatherings...
miss them to bits...
my bball team, whose steamboat i missed...
ben and our little date...
i wanna go back sg!!!!

----Stef stopped rambling at 11:05
--Link to Post

16.12.03
the sun's blazing hot over here...
but the air's really cold...
first time i wear my nike windbreaker in the day...
with no aircon...

too many things to say...
laments...
complaints...
but i guess i shouldnt be so bitchy...
and start bitching abt all the yucky things...

=P

----Stef stopped rambling at 21:57
--Link to Post

14.12.03
man...
its been a few days since i last posted...
but i guess alot of things happened since then...
including the first time i got so drunk that i just fell to the floor...
seriously...
we went to the club after the race dinner on day10...
man...
i dunnoe why..
i din drink alot...
maybe it was coz i dont dance and wad not...
just got carried away with drinking...
at least i had my pals with me...
qi and sam...
loony was dead drunk though..
worse than me..
at least i was sober enough at one point to holler at him...
seriously cant remember anything that happened tat nite...
but i guess sometimes...
its better not to know...
but according to andrew and gang...
i did no "crime-of-the-century"...
that i am glad...
i dunnoe...
maybe i wasnt that drunk...
just 'high'?
like WQ says???
coz i din pengz in bed asleep or anything...
in fact...
i couldnt sleep...
and felt very floaty the entire nite...
but why issit that i dun remember anything...
they told me i got a little close to arun..
but i really cant remember anything...
except holding my head in pain on the bar stool...
damn...
swear i'm never gonna drink like dat ever again...

training the last few days have been pretty siong..
but i guess i'm getting used to it...
no more crying in pain or fatigue...
except for my troubled ankle which is starting to act up again...
its a rest day today...
i dunnoe whether we earned it...
or that andrew kinda gave it to us coz he is too tired after chionging the nite away...
watever the case...
i'm gonna make good use of it...
sleep or wat not...
i'd be glad...
frankly i feel like an ultimate loser...
with a dangly ankle and muscles that threaten to cramp up every now and then...
damn...
am i that weak???
WQ's beating me hands down (or should i say legs down) at the runs...
and at gym...
really doubt my capabilities you know???
somehow after all these i kinda feel i'm not made for surfing...
be it the racing...
the training...
the after-race life...
i'm just the 18 year old still feeling her way ard...
this is life...
but this is not me...
just wanna go back to sg...
continue my life of a hermit...
ya know...
the stay-home freak who is glued to the PC 24/7...
that life is a bliss man...
but i dun think its gonna get me the bread and butter...

pple here have been nice..
and surprisingly...
its the pple who i dont really know very well that left the best impression on me...
the lady who cleans my room seems really nice now...
we smile at each other everytime i meet her at the stairs...
and i offered her some of my pineapple i bought at the fruit truck downstairs...
the fruit vendors are really sweet too...
i mean...
when u are in a foreign land...
and pple acknowledge your presence and treat you like one of their own...
man...
its one of the best feelings in the world...
really...
it would be nice if i could stay here without training my butt off man...
damn...
heheh...
but thats not possible i know...
back to the pple...
think the issue of me getting drunk has been 'spreaded' a little bit...
guy at the beach who calls me by name keep mentioning the club and wad not...
bleah...
i din do nuthing!!!
but that guy's been quite nice la..
i guess thailand's all abt nice pple..
=)

just helped a swedish lady with her hotmail...
so she can send an email to her loved ones...
am glad am glad...
so happie tat i did one good deed today!


but somehow...
it has also been a trip that reminded me that not all pple are nice for the sake of being nice...
but i guess it'll all part of life...
and its a human nature to do things for returns...
no longer kindness for its own sake...
sometimes i get really sick at that fact...
and wonder to myself...
whether i should move on...
and start heck-care-ing abt pple ard me...
or continue doing the things i have alwaz believed in...
and get hurt and depressed that pple are no longer the simple innocent creatures we got to know at the playground...
but complex and manupulative monsters...
all sly and double faced...
despite that i do not deny that i might be one myself..

did i mention?
i lost abit of weight over here...
was 60 at the first weighing...
dun ask me how...
but i was 60...

then dropped to 57 on the 2nd weighing...
amazing fact when u eat like a pig everyday...
havent shit for the day...
and drink water like there's no tomorrow...

but at the last weighing...
it was 58...
can i blame it on the constipation that was bugging me for a couple of days???
but seriously...
its quite a big loss of weight for so little days...
coz in addition to the food we eat...
we are also building muscles...
which are heavier than fat...
so effectively...
I LOST WEIGHT!!!!
woohoo!
big issue man!
and my toilet trip today...
could have easily bombed up pulau tekong man...
do i sound crude???
man!
we dont really care over here...
the 2 girls and sharing a connecting room with the two guys...
and we have oni ONE toilet...
and its either wait ur turn to shit..
or walk 4 levels down for the toilet...
trust me...
when ur legs ache like crazy...
u'd rather sit with your legs crossed like a sissy man...


time to go...
one baht per minute is really getting too expensive for me...
ciaoz!

PS: oh ya...
we watched scary movie 3 one nite with krai....
hahha...
stupid show...
he also said it was a crazy show...
=P
stupid la...
but good that you dont have to think while watching it...
esp since you brain dead after the day of traumatic training...

----Stef stopped rambling at 12:05
--Link to Post

9.12.03
i think something that yujin told me would really come to work here...

tough times dont last...
tough men do...


yujin..
you better be damn rite abt that...


----Stef stopped rambling at 19:15
--Link to Post

final day of the races....
though it signifies the beginning of super siong training...
and more scoldings from coach...

wind was kinda stronger today than any other day...
oni us thot it was strong i guess...
arun helped me with my sail today actually...
nice of him...
coz he din have to...
sail was ultra flat....
like prata...
felt like coward...
but i guess it was the oni way i could sail...
tried to pump...
but was having prbs even trying to bring the harness lines to my harness...
what pump?
results aint fantastic...
they arent even good...
but at least i know i tried beyond wad i think i can do...
was constantly thinking of retiring from the race...
but like in a marathon run...
u just keep telling urself...
50 more metres...
c'mon...
you asshole...
(directed at yourself...insults work...but oni sometimes...)

i guess i survived...
callouses beginning to form on my little palms....
damn...
they hurt...
but they'll stop hurting after awhile i guess...
i await that day...
patiently...

been shopping quite abit actually....
quite unlike me...
but i guess the x'mas mood is getting to me...
good thing i guess...
coz i've alwaz loved x'mas...
its one holiday that is simply oh-so-special...

rest day tmr...
think we're going to some island off pattaya beach...
supposed to be fun...
but how to enjoy when the coach who is bringing you there keeps saying that we are spoilt and shouldnt to enjoying so much...
quite contradictory...
but i guess paradoxes are part and parcel of life...
that one has to let go...
let loose...
if not...
life would be rather miserable...
that...
i would really have to learn la...

must say again...
am enjoying the thai hospitality...
but i guess the least i can do in return..
is chiong harder for trainings...
am trying...
but will try even harder ya???
at least some of them call me by name liaoz...
and the waiter seems to acknowledge my presence every morning...
and my usual little bows at the more senior sailors...
get reciprocated...
and i'm beginning to cultivate a little thai accent...
oh ya...
did i mention?
pple keep thinking i'm thai...
say i look like one of them...
is it the colour???
and that WQ looks like japanese...
haha...
she loves hearing that...
she's my bestest confidant over here la...
so i'm glad...
like last nite...
we spoke till pretty late...
regardless of the fact that we had a race today...
actually i couldnt sleep...
but..
somehow...
we just got talking...
and kinda couldnt stop...

am wearing a top i bought yesterdae...
qi says its revealing...
man...
but i thot its quite cool lor...
anyway i'm wearing the race shirt over it later...
who's to see anything?
=P
unless we're having a nite out...

ciao first...
have to shower some love on my poor little hands...

----Stef stopped rambling at 19:07
--Link to Post

7.12.03
day 2 of racing siam cup...
darn...
just lost an entry...
but heck...

felt pretty ok today...
lousy placings once again...
but i think i learnt pretty much...
andrew hammering me with sail rigging...
surfing the waves instead of crashing into them...
think its my first time doing it...
or least...
going so fast on the wave..
that the sail felt so light and easy to pump...
it was easier to bear away as well...
with just a little foot pressure...
starts today still one of the last...
but at least i'm getting on the line...
not acting like some coward hiding behind the comm. boat or something...
andrew made me rig my outhaul on the 3rd hole...
quite siong for me actually...
coz my guys are on the 4th...
and i thot i saw most of the gaoshous on the 4th as well...
which means my sail would technically be fuller than theirs...
not considering the sail elasticity that is...
not that i'm complacent...
or that i think the wind damn light...
fingers cant hold anymore..
but andrew was in a "do-not-try-to-oppose-me" mood...
just had to go along..
surprisingly it was quite manageable...
prb was just that i was having trouble with the outhaul...
quite scary launching from the beach full of sun-tanners and wat not...
but think it wasnt too bad today...

but think i hurt the arch of my left foot today...
totally couldnt support my weight no more...
hurt a shitty lot...
but just had to limp back all the way back to the hotel la...
rest of them went out...
but i requested to stay in...
din fancy limping halfway across town...
when going to town is supposed to be enjoyable...
not painful...
but loony said i was buay onz...
coz i wasnt too keen on going to the nite market on friday...
coz the race was just the next day...
and today when i was thinking of not going...
but seriously...
dun really care wat pple think anymore...
too tired to be bothered...

yesterdae was quite trying...
somehow...
the guys really got on my nerves...
cant tell who first...
me on their nerves...
or them on my nerves...

but i got kinda pissed...
fancy shouting/jeering/cheering while watching miss world in MY room...
and then asking me to shut up while i was laughing at sam's joke...
somehow it was the last straw...
joking or otherwise...
there is a limit to the abuse i can take...
doesnt matter that they dont wait for me along the jog...
nor does it matter that they will willingly lose me while walking along the streets...
i just need them to treat me the way i treat them...
civil...
do onto others wat you want others to do onto you...
i truly swear by that...

trying to fix my foot in time for tmr's race...
better get back to my room with food...
and before they come back and find me missing...
not like it matters to them...
but heck...

did i mention b4???
i love smiley pple...
so it reallys makes my day when the locals smile at me...
...the lady who cleans my room...
...the fruit seller opposite the beach...
...the lady at the reception who helps to keep our keys...
...some of the young thai sailors....
...arun, who amazingly took the initiative to speak to me this morning...
i alwaz thot he was kinda dao...
though in the polite sense...

...the waiter/waitresses at the coffee house we alwaz eat at...
...the lady who does my laundry...
...and some of the locals who often mistake me as one of their own...
and start speaking to me in thai...
before i blabber "no speak thai...english?"

thais are amazingly hospitable pple...
they make my day pretty again...

oh ya...
the sunset here is amazing...
looks like one big orange lantern that disappears into the horizon...
havent got a chance to get it on film...
but i will...

pple in sg...
take care of yourselves...
it'll probably get all rainy soon...
changing weather...
easy to fall sick...
so take care...

----Stef stopped rambling at 19:29
--Link to Post

4.12.03
blogging from pattaya, thailand...
food here is damn freaking good...
but man...
think we're not that used to all the spices and wad not....
so stomach a little edgy....
sun's really hot here...
but the air is really dry...
so the nites and the early mornings are really really cold...
damn...
training has been horrid so far...
by the 3rd day...
my jogging strides...
turned into little shuffles coz i cant bring my leg any further....
hands, all smooth and supple from non-activity...
other than holding the pen/pencil...
kinda all red and sore already...
hurts a damn shitty lot...
cant even hold up my sail properly...
nor uphaul my sail...
andrew had been relentlessly scolding me...
thing is...
i've been trying my utmost...
but i have my limits...
heck yoda...
sometimes when you cant...
you just cant...
started crying out at sea...
almost screamed at andrew...
or did i?
but i really couldnt take it...
it was my first time sailing after a 5 month hiatus...
i need to at least get back what i had first rite???
locked myself in the room...
sat in the toilet and just cried and cried...
my hands hurt...
my eyes hurt...
i dont think anyone here with me really cares...
feel utterly inferior...
am having difficulty coping with the horrendous inferiority complex....
the last thing i really need is to have andrew shout at me...
as if i din want to train...
i din want to uphaul..
i din want to do a nice gybe...
i din want to tack properly...
i din want to put my feet in the foot strap...
dammit...
just be glad i still remembered how to sail...

i know he's a coach...
he's supposed to push me to the limits...
but not off the limits...
i walked across the busy street from the beach to the motel yesterdae...
barefooted...
and i was wishing that a car would just swerve for somewhere and knock me over or something...
its not suicide....
i wont do such things...
but at that point of time i really din mind dying...
really...
thais have been bringing us out every nite...
dinner...
drinks...
shopping...
but quite frankly...
i think the guys and i are pretty sick of the second hand smoke we have been consuming everynite...
seriously...
all of them smoke...
and man...
we just have to sit there and breathe the air...
as if thailand is not polluted enough with carbon monoxide....
early morning jogs is the oni time we have clean air...
not really so...
but its the best so far...
ran for 1 hr everyday...
to think i oni run abt 15 mins a day back in sg...
this is killer....

back to the crying issue...
made a long D call to luke yesterdae...
just started crying and crying and crying...
he cant do nuts...
but i need someone to hear me out...
maybe even pity me...
heck...
6 bucks lor...
that call...
in SGD...
quite frankly i miss alot of pple back in sg...
luke...
crapping online with ben...
wf's brother, with whom conversation is a breeze...
in short i miss sg...
really want to come home soon...
=(

----Stef stopped rambling at 14:03
--Link to Post

1.12.03
went out with family alot today...
trying to get the most outta them...
will utterly miss them over the 23 days in pattaya...
haiz...
how i wish i could pack my daddy (and his car) into my suitcase...
my mom and her nagging...
my bro and his irritating nature...
my sis and her "do you miss me??? i'm sure you do!!!" everyday...

packed a photo of my family and my council into my log book...
couldnt find one of the klass other than the formal photo..
darn...
but u guys know i'll miss u utterly ya???
lalalalaaaaa....

went for mental training today...
with some sports psychologist...
most of the stuff pretty usual la...
but had lotsa good quotes to share...
one that i could rem best...
walk the walk, dont just talk the talk...
cool yeah???
but lotsa substance in that...
good food for thought...
talking abt food...
packed my fav cranberry cereal, milo, fruit bars, sweets...
yummy...
to think SSF's giving us 40 SGD per day per person for food...
that amounts to 4600 SGD for the 5 of us man...
freak...
like andrew says...
we probably can eat at shangri-la everyday...
man!

now waiting for my phone and discman to charge finish...
then pack those chargers in...
am kinda excited abt flying tomorrow...
but thought of being tortured for 23 days on end...
kinda apprehensive...
but like sports psycho said...
must convert all the negativities into positive thought...
well..
no matter how siong this trip is...
i'm the one benefitting from it...
coz i'm definitely coming back stronger and better than before...
am hoping to make the most out of training...
if not...
its taxpayers money i'm wasting...
and of coz...
my own 1200 bucks i've blown on the trip and the extras...
may god bless my team...

may come online and blog if i can...
but if i dont...
pple...
do take care of yourselves...
holidays liaoz...
enjoy man...
*hugs*
i'll miss you guys...


oh ya...
pple with msn...
do add me...
stef_SIN23@hotmail.com
hopefully net cafes there got msn...
yeah...
miss u peeps...
=)

----Stef stopped rambling at 00:33
--Link to Post

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