| 4.12.03 |
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blogging from pattaya, thailand...
food here is damn freaking good... but man... think we're not that used to all the spices and wad not.... so stomach a little edgy.... sun's really hot here... but the air is really dry... so the nites and the early mornings are really really cold... damn... training has been horrid so far... by the 3rd day... my jogging strides... turned into little shuffles coz i cant bring my leg any further.... hands, all smooth and supple from non-activity... other than holding the pen/pencil... kinda all red and sore already... hurts a damn shitty lot... cant even hold up my sail properly... nor uphaul my sail... andrew had been relentlessly scolding me... thing is... i've been trying my utmost... but i have my limits... heck yoda... sometimes when you cant... you just cant... started crying out at sea... almost screamed at andrew... or did i? but i really couldnt take it... it was my first time sailing after a 5 month hiatus... i need to at least get back what i had first rite??? locked myself in the room... sat in the toilet and just cried and cried... my hands hurt... my eyes hurt... i dont think anyone here with me really cares... feel utterly inferior... am having difficulty coping with the horrendous inferiority complex.... the last thing i really need is to have andrew shout at me... as if i din want to train... i din want to uphaul.. i din want to do a nice gybe... i din want to tack properly... i din want to put my feet in the foot strap... dammit... just be glad i still remembered how to sail... i know he's a coach... he's supposed to push me to the limits... but not off the limits... i walked across the busy street from the beach to the motel yesterdae... barefooted... and i was wishing that a car would just swerve for somewhere and knock me over or something... its not suicide.... i wont do such things... but at that point of time i really din mind dying... really... thais have been bringing us out every nite... dinner... drinks... shopping... but quite frankly... i think the guys and i are pretty sick of the second hand smoke we have been consuming everynite... seriously... all of them smoke... and man... we just have to sit there and breathe the air... as if thailand is not polluted enough with carbon monoxide.... early morning jogs is the oni time we have clean air... not really so... but its the best so far... ran for 1 hr everyday... to think i oni run abt 15 mins a day back in sg... this is killer.... back to the crying issue... made a long D call to luke yesterdae... just started crying and crying and crying... he cant do nuts... but i need someone to hear me out... maybe even pity me... heck... 6 bucks lor... that call... in SGD... quite frankly i miss alot of pple back in sg... luke... crapping online with ben... wf's brother, with whom conversation is a breeze... in short i miss sg... really want to come home soon... =( ----Stef stopped rambling at 14:03 --Link to Post |
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