| 31.8.03 |
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was reading some of the email exchange i had with ben last nite...
it was only a fraction of our correspondence... coz most of it was wee hour chats on ICQ... whose logs i seemed to have misplaced... read one where we discussed abt wad colour jimny was nicer... whether he should get a chilli red jeep... or a silver one the way i liked it... in the end he settled for the forest green... one of the only colours left in the earliest shipment... think he was kinda in a hurry to get his own jeep... we called the jimny his mistress.. and the benz his wife... wonder where i stood... 'the-person-who-sits-in-the-front-passenger-seat'... while i find jeeps cool... it was a tad difficult to get into... rem when i first tried to get on... on the busy road between j8 and the interchange... it was kinda a rush... coz he just finished work... and i bought food so tat we can eat somewhere else... but it was a single lane road... so i practically had to jump in and he would have to speed away... was carrying my fav eastpak... so i couldnt really close the door when half of my bag was sticking out... he had to drive slowly to a corner... let the cars pass... and me safely strapped in... it was crazy memories like these that made letting go freaking difficult... its been 2.5 years... but it still remains fresh... like it happened just yesterdae... ----Stef stopped rambling at 14:12 --Link to Post |
| 30.8.03 |
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man...
this has gotta be the best day of my life... i know... ive been on commercial flights and all... but the joy ride today was simply spectacular... it's really hard to describe... coz putting it all to words wont do justice to the beauty and wonderous sights i got to see... din get to fly it... nvm... din get to sit in front... nvm... but oh man... it was awesome... sg never looked so small... everything looked like little lego blocks... even the expressway looked like a little twig... gawd... being in the clouds... looking down into the beauty of the nature reserves... the reservoirs... seeing AJ from a few thousand feet up... as cold wind rushes through the cabin... its something we cant experience in a commercial flight... where you dont even know the difference between u being airborne or grounded... man... it was really really beautiful... and suddenly you felt so away from ur ground life... elevated... liberated... edwin the president was sitting beside me... i think he was pretty humoured by how awestruck i was... really... i was just speechless... too bad i'm not tall enough... if not... flying my own planes... and not taken on a joyride... dun think i'll have another chance like dis... glad i din miss it... liteng who helped me with the forms... mr tan who was ultra nice throughout the whole thing... my pilot, col thiam... it was the ride of my life... aint giving up hope as yet... maybe i'll continue growing... then i can join while in U??? hopefully... then it'll be another distraction away from surfing... but heck... this is too good to give up... it was the ride of my life... ----Stef stopped rambling at 19:25 --Link to Post |
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yeay...
today is the joyride day!!! going for a ride on the piper warrior... just hope that my pilot aint some terrorist... muahhaha... told myself must finish VJC paper 2 b4 i go... yeay... met my aim... i'm a happie gal! ciaoz! ----Stef stopped rambling at 12:10 --Link to Post |
| 29.8.03 |
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din do much today...
only a few maths questions... trying to finish vj paper 2 by tonite... then can cheong science subs... i know i sound a little pia... but really... this cheonging aint gonna be enuff as well... darn... really sucky... tmr going for joyride on piper warrior... or so i think it is called... woohoo! glad i can go... thanx to sw and lenny and liteng for helping me sign up and stuff... and mr tan shun long for calling me up to tell me that got space... though i gave up liaoz... sooooo happie... so must finish maths tonite then can go tmr happily... was studying at sk library... =P had a smoked salmon sandwich... a latte... and a caramel latte... shiok! but sinful... darn... been spending alot of money lately... dont even think i can afford to buy tao ze's jing xuan CD liaoz.... must scrimp and save... but how to when i keep eating out and studying at fast food joints??? beats me... now... back to maths... KANBATE!!! ----Stef stopped rambling at 23:01 --Link to Post |
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nice...
"When we walk to the edge of all the light we have and take the step into the darkness of the unknown, we must believe that one of two things will happen. There will be something solid for us to stand on or we will be taught to fly." - Patrick Overton ----Stef stopped rambling at 15:30 --Link to Post |
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home sweet home...
at abt 1pm?!?!?! ya.... sch ended ard 9something... but stayed in school... to play bball... played with so many pple.. ...some of the girls bball team... ...councillors... ...tohwei and eugene... ...eng soon... fun lah... once again... i was the one making the most noise... but started to keep quiet soon after... after i realised everyone was so quiet... hhehe... made a few good shots... and won jh in man jiang... so happie! this teachers day is kinda unlike last year's when i was running ard like a busy bee... phew... it was fine lah... a little on the slow side... but i had a great morning... playing ball esp... yeay!!! maybe go grab a nap or something... then head out to maybe the library for some maths... yeay! ciaoz. ----Stef stopped rambling at 14:19 --Link to Post |
| 28.8.03 |
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BRAIN DEAD...
had PE today quite fun lah... won the two games with 2-0 and 1-0... me scored 3 goals... am happie... coz been so long since i last played... the tutorials were qite slack lah... but tiring lah... coz been doing alot of work recently... cant slack... prelims are near... need to prepare... chem pract today was quite ok lah... at least it was do-able... came home after tat.. coz dun wanna study in sch... need my bath... so tat i wont fall asleep... maybe go BK study soon??? YC in sch today... so nobody pei wo... but i will survive! was sms-ing cy in the bus... i think i gave him the impression tat i'm very sianz... and sad... dunno why either.. i'm pretty fine actually... except for the stuff that keeps replaying in my mind... tired of tat... really wanna put it all down.. but just cant seem to... never really speak to him this week... i dunnoe how to interpret it though... that the feelings are starting to fade... or tat i'm trying my best to put it aside... trying not to look at him... ...not to listen out for his voice or laughter... ...not to start any conversations... maybe i'm just sensitive... but it feels as if these efforts were two-way... like he's keeping a distance from me... caught his gaze a couple of times today... but it seemed all so uncomfortable... ...maybe it just isnt meant to be... its kinda weird of me actually... to blog of different pple in a same period of time... maybe thats just how confused and clueless i am... dun even know wads going on in my mind... ----Stef stopped rambling at 18:19 --Link to Post |
| 27.8.03 |
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i guess one of the most tell-tale signs that i fang bu xia is the fact that i'm still using his nick...
...his IRC/iCQ nick... ...one which he explained to me as a abrevation of 'ben is lazy'... ...which he used while chatting to me on countless nites... ...that i picked up to use coz i guess it was the closest i could get to him... shouldnt have said i would never msg him again... ...when i wanted so much to do so... shouldnt have said maybe we shouldnt meet up anymore... ...when i longed to see him so... ----Stef stopped rambling at 22:48 --Link to Post |
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wednesday...
really tired... falling asleep duirng klass... but manage to stay awake... but yawn alot... then keep tearing... look as if i'm crying... not having the best of days lah... whole day like sian sian... acting out of character... nuthing major happened i guess... PMS... periodic mood swing??? i guess... =) went to do work with YC and merv at rivervale mall... haha... inconvenience both of them... to my advantage... muahahah... but i really love the seats there... damn shiok... dunnoe why alot of pple in klass all so sian sian... stress? maybe... just hope that things will turn for the better for all of them... everyone just looks really down... =) ----Stef stopped rambling at 19:56 --Link to Post |
| 26.8.03 |
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that day i was contemplating the fact that i put my baggage down???
well... i guess not... i think i still miss ben... ...the lemon/lime freshener in his jeep... ...our crappy sms-es... ...the late nites online... ...that star-gazing nite at mt faber... ...our emails... ...that afternoon sitting on the swings and talking the day away... ...our stupid drawings which we faxed to each other... ...the little packages of sweets which we mailed to one another... ...how we bought the same packs of skittles and sent it over on the same very day... ...the way he held my hand and told me everything was going to be alright... ...i just had to believe him... that was years ago... but really... i do miss him... ----Stef stopped rambling at 22:31 --Link to Post |
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really tired...
of everything... though i cant really say wad... dunnoe whether it is things not going well for me... or just that me experiencing a mood swing of some sorts... i dunnoe... maybe i've been too bothered abt pple ard me... trying too hard to please... maybe i should just be selfish... maybe i am already... somehow... the principles by which i have been living my past 18 years by seems all so redundant and irrelevant... seriously... can i really disregard everything and everyone ard me??? i wanna live life for myself.. not for anyone...anymore... argh... mood swing... Do Not Disturb. ----Stef stopped rambling at 22:17 --Link to Post |
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kinda not as eager to blog today...
maybe coz tired... even fell asleep while talking to YC and lala on the bus... sianz... think they also abit siao siao one lah... hurting each other with rubber bands and all... long day today... oni done at 6pm.. crazy... physics mock... gP paper 2 mock... pengz! tomorrow is early day lah... but still must study... coz got mock chem pract on thurs.. siaoz... i dying liaoz... everyday go sch like vampire... me gonna try sleep early tonite... and not remain insomniac like alwaz... went for jog... piangz timing damn jialat... increased like 2 minutes lor... on the bright side... it means i jogged 2 mins more then usual... from 15:++ to almost 17:00 lor... for a distance slightly longer than 2.4km... pengz... am i jialat or waD??? k k... go visit my zoo now... then bathe... then sleep... wednesday! here i come!!! ----Stef stopped rambling at 20:48 --Link to Post |
| 25.8.03 |
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super monday!!!
reduced timetable... not bad lah... but tmr's a killer... mock physics... timed pract for GP... siao... think i'm going to die... bleah... today studied with alwin in bishan... was abit farnie... coz actually tat place quite noisy... met jerhsuan there... so ate together... yeay... quite fun lah.. crapped truckloads with alwin lai... almost came to blows over a maths qn.. actually more like me hitting him oni... then discussing a chem prb with jh with much fervour... hehehe... am glad... long day... but did quite a bit... went thru a few physics topics... not much... but was more sleepy than anything else lah... bleah... oh yah.. finished reading YXY's essay... after so long leh... muahahah... thats how cheem it actually is... oh ya... merlala... hope you like the shirt... the cake... and that you had a happie birthday!!! ----Stef stopped rambling at 21:36 --Link to Post |
| 24.8.03 |
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just back...
watched LXG with cy... found it super good... eugene thot it was lousy though... think that guy abit fussy abt movies... walked lido-wisma-lido-wisma... siao... but then its... buy tix-eat breeks-watch movie-buy wallet... saw 2 18th councillors today... not including cy... erm... fish and joseph... heheh... so farnie... dont think fish saw me though... cy pointed him out to me from far far... had dilun calling me halfway while i was shopping... retail therapy... bot something for a fren... two tank tops for myself... a birthday card... liquid paper... and the nice pen i just discovered... he said eugene looking for me and whether he should give him my number... coz it seems that gene lost his phone... and my number with it... hahha quite funnie... coz lun was asking me to ask him a authorisation qn first... hahha... just asked for his surname lah... which i think sufficed... eugene called me when i was at compass point... buying breadtalk... talked on the phone all the way until i reached home... muahaha... thats how much crap we have... truckloads... =) and it seems... it wasnt gene who talked to dilun and got my number... but gene's fren... crazy... something like gene told him abt me... abt he lost his phone and then cannot contact me since friday... which was when we were supposed to meet up... think his fren also abit siao siao... *bleah* dont think gene's gonna see this... his comp crashed... muahahha... so i can say all the bad things abt him... k k... i'm a happie girl today... crapped truckloads with cy... retail therapy... realised that gene din fang me aeroplane on friday... am a happy girl... i am... ----Stef stopped rambling at 19:45 --Link to Post |
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i think the stress in kicking in..
cant seem to solve a simple stats Qn in the NY paper... argh... too many things to do... too little time... ironic tat i'm going to watch LXG with cy tmr... but i really need to buy something... i hate dilemmas... cant seem to weigh stuff out properly... will wake early tmr to do GP and finish up my maths... either that... or i'll come home early and pia maths at nite... but GP... must be finished b4 i go out... din do any science subs... gawd... wad is my life coming to? stress is getting kinda bad... easily irritated by my family... which isnt fair to them... i'm sorry... for snapping at them ever so often... bear with me... till i get the right momentum... fear is kicking in... sometimes i really dunnoe what to do... ----Stef stopped rambling at 02:01 --Link to Post |
| 23.8.03 |
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happie!!!
went out with bro and parents to eat KFC... and buy the timex watch that is on offer... 38 bucks... not very nice lah... looks like some kiddy watch... but at least now i dont have to switch between my adidas and my ugly pink babyG when i go out to sea... was doing work the whole day after two... but din achieve much... argh! sianz... dont think can go out watch LXG liaoz... but bo pian leh... got an important mission for tmr... argh.. hope i can finish my maths tonite... and GP by tmr morning... at least i'll be prepared for monday... ----Stef stopped rambling at 19:38 --Link to Post |
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this is pretty much everybody's fav song in yeh hui mei...
its my fav too... so.. enjoy... thanks to jing for telling where to get this... Qing tian ----Stef stopped rambling at 16:58 --Link to Post |
| 22.8.03 |
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today was great...
though it din start very well... think i kinda irritated a number of pple abt the seoul garden outing today... got sick of irritating them too... gave up... but glad that 15 pple turned up in the end... damn happie... sat with the bulk of the guys... anywayz YC alwaz say i more guy than ger... which is true to a certain extent... oh well... shared table with jing...YC...cherchin... heheh... crapped alot lah... never knew cc can be so farnie... and the guys... woohoo! were great i guess... cant really tell why the rest cannot make it... give them benefit of doubt... tat they really have something more impt on... on hindsight... realise that i cant help it if they dont feel for the klass as much as i do... and tat i should actually stop imposing my feelings on others... sorries to all those who were offended by me over the past two days... just thot that today was really a day too good to miss... back to SG... piangz.... really had lotsa fun... the photo below is a pretty pixelled version of the photo i asked a small boy to help us take... i think its great... am thankful... lunch was fun lah... everyone abit siao siao... like me... playing with hanging angklungs... doing sunkist commercialz... taking lotsa photos... crapping... laughing... telling jokes... IQ questions... in short... i had a great time... really... haiz... even though almost quarrelled with YC over this... i'm glad it blew over and we ended up studying, more like crapping, at SK library... he was nice enuff to pei me as i waited for idiot eugene's msg... which never came... stupid guy... but if i'm not wrong... his phone no batt... his charger at camp... and think he just discharged from NS... e-diot! =P greatest part was tat my sibs also dropped by the library to borrow books... saw me and YC... piangz... and they gave me the look... *pengz* went home and gave myself up... pleaded innocent... hahha! kk... ciaoz first... ----Stef stopped rambling at 22:48 --Link to Post |
| 21.8.03 |
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thursday!!!
finally... can do PE liaoz... learnt the ACES day dance... then played bball with merv...ws...YC...jing and merser... hahaha... was very noisy once again... but thats just me rite??? even when i'm playing intersch's i'm also the noisiest one... =) really laughed alot today... coz yesterdae... lala and i started a piece of paper... to pass ard the klass... telling them abt seoul garden tomorrow... everyone wrote their responses... and today... the fmaths guys did it during their lecture... its damn freaking funnie... couldnt concentrate during chem tut... coz was laughing too hard... will get the piece of paper from them tmr... then blog it in... its really damn funnie... or at least... it was becoz it contained all the jokes specific to each one... maybe oni funnie coz of all the memories it generates... am listening to qing tian repeatedly... read the lyrics last nite... think its damn cool... if i can get the chinese lyrics... will post it up here... talked to him today... not that kinda fei hua talk... but somehow... just being able to converse with him kinda makes me happie... very much so in fact... dunnoe why... may tell my pals i'm considering of giving up... but frankly... i think i'm just in denial... denying that i'm actually falling deeper by the day... ----Stef stopped rambling at 16:39 --Link to Post |
| 20.8.03 |
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wednesday!!!
pretty fast lah... had long two periods trying to write essay.... but first attempt on an arts question was kinda way off... so decided to switch to science and religion question... piangz... the GCE paper really not easy lor... die die die... wonder how this year will be like.... jialat... went down to beach today.... was supposed to only clean my sail of the tar that got on my sail coz of the recent oil spill out at sea... but mr tan had a filming to do... film him coaching... some pple from sports council... so went to be background... support him mah... he's our shifu okie... cleaned up my sail... but sad coz still got alot of oil that cant come out... haiz... think i'll be going pattaya with pokka dotted sail... met wern how... and i think his gf lah... uncle ben... uncle suddin they all... so happie... uncle ben liked my new hair... yeay... suddenly the beach felt so homely again... din tell many pple abt my fractured toe... but everyone came up to me to ask me abt it... wh... uncle suddin... uncle ben... mr tan... leeching... rachel.. qi.... even though not many at the beach... i just felt so loved.. =P erm.... note to lala: me not giving up lah... but i guess its just that it's time i kept my actions in check... b4 i start embarassing myself... which i'm already doing... ----Stef stopped rambling at 21:01 --Link to Post |
| 19.8.03 |
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tuesday!!!
bleah... long day.. many things... too many in fact... but one of the impt things that happened today.... is during class civics lesson... you know the thing abt throwing a ball of yarn abt... telling everybody how much they mean to you and stuff... yeah... did that today... although wasnt really year end liaoz... could feel the end approaching... when things started pouring out... the tear ducts couldnt really do their job liaoz... almost wanted to cry... i dunnoe why.... but 01 sorta meant alot to me... cant say why or how... but it has been great... rem din really enjoy being in 01 in the first 3 mths... yesh... that was how much the incident affected me.. but somehow... stayed... even though i hated f maths... never regretted tat decision since... like i said in klass today... never had guys in class in sec sch... so its a little different... not much though... coz they alwaz end up being bullied by me or something like dat... 01's special... girls sat apart from the guys... yesh... big distinction btw fmaths ppl and non-fmaths... yesh... but somehow... there seem to be an invisible bond... kinda like permanent dipole-permanent dipole forces that keeps our klass together... the diversity of us all actually binds us together.... amazing but true... i was kinda speechless during the session today... but no one can ever understand how much i had to say abt the klass... i could stand there and say something abt every single one in the klass if i had to... coz everyone meant something to me... really... wad xiuz said was true... sec sch teachers told us... frens from jc cannot be compared to that of sec schs... but i'm pretty sure... frenz i made in JC... are no less...if not more...amazing than pple i met in sec sch... really... like having YC studying with me even though the consultation is alwaz one-way... only me asking him and not the other way ard... its these kinda selfless acts... tat makes it all seem all so wonderful... i thanked YC during the yarn thingy today... but i din get the yarn ball often enough to thank all the pple i need to thank... coz the idiotic guys alwaz kept the ball within themselves... maybe i'll do it here.... thanks melissa and lala.... somehow you two are alwaz able to pick up the times i wasnt feeling great... and made my days look bright again... you both are my sunshine... weihao... for slamming the audi door in melissa and my face... but know that you suggested buying my bottle back for me... i kinda accept my loss... but cherished the fact that i have frenz like you who would do things like tat for me... all the girls... for being just as they are... bringing in the laughter...crap...and for just being there... how we dont shy away from holding each other's arm... lending a shoulder to cry on... both literally and metaphorically... merv... for ur verbal diahorrea... walking from klass to klass with ya never seem boring... maybe coz we crap on the same frequency... and so.... many more... will add on in the coming days... i love 01... i really do... thinking of writing postcards to the peeps ard me... i dunnoe... it'll take my mind off work and stress for a while... and hopefully brighten up their days... ----Stef stopped rambling at 21:00 --Link to Post |
| 18.8.03 |
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woohoo!
crazy monday is finally over... been quite a day lah... early morning kena suaned by mr wee... then the day passed quickly with 3 lectures... me falling asleep in mr wee's klass... and getting caught for it... not that i din try to stay awake... just so happen that i sat in full view of mr wee... so oni closed eyes for wad seemed like a second or so... then he niao me liaoz... been insomniac for the past couple of weeks... stress?? most prob... really cant sleep... just stare into the ceiling late into the night... argh... cant understand why... minghui saw me early this morning as well.. commented that i looked like i really lacked sleep... but i cant help it!!!! today was esp crazy.. dunnoe why... was in the mood of jumping ard mindlessly... disturbing everyone... but oh well... did stupid things... like pretending i electrocuted myself while switching on the lights and fans in physics lab... hope oni lala saw... coz it was one of the dumbest stunts i ever pulled... =P maybe happy coz i did most of the work i had to laioz... never knew doing homework can be so enjoyable... hahhaa.... not tat... but the feeling of accomplishing something is pretty great... woohoo! yeah... ooh yeah... dancing in the mo0nlight... everybody's dancing in the moonlight.... k k... will get down to doing some work now... wait... after my bath that is... woohoo!!! oh yeah borrowed more books from sk library... this time... it's DISCRIMINATION and CENSORSHIP... pls remind me to read hor... reading in the moonlight... everybody's gonna lose their eyesight... ----Stef stopped rambling at 20:57 --Link to Post |
| 17.8.03 |
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Number 5
You are very popular within the community. You can get things done by just chatting to even enemies! You have a pretty good business mind. You are someone who acts on impulse. You will be famous if you open up a business, get involve in share dealings, music etc. Very popular with sense of humor, you are the one your friends and families will always ask for help and you are the one actually get money on credit and help your friends!! You will have more than 1 relationship, but when you get settle down you will be a bit selfish. Anyway, because your other half will have a pretty good amount of control in you. Be careful you tend to go for other relationships contacts even you are married at times because of your popularity. You are someone who gets along with anyone because the number 5 is the middle number. You like changes and freedom. You are an Explorer with Magic on your face. You learn your life through experience and it's your Best Teacher!!! Your best matches are 1, 2, 9. Good matches are 6, 8. interesting... wf is a 1... so is ben... he is a 2... =) just ended my chat with wq on the fone... man... it was a simple fone call to get me down to the beach on wed... but we ending up talking for so long... seems that she cant go pattaya right after our papers end... coz she has SAT... and prom... so... it's either me alone with the guys... or i'll go with her... and meet the guys there... woohoo! which one??? i think parents gonna flip both ways... being the only girl with a bunch of guys... and going to pattaya alone with wq... oh well... so am pretty sure i'm going for DnD... woohoo!!! happy days! oh happy days... ----Stef stopped rambling at 23:54 --Link to Post |
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couldnt resist coming back online...
finished paper 1 of chem... still got so much to go thru... din do much today... coz was on the phone with james for a period of time... idiot guy... had to disturb my momentum for studying... but did pretty alot of catching up... mom's away... maid's gone back to indon... tried using the microwave today... stupid bro asked me to cover the container... ignorant me forgot all my chem and physics... that air expands with heat... the cover burst open halfway thru... hahaha... ran ard the whole house after my bro man... =P freak... dunno whether he did that on purpose annot... but trying to help out with the housework as well... emptying bins... whitewashing my sibs shoes... washing abit of the clothes... man... not alot.. but i guess its a good start... to a month without my domestic help... =) will get down to data analysis now... wish me best~ ----Stef stopped rambling at 15:46 --Link to Post |
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this week wasnt as great as last week lah...
esp with things pertaining to my infatuation... as such the last glimmer of hope was probably put out liaoz... am content with being frenz... but seriously... i dunno whether he knows... coz it seemed that many already guessed... i hope not... coz i guess i should be slowly putting it down... such things are only sweet at the beginning... but leaves a bitter aftertaste... maybe it should end before it reaches that stage... had ben at the back of my mind during the 'o's... affecting my studies... dun wanna the same thing to happen for my 'a's... ben's b-dae passed without me doing anything for him... din even send a postcard like i usually do... even for the most insignificant dates... am i really moving on??? finally?? or was it just coz i was too busy??? i hope for the former... but even if so... i long for a day when i could bump into him on the streets... just to know he's okay... ----Stef stopped rambling at 11:38 --Link to Post |
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finally back online!!!
hope the thing with the worm kinda blown off... coz being unable to blog for the past couple of days... actually oni yesterdae... was quite torturous actually... knowing me... yesterdae was entirely spent on the floor of my living room... doing maths on the coffee table... one thing that my home lack is a proper study table... sis took up the dining table... so i'm kinda left with the poor coffee table... not bad lah... jap culture... but seriously... it was the longest session of maths ever... so proud of myself... but seriously... it wasnt that much of an acheivement... took so long becoz i just couldnt seem to get the answers... argh! yesterdae i was thinking of getting my hair shorter today... but woke up to it looking okay... so thought i rather wait till my mom comes back from bintan... so that she could give me valuable advice... hair' sticking out at the ends... and its really quite irritating... maybe laoda's rite... should cut armani... bleah... no way... don wanna get chased out of the female toilet like i did b4 back in pri sch days... i wanna watch the league of extraordinary gentlemen.. i think it looks damn freaking nice... why pass out on a chance to drool at all those ultra cool guys... all in one movie??? man! not often lor.... dont care... will watch it next week... k k... will get down to chem and physics today... and if i can... write the essay for which i did a mindmap liaoz... "Censorship is an insult to Man's intelligence. Comment." cheers! ----Stef stopped rambling at 11:28 --Link to Post |
| 15.8.03 |
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din blog yesterdae...
i think the scare with the worm... and the thought of possible annhilation of my PC kinda kept me offline... went to CGH for the xray after sch yesterdae... seems tat all's clear... so u would probably see me back on the waters in no time... but dad kinda apprehensive abt me going back to train... anyways... the a's approaching... met YC and merv at compass point after that... to study lor.. din study much... coz they were more bent on suaning me than anything else... i say one sentence they rebutt 5.... yeah... it was dat bad... forced yoshinoya down YC's throat... muahahah... and did stupid things with contest forms... =) bad hair day today... actually its more like everyday... but wad the heck... maybe i'll get it shorter over the weekend... the heat is unbearable... almost to the stage of suffocation... bleah... eeks! having cramps... woke up in the middle of the night to a bad bout of it... argh! unbearable! downed the painkillers just now... after breakfast... tat was at least 15 mins ago... but it still hurts like shit... why isnt it working?? darn... maybe i'll have to do some work to keep my mind off it... lala's been saying that i'm pretty quiet the whole of today... dont think so leh... still pretty noisy and everything... maybe she thinks i'm quiet coz i din really talk to her today... but how to when most of the time i have the back of her head to my face? i'm not quiet...moody...or tired... if i am i would admit it... i cant lie well... so if i deny... it really means that i'm ok... =) pattaya thingy came back into the picture today.. coz i kinda asked PC abt her taking over my seat... i really really wanna go DND... but wanna go pattaya as well... so argh! =P ----Stef stopped rambling at 10:50 --Link to Post |
| 13.8.03 |
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slack day...
din do much chem with YC... waited till the rain subsided... then made our way to sk for dinner... poor guy... have to pei me like dat... but oh well... thats for being my fren... my frenz always kena qi fu by me one... =) battlefield was pretty not bad today... had fun... erm... was kinda enriching... really... learnt alot of things... the guide was great... very knowledgable... cheers! talked alot to YC today... its quite farnie actually... to think abt how much i detested working with him last year coz of a misunderstanding we had over work... but seriously... he aint that bad a person... hahah... not that he was bad to start off with... but that we had a bad start to our frenship lah... guess things worked out ok... told him my secret liaoz.... so he's the second guy to know... i know i din wanna more pple to find out... but somehow... i found it damn difficult to keep it from him... and really wanted to tell him... haha... dunno why either... =P but YC kinda agreed tat it was impossible... so i gave up all remaining hope i actually had... oh well... nevertheless... it has been a great thing liking ***... i cant comprehend what i feel... but its been making me work harder... which is in fact a good thing... =) i know where i stand... and tat i could never be on the same level as him... but i guess i'm happy simply being frens... and would rather writhe in silence than risk losing our frenship by some impulsively foolish declaration... life's not all abt work... nor love... nor relationships... nor studies... there's no imperative... being in relationships b4... am able to see the pros and cons of both... it is beautiful yeah... but like most beautiful things are... they're not a necessity... maybe i was too young then to fully understand it... to make it work for us... 21mths wasnt a long time for a relationship... though in comparision to my peers, it was... 21 mths was a long time to realise that it wasnt meant to be... i was sad... so was he... or so i hoped... but i guess both of us had to move on... and i'm glad we did... ----Stef stopped rambling at 23:03 --Link to Post |
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blogging in school...
=( think something wrong with my stomach... went to the toilet like twice today... chem lect once... and physics lect once... hope its not the beef noodles yesterdae... coz jud had the same thing... hope its not the apple pie this morning... coz i gave a slice to clarence... hope he din go toilet too... mr wee's not here again today... seems that he's on MC... seems that i did my paper 2 in vain again... grr... hate it to the core... but bo pian... wad can i do??? day today started off pretty uneventfully i guess... but there's battlefield coming up... and studying with YC later... more like to do nov 2002 paper 3 of chem... and for me to ask him Qns... long day... hope i have enuff spirit to last me thru... ----Stef stopped rambling at 10:16 --Link to Post |
| 12.8.03 |
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bad day...
ask lala lah... black face for most of the day... lost my adidas water bottle... kena grilled by maths tutor... piangz... was quite gek... the way she grilled me was as if i copied my work... din appreciate it lor... i DID my own work lor... at least for all the stats tuts... but couldnt answer coz we din understand her question and did it too long ago to remember anyway... sucky... argh... but more importantly... i lost my bottle!!! its darn special to me... coz my whole team got one each... and not that we bought it together... but it so happen that all of us got the same series... how coincidental can things get??? events of the day... *mrs wong gave her blessings to the 'gay couple' of our klass... *YXY's back from penang today... *i decided against retaking my SAT... *mr wee din come to sch today... but day was brighter again when jud smsed me to ask whether i could meet him today... bo pian... weird day... weird time... but bo pian... he's going back on sat liaoz... so met him at city hall... shopped abit at city link... where i bot a keychain... he bot a bag... tried to choose a pair of quarts for him... but that fussy guy... dis cannot that cannot... =P met gerald after awhile... then went suntec food court for dinner... this trio attracted quite a few stares... i think pple were thinking why was someone like me out with two ultra shuai ge... jud and gerald are probably two of the best looking guys in the team lor... gerald's like 23 years old... but we were saying he looks like 20 or younger lor... and jud looks like elvin yio... hahhaa... damn glad i caught jud though... i think when he leaves on sat.. he'll be gone for an even longer time... stupid guy is going U in sept lor... c'mon... that guy is supposed to be younger than me... but he's going to U ahead of me... aint fair... but seriously... Wat is? gave me a hug before i lft for my dad's car... din think too much of it... until i realised it was probably the last one if i dont send him off on sat... MUST go down on sat... the goodbye today din suffice... okok... its time for maths... nitey! ----Stef stopped rambling at 23:03 --Link to Post |
| 11.8.03 |
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monday!!!!
with my new hair... reach sch early in the morning... clarence din recognise me... hahaha... kt also cannot recognise me... but this hair very hot ah... buay ta han... had it clipped for a good part of the day... today was ok lor i guess... tiring... but oh well.. lotsa breaks... tmr will be busier... tonite got quite alot of stuff to do... eeks! dont like... but still... i must strive... the a's aint that far away... KANBATE!!! ----Stef stopped rambling at 20:03 --Link to Post |
| 10.8.03 |
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feel so guai...
stayed home today... but havent started on any work... well.. its oni 1330 hrs... if i can put it that way... wil start off on physics and maths after my lunch... which would be right after this... its a happy day... din wake to big hair and all... so am pretty glad... but am thinking if i were to continue jumping ard sch like i alwaz do... think i'll look more like a mad woman... than i already do... think me acting alot like gy... but oh well... she was one of my best pals in tk rite??? some of her would have rubbed off me ya??? in fact.. i was one of the more serious...calm...collected one in my grp of frenz leh... thats why mz chuan made me capt ya??? like real... but seriously... i used to be taken darn seriously... in the good way... but not anymore... i dunnoe whether thats good or bad... *ponder* ----Stef stopped rambling at 13:32 --Link to Post |
| 9.8.03 |
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came back home at abt 430...
spent some time at the temple praying to my late grandad... it was kinda an occasion that we get together with our cousins and all... its a feeling quite mixed actually... brats...cuties... all into one... but still... had a good time.. despite being one of the rarest guests on such occasions... usually give it a miss... coz some of the seniors actually dont earn my respect thru the things they do... or rather... should have done... they make my mom sad... and considering i'm already such a prb by myself.... hate seeing other pple make her sad... thats why i dont hold back scolding my dad if he was mean to her... ate alot today... just kept eating... oh well... mum said my face look sunken... how could tat be? havent been exercising since gawd knows when... maybe coz my hair looks bigger... therefore my face look smaller... hint: homerun... din go out with jud today... he was thinking of crashing mel's b-dae... coz zhiyou's there... wanted me to join him... but nah... not comfy doing stuff like dat... dont know mel that well.. not even zhiyou... so... oh well... offered to help him pack instead... for his trip back to canada... just hope i can see him b4 he goes back there... dont wanna miss him... told cy not going out with him tmr also... feel kinda insecure with my new hair... maybe when i get more accustomed to it??? family quite relentless with their suan-ing... aint helping my confidence... =P will grab my bath now... then its time for some maths... ----Stef stopped rambling at 19:15 --Link to Post |
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got my wsf-ing ranking le...
totally in the middle of the pack... abt 8th... am behind alot of pple... even pple who arent on my team... but also becoz i missed like 3 competitions... so am behind lili and adrian... think andrew's going to chop me up into little pieces... 'why am i on the team when my ranking sux?' may get kicked out... sad... maybe its a blessing in disguise... but to get kicked out coz of an injury? =( ----Stef stopped rambling at 12:11 --Link to Post |
| 8.8.03 |
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i think i mentioned...
but heck... my hair quite short now... if i tie up... everything will start falling apart... which renders tying up pointless... thing is got lotsa hair... so short hair's kinda...big... if i can put it that way... bought gel... lotsa it... if the hair doesnt work out... u'll probably see a geek in sch on monday... all gel-ed up... mom says its nice... but maybe coz its blown dry today... wonder how it'll be like if i dont blow my hair... since i normally dont... argh!!!! i'm dead... dont tell me i've to spend 20 minutes everyday doing something i never donw b4 in my whole entire life!!! oh no!!! now regretting the impulsive way i made my decision... but happi i feel the load off my head lah... ----Stef stopped rambling at 23:01 --Link to Post |
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lala says i look very xinfu when i talk abt him...
i guess i feel so... even though i cant/dont/wont have him... it just makes me happy... now... even have a special section in my bedtime prayer.. just for him... not 'abt him-for me'... but 'for him'... maybe this is how it is... to want the person to be happier than you are... =) ----Stef stopped rambling at 17:28 --Link to Post |
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feel so li hai today...
spent some time with myself... did go out with klass for awhile... for breakfast and movie... but went off to get my hair cut... bank book changed... and compass point for some gel... think my hair abit jialat... lihai coz i feel so independent... told lala no need to pei me... rather she go out with the klass... told eugene i'm busy... and stopped replying sam's sms... oh well... think i should try to stop going out as often... if i can help it... but going out with jud tmr.. and probably cy on sun... see how... these two are pple i cant really put off... jud's going back canada next week... cy... i dunnoe why... but want to and think i should... watched homerun today.. damn good a show... to all those who have something against local productions... it'll shut u up... coz its pretty good... story.. acting.. the kids were great... and stuff like dat... issues raised were damn good as well... sensitive yet subtle... power... 5 popcorns! k k... ciaoz... ----Stef stopped rambling at 17:23 --Link to Post |
| 7.8.03 |
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almost 10 when i came back home...
piangz... 6 hrs oni do a few questions... but seriously had fun studying with YC... which shouldnt be the case... coz i'm supposed to be concentrating and pia-ing really hard... joked...suaned...and all the crap... but i think now i know abit more abt ionic equilibria... and found the similarity btw the questions mrs wong asked us to do... cheem ah... looking forward to when she'll explain to us... k... ciaoz liaoz.. tomorrow ND celebrations! ----Stef stopped rambling at 23:21 --Link to Post |
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today's another happy day...
din do pe so just walked ard with yj... watching the guys play bball... and cheering for the gals soccer... happy coz of blah blah blah... wont type it here... coz pple who can know already do... know that what he did din mean that much... but still darn happi... cant help it... going to study with YC at BK liaoz... ciaoz... ----Stef stopped rambling at 14:50 --Link to Post |
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kinda got an email last nite...
andrew's bringing us up to pattaya thailand for december... probably be spending like 3 weeks there... my first overseas training stint... though i competed in penang b4.. this will be my first training overseas... will join the siam cup at the end of it... actually am freaked out abit... coz its gonna be like... months without training... preparing for a levels... then suddenly go pattaya and chiong.... feel apprehensive... got lotsa reasons why i dont wanna go... but more reasons why i should go... its much of a dilemma actually... coz i really wanna stay... i wanna go for DnD... its like i missed the class chalet liaoz... coz of penang... i dun wanna miss something like dat again... somemore PC said they wanna get chalet.... i think most probably i'll be left out again... damn sad... sometimes i do wonder why i cant be just like any of my peers... have all the time in the world... to chill out...date...hang out...sleep...or just to have time for myself... i dont talk to myself enough... that i hardly even know myself... i know it sounds psychotic... i want time to daydream... thats all... typical day during the pattaya trip... Tuesday 021203 0600hrs Morning run 0630hrs Warm down and stretching 0700hrs Gym workout 0745hrs Warm down and shower 0800hrs Breakfast and rest 1000hrs Water training - drills 1200hrs Lunch break – rest 1430hrs Water training – sailing correction 1530hrs Course racing 1700hrs Tactics correction 1800hrs Warm down, stretching, wash up 1900hrs Dinner 2000hrs Briefing for the day’s training Course discussion 2100hrs Lights out thats oni the first day after we touched down on monday... gawd... dunnoe how i would survive it... 3 whole weeks! and i thot i could stay in sg and take up some martial arts after the a levels... was thinking i could use the time to slack... did cross my mind to drop out of the team... fear...reluctance...fatigue... i dunnoe... i havent lost the passion for the sport... nor the desire to succeed... but... i dunnoe wad either... this is a huge opportunity for us... after this... if we're keen... and good... they'll send us to hainan or zhejiang in future... to train with the chinese province teams... met them before... and thot they're great... seriously.... i dunnoe how... big decision... dont think i can decide on my own... ----Stef stopped rambling at 14:40 --Link to Post |
| 6.8.03 |
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yeah...
jud just called me just now... going out with him on sat... so happie.. finally he's back from canada... just so glad... happie today... really am... somehow feel tat no matter how my grades suck... i have great pple ard me... and that'll suffice... that IS life... ----Stef stopped rambling at 22:22 --Link to Post |
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today was one long day...
chem and physics lecture went by pretty fast... then had break... ate breakfast... had to... coz was donating blood later in the day... then went to outside LT1 to do some work... worked on my WITS presentation... which sucked... team got silver... but oh well... have to admit we din work as hard as guoyi's group... man... they were great lah... lent my college pin to a scholar... who was abt to go see principal... hahha... seemed tat YXY got approval to go back penang this weekend... been crapping truckloads with everybody around me... work stress? maybe just crazy me... donated blood this afternoon... wah lau.. hate it leh... every time anyone tries to poke me for blood ah... they alwaz have prb looking for my vein for something... today... she poke damn long... no blood flow out... then when blood did flow... it kept stopping intermittenly... gawd... YXY was just beside me... he poked more than 5 mins after me... but finished like earlier than me lor... piangz.. somemore my bag not full... argh... feel so lousy... =P WITS wasnt that eventful lah... but we had fun... duirng rehearsals and while working on the proj... yeah~ ----Stef stopped rambling at 19:43 --Link to Post |
| 5.8.03 |
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fell asleep at the workstation while editing my education essay...
sucks... damn tired... dont know why... might be the late nites... but cant help it... just too much to do... too little time... will get down to phsyics and maths now... ----Stef stopped rambling at 22:47 --Link to Post |
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nice lyrics...
made me feel all better again... Jimmy Eat World_-_The Middle hey don't write yourself off yet it's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on just try your best try everything you can and don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away hey you know they're all the same you know you're doing better on your own so don't buy in live right now just be yourself it doesn't matter if that's good enough for someone else it just takes some time little girl, you're in the middle of the ride everything everything will be just fine everything everything will be all right do your best do everything you can don't you worry what their bitter hearts are going to say ----Stef stopped rambling at 18:02 --Link to Post |
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am feeling like there more stuff now that i cant blog...
its quite a paradox really... this is supposed to be a blog... yet i'm afraid the wrong pple read wrong things... am feeling quite alot today... kinda on both extremes... one side i'm like so happy abt things that happened today... yet another a bleak opposite... somehow i dunnoe how to feel... maybe acting un-like myself takes my mind off the yucky stuff... i really dunnoe... mentioned b4 hate going home with pple i'm not close with... find the silence awkward... and it'll be really unlike myself should i try to strike a conversation or keep up with the one he/she starts... appreciate the solitude rather... time to reflect think and rethink... love going home with pals... but somehow... today's ride felt awkward... think the pre-major-exams-crazy-attitude is setting in on me now... doing stupid stuff all the time... think will get on pple's nerves soon... time for me to direct my energy to the books and notes i think... need all the time, help, motivation i can get... am trying... will keep on trying... still am happie today... ...i think the crush kinda brightens up my days... ----Stef stopped rambling at 17:57 --Link to Post |
| 4.8.03 |
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super long day today...
but din do much work during breaks... slacker!! aint good... esp when you see pple like YXY reading notes while walking to the next classroom venue... argh... hate myself for not being able to motivate myself... i suck... but oh well... had a great time making a fool outta myself... running ard during practs... for answers, craps and more... drew YXY's graph for him... hahaa... think i ruined it... but oh well... thats for asking me to draw for him... muahahha... then make him erase all his points... *evil grinz* feel like such a wonderful person today... went ard helping pple keep stuff... wires...batts...resistors...funnels...test-tube holders.... man... i AM nice rite??? gawd... cant believe i'm doing this... heaping praises on myself... but i guess such things sorta internalise after a while... thats what classmates are for rite??? met yunn boon on the way home today... on the LRT coz he just came back from work... at starhub... for abt two months... waiting for NS mah... think he changed alot... suddenly felt he looks alot like wf... quite glad to have met him though.. having someone to talk to on the ride home... then walking back to the same block... he lives on the floor above me... cool huh? yeah... used to play bball together... i supply pump... he supply ball... then look for guoliang at the neighbouring block... lost contact with guoliang though... last time i saw him thot he looked alot like takeshi kaneshiro... esp the hair... but oh well... re-saved yb's number in my hp liaoz... so glad... cant stay any longer... lotsa work to be done... esp WITS stuff... nitey! jumped at every chance i could today... guess its getting a tad too obvious... another fren asked me abt it... and i kinda admitted.. darn... have to keep my actions in check... it wont be good if he found out... but am happy today... and i guess that will be enough for me... ----Stef stopped rambling at 20:49 --Link to Post |
| 3.8.03 |
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stayed home today...
did abit of chem... read up on technology and stuff... damn inspired to do an essay... but until now... still stuck on the first para... darn... will get back to it... ----Stef stopped rambling at 21:42 --Link to Post |
| 2.8.03 |
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saw him today in sch yeah...
somehow... its a feeling thats warm yet quaint... something tat i cant really put in words... warm and fuzzy?? maybe... but its nice... more pple know abt it now... i know i shouldnt be telling pple... but i had to tell my two bestest pals... and my closest councillors... dont fret if i din tell you... i guess its my way of protecting myself... k... will put my literary brain cells to good use now... embark on the rather challenging essay... education should be used for living, not to make a living. wow... any tips/hints/points/views... feel free to tag me... i'll need all the help i can get... ----Stef stopped rambling at 18:49 --Link to Post |
| 1.8.03 |
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walked to MRT with YXY today...
had 20cents in wallet but still wanted to eat the YCK uncle ice cream... so had to borrow $ from YXY... =P stupid idiot... borrow 1 buck kena suaned until jialat jialat... grr... not very worth it... but bo pian... i love ice cream... had a horrible chem test in school... depressing GP lesson... gawd... sometimes i do think life's not all that rosy for me... just that too much is expected of me... stuff that i cant deliver... it sux... ...esp when you have your team mates calling u up... asking you why you never go for training... or the competition tmr... and having trouble explaining that my dad grounded me coz of my fractured toe... ...and when you cant measure up to your peers in anything at all... i dont know why... and that feelings sux... to the core... is there something that i can do well??? i guess i truly exemplified the meaning of 'jack of all trades, master of none'... not that i am a jack of all trades... but seriously... there's nothing i'm seriously good at... not even wsf-ing... not maths... not chem... not physics... not GP... sometimes i really envy/admire/jealous of YXY and the other smarty pants in my klass... depending how acute the depression is... why cant i be just like them? looking back at my o level days doesnt help a single bit... why cant i have miracle again? heck... no point getting myself all depressed at a time like this... went Sk library to study alone just now... lala in sch with laoda... but i preferred to go home first... have a good bath... feel refreshed then get down to work... did stats for 4 hrs on end... downed a caramel ice blended...a cafe latte...potato wedges... i guess that and the YCK ice cream was my lunch-cum-dinner... although you cant really consult when studying alone... i guess the serenity really helped... other than the occasional noise from sec sch girls having a gossip session at the cafe... the library was a quiet place with nice pple manning the coffee bar... did some consideration... will try to model my study timetable to YXY's as much as possible... i guess i need all the discipline and time i can get... maybe i shouldnt go out with CY this weekend... but stay home and mug... ----Stef stopped rambling at 20:46 --Link to Post |
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