| 31.5.04 |
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was contemplating cutting my hair again...
just couldnt get my butt off the sofa... darn... am back to being a couch potato... or if adrian would rather, couch tomato... the TV channel switching type... i need a job man... i need to keep my mind alive... and working... but then again... i enjoy slacking.. c'mon... who doesnt??? how often can i do this? embarking on the path of no return pretty soon... wonder where is that gonna take me... went to TTSH this morning... was looking for the podiatry clinic to no avail... till this kind uncle told me it was at the artificial limb centre... well... try hearing that when you dont really know what podiatrists do for a living... i half-expected her to amputuate my ankle... like wad mr patrick lim suggested doing back at EC... then send me next door to get an artificial limb... but she did nothing more than to get me to walk ard for her... stand on tip toes... let her smell my smelly feet.. and prescribe me some insoles to wear with my shoes... those blue foamy things cost a whopping 75 bucks ok!?!?!? custom made ones go up to 300... fwah... even after the government grant... the whole morning... which took less than 20 mins, btw... cost me 1 day's pay.... after CPF deduction... sad to see hard earned money flowing away like dat... but oh well... cant possibly expect my parents to pay for everything ya? am tempted to finally watch love actually, actually... after leaving the VCD on my table for so long... but just remembered that i have it here... am planning a long jog later... so maybe the VCD will make good another cold, lonely afternoon... i have children of heaven too... that'll be cool... listening to maksim now... dont you think he's just way cool??? love the Croatian Rhapsody... voice's a little weird now... phlegm starting to build up a little... quite amazing that i manage to fall ill oni when my work ended... lucky coz i'm a daily-rated worker... so every single day matters... MC? what MC? oh well... aint much of a problem... after all... i did enjoy myself back at MJC... i guess the occasional "why aint the term ending yet?!??!" was inaccurate... in depicting my time there... first monday out of sch... and i do feel a little lost... "wat am i doing out here on a HOT/perspire-like-siao-in-klassroom monday afternoon?!?!?!" i miss the pantry stake-outs... the canteen stir-kopi sessions... the kids... my colleagues... am pretty disappointed abt how i spent my hols really... accomplished too little... earned way too little... got fat... learnt nuthing... got fatter... bank balance stayed stagnant... made my dad get me a new phone... brain rotting... time just wasting away... ----Stef stopped rambling at 16:55 --Link to Post |
| 30.5.04 |
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ahhhh!
cant stand being kept in the dark anymore... *tears hair from head* but i cant do anything abt it... i cant possibly ask him abt it watsoever... coz i dont even know why i wanna know as well... it's kinda crazy how the heart and mind can go two opposite directions... coz it simply just confuses pple... somehow i feel cheated... but i see no reason why as well... it's a terrible feeling... i want to find out... yet am unable to... if my suspicions were affirmed... it'll probably answer alot of my question marks... but the probably is... why would he keep it from me?!?!? i dont actively ask such things... but shouldnt i be kept updated??? if my suspicions were unfounded... then the question marks would still remain... and i'll still be unhappy... troubled to say the least... c'mon... make it easier for me... tell me everything you should tell me... ----Stef stopped rambling at 22:21 --Link to Post |
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still up at 2 am...
family's not home yet... and i dont usually sleep when they're not back yet... maybe i am 'fraid of solitude... or maybe it's worry... but oh well guess they're probably enjoying themselves at the bowling alley... the last time they disappeared on me was at a sale at ikea... four of them din come home till the wee hours of the morning.. best part... no one answered their phone... liew... thought i was the oni idiot who does that... they got me pretty worried alrite... but still... they came back... in one piece... each... tissue still stuffed in nose... now both nostrils... no fever... but its running like siao... wonder if i can go out tomorrow... supposed to meet yunnboon if he doesnt have NDP rehearsal... hope his number was in my SIM and not my old phone... i can be quite a blur nut sometimes... been having a terrible time remembering things lately... like when i was still in MJ... i kept forgetting to bring tutorials for mr sung... forgot to collect stuff... forgot to pass students things... kinda forgot to eat on the last day as well... forgot where i stopped for the last tutorial... lost track of appointments... of things to do... people to meet... stress or lack of sleep? i dunnoe... hope it improves... aint good that i go into uni with a lousy brain... it IS lousy in the first place... had a blast crapping on msn with 212 just now though... found out abt their mini zoo... offered to be their zoo keeper... esp the monkey enclosure where most of them are... kinda interesting to interact with them outside school... but considering how informal we already are in school... MSN aint much of a difference... they still call me miss lim though... unlike some teachers who insist on a first-name with their students... i thot it was the oni way i can establish an authority should i need to... but i guess so far there wasnt one... even if there was... they probably wont listen anyway... the oni serious goodbye i had with any colleague was probably mr cia... ya know... the handshake... the whats-up-for-you-in-the-future.. the all-the-best... the keep-in-touch... din have a chance to do that with the chem department though... coz jas and i gave the farewell dinner for ms ting a miss... most just did a see-you-later... most were at klass when i left anyway... oh well... the RTs were sweeter though... passed chocs ard... exchanged numbers... wrote something for everyone... coz the 8 weeks spent together was definitely something... an experience i probably wont forget... am feeling down... i dunnoe whether it was coz of things i chanced upon... or things i am thinking... sometimes i think i think too much... check out the irony man! maybe i put too much emphasis on things that shouldnt matter... i dunnoe... actually... i should be really happy with my life now... but i think i expect too much of the world ard me... and a little flaw is probably too much... i'll find out... i'll move on... i'll be back to being a happy person... ----Stef stopped rambling at 02:01 --Link to Post |
| 29.5.04 |
 klass 04s208...not all here...what to do when some dont 'give face' to the teacher who wants something to remember her kids by? ----Stef stopped rambling at 23:30 --Link to Post |
 klass 04s212...rest of teachers say i kinda blended in too well...they couldnt find me...  ----Stef stopped rambling at 23:23 --Link to Post |
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woke up in time to go to the bank...
but i still cant get a consistent signature... mom and i debating over the pros and cons between a debit and credit card... i prefer the former... considering i'll be on my own... and probably would manage my finances better... bye visa mini... oh well... that'll have to wait then... still having a terrible time with my throat... dunnoe whats wrong... but the onset of a flu kinda eeks me too much... headache getting from bad to worse... dont even know whether or not i wanna go out today... spoke to mr lim on msn just now... scored one on the suaning match... woohoo! am thinking whether i should continue with the formal address... or use his first name instead... oh well... maybe i shouldnt use anything at all... lalala... brought bro out for lunch just now though... wanna make use of a 20 bucks voucher at sakae... had my favourites... esp the fried tofu... ooh-la-la... ----Stef stopped rambling at 16:02 --Link to Post |
| 28.5.04 |
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only reason i'm still up at this unearthly hour...
with a splitting headache and tissue stuffed up my left nostril... is that i wanted to edit the photos i took today... kinda teared while thinking abt all the times with 208/212... coz while it was tough... everything kinda fell into place today... not coz they gave me gifts... or they made me feel good... but they tell me stuff i never thought i would hear... i guess mrs bong was rite when she said that one of the few good parts of being a teacher... is the relationship we have with the kids... and the satisfaction of seeing them do well... surpasses anything else in the world... last day of sch today... had one lesson in the morning... before lotsa photo taking/cake eating/number exchanging... you know... the works... crazy thing is... students got my blog addy now... HORRORS OF HORRORS! stupid me gave it to them... but i had to... so that yan leng would sing love, me by colin raye under the stairway for us... he was fantastic, i tell you... just something special to his voice... just divine! oh well... no fear... better that they read about all the bad stuff i say abt them this way... than let them chance upon this site and start voodoo-doll-ing me anyway... morning started with dad waiting at the foyer for me... while jas and i brought some bags of stuff down... dunnoe why i have so much rubbish... man! it felt as if i was sacked or something... then have to move out of my workstation... the feeling wasnt that different... my access card stopped working... couldnt get into the staff room as and when i wanted to... had to wait outside for teachers to open for me... or call in for jas and ask her to rescue me... felt homeless and unwanted... mrs lim took the scripts i marked to check whether i was too lenient... oh well... doesnt affect me much anyway... last day today... oni problem was... i wrote them personal msges on post-it at the back of their papers... wonder whether she'll flip reading those... 208 bought a cake for me... couldnt decide wad song to sing... so they did a happy birthday instead... to celebrate wads coming in september... some girls shared stuff from perllini's... and the klass gave me lotsa chocs... A LOT... dont these pple know i'm supposed to be on a diet?!?!?! but most importantly... they wrote me a huge card... cried while reading it... when you have things like... "teaching us is impossible... you taught us something... impossible is nothing..." the little devils become angels again... weeling made me a little bottle with macroni and gel... know how difficult it actually is... coz i did it before... very gandong... think they were expecting me to cry... but i din today... i was very touched... really... but i think i've stopped crying so easily already... had breakfast and lunch with my klasses... in which i din eat anything... coz i forgot to bring my wallet... couldnt let the kids pay... supposed to have dinner with the chem department... but it was my dad's birthday... i had to prioritise... came back... unpacked the foodstuff... rested awhile... went out to buy a cake for dad... pandan kaya... hot favourite when you have elderly pple at home... my grandparents cant take too much creamy stuff... din get my dad anything though... wanted to get the pouch... but didnt in the end... will ciaoz to bed soon... head almost splitting apart... wanna go apply for UOB visa mini tmr... if i can wake up... if my nose stops dripping... ----Stef stopped rambling at 23:03 --Link to Post |
| 27.5.04 |
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went out with dad...
to get my granny's favourite snack... made a stop at cold storage to get some chocs for the teachers... but dad got me a new phone as well... wasnt really expecting it... though i kinda want it... but think he's gonna get into trouble with mom for getting me the e700a... esp without her consent... supposed to be my 'reward' for the GCEs... oh well... somehow i felt very very guilty holding the phone... maybe i'll be better off without it... but salesman was amused when both our ATM cards came out when he said that they dont accept credit cards... "so loving..." not exactly... maybe i just wanted to lower the guilt factor... felt terrible... like a spoilt brat... haiz... dad's b-dae tomorrow... wanna get him a new hp pouch for his belt... he's been unwilling to spend that money on himself... when he simply just spent 600 plus on my phone... doesnt help alleviate my guilt man... doesnt help at all... ----Stef stopped rambling at 22:30 --Link to Post |
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day went by a little weirdly...
had a queasy feeling inside... like you've just got sacked... and you're packing your stuff into boxes... colleagues come up to you and ask for HP numbers/MSN handles... people try to fix to have breakfast/lunch/dinner with you... suddenly it kicks in that we're leaving... in a way more sad than not... i guess we kinda inject some youth in the staffroom... something they might miss... maybe they're just glad we're not there to make noise anymore... but it does feel a little weird... i'll miss the large comfy workstation... my neighbours who will just chat with me all the time... when they're not stressed up over deadlines... mr lam, the retired GP teacher aka the self-proclaimed kl-kk specialist... which roughly translates to 'walk here walk there' in hokkien... the dressy GP teachers, juliana and jasmine... who never fail to look good every day... yiyuen, the maths RT... my fellow chocolate lover... lay hui, stella's partner in crime... girl with super alot of things in her drawer... food especially... and so many of the perm teachers... kids did something for me today... gave me this huge pillow... handpainted this photoframe with the photo i took with the class the other day... bernard had fluoroscent green paint on his arm!!! and merci chocs... even if they lied when they said i was a good teacher... i would be rather blissful in that cover of deceit... had the bunch crowding ard me together outside the classroom... girls gave me hugs... guys thank me for the personal notes i wrote in their test papers... jeffrey came up to me and said i was the only one who commended his effort in the musical... yan leng took my msg negatively... till i corrected him... oh well... really hope these pple will work harder in future... they should and they better... got work to do tonite... ciaoz... ----Stef stopped rambling at 18:53 --Link to Post |
| 26.5.04 |
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this is damn cool la...
try it... i got 16 outta 20 correct... Spot the Fake met lala and YC for dinner... really... i had a fantastic time... seriously... who was the ediot who told me JC frenz arent as close as your sec sch mates? YC and lala never fail to crack me up all the time... lala and i were like scurrying about the 2nd level of compass point... great singapore sale... how can miss out? need clothes ya? din get anything though... not my kinda thing... then went delifrance for our favourite seafood desire and lala had a potato thingy... think JC mugging really brought us pple closer together... we dont think twice abt suaning each other... YC is still bent on the idea that i'm MALE not FEMALE... lala trying to 'matchmake' us both... both of us puking at that very idea... but more importantly... the way we try to help him in his quest for true love... which he really isnt working very hard for... woohoo! i love these people... esp the way we never stop crapping... never had an uncomfortable moment of silence... oh well... am desperately trying to get pple out every single weekday of the week... i'm just totally addicted to catching up with pple... and i think the 01/02sengkang/hougang/serangoon bunch rocks... let's all squeeze into YC's room again someday to play bridge/mahjong/daidee... maybe i should try getting ben l. out soon... been ages since i last saw him... wondering how he is coping with work/sch... man... i cant even tahan temp work alone... let alone perm job and distance learning... some people are just amazing... and i'm not... too bad i guess... resigned to my fate... ciaoz... wanna watch American Idol... ----Stef stopped rambling at 22:19 --Link to Post |
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finally finished marking...
gawd... never knew marking was THIS difficult... terrible to be exact... thing is... students really dont get what you tell them in klass... and even if they do... they alwaz seem to stop short of answering the question... concise and to the point... you end up having to read paras and paras... finally have to write NAQ... then put a big cross... stella, jas and i are a bunch of sadistic individuals who take perversed pleasure in giving crosses... oh well... i think its just me... did abit of typing... help jas... and i can actually leave for the day already... deciding between going for a haircut... or saving up the money to survive the rest of the week... the latter seems enticing... then i'll grab a pair of scissors and cut my hair myself... nah... it end up worse than it already is... kids sms-ed me say they wanna take a photo together.. somehow... i think i'll leave that to another day... dying of fatigued... almost fell asleep while marking... after my chicken rice just now... maybe tmr... after lesson... will leave my digicam in school... meeting lala and YC for dinner later... woohoo! too bad... thats too little to play mahjong... me wanna learn and become mahjong master... aint that easy... but no crime in trying... mr sung has the photo of his baby on his laptop... so sweet... i think newborns are still not THAT cute... wait till they grow a little older. then you'll see paedophilic-me's true colours... okie okie... i shall go prepare to go home or something... dying to get out of school... at 1pm... man! can you beat that? no lessons watsoever and still get 65 bucks... oh well... this is to offset the stress and horrible students i get sometimes... you win some, you lose some... lalaalaa... great singapore sale is starting soon ya??? woohoo! good stuff... lotsa stuff i need to buy before uni... clothes more importantly... like wad lala said... we used to be in uniform every single day... now when we have to decide wad to wear every day.. man! its a huge problem... not just at work/school... but when we go out too... ahhhh!!! that reminds me... to increase the number of 'wearables' in my wardrobe... i ought to start losing weight and try get back a nice tan... i'm probably too fair for my comfort... dont think i wanan rejoin training... but i should, in fact, come up with some exercise regime soon... REAL SOON... stop procrastinating! ----Stef stopped rambling at 13:02 --Link to Post |
| 25.5.04 |
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212 was terrible as well...
many havent done the questions... many say they left the tutorial at home coz they studied it for the weekend... pple dont copy what we discussed... when they tell me they din do coz they dunnoe how to do... and they end up failing the entire test... ... i really lost it la... really... even alisa came up to me in the end... and asked if i was ok... i wasnt... and thats what i told her... but she gave me a nice sms... weeling of 208 did that super-act-poor-thing-aka-puss-in-boots look... when she saw i was angry in klass... to try make me smile... at least i have them... went to tampines with jas and mrs bong... the latter needed to go UOB... which closed by the time we got there... then i was trying to look for my sis' present... which was impossible to get... ahhhh!!!!!! bought a gift for mr sung's newborn... learnt alot abt baby stuff from mrs bong.. she's damn fun and super nice la... wanted to meet for dinner at compass point soon... coz we wanna see her son... woohoo! ate abit at kenny rogers... had my garden pasta and french beans... and the super shiok ice tea... then met my family... sis and i got some clothes from ebase... with mom's plastic... man! retail therapy really works! esp when you dont have to pay for it... by the end of that... i was back to tugging on my dad's sleeve... punching him... bouncing all ard... oh ya... sis bdae today... not like she reads this anyways... ----Stef stopped rambling at 20:16 --Link to Post |
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i know i'm not supposed to be in the workroom...
got piles of marking on my desk... but i had a terrible morning... i had to let it all out... shrek: better out than in, i alwaz say! mr sung came back to work today... showed me the baby on his digicam... man! that is one cute boy! ms teo says he looks like mr sung... but oh well... boys have to look male, dont they? but can see that mr sung is obviously a happier man... though he did add that the baby has proved to be quite a challenge... well.. this is probably my first time where my 'fren/colleague' has a baby... so exciting! bad part of the morning... 208 was horrid... almost half the klass DID NOT bring their tutorial... and the other half DID NOT do the questions i assigned... wad the... was damn pissed la... c'mon think abt it... your teacher here bothered to restudy the whole thing just so she could teach you... even tried so hard till she can conduct the lesson without an answer sheet... and you cant even do 2 freaking questions?!?!?!?! and its not that the questions were super hard or lengthy... they just din bother... it is my last week here already... why cant they make it a good week for me? i oni ask for them to do their stuff... not even an A for their test... which, btw, was super badly done... and i needed to repeat myself countless times for them to take out their tutorials... one guy had the cheek to tell me it was troublesome... if it were that troublesome... i suggest you dont come anymore... its just a waste of time... i told him straight in the face... sometimes i wonder whats with these pple... dont they have any sense of responsibility??? i cant possibly walk out of their klass... coz the truth remains that there are some pple who want to learn... who did their work... wad a dilemma... been marking their test... no amount of leniency can save them from their failed grade i tell u... i even gave marks for NAQ... gawd... wad is the world coming to? very soon... even wrong answers have to be marked right so that these spineless individuals can just pass their tests and exams... sometimes i just give up... i sit down i stare... i wanted to cry... but i guess this stint has made me a little tougher than before... sometimes i wonder whether emotion is a weakness or a strength... the ability to feel... the ability to love... dont you sometimes feel that it only weakens Man? make him vulnerable to hurt... which invariably brings him pain? i know this sounds far fetched... stemming from my frustration with my students... but sometimes the pieces just falls into place... the world aint perfect after all... ----Stef stopped rambling at 12:45 --Link to Post |
| 24.5.04 |
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i had a B-E-A-U-tiful day today!
oh well... not exactly... but i guess most things ARE what you make out of them... so B-E-A-U-tiful it is! thing is... went to school thinking that i oni have two stacks of papers waiting for me... courtesy of the test on saturday... but just so happens that i had a piece of paper stuck on my desk... telling me what klasses i had to help take today... mr tan got the band concert to headache over... mr ting gotta help take SPA... so there i was... taking two extra classes... with sweet jas taking the one between the two... lest i end up talking for 3 periods straight... equivalent to 2.5 hours... phew... but 308 was quite nice la... not as evil as i once thought them to be... ended up answering their questions and chatting with them after lesson until the next bell rang... crazy stuff... the other klass wasnt as fun though... wasnt ver responsive... i try to be as entertaining as possible... but u have pple peeping under their table... stuff like dat... c'mon la... i used to do that all the time la... all sorts of check-handphone stance i also know... the hide-in-bag... the lift-ur-tutorial-over-the-phone... the under-table... the pocket-stash... the teacher-i'm-using-my-calculator... cant smoke me k... and stop rolling ur eyes at me... i know you're sore that i singled you out abt ur fone... but live with it... stop acting like a spoilt brat... mr lam's volvo broke down before sch started today... dad drove past... but there was little we could do to help... so he din come in the whole day... hiakz! no one to suan me when i walk ard the staffroom like i've got all the time in the world... no one to scold me pai si when i make some monkey face... haha... will miss all these when we do leave on friday... really will... went to watch shrek 2 with me students today... wah lau eh! damn farnie la! esp my puss-in-boots... the super-act-poor-thing face... which weeling was trying so desperately to imitate... man! my latest favourite cartoon character... movie was a little overhyped i guess... became so long-awaited, die-die-must-watch... that it fell a little short of my expectations though... e.g. two puss-in-boots will be good! but still... it's a must-watch! i give it... FOUR popcorns! talking abt popcorn... ate alot la... weeling threw me the whole box after awhile... then i just kept eating and eating... bloated... *burp* lalalaaa.... it was a little weird out with 5 pple younger than me... oni two were my students... the rest were my students' frenz... but pple i taught before... din feel totally out of place though... amazing how some pple can make you feel totally at home... had mos burger for dinner... man! the ebi rice is as good as ever... yummy yummy yummy! and my milk tea without the milk... muahahhaa... but became broke again... coz i paid for half of the popcorn... we bought 16 bucks worth of corn and drinks! wah piang... *shake head* times are bad man... have to start saving... but i need to get a present for my sis... was thinking the leather bags by either puma or fila... but havent got a clue where to get them... ahhh!!! ANYONE has a clue!??!? the new teachers who will be taking over our klasses next term came in today... orientation i guess... 3 new teachers for chem... 3 new teachers for physics... 4 new teachers for econs... and many many more... but those were the oni departments i have better relations with... imagine the new faces! pwah! hahhaa... imagine how they'll freak when they take my klasses... but they should manage better la... afterall... they're trained... dont have time to blog from school these couple of days... eeky stuff... miss the times where i will just stroll from my desk to the workroom... blog my morning away... then sit in the pantry and flip newspapers... now i have to mark mark mark... was telling stella that we have a hard life... just last year we were MUG MUG MUG... now we're MARK MARK MARK... been marking stuff that you really wanna tear hair from scalp when you read them... some students can really smoke u that they understand concepts... when in actual fact... they dont... happiness... wonder what more rubbish i'll continue marking tomorrow... oh yah... yucky thing... someone stole my markers... as terrible and impossible as it sounds... i'm sure it happened... oni have like 2 of my lousiest markers left... and kept having to borrow from jas and what not... this really goes in line with the stories i heard about missing fillet-o-fishes... missing mark and spencers' biscuits... and stuff... ahhh!!! dont take my markers... i know its my last week... but i need markers to survive as well... and man! just heard from weeling that alot of klasses know abt 208 upsetting me the other time... and that i cried... man! even some of the teachers who teach them... ahhh!!! i really tried my best to hide liaoz... in the toilet.. at my desk... seems that she told one person... the news just spread... and the numbers just increased exponentially... thing is... lucky i'm leaving soon... and that i probably wont enter teaching as a career... it is rewarding yesh... but i dont think i am able to seperate my emotions from my work... it'll just end up as a very painful ordeal... i dont hate my stint now... i dont love it alot either... but it has been a great experience for me... learnt alot other than chem syllabus as well... and other than how-to-be-ultra-lame-and-irritate-your-students-to-the max... made friends that i dont think i'll forget in a long long time... and of coz... got a chance to work with stella and jasmine... strengthening the friendship we already had... ----Stef stopped rambling at 22:24 --Link to Post |
| 23.5.04 |
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been singing repeatedly the lines from the song in the previous post...
whenever i find myself alone... or with my sis where the next human was probably at least 50 metres away... love having her cringe at my horrid singing... just be glad i dont subject you guys to it... by joining idol... even if it means only the first round... but the song does bring back memories actually... not the song in particular... but stuff i once wrote for someone... on hindsight i think it's damn lame la... c'mon... give me some credit... i was only 15... and i'm a born science student... yes... i love literature and the artsy fartsy stuff... but was never any good at it... wasnt meant to be mushy... but i wrote a card for ben w... think on the lines of "phone without its SIM card", "PC without its motherboard"... i think he started puking upon reading it... totally unromantic... but oh well... it wasnt supposed to have that effect either... went for sinful food at the library with my sis... seafood spag... wedges... two hazelnut blends... brownie with ice cream... man! borrowed The Spire by William Golding... author of Lord of the Flies... looks like another cheem cheem book... but oh well... will try to understand anyway... retail therapy... but only a couple of earrings.. and a pencil case for my sis... am a sucker for earrings these days... accessories actually... can feel a metamorphosis creeping in... and i fear... oh well... but at least people ard me have been complimenting my buys these days... esp my 1 metre long necklace... but i seriously need stuff for uni... saw this OP tortoise tee today... prb was... they din have the size i wanted... considering its the KIDS range... i needed the biggest one... oh well... just have to make do without the super cute tee... keke... i think its really time for me to watch wat i eat... and start exercising more... the spare tyres have been increasing in thickness so fast... i darent look anymore... doesnt help that the huge swivel chair at my workstation is so comfy... i start slouching or slumping on it... just like a huge burlap sack... *wraps cloth with inspiration chinese word ard head* *puts on menacing look* ----Stef stopped rambling at 22:47 --Link to Post |
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daniel bedingfield_-_never gonna leave your side
I feel like a song without the words, a man without a soul, a bird without its wings, a heart without a home. I feel like a knight without a sword, a sky without the sun, cos you are the one. I feel like a ship beneath the waves, a child whos lost its way, a door without a key, a face without a name. I feel like a breath without the air, and everydays the same, since you've gone away. I gotta have a reason to wake up in the morning, You used to be the one that put a smile on my face. There are no words that could describe how i miss you, I miss you, everyday. suddenly crazy over this song... dont know why... have this on my discman at work... actually its the whole bedingfield CD... like him loads... young and utterly talented... doesnt sound like the conventional perfect voice... but damn! i think he sounds good... cussing... edward was wondering if i do that in my lessons at school... actually i do... slip of the tongue usually... but my students usually just "orh!!! you say bad word...we tell ms lai..." they know i dont direct them to anyone in klass.. i dont direct it to ANYONE for that matter... usually just the situational exclaimations like "damn!", "dammit!", "darn!"... thing is i really dont mean any harm when i call pple "big fat meanie", "big fat ediot"... thing is... treat it more of an affectionate term... though i hardly see the affection in those... its more of a "hey, we're close enough for me to call u tt and get away with it, peace be with us..." so even i call u something that isnt really nice... i really dont mean it... coz i love everyone... except ***, ******, ****, ******* and *********... and oh ya... ******** as well... and there's alwaz *** ***... **** too... not forgetting **** ***... that reminds me... *** *** isnt that nice a person as well huh? darn! the list is never ending! ----Stef stopped rambling at 01:08 --Link to Post |
| 22.5.04 |
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day today was okay i guess...
met shishi at amk mrt... before heading to eat at mos where we met ellena and her fren... whose name i know but dunnoe how to spell... had fun crapping and chatting... i think when you actually grow older... conversations actually get easier... coz you are definitely more worldly-wise and what not... went back to school... luckily W(indsurfing) is rite after V(olleyball)... so i had laoda sitting beside me through the whole event... at least can crap... and bully him... SML... not much though... wont dare to... hated my outfit though... thought it was mandatory to wear court shoes... so i did... but the outfit just didnt go... man! if i knew pple were going to bend the "light coloured top, formal skirt, court shoes" dress code... i would have done it as well la... shoes gave me terrible blisters... which i din appreciate... oh well... post event reception was good though... was kinda hungry coz... oh well... stef is forever hungry... doesnt matter why... but impt thing is that i got to see pple i havent seen in a long time... and at least catch up abit... so happie... mr tan shun loong still remembers me... something i've alwaz appreciated... considering he never taught me nor was he in charge of council or wsfing... seriously... really thinks he looks like mr lim... maybe only that the latter looks a little better... but the former is ten times nicer la... considering he doesnt suan me... mr lim kok wee came over to tell me not to stand beside laoda as well... saying that i would only accentuate his height... appreciate that he's been a really nice teacher... despite the fact that he never taught me before... was with the councillors when ms wendy koh came to speak with us... think she was rather shocked that i'm teaching chem in MJC too... she was really nice today... sharing with deb and i, how not to sleep while invigilating exams... really not easy la... but interesting... it's been really good seeing all these familiar faces after so long... good stuff... couldnt meet yunnboon in the end though... he was at NDP rehearsals the entire afternoon... din reply my sms... so i thought he chickened out or something... and edward msged and suggested dinner... so i agreed... but felt ultra bad when the former called right after rehearsals and asked if i'm still up for kopi... so met edward in the end for a macdonald's dinner... without calculating the calories... and had a great time catching up... dunnoe how come can crap so much with him... amazing actually... considering we dont have so much in common really... told me that yujin might be coming back first week of june... woohoo! wonder how white that guy has become... 9 mths in the UK... wonder how much has changed... back to dinner... man! that chicken fillet thingy is not bad really... worth a shot... dipping fries into chilli while gushing excitedly abt brad pitt in troy... fun really... pity i dont get to see him often... guy just got his driving license one month back... test driving a sonata these couple of days... so gave me a ride back... but he's really terrible with directions... probably worse than me i must say... oh well... i think most pple are terrible with roads in SK i guess... we concluded the sonata aint that fantastic a car... and that he's terrible with U-turns... hahhaa... oh well... i should not speak too early... i'll probably be in his shoes in a couple of years... been finding it rather difficult to explain to pple abt the USP thingy... pple have been asking what fac and uni i'm going... and sometimes just feel like telling them "mech engin (period)"... coz trying to explain the USP is kinda tough... frankly... i dont quite understand what it is abt too... darn! how did this idiot pass the interview!??!? *shrugs* am trying to understand the programme better... but i think for now... i'll just tell pple i'm going mech engin... then offer to explain the USP two years later should i decide to switch fac... till then... i shall save saliva... *slurp* family's out bowling... me praying that they wont come back so early... so that i can bathe a while later... will be slaughtered if i'm hogging the bathroom when i could have bathed earlier... oh well... i'm THAT inconsiderate... not that you can do anything abt it... watching shrek2 with the good people of 208 on monday... heard it's freaking funny... then maybe ciao back to school to play bball... hahhaa... addicted to da big orange ball once again... and feathered shuttles as well... i'm not any good at those... but i appreciate the workout... esp from jumping ard unsuccessfully for rebounds... and bending over to pick shuttles off the ground... WAT WORKOUT?! oh did i mention? teacher-with-ultra-nice-voice spoke to us on friday... okay... his voice is not that ultra nice... and it wasnt his first time speaking to us... was just surprised la... coz he was amazed that we actually listen to songs from the 80s as well... stella had her CD playing in the workroom... thought tat we, like his students, grew up on linkin' park and all... well, we did... but like all good people... we appreciate all forms of good music... for me... i just appreciate all forms of music with the main singer, MALE and UTTERLY GOOD-LOOKING... talking abt GOOD-LOOKING guys... ok, ben k, you're right... the guy you saw at the concert that day was GOOD-LOOKING... the guy I KNEW... not the one you THOUGHT was good looking.. just saw the former in sch today... man! i think he looks like louis koo... but louis koo has got a fake tan... oh well... met eugene's dad in the lift today... which equates to ryan's, the-guy-who-lives-four-levels-above-me, dad... uncle just came back from a business trip to new zealand... great stuff... how nice if i had a job that allowed me to travel like dat... it's definitely to die for man! but i dont think anyone wants to employ me in the first place... darn... oh well... let me just achieve my short term goals first okie??? then we think abt the bigger picture... ----Stef stopped rambling at 21:08 --Link to Post |
| 21.5.04 |
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hiaks!
supposed to play badminton with mr lam, mr yeow, jas and stella... but the latter 2 couldnt make it in the end... coz it was too late when the hall was finally usable... so ending up playing with mr lam and mr yeow... the latter being this ultra frenly/nice/gentlemanly/funky biology teacher... who happened to teach 205... the ultra funny pple who i teach sometimes when ms goh isnt free... we had them as an audience behind us... coz they were waiting for their pe lesson... not bad leh those pple... will scold him when the shuttle hits me... and suan him why he bullying the poor lousy me... then one of our student came in to play with us... boying... so we had a battle of the sexes... and amazingly... we won coz she was a sch player... fwah... you should see how effortlessly she puts the shuttle over the net... with the simple flick of her wrist... damn! why aint i as good?!?! but it was cool... coz the klass were all cheering us on... she, only actually... i had fun.. other than the fact that kenneth lee and boon rui kept suaning me... harroz... your teacher here is a windsurfer more than a badminton player... and i'm probably a better basketballer than a shuttler... though i kinda suck at both... oh well... but sometimes... it takes suaning to bring pple closer... have that qing qie gan... kinda realised that the combined age of the guys' side was almost 2.5 times the combined age of the girls' side... fwah... but i'm glad i got to know mr yeow better... before i leave this sch for good... all it takes to make my day is for my students to "hey 'cher!", "madam!", "ms lim", "harlow" me and flash a ultra REAL looking smile ... and i wont be needing anything else man... came back disguised as a student... in my fav singapore open polo tee... and the nike shorts... feels like sch days all over again... left my handbag in sch... took home my black sling instead... think some of my students were a little shocked when they see me as well... should not try to be who i am not... and remain as who i am... thats why i'm usually bundled in my windbreaker in the staffroom... regardless of the temperature... even mr lim asked me why... just dont feel comfy in my work clothes... the more likely reason is that i dont want my flabby arms and spare tyres to show... busy day tomorrow as well... going back to aj... for their college day... so fun rite??? muahahah... collect my so-called school colours... which i probably dont deserve... having oni earned it coz there really aint alot of wsfers in sg... but at least i'll get to see my fellow councillors... the exco... and maybe some other pple as well... including teachers... good stuff! meeting yunn boon tomorrow too... if he can make it, that is... been freaking long since i last met him... got lots of catching up to do... and considering how much humour i find in their army stories... bet he'll just be going on and on... am starting to realise that i'm not the only person reading my blog... *looks ard fearfully* scary thought really... coz sometimes i do wonder why do pple bother reading this... i crap too much... and kinda lose myself in my crap... dont you guys get bored?!?!? keke... just for my information... if you happen to read this... can u tag a msg with ur name so that i have a rough idea of my 'regular' readers??? ----Stef stopped rambling at 18:30 --Link to Post |
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TGIF...
probably the longest, most torturous week i've had here thus far... 208 today was great... have no idea why... but they were very attentive... definitely better than the 212 of yesterdae... oh well... i shall cease to try explain why... but just be glad that they were indeed angelic today... mr sung's wife gave birth to their baby boy today... hah... and he was just telling us yesterdae that he couldnt wait to see his baby... seeing how he simply lighted up at the topic yesterdae... could tell that he would make a loving daddy... and that he's probably one of the happiest men on earth today... problem is... he happy... but his colleagues have to work like siao... somemore jas and i cant take his lessons coz they had to go through some lab stuff... so the rest of the chem teachers are stuffed with work... poor mr lim had to go into lab hungry... i had to go down and buy food and tea for him... if not he'll probably just faint of hunger or something... considering how skinny he actually is... oh well... lucky it's an early day for him... at least he can go home early and plop into bed... left with oni 2 bucks in my wallet... but i guess we'll have to give up the lunch treat from mr cia later... that's if we still wanna SMACK shuttles... now i'm starting to enjoy badminton too... maybe i should start learning more sports seriously... not just focus on a couple of games... maybe its being jack of all trades but master of none... but i have been jack of of FEW trades and STILL master of none for some time now... the former definitely seems better ya? time to redefine my lifestyle... put more colour in my life... it's pretty fast really... next week will be my last week here... my last two lessons with each class... not all of them realised that... but i dont think i will remind them... probably oni write them a letter on the last lesson... despite them being not as angelic as i would like them to be... they were still pretty great... i've seen students in other klasses that i sit into... some are probably characters from "nitemare on elm street"... thing is... regardless of the fact that i am having mixed feelings abt leaving so soon... i will definitely miss them... alot... ----Stef stopped rambling at 10:23 --Link to Post |
| 20.5.04 |
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this is getting crazier by the minute...
my third post of the day... only means one thing... depression... how severe? i dont know... only know that i receieved only 1 sms today... for a lunch date with my jc mates... which i had to decline... coz i was stuck in school for students who dont reciprocate... dying to get back to sch... as a student... and start torturing my tutors too... feeling terrible... cant decide whether it's just psychological or physical... pain is back... though not for the same reason... and it worries me... know how it feels to want to call someone but dont know who to call? horrible... in a total mess... a state of confusion... cant decide between heading to bed and sleeping with a troubled mind... or staying here to pour everything out and STILL sleep with a troubled mind... playing badminton with da teachers tmr... probably a chance to let it all out... SMACK those shuttles... just as long as i dont miss and have them hit me instead... mr lam gave me the sacred mission of asking mr lim to play... i think i forgot... ought to be shot... but oh well... he never seemed really enthusiastic abt such stuff anyway... but that wont happen if my students decide to look me up then... then i'll have to go back to pretending i'm the best teacher in the whole wide world... and be their free private tutor... mr cia's supposed to treat us again tomorrow... now he's telling me it's pronounced as cHia... damn... i gave up... i'm addressing him as xie lao shi... *waves white flag* just hope we wouldnt smell too bad after badminton... and spoil everyone's lunch... let's hope the weather will be more bearable tmr... that 208 will be the utterly sweet pple i thot them out to be... that i wont get smacked by shuttles... that i wont stink THAT badly after the game... that my mood will hopefully get better... that i will break out of this depression... that i remember to do/say/ask stuff i'm supposed to do/say/ask... that the weekend comes quickly... that everyone loves everyone and peace be with all of humanity... *applause* ----Stef stopped rambling at 23:18 --Link to Post |
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made my way back from sch totally zombified...
was simply too tired... and somehow... the students werent helping... lecture test on sat... but their tutorial 10 was largely undone.... what on earth do they want me to do!??!!? then they decide to space out during tutorial today... but come up to me and ask if they can meet me tomorrow... dont you think thats too late??? why should i stay back beyond my 5.5 hours just becoz someone decided to space out during my lesson and have me repeat it the day after??? seriously... i'll stay till 7 if they need me to... only if they made full use of their tutorial time... but still have doubts regarding questions i din go through with sufficient depth... some even expect me to re-teach the whole lecture... in 15 mins... c'mon... there is a reason why ur lecturers took an average of 7 lectures to finish one chapter... coz as intelligent as we might appear to be... we CANT conjure miracles... some of them are still telling me covalent bonds are weak... and cant even decide on simple shapes... i shrudder at that thought... 212 was bad enough today... wonder how would 208 be tomorrow... thing is... i really want them to do well... all of them... now... i'm just hoping the ones who made an effort would do well... so that the ones who didnt would finally "wake up their idea"... i know it's been a stressful couple of weeks for them... but i need to see at least abit of affort... i'm trying my darnest... re-scheduling my burn-out to the end of next week... God give me strength... ----Stef stopped rambling at 19:57 --Link to Post |
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bernie and her usual question...
"anyone special?" somehow... the answer hovers ard a "there is, yet there isnt..." really... i cant explain... have been sending out sms-es to the wrong pple of late.. terrible... i think it's becoz of the phone... alwaz asks if i wanted to continue the previous msg... so the person's number is preloaded onto the send screen... when i see a number on the send screen... i alwaz press press press to send... esp when i'm in a hurry... then realising on hindsight that that wasnt the person i was supposed to send to... sent serene's sms to casey... sent amanda's sms to ben k... sent bernie's sms to yunnboon... wah piangz... last year was even better... i sent YC's sms, "hey...you wanna share lala's prezzie???", to lala herself... how many times can one screw up in the same way? ----Stef stopped rambling at 08:24 --Link to Post |
| 19.5.04 |
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well...
am dead tired... but the oni barrier between me and my comfy bed... is that hair will stick out like a duck if i sleep with it wet... not as if it doesnt do that usually... but it'll be worse than usual... and i dont want that happening... went for choir concert with my lao po, bernie... sounds weird? marriage dates back to secondary sch... oh well.. crazy stuff... one of my bestest buddies back there... my toilet kaki... my kopi bean and teh leaf study-buddy... but we're straight alrite... very much so... thing is... she was part of the choir that was top choir nationwide... the year when TKGS swept top choir and top band both at once... amazing stuff... i think we were the powerpuff batch of TKGS... sweeping choir, band, sailing, windsurfing, bowling... something like dat... even she thought the concert last nite was good... they were, really... two of my students even had solo parts in the musical which in the second half of the concert... they were simply fantastic... thing is... it was the very first time i felt i belonged to MJC... despite having taught here for almost 9 weeks already... while i liked the school... the sense of belonging wasnt there... i was happy for their success, their achievement... i guess when you have 8 students of yours singing in that very choir... u kinda feel proud in saying... "hey! thats my student!" it was their pioneer choir... but boy were they good... nelson kwei was their instructor too... and he was fantastic... am totally in love with the songs blue moon and tea for two now.. and the musical trial by jury... great stuff... glad we managed to reach VCH on time... ok... we were slightly late... thing is... i met bernie at raffles place.. ran a couple of errands... before getting stuck behind a guy buying 7 slices of cakes from kopi bean... and insisting that the baristas packed them in a particular way... buddy! the cakes are at 50% off... give those tired pple a break would ya?!?!? they're paid less than 4 bucks an hour ya know??? so we wasted some time there... ate BK... where i got a mushroom swiss when i asked for a big fish... bernie and i were wondering whether it was a prb with my diction or the counterstaff's hearing... but it was good too... since it was a long time since i last had a mushroom swiss... both walked out rather bloated... we both knew that VCH was really near raffles place... but din wanna take any chances considering we were 15 mins to opening... so took a cab down... prb was... cabby was even blurrer than us... oh well... was on time... but bernie, the blur nut, had to go to the ladies... so we ended up late... think the choir teacher i/c kinda wanted to scold us for being late... until he realised that i was actually a teacher... before flashing a coerced smile and showing us the way up... talk abt double standards... it IS my fault... c'mon scold me! just glad we din decide to pon the whole thing... MJC choir... you guys rock... i really enjoyed myself... thank goodness i bought da tickets... ----Stef stopped rambling at 23:53 --Link to Post |
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yesterdae was farnie...
coz on monday... jas and i bought cough drops for mr lim... with a note... "we cant stand your cough ANYMORE... hopefully this works... from the good people of guardian's... (your godsend angels)..." thing was... i think he really took us seriously... and went to see the doctor... got an MC... din come to school... then jas had to take his classes... coz my HOD doesnt really trust me remember? jasmine regretted the gesture of goodwill... who says you'll be rewarded for good deeds?!?!?! klasses yesterdae were quite "..." lah... dunnoe why also.. even 212 was especially restless... imran told me after the lesson that the klass was tired... but i really couldnt conduct my lesson properly... oh well... i tried... thing is.. i had to scold wanyu... who was, as usual, being kinda disruptive... usually i just let it pass... suan her.. sit her down... and carry on... but i guess i was stressed up with the fact that we were behind time... and the test was on saturday... i felt bad myself... but i couldnt help it... thing is... i've been going to klass kinda moody... it's not that i want to... but sometimes you have to pretend you're in a foul mood for them to start to be wary of you... i'm trying... this is not me... but i have to be like this if i wanna them to listen up and pay attention... and hopefully do well for their tests and exams... supposedly my early day yesterdae... ending at 1415.. but thing is... i decided not to go to see my orthopaedic doc at TTSH... and stayed back in school... had loads of consultations... stayed till ard 6? which was crazy... considering it was my 'early' day... oh well... i think i'm making the most of my limited days here.. hopefully... met amanda and shishi last nite at marche, heeren... been a freaking long time since i last saw them... but it was good... as usual... girls got prettier... and we had loads to talk abt... think when you start teaching, you would have lotsa anecdotes to share... i ended up talking alot... too much, in fact... promised to control myself next time... but it was really good catching up with them... well worth the 8.90 i spent on the pizza at marche... and the 5.50 spent on the caramel coffee jelly i had when we adjourned to starbucks... lallaa... yucky thing is i had to continue marking students' tutorials on the train there and back home... fell asleep halfway... just too fatigued... eeky sight rite??? imagine your teacher drooling over your tutorial... it was quite a coincidence actually... saw a guy and his female friend on my way home... thing is... the guy was a person whose blog i read occasionally... and kinda spot the uncanny resemblance of his speech and his entries... queer hearing him, instead of reading... i know how he looks like... so i was quite sure it was him... only goes to show how small the world actually is... or maybe it's just singapore... but seriously... after 'meeting' him in person... dont think he's that fascinating an individual anymore... the magic of anonymity is just lost... he's just one of us... think its the same with net pals... sometimes when you meet the person you have been corresponding with for goodness-knows-how-long... then when you get back online... it's just not the same anymore... oh well.. i guess it happens.. and its something you cant avoid... not at all... saw weijie online last nite... weird that his brother was online too but i dont msg his brother instead... its been some time since i last saw him... on a hiatus mugging for his exams... poor guy having to work and study at the same time... it's not easy i guess.. definitely not something i wanna try... studying by itself is already a HUGE problem for me... dont think i wanna add to my burden... going to watch MJC choir tonite with bernie... woohoo! jeffrey's singing solo... made me wish him all the best when i saw him awhile ago... well... i hope he sings well... coz i bought a ticket from him ya know... heheh... dad cant pick me up tonite... so i guess i'll crawling back home after the concert myself... oh well... cant always be their princess ya? and today... mr sung, mr lim and jas were crowded ard my table... forgot why... but i think it was coz mr lim wanted to borrow the molecule models i had... thing was... he saw my daniel bedingfield CD... then he, "you like daniel bedingfield!?" started singing Gotta get through this... and commented that If you're not the one was nice... started singing that as well... then jas looked at me and quipped... "now i know what you mean..." darn! now mr lim and mr sung knows we gossip abt them... NO GOOD! ----Stef stopped rambling at 09:28 --Link to Post |
| 18.5.04 |
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got this off sentill's blog...
hope you dont mind brudder... 45 Natural Highs 1. Falling in love. self explanatory... 2. Laughing so hard your face hurts. all the time man... playing bball with my buddies and my students... do stupid things like air balls... simply just alot of noise and no action... 3. A hot shower. not with this freak weather... i swear by cold water now... 4. No lines at the supermarket. 5. A special glance. eeks... dont like... macham my hair outta place or something... dont really understand it anyway... 6. Getting mail. esp from ben w... coz we used to send each other sweets/chocs/pressies... every package is a surprise man! i think it just brightens up our days... and make work/sch stress more bearable... 7. Taking a drive on a pretty road. pretty road in sg? never heard of... 8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio. heard now and forever on the radio yesterdae... remembered how he used to play and sing it to me... 9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside. ++ snuggling in bed with da blankie... 10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer. 11. Chocolate milkshake (or vanilla or strawberry!). too fattening... later kena suaned by mr lim again... and i ate like dunoe how many peanut buttered biscuits today... 12. A bubble bath. 13. Giggling. stifling a hearty laugh? no way! rather do the HO HO HO... 14. A good conversation. of course... it makes non-intellectuals like me feel smart... occasionally... 15. The beach. definitely NOT when i'm training... 16. Finding $20 in your coat from last winter. think ben k finding his supposedly LOST phone in his bag after a few weeks... 17. Laughing at yourself. hmm... MOST of the time... 19. Midnight phone calls that last for hours. until my dad wakes up to give me the dont-force-me-to-hug-the-cordless-phone-to-sleep look... 20. Running through sprinklers. 21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all. until woodbridge decides to intervene with my self-amusement... 22. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful. well... my students only do that when they trying to escape handing up work... so the 'high' feeling oni lasts a second or so before i'm dropped back to earth realising that they're really lying... 23. Laughing at an inside joke. yeah man... downside is that when you relate it to someone outside... the person looks at you weird and asks "funnie meh?"... 24. Friends. what will we do without them?? 25. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you. happens all the time... GET REAL! it's a good feeling... but never happens... 26. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep. when you have panda eyes like me... even a few minutes feel like ultimate bliss... 27. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner). think 50 first dates... 23 'first' kisses... 28. Making new friends or spending time with old ones. the latter rocks... the former too... 29. Playing with a new puppy. scared of doggies... big ones and small ones with big fur... esp black ones... 30. Having someone play with your hair. play? i think my students are dying to try that lighter trick... (think: sec sch teacher whose hair got burnt in klass...) 31. Sweet dreams. 32. Hot chocolate. 33. Road trips with friends. i want man! anyone wanna go??? save money... so visit alwin in KL then xiyang in penang... 34. Swinging on swings. love swings.. but you aint got those really old types anymore... kids these days are losing out on alot sia... last time i sat on one was at ben w's estate... 35. Making eye contact with a cute stranger. recalls guy in white ralph lauren shirt and jeans... *melts* "its the weather...just the weather..." MELTING POINT of Stef: 34 degrees celcius... 36. Making chocolate chip cookies. 37. Having your friends send you home-made cookies. contented with mrs field's white choc and macademia... that totally rocks man! but friends who wanna send... my addy is..."blah blah....wallaby way! sydney!" (think: finding nemo...) 38. Holding hands with someone you care about. five for fighting sings: "baby, there's something abt you that, i can hold on to, i'm gonna hold on to..." 39. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change. 40. Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you. 41. Watching the sunrise. while in the arms of the person you totally adore... thats bliss.. but i like the sunset better... more spectacular... more colourful... i've seen it orange, yellow, red, purple, brown... maybe i'm just colourblind... 42. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day. not when you havent got enough sleep... which equates to almost every day... 43. Knowing that somebody misses you. pple who do... plz raise your hands! *silence* 44. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply. 45. Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people think. of course... i'm a self-centered, opinionated and oh-so-sure-of-myself pain-in-da-butt... "of coz i'm rite!" ----Stef stopped rambling at 11:43 --Link to Post |
| 17.5.04 |
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yeah!!!
i'm back to blogging from school... great stuff man! just feel the excitement of blogging from the staff workroom... where teachers keep walking past... and you're kinda saying bad things abt them all at the same time... no lah... i'm not that evil... besides... the pple here have been great... other than the fact that they dont thank door-openers like myself... most of them are i guess... false alarm today... mr sung din come in the morning... coz they thought his wife was gonna give birth to their baby... but it wasnt the water bag.. something else instead... so too bad... he cant pon the day... good good... havent asked if he can play bball though... actually... we just need the bball... *evil thoughts* might be watching shrek 2 with my students... were thinking next monday... coz i was lamenting how ex weekend movies were... oh well... poor them... having to give in to their fussy teacher... but am happie that some of my students took to liking chemistry now... seriously... it's a bonus for me... to instill in them the love in chem... coz the thing is... i never really liked chem that much in the first place... i prefer it to physics, yes... but i loved maths and GP more... oh well... the irony of life... that i'm teaching it now... some of them suggested me giving them chem tuition when i leave MJ... but the thing is... i dont think i wanna restudy all my chem in the future... coz chances are... i probably wont be using them in the future... no lessons today... so shiok rite? just come to school to collect money... woohoo! but oh well... my students DID look for me for consultations... so i'm not so useless afterall... just realised that i taught them something wrongly last week... that the electronegativity of H is 0.00... well... it is not... He is 0.00... and H is something like 2.1... and F something like 3.98... damn... knew this day will come... where i realise i'm screwing up their minds... their understanding of the subject... oh well... will try to correct it as soon as possible... salvage the situation... couldnt sleep last nite... dont know why either... just very unsettled... mind not at peace? maybe i'm just not at peace with myself... i really dont know... thing is... i dunnoe what i dont know... if i confused you... my apologies... coz i'm confused myself... darn... seriously... if i'm to die now... there are lots of unfinished business for me... problem is... i dun really know what are they... what a terrible mess i am in... why did my entry today turn so gloomy? coz i'm fine really... am having a bouncing good day today! so you should too! oh ya... mr lim saw my michael buble CD at my workstation... first thing he did... "liew... pirated rite?" second thing he did... was to start singing to me... which song i cant tell... either because his singing was horrendous... or that i havent heard enough of buble... quipped that he should go join Singapore Idol... man! he took me seriously... said teacher cant have 2nd profession... *pengz* wonder if it were his ego or his sarcasm at work... and remember the teacher i din like? well... i like his voice... and he looks abit like you leh, ben k... ----Stef stopped rambling at 11:24 --Link to Post |
| 16.5.04 |
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woohoo!
woke at like 11 again... kinda piggy and all... but i dont care... being able to sleep in must be the best feeling in the world... but i guess you lose out on alot at the same time... met cy for troy... well... cy thought it was a tad too long... he rather watch lord of the rings anytime man... but i loved it... for the war scenes... for the fights... esp the one between hector and achilles... i kept thinking archimedes... being the physics student i am... or TRY to be... it was darn cool... cried non stop when the king of troy went to speak with achilles... i guess even the most powerful men have a vulnerable side as well... and even the most heartless warriors have love in them... according to my sis... the movie aint that factual... but at least i have an idea of how the terms achilles heel and trojan horse came about... i did before... but never as an entire story... am intrigued... will read it up... but truly... was impressed by the war tactics and all... the bloodshed was eeky... i hate it... but it was utterly necessary for the movie... seriously... rolling fireballs... raining arrows... man! who needs F-16s or nuclear missiles if you have those! sometimes you just marvel at their ingenuity when technology has not been developed... but i guess such stuff wont work these days... oh well... still thought they were smart... orlando bloom was truly a vase... (think legolas in lord of the rings) cy joked he got the role easily coz the directors din wanna train someone new... wasnt too impressed with his lack of courage... and the fact that he killed achilles with his bow and arrow... esp since achilles was swoonsome brad pitt in skirt... darn! why did he have to die? it was kinda ironic though... that achilles died in the hands of the younger trojan prince... dunnoe whether that really happened... coz its weird that he was killed by the least courageous warrior in the movie itself... just checked the dictionary... achilles' heel was his oni vulnerability coz his mother, who bathed him in the magical river to make him immortal, held him by his heel... but truly... i liked hector better... i think the fact that he loves his wife and son makes him a more complete person... the way he protected his brother... the way he fought with achilles despite knowing he'll be killed thereafter... that, was honourable... the ladies were utterly pretty too... but oh well... who isnt, in movies like these? it's a must-watch... unless you're like cy... who was so bored he kept figeting... muahhaa... but he shouldnt complain... treated him to popcorn... been meeting up with pple i havent seen in a long time of late... it's good really... to at least keep in touch... rather than diminish to being simply a figment of someone else's memory... meeting da welfare comm on tues... its been freaking long since i last met them... guess everyone's just too busy... oh well... we've got to be... welfare comm is a bunch of workacholics... inactivity will simply suffocate us... ate crabs with family again... 6 of us... 93 bucks... wooahh... would rather they give me the money... coz my savings dipped below the waterline again... which is bad really... coz i was really hoping to keep it above... so that i'll be more motivated to keep it there... now that it crossed... i might just lose that motivation to save money... darn... new school week tmr... playing bball after school... starting to rekindle my love for the sport... woohoo! probably mr sung's last chance to play... his baby is coming soon ya??? hehehe... so cool... oh ya... bot chocs for mrs bong's son... she was telling me abt some chocs that her son liked but she couldnt find... hope i got the right one... if not... i'm sure kids still love chocs... havent met her boy... but hearing her speak of him all the time... i am starting to find him ultra cute already... i'm dying to watch all the movies i havent watched... but oh well... i think more cool ones are coming up... so here's the new list... - shrek 2 - harry potter - eternal sunshine of a spotless mind (this is gotta be cool) - 13 going on 30 (love jennifer garner) darn... dont think my earnings will last me very long like dat... one movie (at its cheapest) is more than 10 percent of my daily pay lor... hiaks... ----Stef stopped rambling at 20:49 --Link to Post |
| 15.5.04 |
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woke up at like...
hmmm... 9... but went back to sleep till abt noon man... woohoo! how often do i get to sleep in like dat? wouldnt have woken at 9 if ben k din call me... and buddy... you called me from that number before rite? thot i remember missing a call from that number... then i called back... saying i missed a call... but nobody knew who did... *shrugs* slacked at home... cy suggested meeting for dinner... but just as we were heading out... that blur tomato remembered his TV repair man was coming... oh well... so just continued slacking lor... besides... wanna my dad to send me to kallang theatre anyways... AJC choir and dance... like the usher told me... "your seat is like the peak of mount everest... yeah man.. couldnt see a thing... oh well... i did la... but ben k was late... after spending 17 bucks on a cab... man! thats even more expensive than the ticket... muahha... left his ticket at the reception... was sitting among MJC students... something i didnt really expect... yan leng was like one row before me... yifang walked past... oh well... the aircon was kinda not working or something... rainy day still kinda warm... ben k came after most of the dance was over... but choir was cute... hehe... a couple of laughs... think the guys were much better... parents picked me up... and him too... hah... they were surprised to hear him sing to their kinda songs though... maybe its the generation gap... muahaha... sent him to some place in paya lebar... told him if my dad could send sz to NTU... wad is sembawang man? but he declined... kinda told white lies abt him... abt his age and stuff... coz my dad still remembers the name Ben very well... as the reason behind my goodness-knows-when-it'll-be-lifted ban... but on hindsight... it wasnt very smart thing to do... oh well... i think giving him the lift was the worst... try convincing them there is NOTHING going on... tough man... am gonna watch troy tomorrow... lets hope cy and i will be able to get tickets... but heard orlando bloom was kinda just a vase in the movie... oh well... pretty vase is better than no vase... we'll check it out man! LATEST UPDATE... just told my mom how old ben really is and stuff liaoz... was just too guilty abt lying... even though its just white lies... first question was whether he was mt faber guy 3 years ago... no he isnt... there just happens to be more than one ben walking this earth... and i happen to know abt 10 of them... u talking abt which one? but at least i feel better now.. and she din kill me... wonder how my dad will react tmr though... oh ya... met yunnboon on my way out to the concert.. was coming out of the lift when he just walked past me... thot i saw kui jien (ya know, the gotcha guy)... think everyone looks like kuijien... adrian, some wsfer from ntu, yunnboon... gawd... but back to wad i was saying... i turned ard and he couldnt recognise me either... should see his look of shock man! think he havent seen my present hair... considering when was the last time i saw him... talk abt hair... his was non-existent... man! army really show no mercy to those locks of his ya? he looks kinda cute la... muahaha... decided to meet up for coffee next week... consider living one floor away from each other... yet having to make appointment to just drink kopi together... what is the world coming to!??! ----Stef stopped rambling at 23:12 --Link to Post |
| 14.5.04 |
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eyelids damn heavy...
but i'm trying to blog anyway... had a mixed day... din start off too well... but i guess it picked up and wat not... oh well.. started with 208 being influenced by rumours abt the test answers... i wouldnt call it cheating coz not everyone, who heard it, wanted to hear it... asked them to give me an explaination before i started to assume things... but flipped through the paper before i did that... and evidently... the answers that were easy to remember... eg MCQs... were all rite... but structured questions were totally horrendous... some told me they din wanna know the answers but pple tell them... and i tell them they were obviously influenced coz everyone got the same answers... nevertheless... half of them failed... even though i din penalise the influence of the rumour... a paper which was so easy i expected everyone to pass and feel good abt themselves... wanted them to pass and boost their morale... i was sad... not angry... coz they were simply just cheating themselves... did alot of marking.... then went to play badminton with stella, jas and mr lam... quite fun la... mr lam was super... retiree who was making us run ard like mad dogs... picking up shuttlers we couldnt hit in time... but he said i was impoof-ing... GP teacher who likes to make fun of the not-so-perfect english... but he was very impressed with jas' undying attitude and energy... i think i was more bent on getting back to my marking... but at least i think i had a couple of good shots... and other than my SMACK-but-shuttle-falls-on-head trick... i think i played ok... crapped loads with the rest of the teachers... mr sung, mr lim, mr cia, mr lam, the RTs... the thing on my phlog.. coz i was licking on some peanut butter biscuits... shiok rite? so cant resist la... mr lim was like "u like that, all your exercise gone to waste laioz la..." i replied "i dont care..." and he suaned back "i can see..." arGH!!!!! spoke abt serious stuff with mrs bong... she teaches me things no one taught me before... someday i should really get a notebook and record all the cheem cheem things she says... i will really really miss these pple when i leave in two weeks... i din work for long or for alot of places... but i think this is good enough... will miss this job... today was MJ's sports meet... jas ran for triton house.... which was leading till someone took a fall... but oh well... at least now we know although jas runs funny... she runs fast... mr cia and mr lim ran too... the latter being ultra vain... having needed to change into special top for running... oh well... think he looks cute... jas and i told him he look more like a student than us... *pengz* was sms-ing one of my students today... then he suddenly msg-ed... "btw, i think u really a nice n gd teacher (not trying to polish boots...) and i will TRY to finish tut 8 and 9..." while i know it was a desperate attempt to escape handing up work... i was really motivated by that sms... thank goodness for students like him... have a few in 212... pple who make teachers feel good... despite the fact that the teachers are lousy... met up with my sec 4 klass today... kinda amazing... we had almost 20 pple squeezing into two small tables at marche... 
who cares abt the NO CAMERAS sign? overwhelming response... all of them look so different... prettier, cuter, sweeter and what not... but it was such a warm feeling seeing us all coming together like dat... told jingpei i missed having her irritate me all the time... and everyone else... but my table were mostly pple i see all the time... bernie, yollie, serene, jiahui... but so glad to see xiaopei, weilin, joy, yilin, jingpei, huishan, minyu, chinglu, yeeting, jill, kahming, htay yu, berwine... gosh... thats almost half of the klass... cheers to the organisers... walked to esplanade... sat on the floor.. made lotsa noise... walked to the merlion... 
where the hell is xiaopei!??!?! made more noise... some went embargo for drinks... but me still grounded... nevertheless, reached home at 11 plus.. eyebags... not smart when your day started at 6... didnt want to mark papers on my journey home... so called ben k... thot he could crap with me on my way home... but ney... he was more eager to hang up than anything else... been a while since i last spoke to cy so i gave him a missed call... exchanged a few sms... before i finally gave up and called him instead.. spoke for a while... from kovan to sk... from sk to bakau... from bakau to my doorstep... we wanted to meet for dinner before i go for the AJ concert tomorrow... but reckon it'll be too much of a rush considering he cant make it earlier... oh well... decided on troy on sunday... hopefully we'll get tickets... considering it's troy's first weekend... and that he wont have to rush back to book in like wx did last week... somehow... felt that cy sounded more mellow... more grown up... i guess NS really changes a person... its a good thing i guess... he's a busy bee ya? helping fish with his business ambitions.. enriching his life by taking up courses and wat not... paid 400 bucks for some seminar next week... crazy stuff... kinda makes me feel i'm wasting my life away.. haiz... am hoping he'll choose to go to NUS next year... would be a blast if everyone's in the same uni... esp my ikea buddy.. the one who gave me the grey bear... which was rubbing its eyes... coz i alwaz rubbed my eyes like dat... ----Stef stopped rambling at 23:59 --Link to Post |
| 13.5.04 |
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just caught clay aiken singing with the final four...
think he looks so cool... maybe still geeky... but I LIKE GEEKS! he looks likes a doctor lor... the si wen bai lei kind... *melts*... told my mom i want a boyfriend just like that... hah... not serious la... but i like clay aiken... feel like buying his CD... but /me reminds myself that i'm on my last dollar... and that bringing loads of coins to school everyday aint the way to go... ----Stef stopped rambling at 23:07 --Link to Post |
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"...only when the ears and the eyes shut off...
can the mind be calm..." -quoted off a CHN8 drama left school after 7 today... class ended at 4 actually... but as usual... 212 was utterly enthusiastic abt meeting behind the assembly area... so i stayed in... marked the test that they did... in which they did better than before... coz it's much simpler... and hopefully... it has something to do with the fact that i sourced questions from my AJ tutorials for them to practise on... and spent alot of time revising redox with them... but at least i'm finally reaping returns of staying in late everyday... wanyu told me that philemon felt that i was a good teacher... my students trust me enough to confide in me... the looks on my students' face whenever they finally understand a concept... mr sung telling me that i'll go far in life with my kinda work attitude... far but very sleep-deprived... to which i replied "i hope so..." my students 'acting' disappointed when i told them i'll be leaving end this month... at least they bother to ACT ok!?! kids, from other klasses i took, waving to me and greeting me... man... i dont need the money anymore... the job satisfaction is overwhelming... what more can i ask??? ermm.... shorter timetable? super alot of things to do tmr... mark tutorials... mark tests... plot pract graphs... type test answers... play badminton with my buddies... reschedule lab lesson... wanna clear this week's work THIS week... think i'll stake out the staff room again... smoke the others that i'm working damn hard for my 65 bucks... till evening when 4/3's meeting at suntec... been like 2 years since we last got together... woohoo! the closer ones i see all the time... but those that weren't that close... hmm... never even bumped into them in town... alot of pple ard had a haircut this week... mr lim and mr sung... not much difference... but evidently shorter... chunxiang, the bball siao guy... who got a drain cover cut... ya know... the parallel lines on the side... i think something like what yujin wanted... and some peeps in my own klasses... crazy stuff... i also wanna cut... the... heat... is... totally... unbearable... jas and i kinda realised something... alot of pple dont really thank pple who open doors for them... ok... forget it... we meant other teachers... some do... but some simply just walk past as if it were only right that we open the door for them... we were like "?!?!"... arent these pple supposedly highly educated... and therefore civilised, well-mannered individuals who thank good-natured individuals who keep doors open for them? kinda decided that too much education also means arrogance and i-am-above-all-others mentality... it's not that we die die want/need pple to thank us when we do nice things... but sometimes... it only goes to show how pple take for granted simple acts of kindness... well... therefore jas and i concluded that we're nice, well-mannered pple... okok... at least we TRY to be... din watch AI last nite... dunnoe why... coz its usually on my must-watch list... reckon i was too tired last nite... and rather spend the time deciding whether or not to change my blog template... reckon i really like this present one... so readers who are bored with the grey stuff... sorry... its MY blog... watched a CSI: Miami though... darn... liked yesterdae's episode loads... it was sad... very... one of the stories had a boy who killed his father who was abusing his mother... and the mother shot the priest who the boy confessed the murder to... to protect her son... i was like... shattered, to say the least... the other story was bad too... cant convict the guy becoz of lack of evidence... but gawd... he killed two lives and got away scott-free... damn... so much for justice... well... hopefully he'll get his deserts... marked some tutorials this morning... and gawd... lucky i did... some mistakes were horrendous... telling me tat calcium was covalently bonded... and that iodine had metallic bonds... c'mon! this is freaking 'o' level stuff lor!!! piangz... and she still talks in my lessons... kinda tempted to just shake her out of her i-am-smart-so-sue-me mentality... asked her to schedule a brainwashing session with me... need to rewrite some of her most basic concepts... some others too... but they werent as bad as this one... *waves white flag* mrs bong also has the same prb with her students... design experiments for physics... and all sorts of stupid answers for that... still remember something someone in AJ once wrote... experiment was abt the sound frequencies... and something abt bats being able to sense sound we, humans, cant hear... thing was.. they just needed a set-up to measure sound frequency... sound from anywhere la... someone gallantly suggested tying up the bats and beating the daylights outta them to make them make noise... if you're that someone.... i'm really sorry to use you as an example... but it was truly a classic... well done! ----Stef stopped rambling at 19:56 --Link to Post |
| 12.5.04 |
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woohoo!
day was super slack... coz ms goh finally came back from a false alarm of dengue fever... no need to take her klasses liaoz... then wed is my free day... so just sit at my desk... mark papers... study notes and tutorial... while listening to my discman... trying hard NOT to break out in off tune singing... coz really... those were my favourite songs... three of us accompanied mr lam for breakfast... he ponning GP lecture... his treat coz we din have our wallets with us during morning assembly... then we met mrs bong on the way up to the staff room... so i accompanied her for her breakfast... was surprised actually... that she agreed when i offered to go to the canteen with her... talked alot... guess she is the kinda person... who can make even the quietest person go on and on... ended up talking to her alot the whole day... where she would come over to mr sung's table to chat with me... feels great to have such a sweet neighbour really... telling me abt her son... discussing what to name the next... ate lunch with yiyuen... chinese scholar i mentioned before... she's cool actually... we have our laughs... and its quite amazing how we managed to click... even better than the relationship between some of the permanent staff actually... i realised when you're younger... it's easier to make acquaintances... even friends... just the youthful open to new pple and things... the "bring it on!" mentality... physio today... physiotherapist kinda gave up on me... asked me to see another specialist coz she feels that it wasnt a sprain... but something abt my muscles being unable to hold up a bone... and the bone is outta place... oh well... din tell her that my second toe of my other foot is hurting like hell now... really... pain... trying to decide whether i should go back TTSH for further treatment or otherwise... it's almost a waste of time and taxpayers money... the other pple (who really cant walk properly) deserve the treatment and time more... feels as if i'm depriving them of that... i look more like i'm working out at the gym than undergoing therapy... rats! took mrt to bishan... then bought the necklace i saw yesterdae... yesh yesh... i couldnt stand it... even though it was literally my last dollar... really must dig for money in the bowl of coins for my meals liaoz... either that or con more pple into treating me... but cant leh... wringed the pple ard me dry liaoz... but its scary really... see the older teachers... when they open their wallet... is like so many 50 dollar bills lor... i mean dont they fear for their wallets??? and mr lam tells me that was his spare wallet... me oni have that single pathetic red note... which usually disappears within a day... so sometimes i really dun feel that guilty when i con other teachers... okok... i feel bad... i really DO! so i guess before i leave MJC for good i would probably buy them a small something ya??? esp the ones who have been so sweet to me... slept like a log on bus 88 home... really all the way home from bishan... was kinda afraid that i might miss my stop and end up back at MJC... but i din... been a long time since i last slept so soundly on a bus... reminds me of the time in TK... where the bus rides seem to take forever... sleeping in bus is very shiok... feeling of being able to sleep when you are tired... eat when you are hungry, drink when you are thirsty... oni prb is... i worry abt drooling like a pig while sleeping... coz i alwaz do! but oh well... cant really help it... really too tired... quite weird actually... had YC iCQing me.. quite out of character coz he usually doesnt... and when i do msg him... he would either give monosyllabic answers... playing gunbound... or start suaning every statement i make... so asked him to convince me that he was YC... and amazingly... he remembers my favourite dessert at the library... da apple crumble... maybe coz he remembers how he alwayz suans me when it really ends up in crumbles after my first bite... and the funny incidents when we studied together prior to the exams... e.g. the waiter giving me two forks..."one for you 'boyfriend'..." ?!?!?! my sis and bro coming to the library to peep at us... thinking he's DA ONE... actually... i always wonder how badly i would have done if not for him... asked him practically all the stupid questions anyone can think of... stuff students would be paiseh to ask teacher coz of how stupid it'll make the student look... i was really a terrible student... so now... when my students do test my patience with supposedly easy questions... i remember how 'patient' YC was when i made even lamer mistakes... minus the part where he starts getting sarcastic... and i teach them from scratch... every single thing i think they need to know... actually... YC and i were kinda at war after our first 3 mths in AJ... i was such a b*tch... we din talk to each other for months even though we were in the same klass... i'm kinda glad that it blew out... coz seriously... he has been a very giving person throughout our mugging period... and i thank the powers above for him as my study buddy... he doesnt feel the same way though... he prefers pretty girls as his study buddies though... probably feels coerced to study with me... =( i miss my JC pals... every single one of you... plz dont ever walk outta my life... we mugged, cried, laughed and been through the sh*ttiest mugging period together... plz dont let it just fade away as forgotten memories... miss you people alot... esp the girls... can we go out again soon? ----Stef stopped rambling at 20:30 --Link to Post |
| 11.5.04 |
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dreary tuesday...
quite busy really... wrote out redox questions for students... which, hopefully, happen to be different from the test... took lessons... swallowed tea and snacks... supposed to be an early day today... ending at 1415... so i dated my sis to actually go out... but couldnt leave school before 1700... even then... i had meixin calling me on the hp... asking me whether they can meet me in the canteen for a question... darn... "people! i have a life too!" phew... consultations all the way... in the library in the discussion room too... jeffrey told me, post mortem, that teachers are banned from the room... it was them who asked me to go in coz of some questions they had... darn... now wondering if i'll get into sh*t... probably not... coz i really DIN KNOW... and we were doing discussion wad... just a huge one... abt 8 of them crowding ard a round table... abt how to do redox... i'm not one who chooses this kinda venues to enjoy aircon ok??? met sis finally abt 1730... ate dinner at breeks... had my fav bbq chick and cheese sandwich... which she had this super huge chick leg and pasta... i was like 'fwah...' but we just ate and ate... saw alot of MJCians... oh well... i think a few recognised me... saw this necklace at perllini's... darn! liked it alot... but it cost like 42 bucks... which is reasonable actually... but then i recall my bank balance... and remember that i still wanna lend pple money and charge them 10% interest... nah... i've got my uni days to fund... i'm even wearing the same clothes day after day! maybe not... okie... still need to pay for my ankle treatments... physio tomorrow... darn! ahhhh!!!!!! okie okie... save money!!! necklace will come if i manage not to spend my latest paycheck... *prays* bumped into elena... quite cool... coz its been some time since we last saw each other... to think we didnt know about each other's existence till we stepped in AJ... oh well... she's not working... which translates to slacking... kinda miss my slacking days actually... at least i'm not THIS tired everyday... haiz... couldnt wake up this morning... damn jialat... was practically begging my parents for "one more minute!" watched 50 first dates with sis... as cheesy and eeky as it sounds... it's really pretty good... i think it's like the wedding singer kinda movies... guy falls for girl... girl struggles abt liking guy back... and all the dating stuff... oni novelty is that guy tries to woo girl again and again... every single day... thing is... found it really pretty... that Love changed the guy... i guess it's one of the most powerful forces... it's funnie... and very sweet all at the same time... sexual jokes yeah... considering you have rob scheider in the movie... but it was good... loved the animals... the penguin and the walrus especially... one part of the movie really hit me... i was sad that lucy (barrymore) couldnt remember henry (sandler) every time she woke up... so even if she did begin to love him... she totally forgets him once she slips into slumber... thing is... i was sad that she couldnt remember him... but as they were making progress... lucy felt she was holding him back from a normal life... and breaks up with him... now... i was sad that henry couldnt forget her... that he was feeling so much pain... how much pain, i couldnt decide, considering he was such a flirt... unlike her... where she could simply destroy her recent memories by burning her journal... so... is the loss of the short term memory a good thing? or that memories regardless of good or bad should never be forgotten? accounting for why pple like me keep such detailed blogs... i dont know... really... of coz... one might qualify that good memories should be kept... and bad ones forgotten... is it really THAT simple? or more complex? is selective memory even possible? but if it is... wont it be awesome! and oh ya... plz remind this idiot writing this blog... never to try running across the road in heels more than 3cm high again... her ankles really cannot take it! i think i looked terrible trying to do that also... oh wait... i look terrible all the time... wats the freaking difference?!?! ----Stef stopped rambling at 21:42 --Link to Post |
| 10.5.04 |
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beautiful monday...
not supposed to have klass ya? but ended up taking ms goh's 205... while 207 was taken by jas... supposed to take both actually... but the way AJ taught redox was really too different from MJ... so i left the other klass to jas... lest i confuse them too much... 205 got pretty messed up by me... was mixing up oxidations and reductions... and stuff... gawd... lucky i'm leaving soon... so they probably wont sack me just coz i am lousy NOW... its too late man... just too late... unless i try something like hitting a student with a i-love-my-kid parent... then i'll probably be banned from teaching forever... have a number of consultations lined up today... havent got a clue how to fit them all in... well... like i mentioned... as long as they have the drive to learn and understand better... i shouldnt actually deprive them of any help i can provide... i dont think they actually consult me coz they think me apt in helping their understanding.. probably just coz they feel more comfortable approaching me and what not... coz we have more of a senior-junior relationship... than a teacher-student relationship... which is good i think.. better for communication... just as long as they dont start climbing all over me... like stella was just saying... it's definitely much easier being student... tired students can just go to klass and space out... tired teachers have to still pretend they're having a ball of a time even when they're totally dreading the lesson... really think teachers are a bunch of misunderstood people... like benny said before on our way to play pool.. educators are probably professionals deserving the most respect... before you think i'm attempting self-praise... i volunteer to take RTs off that list... its a sacrificial kinda thing... a rather wei da kinda job... like you force students to do work... hand up stuff... they start to find you naggy... dislike you... but ultimately... it's for the students' own good... teacher doesnt get anything in return... except for the wrath of the students... students never seem to be able to see the bigger picture... appreciate the things their teachers do for them... i dunnoe whether i mentioned it before... but i really wanna go back to AJ and thank every single teacher who taught me... coz oni when i started teaching... been in their shoes... have i realised how difficult it was for them... esp since i was rather difficult a student.. bottom 5 in entire chem cohort was an amazing feat... i probably will... when i go for AJ's choir and dance concert on sat... if i do see them yeah? slacking the day away rite now... kinda amazed at the amount i actually crapped thus far... sometimes i feel that i'm only writing for the sake of writing now... crazy feeling... just that i cant stop the urge to blog... maybe i should just do a truman show based on my blog next time... i wonder who would actually watch it... cool rite??? then all you people reading this can be my scriptwriters or producers... but i dont think i can afford to pay you... i'll probably have to pay the TV station money to air my show anyway... but dont think i can afford it ya??? oh well... guess you cant have everything your way... hmmm... do you think TV Mobile would even consider airing my show? okie... i should stop before i bore my readers to sleep... maybe they ARE sleeping already... but come to think of it... if they are asleep... they probably cant scroll down... and read this part ya? oh well... This blog WILL cause drownsiness. DO NOT drive or operate machinery after consuming this crap. If drowsiness persist after reading, please stop visiting the blog for good and consult your bed vendor (you need a better bed for a good night's rest). ----Stef stopped rambling at 11:16 --Link to Post |
| 9.5.04 |
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day started pretty late...
at 12 noon... when i finally managed to pry myself off that comfy bed... probably trying to make up for all the lost sleep the past week... phew... din feel rejuvenated though... thats the downside abt sleeping in too much... casey msg-ed abt the blue skies... queer coz he doesnt really msg me that often yeah... got to know later that he sent me that msg coz i was alwaz talking abt blue skies and all... large part of day just spent at home... supposedly with mommy... who just happened to be out running errands most of the time... second paycheck for teaching came in today... doesnt add up to alot really... the pay... but oh well... i'm glad... dont think i should go for a holiday really.. esp since the cost of my uni education will solely come from my parents... would probably have to try to eat and ride on my own savings in the near future... wanted to ask 486 out for movie actually... but somehow... msg ended up with casey... or weixian... which i am more used to... msged went... "hey woman! wanna go catch a movie?" reply came... "think you msged the wrong person woman!" so asked him out instead... it was, afterall, ages since we last met... went out to catch van helsing... which was pretty good actually... action-packed... hugh jackman was as droolable as ever... but i liked the friar more... smart guys ya? but i guess the better part of the last minute outing was that wx and i got to meet up after so darn long... last time we met was for thai express like almost a year ago.. just before he went into the army... didnt change too much that guy... probably just the hair... but kinda felt we could talk better... better than the last time we met... dont you think? saw 3 of my 208 students in front of the popcorn counter... made effort to avoid them... its not as if i have anything to hide... just reckon i'll be much better off without the additional gossip or teasing from my students ya? we went out seperate ways pretty hurriedly after the movies... guy had to get back home then getting to CCK for book in... hope he got home and to camp on time... coz if he didnt... would have probably been my fault for asking him out... had popcorn and a cheesy hotdog during the movie... bet my team would remember how we simply adored it back in thailand... just going into 7-11 buying dozens for our roadtrips... to bangsaen for the race... to bangkok for the flight home... seriously... miss those sia... so... does anyone know where to get hotdogs that ooze cheese other than at GV cinemas? had 486 on the fone with me on the busride and walk home... hah... she happened to be free man! damn... at least something good came out of something bad... got to see a fren i havent seen in a long time... even though i missed out on going out with a fren i see almost everyweek... supposed to go gym tmr... but i heard thats cancelled... maybe another movie? hhehehe... just too many movies to watch of late... muahahaha... met jasmine (the one from my primary sch...) on my way home... was on the phone so i din know which one to give up... still looks the same... but she said i lost weight... which IS crazy... coz i din... maybe its the hair... but i shall not speculate... and spoil my jubilation... just bask in the joyous mood of someone saying i lost weight... should go bathe and sleep liaoz... sch tomorrow... sayonara! ----Stef stopped rambling at 22:35 --Link to Post |
| 8.5.04 |
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hmmm...
unlike wad ben k said... i dont think meeting my students outside school was a waste of time... i guess as long as they walked away with a better understanding... i dont mind that i'm not getting paid extra for this... met weeling and joel at sk library... went through chem bonding... and crapped... had two hazelnut ice-blended... but i think my mouth moved so much i'd probably burnt all the calories i consumed... yeah rite... self-justification... parents picked us up from home... oni thing worthy of mention was that... the car was silver and beige no more... parents ordered a new car a month ago... think they just loved to see us totally shocked... quoting simon cowell... "tongue, floor..." was almost the same... paid no extra... except that they had to service a new loan... saved on insurance and road tax for a year... ultra new-looking tyres and sport rims... and man! super duper kenwood sound system... i know its not top end... but gosh... never heard matchbox twenty THIS good! and oh ya... first time dad got a 3digit license plate... way cool! lunch was at sembawang shopping centre... old rundown place which just got a facelift... 'thai' food at the top level is not bad... inverted commas coz of its lack of authenticity... but nevertheless, good... been some time since we last ate there... but i guess most things taste just as good as before... lunch crowd was manageable... unlike dinners when that place is packed full... bought mommy dearest a watch... thought it was kinda pretty... and a watch is probably most practical... esp since i've been using her metal adidas for goodness-knows-how-long... sharing with sibs... but not a (purely covalent) sharing... due to the difference in electronegativity (read: i work, they dont)... cant help drawing the parallel... been teaching my students chem bonding the whole afternoon... i'll probably be paying for the bulk of it... oh well... i dont mind... afterall... she's the one who has been buying me lao po bings all this while... letter came in from CGH... din get the scholarship... was disappointed... but not sad... if i were... my dinner would have probably been spoilt... parents were eager to see the letter... but wanted me to open it myself... so they brought it along when they picked me up for dinner... it was sweet when consolation started pouring in from my family... but i guess i am okay... just that the people i msged with the news... did not msg back... that was sadder i guess... dinner at purvis street... not those classy classy, ambience super place la... but this nice hainanese coffeeshop which served great chicken and hainanese fare... good service... even though the lady boss kept running ard and repeating that she's shorthanded... food came pretty fast... small table but better for my family... prawn roll was super... a must-try... together with the hainanese porkchop and chicken... woohoo! erm... dont remember the name of the shop though... but i do remember that opposite it was a thai shop called first 23 thai *dunnoe-wat* so cool rite? my fav number again... day of yummy food... whoopie~ must think of a way to confiscate weeling's fone liaoz... she keeps taking photos of me... probably to save, transfer, print and paste on her dartboard... considering 10 outta 10 will look bad... since subject looks bad in the first place... i must and i will get that phone and start deleting... before she starts to transfer them to the PC or something... so many darn movies i wanna watch... -kill bill vol 2... -troy... -van helsing... -blood bros or something... -calendar girls... man! weekend too ex... and weekday too tired... totally drained after sch... cannot make it! ahhh! ----Stef stopped rambling at 22:30 --Link to Post |
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think my mom rocks...
just mentioned last sunday... that i liked wife biscuits... in one week... she bought it for me twice already... and once from telok ayer... none of my parents work in town... man! love her to bits... but havent gotten anything for her... shshhsh! ----Stef stopped rambling at 10:40 --Link to Post |
| 7.5.04 |
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think i'm becoming a little crazed of late...
i did mention and whined that i was weary... after the many long days throughout the week... but thing is... when i really try to tuck myself into bed at 9pm... i was kinda... alive once again... crazy stuff... but might be due to the fact that i left my painkillers in school... prescribed stuff... so i dont have more at home... and nuthing else works for me... so i guess i have to suffer in silence for my carelessness... darn... spoke to mr lam over the tea session in the morning yeah? amazing the amount you actually learn from experienced teachers... not just things pertaining to teaching... but loads of other stuff as well... frankly... after what we spoke abt today... i'm kinda wondering whether i'm considered a smart student or otherwise... thing is... i dont bother abt parts of a subject that is irrelevant to me getting my grades... i only learn what is necessary... i lack that want to learn... the need to know more... the incessant questioning of why and how... i find the easiest, more simplistic answer... and would be rather satisfied with it... should i not be one who questions our very existence on earth? one who ponders the complex relation between science and nature? i give up on challenges too easily... i find the simplest way out... is that necessarily a good thing, having avoided complexities that confuse me more? or a fundamental shortcoming, having only brushed the surface of what i thought i knew, but really dont at all? mr lam mentioned something abt interviews today... abt pple... most... perceive opinionated individuals as pple of calibre... i wonder how much of that is true... but did see abit of logic in that... he did convince me... which was rather surprising becoz i've alwaz thought more of humility than confidence... somehow... that view of mine is changing really.. beginning to feel that confidence is, indeed, important... still sorely lacking it though... but i guess like everything else... the only thing i truly learnt from my 'o' level lit text... moderation is the key... while humility and confidence seem rather opposite... a balance is still possible... or so i think... mom's getting me a supplementary card... on the grounds that UOB has great deals at restaurants and a number of shops... so why miss out... but first... i must be able to reproduce my signature... 100 % of the time... somehow... while i'm elated at the fact that they finally decide i'm old enough... i shudder at the thought that i am not... somehow... i dont feel ready for responsibility... and i'm not just saying the credit card... anyway... worrying abt misplacing my NETS is already enough... thing is... i dont think i wanna grow up that badly... bro will probably agree tat i'm still at his level... my bro's 12... and i still cry when yucky stuff happen... oh well... to think i told ben k that the best way for him to save money was to cancel his cards... which he did recently... will i become a spendthrift when i get a supp card? "we'll find out after the break!" alwin lai sent an sms... from far away KL... heh... seems that friendster keeps screwing up our msges... one wonders why we dont take our correspondence to email instead... beats me... feels good that he bothers to keep in contact... great that we'll probably end up in the same uni... he's a great dude to bully... and easy person to trick into giving treats... feel so evil... my nikes are really too worn out liaoz... spotted my zebra socks so many times today while playing badminton... esp with all the e-brakes... =P probably time to splurge on a new pair... been working so hard for so long... like real... need a good pair of sneakers for sch anyways... oh well... soon... soon... i shall get new shoes! pang of need-someone's-shoulder-to-lean-on again... wonder if it were triggered by anything in particular... quite frankly... i'm lost in my emotions again... just wondering whether what i am feeling is what i think it might be... while i never really tried it before... i can be a girl who takes the first move... bet some readers would agree... thing is... i'm not doing anything till i understand what i'm feeling... or at least till i can be sure a revelation would not hurt what is already there... i guess that is alwaz the biggest concern... the what-if... realised mr lim is really quite a metrosexual... is it a good thing? chapstick... D&G glasses... abercrombie and fitch desktop and screen saver... effort to buy pretty pretty paper for the chem notice board... must add that he's got good taste... i like his sigg bottle... and these are only the things i noticed... considering i'm usually hard at work... yeah rite... there's probably more i didnt... small wonder he told me that he'd rather his money stay as his... *shake head* ----Stef stopped rambling at 23:30 --Link to Post |
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missed breakfast and lunch...
downed painkillers... helped take ms goh's klasses... 208 was ok... consultations during common lunch... badminton for awhile with mr lam, jas and some students... practical that i kept talking... dark eye rings... headache... cramps... more appointments for consultations... drained of energy... sleepy... braindead... new tutorials to study... econs NIE trainees gone.. meet students tmr outside sch for extra help... mr teo lost his specs... mr lim ciaoz-ed super early coz too tired also... mrs bong scolded me for staying in sch till 1830... think i'm the only RT with such an idiotic timetable... need sleep... desperately... dont even bother to string proper sentences together... ----Stef stopped rambling at 20:06 --Link to Post |
| 6.5.04 |
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212 was great...
other than the fact that alot of them din do homework... darn... left them to self discussion... those that approached me with questions before were helping the rest... so it was good... had more pple fixing up appointments with me... just hopefully i'll remember all of them... lotsa stuff lined up tmr... chem bonding 2 with weeling and gang... badminton with the teachers... practs and lesson... will take a different approach to 208's lesson... hopefully it'll work better... it'll be more self-directed... more doesnt-concern-me(your-relief-teacher)-if-you-dont-give-a-damn-about-your-future... guess i'll be able to help those who need my help more... and manage the different levels of understanding and academic ability... heck if the guys decide to sleep and start banging on tables in klass... sounds like some attention deficiency disorder... will maybe try what my dad said... if the situation calls for it... ask them to write on a piece of paper... why they want to leave the klass... for me to answer to my HOD... and then ask them to scram... no point ruining my days coz of them... i've got some great peeps in 208... will go to great lengths just to have them do well in the mid-year... met merser and SML to eat today... had a good time laughing at JC life... mr yip's jokes... "people who are not absent, raise your hands..." and william's encounters with him... "william, whats the class strength?" "erm...very strong..." miss them both... walked ard with SML after that... bought myself a nice what-do-you-call-something-you-wear-on-your-wrist? thingy... great catching up on all our daily stuff... and guess both of them finally got to see how lame and unfunny i've become... ever since i started teaching... darn... havent bathe... and need the toilet badly... huff's out today... so sad... alwaz thot he's cute... aww.... ciaoz... ----Stef stopped rambling at 22:02 --Link to Post |
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interesting morning today actually....
crazy stuff... jasmine got bombarded with work again today... it seems that the HOD actually knows her personally... that's why she has been getting all the work and stuff... but thing is... i believe it's becoz she doesnt trust me or something... dont think i look trustworthy enough... yupz... anyways... we split the work... and i got the easier half... so i'm done with it already... used it as an excuse not to sit in for another teacher's lesson... so hurray... was walking by mr lim's desk... when i saw him using this thingy specially used for cutting styrofoam... truth is.... i've never seen something like that... simple logic of using the heat generated in a small circuit to 'melt' the foam... fwah... was so fascinated... mr lim said he was using it since primary school... but gosh... that's when i'm like still drinking baby formula... i got tricked into cutting the foam for him... darn... should have demanded a treat from him... but it was cool la... now... i'm officially trained in the skill of cutting foam... it was funny really... almost like primary school... when i had mr lim and mr tan crowding ard my table to cut/paste/stick paper and foam for the chemistry noticeboard... it was cute... even though it wasnt such a pleasant experience having mr lim suaning me half the time... and me trying to retaliate... unsuccessfully... mr lam is an utterly nice person... think i can kinda click with him... wacky sense of humour... wit to boot... but i guess such things come with age... and experience... especially in the teaching field.. treated us to tea again today... alwaz thought the tea he bought was much nicer than those i buy myself... mrs bong said it was because he gets along well with the tea lady... alwaz smiley... buying many cups to treat pple... kinda changed my impression of him... improved to say the least... probably the funkiest retired GP teacher i've met so far! had alot of work to take my mind off the yucky stuff so far... hope 212 will be as sweet as usual later... meeting peeps from 208 to go through chem bonding 1... hope i survive... and get to suntec by 5.30 later... punctuality aint very possible... but i'll try... dying to meet SML and merser... reminising ole times with our delifrance outings... hey SML... i know my entry abt last sat was kinda mean... but it wasnt really meant to be that way... it was simply what i felt at that point of time... but never meant to put you on a guilt trip... not my intention... sorry for wad i did... but i guess thats the best part of best buds... you can throw shit at each other but still come up smiling... i love you sweetie... and ben k... din mean to be discouraging when you started singing in the MRT... and pour cold water on your wanting to join singapore idol... i did think you were good... at least... you were better than me... by ten times... and seriously... you should try for singapore idol... even though i'll pretend not to know you when you do... plz call me if you happen to remember the song you wanted to sing to me but forgot... i'm dying to do a simon-cowell style evaluation for you... oh... i mean paula-abdul actually... so... practise hard yeay! ----Stef stopped rambling at 14:39 --Link to Post |
| 5.5.04 |
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the run was difficult...
wanted to just give up halfway... but the "...just a little more..." mentality works all the time... finished what i set out to do... so i'm glad... lifted some logs... but slipped off the monkey bars... cant decide whether it was coz they were wet... or that the calluses (read: anti-slip) on my hands are slowly disappearing... sat for a long while at the hard court... stretching... but just appreciated the time alone... just shuffling steps by pple back from work... short breaths coming from the joggers... it was serene... nevertheless... i felt rejuvenated... at least i wasnt that depressed anymore... thought about loads of stuff during the jog... and the good 15 mins at the hard court... stuff i felt blog-worthy... but totally forgot... scattered pieces of my thoughts should read something like... "...no longer feel that much of a need to be a good person really..." the same way i felt after my training in pattaya... my this-is-the-real-world, take-it-or-leave-it experience... "...that it's easier for a bad person to do good, than for a good person to do bad..." coz the latter has something called a conscience... the very thing i've been wanting to lose... "...i should just sit in the front of the class, dictating answers to students..." instead of explaning to facilitate understanding... coz they dont bother... why should i? considering the fact that i'll still be getting the same amt of money... regardless of the effort i put in... "...why it took so long for me to overtake the girl in front?" fitness really going downhill... dont want that to happen... but frankly... dont know if i ever wanna go back to competitive windsurfing... ----Stef stopped rambling at 21:07 --Link to Post |
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ok...
i think when things start rolling downhill... it just keeps going man... today wasnt much better than yesterdae... in fact... i think it was worse... sat in for mr sung's pract with 215... which i usually enjoy... coz i have that funnie bball guy... asking me loads of questions... and some girls who can be utterly sweet... but all i needed was one guy to snigger... and take perversed pleasure in the fact that i corrected him wrongly... only becoz what mr sung wanted in their answers was different from wad mr lim and mr tan wanted... i can imagine that being all that the students want to see really... when your teacher falters... when your teacher makes a mistake... then break into celebration... and that was the very guy who said i was picking on him when all i wanted was to correct his technique... it sucks... i could jolly well sit silently in the klass... not opening my mouth the whole time... but i chose not to... just so they could get more accurate results... and hopefully better scores for their SPAssessment... this is wad i got... took over jas' klass... and that was worse... they probably liked her better... thing is... they were utterly unresponsive... which jas admitted... but liked... becoz she's used to a monologue lesson... guys were unmotivated... which she mentioned... pretty difficult to handle... and she actually asked me if i enjoyed the lesson... coz she usually did... !?!?!?!?! i think different teachers expect different things from their students... this is probably a klass i wont enjoy... i need dialogue and participation... thank goodness for 212/even 208... quite frankly... when your effort goes unappreciated... you kinda lose all motivation to continue doing what you do... doing it to the best of your ability... maybe i just need to change my approach... my war strategy... need to find the magic and fulfilment in teaching again... dont wanna throw in the towel... let's think of this as a challenge... wanna leave MJC thinking it was my best temp job ever... i wanna continue bouncing happily to school... on my way to work... remember the USP interview... when i told them that the person i admired the most was my dad... for being such a giving person... one of them asked... whether it was necessarily a good thing to be too giving a person... guess not... i was stumped... but i am finally seeing the light... the more important thing is to give without expecting something in return... that's something i have to learnt to accept... before i end up expecting things i do not get... and start having a major prb with the rest of the world... someone! brainwash me! probably need a good jog... maybe i should set my distance now... instead of when i downstairs later... running where the traffic lights take me... 2 rounds? think i'll be pretty worked out by then... get O2 into the clogged brain... talking abt clogged brain... got so traumatised by the students that i started stammering all over again... aint good... but at least it din happen during my CGH interview... wasnt stammering actually... just struggled with all the long and twisting chemical terms... so had trouble blurting everything out in one sentence all together... seriously... it's ten times easier to be a student... yearning to get back to books... to be on the receiving end... again... ----Stef stopped rambling at 18:42 --Link to Post |
| 4.5.04 |
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terrible terrible day today...
probably the worst of all my days at MJC so far... 208 made me cry today... it wasnt that bad... they din BULLY me that badly or something... but i guess its just that the pretty little picture i have been painting for myself got really really smudged this time... bell alwaz saves the day when i lose my temper in 208... walked out... but i think i hesitated too much... coz i needed to return them a paper... that few seconds extra... the dam couldnt quite hold... been too long deceiving myself that i'm having a great time with the entire class... coz frankly i wasnt... leon and chin poh had their heads on the table... then the latter and some other peeps started doing the clap thing... AJCians, think AJ clap... IN CLASS?!??!?!? and after me losing my patience with them like countless of times before... wondering why they cant pay attention like good little kids... coz since i'm trying so hard for them... the least they could do was respect my presence... guess i broke down coz i really felt shortchanged... there i was losing precious sleep over how i should conduct my lessons... to make it at least interesting... and trying to grasp every single concept available for the topic... just so to handle better their questions... thing is... i probably know atomic structure/chem bonding/mole concept/redox.... ten times more than wad i knew for my 'a' levels... yes... i'm working this hard... i go to great lengths to find what MJ notes miss out on... and give them extra info from my AJ notes... discussing concepts and pointers with jas and the other teachers just to get a sentence right to tell the klass... staying back after school until 6 everyday... clocking 11 hrs when i oni need 5.5 to get that 65 measly bucks... all that... and more... for this? the most frequent reason for me crying... would be injustice... i wouldnt say i was the best relief teacher ard... coz i am not... but i'm working damn hard for them... more than i actually need to... making it up to them in every way i could... probably filled my bottle 10 times today... simply kept talking, drinking, filling... going to great lengths to explain simple concepts... coz that was something i never understood well as a student... just coz i was paiseh to approach teachers... so i made myself available for them 24/7.... not fair... but i guess you cant have the best of both worlds... where both sides think its fair for them... the good guys (and girls) of 208 came to apologise... and flooded me with sms asking me not to cry... they waited for me outside the staffroom... got lectured by two of my good pals... who panicked seeing me all teary-eyed after lesson... refusing to leave till i came out... which was (think: more tears)... but they're the good guys... they werent guilty in the first place... coz they were dilligently listening to my lesson... in fact... i owe them an apology for walking out on them... regardless of the fact that the bell HAD rung... yet... they had to bear the brunt of someone else's mistakes... they're great... 'good' people of 208... it wasnt your fault... i love you guys... but some times... it just aint enough... i'm not strong enough to take your 'bad' people in my stride... i'm sorry... darn weakling! but darn weakling has super pals who were great in times of need... stella and jas... for hiding me from the rest of the teachers... talking to me for one whole period... being ultra nice to me... mrs bong... for walking over from her table... to give me a good rub of the shoulders... standing by my chair for wad seemed eternity... despite that tummy of hers... sorry john... it really din occur to me to give up my seat to her... when it did... was kinda too late... juliana, the GP RT... for sacrificing her mug... and bringing me a nice cool cup of water... ben k... for putting up with my whining... though i must add that it wasnt even half of my full power... can be quite a whiner if i want to... but i think you're worse... mommy and daddy... for being the kind of pple i wont feel guilty whining to... for complying with my requests for them to say that 208 was evil when i asked them to... (only when i asked them to...) johnston... for putting up with my 3 minute phonecall... just to tell him i had a horrible day... and that pretty poem by william blake... SML and melissa... for sending me msg-es on a day when i needed it the most... the latter telling me that its ok when bird shits in your eyes... that i should be glad that elephants dont fly... (minus the teacher whose watch i found and who didnt thank me thereafter... hey! i could have kept it ok? =P) back to the pretty little picture i have been painting... it's not that i am trying to make the world believe that i'm having a good life when i'm not... pretty little picture is when u take a bunch of paint (your circumstances)... and paint whatever you want... (distinguishing between your optimists, your pessimists and the realists...) optimists paint pretty little pictures... despite having cheap paint and frayed brushes... day scenes of pink flowers and daffodils... nite scenes of bright moon and twinkly stars... pessimists paint grey, dark pictures... coz the cheap paint and frayed brushes made them lose their interest in painting... aint no difference if you get them gold paint... just gonna be black ultimately... realists oni see paint... blobs of it... but they keep their minds open to wad might appear if they continue staring at the blobs... pretty or ugly stuff... (ok... i made all of that up... crappy mood...) i prefer pretty little picture... coz it keeps me bouncing to school everyday... and thinking i'm having the time of my life... met ben k for dinner... *ring ring* supposed to be on diet... (but who cares abt diet when you got free dinner?) hong kong street opposite novena square... it was good... can bring my family to the one at serangoon actually... yummy stuff... then took mrt back to sk... mac fries, sundae and mcflurry... from my wallet... met seng huat... which is amazing really... been some time since i last met anyone from AJ... guy still surviving 4 subjects... good luck to him man... worked with him during orientation 2 last year... and it was good... amazing that i found his fren familiar... coz that guy was oni in AJ for first 3 mths... but he readily admitted he was one of the more outspoken ones... no wonder... cant remember wad chn8 show it was... but it had jacelyn tay, edmund chen and ivy lee... where edmund tells jacelyn... that people with character leave a deeper impression on acquaintances... with "xing4 ge2" being the exact words used... i guess thats pretty true... it's easier to forget a face... than a personality... especially one so wacky/mean/fun/outgoing/cranky/happy/bouncing-tigger!/chatty/introverted... so... moral of the story... chn8 movies are quite good actually... stop putting them down! late... helping jas take 211 tmr... wish me best... gonna pale in comparision to her teaching.. but gonna try hard anyway... nitez... ----Stef stopped rambling at 23:05 --Link to Post |
| 3.5.04 |
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cant stand the uncanny resemblance...
mr calvin lim is really like mr tan shun loong of AJ... buay ta han... the way they suan students and everything... and how mr lim ATTEMPTS to suan me... the on-off-overseas-educated slang... just the way they act and all... buay ta han... but mr lim's cool... cool organ player... k-box singer... mean risotto cook (or so i heard)... tissue-paper-provider... expert in chem... superb in suaning students and fellow colleagues... divine in his level of crap... had a really really slack day... started off at 1245 with the chem lecture... then a tutorial with mr tan... then the pract with 212 and mr lim... woo... it was probably the first pract i had to talk so much in... the kids simply couldnt grasp the concept... i tried my hardest... piangz... day started so late... but when it DID start... it didnt quite stop... after pract the 3 of us girls flew down to the bball court... mr sung couldnt make it... played a round of man jiang which i won... amazingly... hit 51 points after a number of airballs... but a streak of two full rounds... lucky me... then got some of my students and mr sung's students in for a game... it was great.... chun xiang was superb... so were my students... power puff... think i'm a rather noisy player... i simply talk TOO much... no action to back up my noise... darn... must polish up my (lack-of) skills... even chin poh was unimpressed... =P after that we smelly smelly go meet 486 in century square... for Beautiful Boxer... great show... swift moves... love the artsy fartsy nature of muay thai itself... really really wanna learn... but dont think i can... been talking abt wanting to take up a martial art for more than 6 years now... nuthing's going... oh... wf's TKD trainer is training the TKD team in MJC as well... cool stuff... small world man... back home oni now... dinner oni just... got a letter in from NUS again... this time from USP... am accepted... which is surprising really... never knew you could screw up an interview and still get accepted... just relieved... but thing is... would be more so if i got good news from CGH instead... still... the acceptance from USP is great... just hope that the dont send me another letter saying that the screwed up the results... love days that are packed full with activity... good stuff... sticky sticky... smelly smelly... go try to smell a little better now... ----Stef stopped rambling at 22:49 --Link to Post |
| 2.5.04 |
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ok...
i'm bored again... and i'll probably spend a good hour of my beautiful sunday on this... yes... this is how boring stephanie actually is... *shrugs* pure laziness and total sucker for inactivity... feel as if i'll start to grow moulds soon... and have green fungi growing between my toes or something... food for thought for 020504... hmmm... whether or not a person should grow so dependent on his/her other half till he/she totally loses ability to survive without the other person... feel that its almost suicidal... though unavoidable for some... they just walk into it... cant say i wont too... havent had a chance to really rediscover how i would handle a relationship... almost 4 years since my previous one... freaking long time.. but i never seemed to feel the urgency to get attached... or like i tell everyone... "nobody likes me... everybody hates me... i'm gonna eat some worms..." on hindsight... my relationship with wf was rather confined... in our near 2 years together... i oni met his best pals like a few times... and he seldom met mine as well... we really spent a good deal of time together... too much, in fact... guess thats how it fizzled out within 2 years... almost like teppanyaki... stuff gets burnt rather easily... it should be more like a slow cooker actually... some sort of stewing to really bring the flavours out... it sounds ultra lame... but i think i make sense ya know? low heat... and prolonged cooking... like ben k asked the other day... cant remember wad it was exactly... but something like expecting my bf to spend all his time with me or something similar... well... i guess not... like i replied.. no... becoz i have my own bunch of frenz as well ya? i guess when you grow up... and have had experiences before... u'll grow to see that spending time together aint everything... ----Stef stopped rambling at 15:46 --Link to Post |
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if i'm not wrong...
4 weeks has passed since i stepped into teaching at MJC... another 4 weeks and i'll be gone... which is really fast really... will miss everything... jas and i were telling mr cia that we were pretty sad to leave... the optimistic perspective... having the assumption that if we stayed longer than what we were supposed to... everything's gonna stay so pretty... so perfect... mr cia thinks otherwise... the realist who keeps his mind open to the fact that things change... all the time... which is true really... was loving work at the tuition centre in the first week... until the monotony kicked in... and the unsociable co-workers proved too much to handle... i really felt a level lower than them... which wasnt the case in terms of academic qualifications... quite unlike what i feel in MJC now... at least i dont feel that inferior... even though all of them are honours grads, masters holders and even doctors... maybe they know they are levels above... but at least they dont show it... afterall... ignorance is bliss... ----Stef stopped rambling at 12:22 --Link to Post |
| 1.5.04 |
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quite a crazy day today...
started off with laxatives that didnt really work... but thing is... dad woke us kinda early... 9am on a saturday is pure insanity... just to eat the carrot cake he bought... then got a call from william... in from HK for a week... no sound watsoever... he good... seems that the guys are a player short for mahjong... and after being rejected by countless other pple... they finally decided to go against YC's wishes and call me over to his place to fill the seat... terrible right??? alwaz last on their calling list... oni when they bo pian... and desperately need someone to reach SK in like 20 mins... darn... found out then abt the dinner that no one told me abt... which was quite disappointing coz two of my bestest buddies were in the know... and din really realised my existence and ignorance... *pouts* oh well... i guess my significance is slowly diminishing in their hearts... which is sad... but inevitable... i guess as you move on from JC... you'll tend to, slowly but surely, walk your own paths over time... back to mahjong... managed to play abit... even though i needed a refresher... the last time i played with the guys... i had merv behind me telling me what to put and take... and that doesnt make me such a pro rite? din lose all my chips... even won abit actually... din manage convert that to cash though... coz it'll be kinda mean if i cheat the army guys of their mediocre pay... and the HKGer who just paid hundreds for his air tickets... wasnt spared from their suaning... esp YC... who still has that knack for suaning me... esp abt me teaching in MJ... cant help it... i dont really have the plz-suan-me face... do i??? i know 486 does... played bridge after that... had some great laughs... esp when twig tried so hard to lose... damn funnie... and the guys kept getting sabo-ed by him with his 5-no-trumps... piangz... think my bridge skills kinda rusty leh... unlike my TK days... when we simply just play it everywhere... esp the sessions during speech day rehearsals backstage... frankly... i really think army really changed the guys abit... not much... but still a significant difference... it is usually for the better... hope it is the case... left YC's place ard 3... met two of my students to go snack shopping for the BBQ... crazy pple... bought so much... though i had to admit... i did help to increase the weight of the basket... wanted to pay for it as my contribution... but they insisted on using the class fund... so effectively... i had free dinner and no lunch... not including the mac dessert i treated weilin and weeling to... the bbq was great... think i blended in too well.. their form teacher who joined us later thought i was one of their frenz... coz we never really met... until i introduced myself... after she gave me that look when the students addressed me as miss lim... muahhaa... this is fun... i had a good time... it felt like an orientation group actually... just that i was the OGL... the age gap aint great... so actually... i think i get along pretty well with them... not the whole class was present... but truthfully... it was quite a success... ate alot too... not that i wanted to... okok... i do... did some bbq-ing too... hehe... students said the wings and the hothogs tasted good... sure they did... all of them realised that their chem test paper still with me... they mentioned to me on the side that they felt that their class wasnt too united actually... but frankly.. i think they're doing pretty well on their own la... was talking to the form teacher abt their behaviour... she too, admitted it was difficult to get them to pay attention coz of their pretty short attention span... but oh well... i'll take it as a challenge la... make some revision to my lesson format... and hopefully get them to keep their eyes on the front of the klassroom... which equates to me.. back to the bbq... i guess such gatherings allowed me to get to know these pple better... in a sense.. i think when you know each one better... it'll be easier to get them to listen to you... kinda know wad approach to use... learnt alot abt their intra- and inter- klass BGR stuff... their sch life... and all... it is interesting... and indeed, quite heartwarming to be let into such issues... but... still need them to hand in their assignments... and do their tutorials... well... they better do... aint gonna escape that... bball on monday... yummy! hope i'll remember to pack my gear on sunday nite... if not... i'll be killed... got a couple of students down to play too... reckon they'll chop me up if i no-show... ankle's acting up again... which is weird... coz i'm no longer wearing the irritatingly high heels... just the white wedge-like pairs which i totally adore coz its not high... would have to stop physical stuff one week prior to my physio and orthopedic doc's appointment... probably threaten to chop off my ankles instead... when they see the state they're in... i had a good day.. let's hope i'll have a good day tmr too... damn... havent got anything planned... i should! and i would! ----Stef stopped rambling at 22:52 --Link to Post |
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