| 30.11.04 |
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just when i decided it was an absolute impossibility...
about to embark on my withdrawal measures... he made me like him again... WHY DO THAT WHEN YOU DONT?!?! *resignation* ----Stef stopped rambling at 13:32 --Link to Post |
| 28.11.04 |
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i'm blogging more now that its the exam period...
how ironic... but i guess its the time of the year when one has more time on his/her hands... queer, but true... and begins to ponder the finer aspects of life... dad came to pick me for dinner today... was glad to have a reason to get away from the horrid EE i have been facing for the last couple of days.... not that i accomplished much... i was more intent on learning what i did not know... but should have known since Day1... which is sad really... i know i'm not giving my best for this exams... coz i know that if i listened in lects... did my tuts conscientiously... i'll probably do much better... but i guess its too late for that... not that i have been slacking all sem either... i worked my butt off like i never did before... but i never seem to be able to complete my engin work... after spending ALL my time on the 2 usp mods that are forever graded... darn.... i'm complaining again... people who listened to me mope and whine abt this all the time... forgive me... its a prelude to the BIGGER picture... i do admit... i do things other than study all day as well... i spend time in the kitchen... potato lasagne...spaghetti...roti-johns...toasts...grilled dory/porkchops...blah... spend hours jogging/cooling-off/slacking-away/chatting-at-the-lobby ard school... sleep sleep and sleep... and maybe just hang out doing nuthing... but i guess such times make me more complete a person... i am already a chao mugger w/o the brains and the ability to stay awake all day... i need every opportunity i can get to make me more HUMAN... it sounds warped... but i cant imagine being cooped up in my little cell here in PGP... all day... w/o crapping at nian's cluster while attempting to cook... sleeping in berw's room... laughing my stomach inside out playing bball... or panting away jogging ard school or kent ridge park... i'm not trying to justify my impending failure/doom/end-of-life... i'm just saying you win some, you lose some... and i think its a fair exchange... back to dinner with family... appreciate times like these... although it occurs every weekend... at least once... usually twice... i'm still at the pull-ur-12yo-bro's-hair-and-make-him-comply-to-ur-demands stage... squashing my sis in the back seat... 4 fully grown adults... when we bring our granny out as well... ordering so much food and eating as if we havent eaten all day... today was special... coz it was crappy... did i ever mention how crappy my entire family is? everyone of us is fully capable of making incredibly dumb statements... stuff that the rest would just -_-"' in silence... and burst out laughing at one another 5 mins later... today was hilarious... but its the kind of joke where you have to be there to find it funny... so i shant tarnish my image here by attempting to log it... we went to see the x'mas lights in orchard... a drive through... i couldnt afford the time to take a stroll down orchard mall... i love my family... i see them every weekend... and quite often on weekdays too... but i dont feel its quite enuff... will be spending another 3 weeks in thailand come friday... will miss them... hope i wont cry coz of homesickness like i did on my previous race/training trips... plz let me pass my exams... dont think i wanna let my parents down with horrid results... ----Stef stopped rambling at 02:58 --Link to Post |
| 27.11.04 |
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had lunch with lala at munchie monkeys today...
was good... ate lots... minestrone...calamari...spaghetti...brownie w ice cream... yummy! realised the main courses there arent so wonderful... but the desserts and starters are to die for... great to eat with her... miss her soooOoooOooOoo much... think i was too excited... that i spitted saliva while talking to her... muahaha... lucky it's in front of her... one of my best buds who knows thats just SO typical of me... went to lib to study with jon and fadz... din do much... was falling asleep most of the time... coz i slept at like almost 5 in the morning... was debating with lu wad his fren should get for this girl he likes... oh well... dont think i helped much... now... what should i get for the guy i like? point is... was damn tired... tried going to co-op... watching some scenes from pulp fiction... eating Maoms pinballs... just to keep myself awake... to no avail... gawd... dunnoe how i'm gonna survive EE on monday... came back... slept for a while.... b4 going to get dinner... and jiatong was super nice... he was meeting some of my clustermates for dinner... where he was contributing dessert... he got me a WHOLE BROWNIE! *gan dong* until he told me he got me the brownie coz he wanted to borrow my screwdriver... saved the brownie for tomorrow! coz ate some frozen yoghurt already... and gary had leftover pizzas that grace went to get from him... hhaha... so had that for supper... wah liew... think i'm eating so much these days... and not that i really want to... but pple ard me have been feeding me loads... still got NIAN's cheesecake... waiting in his fridge... hahha... good life man... here in PGP... *rubs round tummy* "Ho hO hO, MeRRY CHristMas!" it's time to sleep... will go all out for EE tmr... need to piah.... GAMBATTE!!! we are friends... we are buddies... we are pals... maybe we should just keep it that way... ----Stef stopped rambling at 02:54 --Link to Post |
| 24.11.04 |
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been quite stressed out over maths the last couple of days...
that its really freaking me out... went over to diana and whined... stupid girl finished her papers... darn... was quite panicky already actually... just hope i survive tomorrow... enjoyed my monday after the stupid programming test.... got my right arm fixed... and went out to suntec with my right elbow in a bandage... so clever ah? went to watch THE INCREDIBLES... had my favourite Yami Yoghurt... bought Mrs Field's White Chunk Macademia... ate suan la la mian and xiao long bao at crystal jade... looked for curly fries at carrefour... dun have.... so sad... coz we kinda missed the curly fries from a&w's... bought a spunky new set of headphones... that i'm using now.. 25 bucks for surround sound in my ears... and its METALLIC PURPLE! how cool is that? was having trouble deciding between the purple and the pearl white... hate having choices... good to have shopping buddies... had a great time at the theatre... never laughed THIS much in a long long time... pple who havent caught they movie... you simply HAVE to... met wynn ard suntec a couple of times... nice seeing her again after so long... but weirdly enough... even though we were really close in sec sch... i guess time does pull pple apart... sad but true... had to trudge back to PGP after the movie... but at least i din have to trudge back alone... stupid lu left his lappy in PGP when he wanted to bring it back... but that poor guy had to spend another 40 plus minutes getting home after that... appreciate him offering to watch the movie with me... i guess that time away from books did help to calm my nerves a little... the exams are irritatingly stressful... now into my 2nd practice paper... but i'm practising how to understand solutions more than doing the questions... i'm screwed... so screwed... but at least i've got jack jack cushion that yongz helped me to get from macs... and lu kept the ticket stubs... so that means i can go enter the lucky draw to win jack jack plush! woohoo! oh happy day! i guess it's up to the individual to make his/her own life happy... only the one who can look adversity in the face and smile will survive it... just a few more days to end of exams... woohoo! is he starting to avoid me? i hope not... i only wanna be a friend... zhuo ge peng you... ----Stef stopped rambling at 16:00 --Link to Post |
| 23.11.04 |
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i talked alot...
but its a painful silence at the same time... *ouch* but still happy... still content... probably worth every bit... ----Stef stopped rambling at 01:53 --Link to Post |
| 22.11.04 |
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i have so many things to tell him and i keep forgetting...
that i resorted to post-it notes... what the... programming exam was bad... i'm so dead... i really should consider withdrawing from engin... guess thats the only way out... out of this mess... ----Stef stopped rambling at 14:43 --Link to Post |
| 21.11.04 |
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i think things in uni are turning out better than expected...
all except the studies part... but ive been making great frenz.... and its them that make the journey so great... dont think i wanna leave PGP anytime soon... got peeps here that i will miss so much if i were to go to some hall or wad... its not that happening in my cluster itself... save for diana and some other cluster peeps who have begun to open up... but i've got peeps like berw, yongz, shi, syah in the next blk... great peeps like nian, boredin, joyce, abdul, sam to cook with ever-so-often... people like syah, berw as running buddies... all of whom are great... except for nian who sometimes ask me go run with him and his guy frens... who run a tad too fast... and make me feel bad for making them wait... been having fun in the kitchen experimenting with food... and crap... poisoned people... engin class is also opening up... crap like hell with the guys... though usually i'm the butt of the suaning... by eric especially... landscape klass... which i so dearly miss... the nice and gentlemanly dr johan... and the wonderful classmates... feeling comfy in my PGP room... except when pple start scaring me with horror trailers or stuff... the YEPpers for being such great support... esp godwin and anne... who are so amazingly easy to get along with... so looking forward to Thailand with all of them... the windsurfing comm... and our munchie monkeys meeting... which was crap... people like lu and shaun who graciously allowed me to extort coconuts from them... the latter once only... but the former owes me 7... i love you guys! but i do miss my JC and sec sch pals as well... where are all of you!??!?! miss you guys so much... most of you at NTU.... haiz... sometimes i do think i should have went there instead... ----Stef stopped rambling at 01:25 --Link to Post |
| 20.11.04 |
the MODs... is the mistral one design becoming another obsolete class? at least it saw me thru my youth... brought my team together... gave me a chance to 'own' my favourite number... SIN23... issit already time to renew my BSAS membership? i miss the heyday of the youth team... getting pissed at each other... screaming one another out from the toilet... wanqi... you promised to arrange a gathering... ----Stef stopped rambling at 10:15 --Link to Post |
| 18.11.04 |
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jialat...
did i ever mention my fetish for guys who wear specs on/off? and when they do.... they look super intellectual... its such a turn-on... plz remove the sexual connotations you think that statement had from ur imaginative mind... i think it goes in line with the, "i like my guys smart..." mentality... maybe acts as an illusion... i dunnoe... he wore specs that day... hope he doesnt find this.... so incriminating... what the hell am i doing here? physics in 2 days... unprepared... i'm screwed... really screwed... if only you knew... but do i really want you to know? the silence is painfully stifling... but just to enjoy another day the way it is now... i think its worth every bit... it doesnt matter if you do not feel the same... it does actually... "where's the love" if its just one-sided... just let me bask in the bittersweetness of the momentary "now you have it...now you dont..." and i'll be content... truly... ----Stef stopped rambling at 09:17 --Link to Post |
| 17.11.04 |
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regardless of how insignificant some things can be...
i'm a happy girl today... very happy indeed... even though nuthing happened... and it'll go down as one of the few memories i'll hold on tight to... ...at least for now... sometimes i just wish i can fast forward time... and see what to expect in the future... but does it mean if i know for sure its not possible.... i wont fall in now? coz i think i already did... it alwaz begins like this... the sweetness and niceness of it all only sucks you in.... the feeling after that sucks to the max... but we still allow it to happen to us ya? i guess it works on the same logic as... how you would choose the weirdest writers and movie to write for your term paper... and at the end of the day... regret that very choice... coz it's so painful to write... and you end up with an unhappy ending... a terrible grade... i dont know wat to wish for anymore... soon... it'll come to a point when liking him would prove itself too painful... i have a low threshold for pain... is this little occasional joy worth the impending sorrow? frankly... i'm hoping he'll never chance upon this blog... ----Stef stopped rambling at 01:58 --Link to Post |
| 14.11.04 |
----Stef stopped rambling at 02:35 --Link to Post |
| 12.11.04 |
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second post in the day....
i think this is the first time since i stepped into NUS.... but what to do... when you got stuff to say... you've got stuff to say... met dr johan for conference today... he wants me to refocus the entire essay.. crap... i'm dead... but this is the first time... i felt as if i gained something from the conference... maybe its because i had 3 thus far... so i know wad to expect and do... but this time... i could really see all the flaws he pointed out in my essay... not exactly flaws... but my "wrong focus"... my self-incriminating statements... and stuff... sad that i have to revise so much.... but happy that i learnt something.... met sean at gecko's.... poor guy... feeling disillusioned abt competing with our foreign counterparts in his fac.... life sciences... crazy stuff... quite amazing.. the depth of our conversation despite me just walking past his table... and standing with the railings between us... but my point in mentioning this is... he said something that struck me as relevant to myself as well... "why spent four years to find out you screwed your uni life?" guy was contemplating switching facs... to arts... i'm not habouring that thought yet... but would it take 4 years for me to find out that i screwed up my time in uni? starting to feel melancholic.... but the good thing is... we're gonna play bball at 9!!! yeay! screams in joy... woohoo!! lalala... but we might have less pple today... some pia-ing essay... sean mentioned he wanted to mug... i WILL cover thermodynamics in the txtbook before i go down... ambitious.. but i HAVE to start somewhere! kanbate!!! ----Stef stopped rambling at 19:39 --Link to Post |
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long day today...
was working on my cinema essay most of the time... eeky stuff... just finished editing it.... 4am in the morning... crazy... got to meet dr johan later at 1pm... and ive been entrusted to a BIG task by anne... to hand up her essay thats like due at noon... in AS1.... wad if i fall asleep and cant wake in time... darn... thats why i'm thinking i should not sleep.... work all the way till 11am... do the stuff... meet the prof... maybe come back and sleep in the afternoon... then play bball at nite... work again... the go windsurf... woohoo! physics next sat? wad physics? met him today... had the most engaging conversations we've had so far.... i guess it works the same way as our MSN conversations... can never get enough.... though i desperately have to pry myself away from msging him every now and then... taking his and my time away from the MUGGING that we should be doing... but i cant help it... ahhh!!! was desperately looking for a study room to study in... hoping that "muggers unite!" and that i'll feel a tad motivated by the fellow muggers ard... bad luck... lu tried his residence... and all the rooms were taken up... i couldnt stand the heat in my room... and felt bad abt constantly bugging him to accompany me... came down alone and plopped myself onto one of the huge sofas... with people in the other end of the room blasting indian music... oh well... at least i have the aircon... my teddy cookies and h2o... I WILL SURVIVE... i did... at least i completed my essay.... yeay! now i'm alone in the study room... blasting MY music.... lalalalaaa.... lu taught me how to increase the vol of my lappy... dammit... the program was already in my lappy la... something he sent me weeks ago... with oldboy... hiaks... presentation could have been so much better... darn... back to thermodynamics! ----Stef stopped rambling at 04:00 --Link to Post |
| 11.11.04 |
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PE today was terrible...
program was compilable... can run... but output totally OUT... WRONG... SALAH... CUO... MAI DII...(thai: no good) think the autograder's gonna hang when they put my program through... haiz.... wad to do? i'm not engin material man... shucks... played bball with the guys just now... sam, nian, boredin, sean and this guy we met at the court... had a helluva time... gawd... exercised our stomachs more than our legs or arms... kept laughing... the balls fell into the drain like twice... nian kept marking me... and threatening me with his sweat... our forearms kinda slid past each other accidentally once... and i was desperately trying to clean it after that.... pass the dettol!! amazingly funny bunch... we're so addicted that we're gonna play on friday nite... again... yeay! and nian is nice (again)... sean had extra pratas... coz they both were full from dinner... he offered to go get it from KE bus stop for me... coz i had a weirdly timed lunch/dinner... and no... i'm not gushing over him... =P and now... abt him... i'm totally addicted to reading and re-reading our conversations on MSN... regardless of how mundane our topics can be.... actually i dont think they are... almost alwaz... i'll end up smiling to my lappy... something i havent done in a long time before i met him... he's probably one of the few who i cant stop talking to.... BUSY tag on MSN? "i'm BUSY talking to him!"... topics just come one after another... seriously i think i type too slowly... and i feel as if there is so much i wanna know about him... so much i wanna learn from him... i feel as if i'm trying to make up for the 18 years i din know him... and squeeze into every bit of his life possible... i know the intentions aint mutual... and he probably doesnt feel as much as i do... but quite frankly... i think i'm happy the way things are right now... even if it means i have to keep mum about my feelings... plz dont walk in, only to walk out... stay, wont you please? ----Stef stopped rambling at 03:06 --Link to Post |
| 10.11.04 |
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this is quite crazy...
i'm blogging when i have a Pract Exam at 2pm later... i have no clue watsoever about my programming... and i'm grossly lacking of sleep... in berwine's room now.... now she's working and i'm slacking... haiz... usually its the case... which sucks... i'm supposed to be working hard too... something i'm definitely not doing.... i want to study for PE.... but i really gave up on it already... dont understand a single thing... darn... diana could guess in one attempt who i kinda have a liking to... which is bad... issit really that obvious? thats terrible... have to make it less obvious.... aint good having so many pple knowing this.... not good at all... nian is nice... let me use his lappy at 2am in the morning to transfer stuff from my thumbdrive to a floppy... coz my lappy no floppy drive... so dumb rite? hiakz... grandpa birthdae yesterdae... so went home for dinner... and a tiramisu b-dae cake... which was superb.... could see that he was happy that everyone made it a point to come... at least for the cake.... considering how different everyone's knock off times are... i love to see old pple happy... coz it makes me happy too... granny looks better this week... been worried abt her not sleeping or eating well... but i guess its better now... good dinner at home... caught up with aunt emily and uncle robin... gave up my studying programming time for this.... but i think it was well worth every bit... dont think i should go to the beach this sat... its mugging time... and i should really work hard... godwin's rite... all is not lost... despite me almost failing EE when the rest have flying 'marks'.... i still have the finals to catch up... bless me... its back to programming now... hope i'll at least come up with the skeleton tomorrow... that i'll at least pass... plz..... fangxing's trying to get rid of his hamsters.... pple who wants... let me know... i dunnoe what colour they are though... coz he doesnt know too... thats what you get when you put too many adult hamsters together.... =P ----Stef stopped rambling at 02:27 --Link to Post |
| 6.11.04 |
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woohoo!!!
the winds today was great man! took less than 15 mins to get from PF to PA... was planing.... flying man! din use my SIN23.... coz din have my pulley system.... so borrowed Sz's SIN900... shiok! lu tried too... man! could see that he got high on the speed man! but i banged my right big toe on my fin... while getting my equipment out... so anti-hero.... and SZ's sail suffered some holes when i got back.... haiz... but the winds today was WOOHOO! went for dinner with my extended family.... granny's b-dae... interesting times... spoke to uncle swee teck one-on-one.... suddenly i feel so grown up... having a grown up talk... wow... but one of my uncles was his usual mean self.... "mechanical engineering? why choose that? nobody take, very easy to get rite?" eh hem... u care about your darling son first ok? then you care whether your niece doing well or not... i'm like slogging my ass out here and you use such sarcasm on me... gawd... he did it the last time i met him lor... but apparently he forgot that he asked me the questions before liaoz... this time i REN.... grrr... finally got a slight tan liaoz.... feel more complete once again... really think i was becoming more and more like steam chicken... lucky for the wonderful sun today.... yeay! good winds... and relatively good runs out at sea... woohoo! good day good day! so happy i decided to scrap work... and go out to play... yeay! back to cinema essay now.... ahhhhh! ----Stef stopped rambling at 23:34 --Link to Post |
| 3.11.04 |
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just had one of the most sinful suppers here in PGP...
went over to berw's room... nian too... then he brought a new pack of cheese... and the 3 of us finished 9 slices... had broccoli with cheese... toasted cheese on otah on bread.... and cheese on salmon spread + mashed egg on bread... lettuce with salmon spread... and tapioca dessert... *floats* NEED to run tomorrow... most definitely... but the bad thing was... within the first 20 minutes after the supper... i was sleepy liaoz.... which is bad... real bad... i have an landscape drafti want to finish so that i can conc on my presentation.... which i want to finish so that i can conc on my cinema essay... so that i can conc on PE.... so that i can go back to the draft and work on it till the final... so that i can finally go back to my engin modules... but i think it'll be too late by then... so i'm pretty screwed.... CY's back! spoke to him on the phone awhile... but could hear he was really tired with the long flights... if only he was free to come around soon... dying to hear about all the fun he had... been doing a lot of cooking of late.... think my scrambled eggs are edible too... am so gonna get salmon spread and more cheese... am a total fan now... not that fun doing a project on nostalgia, i realise... inevitably.... my own past gets dug up.... talked about how payphones seem so obsolete now... how people no longer use them coz the handphone is so easily obtained... recalled the time when my dad stopped me from seeing him... took away my pager... no internet either... which was torturous... because not a single day passed without me having truckloads to tell him... every morning when my dad dropped me off at school... i would religiously walk to the payphone... the paycard one... i remember coz he sent me a phonecard through the mail once.... and my dad totally blew up... it didnt matter that it was 615am in the morning when i reached school... that he didnt have to go to work till 9 or 10 in the morning.... (or maybe he didnt have to care what time he had to go...) it didnt matter that he was out late entertaining clients the nite before... but he would always answer my call in that sleepy voice... i dont know whats the significance... but i always felt so important... to be the first one to hear him wake... to be the first one he speaks to in the morning... i can still rem that feeling... i miss his jimny in which we had our first picnic... i miss the sweets we sent one another... i miss the crap we shared in our conversations... scolding him when he speeds... talking till 4am in the morning.... (resulting in me falling asleep in geog class... and him, in his office with the high-back chair turned towards the windows...) the interlocking of our fingers the nite my dad found out... why do pple walk into our lives, only to walk out? where are you now? ----Stef stopped rambling at 04:40 --Link to Post |
| 2.11.04 |
my fellow landscape-mates! ----Stef stopped rambling at 02:08 --Link to Post |
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