| 31.3.06 |
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i dont know what to make out of a 5 person turn-up at the meeting... i could count the number of people on my left hand alone... i dont get the part about people feeling like they have nothing to contribute... thus not feeling like coming.. it wasnt an excuse provided... but probably a sentiment felt... the only reason why it would be so is because they are not doing their stuff in the first place.. i was okay for the ride back to PGP... until i walked myself to the canteen for a packed dinner... i started tearing together with the thought of an sms i wont explain... "ok fine. i am sorry alright?" i hate fines and whatevers because they are just so non-chalant... so uncaring... so f-off, i-dont-care-what-you-think.... and the thought of running a camp with 5 organizers during the camp itself is madness... the date of meeting was set 4 mths ago in Dec... i dont get it... hell-week yes... me too... Justin too... everyone too... i'm in engin for goodness sake. i crumbled at the unanswered calls... the lame excuses... the clever changing of topics when i asked about why they couldnt make it... i would have thought NUS students to, at least, be more responsible... when the bulk of them are older than me and whatever not... i am not a good leader... but i tried my best... it is not easy to motivate a group you dont even see or hear from... i even forgot how one of them looked like... as i wiped my tears away... looking forward to the playful banter of the economical rice uncle... who always charges me, "two hundred dollars....................minus two zeros!" i bumped into Vivien who asked me earlier about dinner with her and Shixin... i was glad about not having to eat dinner out of a styrofoam box... and also... she was one of the bestest confidantes i could ever have in NUS... we bitched happily... about committee members and laboratory etiquettes... and people being un-nice and evil... it was calming to say the least... but very welcomed indeed... i walked back to my room with Shixin... locked myself in the room... wondering whether or not i should spend the time on an email with the minutes of the meeting... coz my secretary was MIA as well... and was thinking how many sets of minutes were read anyway? there was so many things to discuss.... it was the 4th and last meeting before the exams... i totally didnt get it... we have had an amazing sign up... but we dont have the committee to show for it... been offered help from other people though... not the boyfriend though... even though i asked for it... - John asked if there was anything if he could help me with.... publicity in EH or marketing or anything... but i couldnt let him... he was already spending his last week in Singapore at the camp supporting us... how could i expect more of him? - Eric saw me buried under faxed quotations and catering problems... offered to help negotiate with the company his dad is working in... we spent some time outside the LT... with him on the phone in Hokkien... me frantically pressing on my Casio scientific... and many calls and sms-es the night before... to try churn out a good quotation for the meeting scheduled... the meeting which had only 5 attendees... - Weeleong helped by listing a few things i might have missed out myself... and telling me about $30 van rentals... even though he didnt have the contact... it was good to know it was possible... very disillusioned by people already... even though it made me see the friends i had in some of them... i would have thought undergraduates to be responsible and mature adults... i think i am wrong... so very wrong... i sat in the little corner where i set up my laptop on my rug... where the big cushion used to be... i hugged my knees and continued from where i stopped during my walk to the canteen... ----Stef stopped rambling at 03:11 --Link to Post |
| 30.3.06 |
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i think i have been pissing off a lot of people of late... and i dont like that... i am fine with not being anyone's favourite... but i dont want to leave NUS blacklisted as slavedriver/unreasonable/unprofessional...
i have never felt like such a failure in my entire life... am i? ----Stef stopped rambling at 03:11 --Link to Post |
| 27.3.06 |
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i am probably every feminists' nightmare... ...i go weak in the knees when he calls me funny (non-mushy names), "silly little thing"... ...i whine to him like there is no tomorrow... ...he's the reason why i am dying to try for NOC Shanghai... ...i call him for the slightest reasons... like telling him that the Dutch have no inkling of the term, "going Dutch".... or when i feel so frustrated with people not keeping to deadlines... ...i miss him even when the last time i saw him was midnight yesterday... funny how a year ago... when he suggested trying to ballot for World Cup tickets... i told him it's better not to plan so far ahead... coz we'll never know what is in store for us... i.e. wont be easy going through a break-up if you had air tickets worth a thousand bucks to your names that you cant transfer or whatever.... now we're contemplating applying for NOC together... which means a whole year in Shanghai, China... together... with no option of escape or running away from one another... *gasp* the kitkat phase is over... frankly... i dont know what got into me... maybe i just wanted to be extra sure... you know... CONFIRM plus CHOP! now i know i can count on him to be the rational and logical one whenever i just lose it... i dont deserve him... ...but hell, i'm never letting go. ----Stef stopped rambling at 03:00 --Link to Post |
| 26.3.06 |
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went surfing today at PF... lunched first at the hawker center... my favourite hokkien mee... washed down with sugarcane... was a short period of wind... but was on Mr Tan's 7.0m and a 155 formula... WAH LIEW! never went so fast before in my entire life... maybe in Pattaya/Bangsaen, yes... but it just feels entirely different from the MOD.... which i am used to... guy and Yijun tried out a longboard and a 7.5m... which Mr Tan donated to NUS... yeay! will bring it over to PA next weekend... we took the long walk from PF to PA... just to bring a set of mast over for the one that snapped a few weeks ago... kindly conjured up by Mr Tan again... what would we do without him? went to Suntec for Carl's Junior... which cost me 20 bucks... which i paid grudgingly but knowing i had to do it since he paid Billy Bombers 48 bucks... saw the crowd at the Fountain... coz they were having the SuperBand finals or something... the guy's friend asked him previously to go watch actually... double date or otherwise... but he declined... then i spotted him dining along the walkway of Crystal Jade... what a small world... and we were constantly taunting him about how he woulnt be able to squeeze in to watch... bought a skirt and belt from Fox... guy got a pair of cargo pants.. how very year 2000... without the ugly pockets though... got a free bag which i can used to carry my clothes to and from hostel... so we're very happy... went to his place... tried to study Fluid Mechanics... told him to scold me whenever i didnt study... i ended up falling asleep... and he din wake me coz he was watching Liverpool - Everton... interestingly enough... i didnt miss any of the goals... sent his dad and his employee to the airport coz they were flying to Shanghai... and sent me back thereafter... life's good... ----Stef stopped rambling at 01:21 --Link to Post |
| 25.3.06 |
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bought 3 work shirts for his stint with GIC... spent about 90 bucks... din go for the expensive Zara or Topman stuff... not worth the 3 month stint... and he's thinking of borrowing stuff from his dad... one thing i realised.. the guy is not afraid to walk through the lingerie sections with me... i am more embarassed than he is lah! i'm always like, "are you sure you wanna come into this area?" and he heck-cares and follows... i dunnoe if it's a good thing or bad... but i know he doesnt have an underwear fetish or anything la... day out was good... Billy Bombers too... Sea Sports Camp is okay... though it's a little tough pushing everyone about their deadlines... oh well... on the verge of giving up... but i SHALL PERSEVERE! that word looks like it's been spelt wrongly... and NUM guys are cute... i told the guy that... then he said maybe they are blow-up puppets... was that sour-grapes? aiyah... i think the guy is the cutest la... go study Fluid Mechanics now! GAMBATTE! ----Stef stopped rambling at 01:45 --Link to Post |
| 23.3.06 |
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maybe i shouldnt be asking questions with answers i already know... i kinda told the guy yesterday that maybe we need a little break from one another... not a break-up kinda break... but "have-a-kitkat" sorta break... i know i should talk about this here... but i had to... i thot maybe we need a little time alone to think about what we really want... it's been almost 15 months... in 3 months, it'll be longer than my longest relationship... and i dont want to wait that long to be heartbroken... finding out that, "hey, it isnt working." thing is... we spoke a while on the phone... and when it started to get to a point where i couldnt speak no more... we talked on MSN... i was peeved when he had to leave to work on some programming that was due... but i guess it was okay... i had to be understanding yeah? i was sleepless till 5am... with a class at 9am... succumbed to a kopi-O to keep me functioning... came back to room with a 5pm lunch... called the guy... and had a long conversation about me bullying my friends into buying me cream puffs... me getting him to promise me a Canon Ixus with his first internship paycheck... i think his clause about the 42" plasma TV still applies... me pouting that we couldnt squeeze in a short getaway before he starts work... me complaining that all he ever knew to say was "you dont anyhow anyhow!" me telling him i was watching Sex and the City... us fretting over what internship i could apply to... us deciding that we could go shop for his work clothes tomorrow... us thinking about the weekend even before it got here... us. i dont think i'll want to give up using that word anytime soon... or maybe ever. ----Stef stopped rambling at 20:59 --Link to Post |
| 22.3.06 |
 i think i look cool when you cant see my face... ----Stef stopped rambling at 21:01 --Link to Post |
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i am trying to cure myself of my addiction to the guy... i know it sounds juvenile... and we're way past that stage of waiting for one another to call... stifling the urge to make the first move... thing is... i just want to reassure myself that i'm not needy... okay that sounds bad... i just want to make sure that i am not being with him just because i need somebody beside me... just because i want a hand to hold when i'm feeling alone in the streets full of people... just because i want a shoulder to cry on... just because i want somebody to call whenever i need to bitch... i want to make sure that he is the reason i want to be with anybody... i want to take time to recall the times when i see his eyes disappear behind that smile of his... to recall how i feel so happy whenever i make him laugh... even if he is laughing at me... i want to know that he is the reason why i love walks along the Esplanade... "it's better to be loved more than you love..." saw another few episodes of SATC... lots of oneliners that leave you thinking... but is it really true? and i never really understood the usual lovers' banter of "i love you!", "no! i love you more!"... which we never do la... but my take on the statement above is that... to be able to love who you love with all your heart is one of the most blissful things by itself... to be loved in return is a bonus... but the real question is... who do you really love? how do you know if its love, or lust, or need, or desire, or merely an infatuation? i guess you have to be in love... or what you think is love... in order to find out... but then again... you might be wrong... ----Stef stopped rambling at 18:51 --Link to Post |
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i just sat through 8 episodes of Sex and the City... okay, sue me... i have a test next week... a project due on friday... and the exams in 4 weeks.... but i finished my Feedback Control tutorial! i ploughed through Bode Diagrams! *celebrations* surprisingly... SATC ain't all about sex... though the gratituous T and A didnt do no harm... but it made me think a lot about relationships... minus the sex.... and i think Mr Big is darn sexy... he's like James Bond... *swoons* ----Stef stopped rambling at 03:01 --Link to Post |
| 18.3.06 |
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was helluva week... my most amazing feat was working on the marketing proposal till 6am in the morning... but at least it set the ground right for our meeting with the sponsor... so i guess we should just wait for good news... dum dee dum... Yijun was with me at the meeting... which lasted till about 730pm... she was heading to town to meet Lionel... and the guy and I decided to go Lido... us girls thought that maybe we should have dinner together... which marked our FIRST double date! it was pretty short... just dinner and a little window shopping... at least the guys were army friends... so it wasnt really that much of a problem... small world really.. small world... guy and i watched V for Vendetta... really good movie... and Hugo "Agent Smith" Weaving was freaking good... so was Natalie Portman... if you disregard the minute details like, how on earth did she manage to carry him up there? how on earth did he lay his own train tracks or move the TONS of explosive alone? it was a fun movie... bloody articulate... and i meant the BLOOD part as well... fun to watch... the V character was really funny too... remember remember, the fifth of november... i complained to my mom about my yucky shampoo in hostel... saying that my hair really like dried grass... dad: "eh...be careful leh...dried grass catch fire very easily one..." -_-" then my dad made my mommy angry.. apparently for a lot of little childish things over the last two days... tonight... he played with the car's locking system when my mom was double checking it was locked... so my mom got really peeved when she pulled open the door twice... during the short walk back... bro and i was teasing my dad about the hilarious way he runs... bring your arms to your chest level... and swing fanatically... then my mom threw in verification of the fact... while stifling a laugh... my dad saw that... decided to take that chance... started laughing hysterically like a mad hyena... my mom and i laughed till we cried... all in the short time it took to get to the 12th floor from ground... my dad... probably the best i've known... ----Stef stopped rambling at 20:59 --Link to Post |
| 16.3.06 |
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my MSN personal message the last couple of days was... "dark eye rings and eyebags are my best friends!" and john the angmoh msged me this afternoon... "hmm...so you mean you prefer your dark eye rings and eyebags over my friendship..." was just very amused... he takes my MSN nicks very seriously... including the one about being arrow-ed for Open House... nice to know that people do try to find out how you are managing... which is sweet really... got to know more exchange students this sem compared to the last few... probably coz i teach some courses and interact with them in a sense... but most of them have been really nice and chatty... so busrides back to PGP with people like Sven the Swede, are quite nice and interesting... and people like Adam the Canadian who burst with energy when we bump into one another... or Nils the quiet, but ultra nice German... Min the ABC... and of course, John the Cycling Dutchman... no ladies though... what a pity... it's been fun... culturally... and linguistically... looking forward to more... ----Stef stopped rambling at 21:07 --Link to Post |
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i think task delegation and things pertaining to committees is quite a learning experience really... you get to work with ALL sorts of people... you end up doing ALL sorts of stuff... you learn how to talk to people... how to motivate them to work for you... you get to know people who MIA when they are needed... you get close to people... and have fun basically... i know i said this before... but working with Justin has been a joy thus far... we think alike... and it's not hard to convince him about my viewpoints... or vice versa... especially since i feel that he is putting in as much work as i am... and sleeping even less... i cant say that i am doing well heading this committee... but i am learning loads... while becoming a tad jaded as well... which can be a good thing, really... coz i can never take things easy... or seperate emotion from work... but i guess it'll will be my ultimate aim from this experience... not to break down under stress anymore... and while the guy refused to help me out in my committee... i guess he has been a great source of support... siding with me when he has to... and pointing out what i do wrong when i do... i'm starting to enjoy it.. minus the 4 hr sleep... minus the eye bags... minus the hounding from above... i'm good. ----Stef stopped rambling at 13:43 --Link to Post |
| 14.3.06 |
 mad about you. ----Stef stopped rambling at 23:37 --Link to Post |
| 13.3.06 |
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started crying real badly while i was typing out the email to the camp committee... dont know why... msged the guy... he drove over to PGP... told him everything i'm feeling... played mucus-tissue-basketball... threatened to pluck his brows... had a short drive to Kent Ridge Park and back... no... we did not stop up there... am all better now... maybe not all. ----Stef stopped rambling at 00:05 --Link to Post |
| 12.3.06 |
 the guy refused to let me try plucking his eyebrows... so here is his photo for all to see... HMPF! ----Stef stopped rambling at 23:33 --Link to Post |
| 9.3.06 |
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Munich was a good movie... though i must say, it was painful to watch... ...the seemingly senseless shootings... ...the hate, anger... ...the love, passion, loyalty... and how everything's never what they seem to be.... it's as though you have to be constantly wary of the world... which is very very tiring indeed... Eric Bana was good... i loved him in Troy... so i might be biased... but it's a good movie to catch... showed the human side of terrorism... puts emotions to the guns, the blood, the bombs... i see a better picture now... the picture that there is no picture... ...that everyone can agree on... being out with the guy... acting silly... talking without thinking... spontaneous outbursts of energy... fashioning a puppet out of my sweater sleeve... therapeutic really... it's 3 am... i need to be up by 8 am... trust insomnia to strike at the most appropriate times... ----Stef stopped rambling at 02:49 --Link to Post |
| 6.3.06 |
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Friday was my bro's birthday.. mom bought him two cakes from Jack's Place coz the only cakes we found there were small... gave my bro the Billabong wallet i bought him... nice-looking... hope he likes it... met Silie for coffee thereafter... got treated to a packet of sweets and a mocha frappacino... just because he said he din have cash to pay.. and also no change for my 10 bucks... although i always demand treats.. i'm usually never serious... so i felt really bad throughout... conversation din start out too well actually.. considering the last time i met him was more than 4 years ago... and we both had a little confession in that time... but it picked up... and we talked about NS, work, life, relationships.... he smoked 4 cigarettes in the short 1.5 hours... is that a lot? we took a walk back from Starbucks to our estate... wasnt a long one... but convenient coz we stayed in almost neighbouring blocks... he joked that maybe the next time we meet up will be another 5 years later... perhaps... went surfing with the NUS gang on Saturday... wind was not bad... not enough boards... John and i were stuck on shore waiting for the rest to come back and give us a go at it... had a short couple of runs... pretty good stuff... on a 5m no less.. Baolun gave us a lift to Newton MRT where Weiming and I took the train... to AMK and Bishan respectively... met a few of the JC council people... Amanda... Jer Hsuan... CK... Gerald... Shou Wen... Clarence... had Sakae Sushi... which was okay... wasnt very full for 11 bucks... company was fantastic... conversation topics ranged from T*mmy NYP to Halls of Residence in NUS... if only i had time to meet them more... went over to the guy's place to watch West Brom - Chelsea... i slept through most of it... while he was watching intently... watched Road to Perdition together... cried when Tom Hanks got shot... good movie... guy drove me back at 1am... family all asleep... at least my parents can sleep soundly even when i go home late now... i guess they can trust him in taking care of me... guy came over to Sengkang to have lunch on Sunday... had set lunches at Jack's Place... two ribeyes... baked potatoes... creamy soups... tea... and tiramisu for dessert... the guy insisted it tasted nothing like tiramisu... a 30 bucks lunch... but pretty worth it for a full meal... though he complained the ribeye not tender enough... came over to my house so that i can pack my clothes... and my dad can drop him off while they send me to school... it's so funny how uncomfortable he gets in my home... and how he follows me around like i follow him around at his place... but my parents are already standing on his side... scolding me when i talk to him less-than-politely... and when i did not get him a drink... *pouts* what is the world coming to? packed Subway for dinner... did a short jog... did my Maths tutorial! or at least, TRIED most of it... sent out some publicity stuff... it's gonna be a busy week... even though tutorials are not as tight... i finally got my dose of the guy... am functioning as per normal now... ----Stef stopped rambling at 02:18 --Link to Post |
| 5.3.06 |
 woohoo, now i'm at 1.2 million! Link to game (for Siaowen)... ----Stef stopped rambling at 18:22 --Link to Post |
| 2.3.06 |
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And i miss the guy.. the only time i met him this week was when we bumped into each other on A2... i was heading to class... he was heading home... after deciding that he wont go for General Biology lectures anymore... it was short... he was standing in the isle... i was sitting by the window... there was this guy between us.... but we chatted from Bizad to Central Library... i made him stop at my stop.. where he could get his bus as well.. maybe not his favourite spot in the bus... (but i thot only weird pple like me have favourite seats in buses...) so at least i got to touch his tummy briefly... and feel lucky for the rest of the week... ----Stef stopped rambling at 03:21 --Link to Post |
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was watching A Light Affair on Channel 5... issit just me or are the lines really scripted? it was just plain weird la... all the sexual innuendos and suggestive one-liners thrown all over the place... what do you wear to bed? "very little or nothing at all...." "if i'm alone, my sec 2 t-shirt and shorts...if i'm not alone....you have to come and find out..." "my Victoria's Secret babydoll in passion RED..." i know the question simply screams out in capital letters... BE KINKY!!! in bold letters too... but it was just uncomfortable seeing it on national TV... i'm fine with girls being comfortable with their sexuality or sleeping in their birthday suits... just not a very Asian thing... i'm sorry for being so mountain tortoise... actually these were not too bad la... who cares what they wear to bed... just dont sleep on the stuttering of lines and uncomfortable come-hither looks... cant really remember the next question... but one girl's answer was... "wear something sexy..but i wont whisper stuff in your ear...i'll let my tongue do the talking..." *gives a lick in the air* (think: Paul's very-porn licking of the strawberry Pocky) i almost got a heart-attack... but that was also why she won la... being daring... it's fun la... innuendoes and all... but on national TV leh... in Singa-"conservative"-Pura no less! i was cringeing away... TELL ME IT'S NOT JUST ME! but i thought such things are reserved for the pubs, the clubs, the bars, the KTV lounges, etc etc. you get the point... why i so sua ku??? and i seriously dont think they can think out answers to such questions in so short a time lor... where can!?!?! singaporeans not known for their wit lor... SCRIPTED, i tell you! Disclaimer: Author just very very very sour grapes la...she know she not as smart/pretty/witty/clever/sexy/well-versed-in-Pocky-eating... the questions posed to the guys were not so KINKY-ANSWERS-ONLY... one was about how he would apologise to the girl after a quarrel... and the other was... what is the best praise you've received in the bedroom? chinese national who i think was in my lecture group last year... "erm...can stop for a while?" "wow...that's a lot..................*SUPERRRRR LOOOONNNGGG PAUSE*.............of paper stars." "why do your boxers look so big?" ironically the guys were not that kinky, suggestive and what-not... even the first, most sexual one takes some time to register and "OHHHH...I GEDDIT!"... it was at least a little witty with a tinge of subtlety... i thought guys are the ones with a high libido? maybe they are anti-NATO... which equates to NTAO... No Talk, Action Only... but the acronym doesnt look very good... ok... i'm over-reacting... AGAIN... just needed to get it out of my system... like how i cannot tahan when i see my cluster mates (that i dont like) bring guys back... if i like the girl... then nevermind... but aiyah... i got better things to do than to PAO TOH... A Light Affair... catch it on Channel 5! ----Stef stopped rambling at 01:58 --Link to Post |
| 1.3.06 |
 my class on 22nd Feb! it was a fun class to teach... though they drifted... and one guy got seasick and puked... one of the girls, Sabrina, go way back with me... all the way to TKGS days... so it was fun... but as usual... courses are very tiring... and like i told John while we were walking around school after lunch today... i started teaching courses thinking i enjoyed it so much i could do it without being paid... and then i realised it wasnt the case... started to appreciate the 90 bucks... coz ah... 90 bucks, damn hard to earn ok?!!? ----Stef stopped rambling at 18:12 --Link to Post |
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