| 27.9.07 |
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you know how you can feel on top of the world sometimes.... i did last semester... getting full marks for comp finance tests... being pro-active in marketing class... doing pretty alright in financial account... and okay in my engineering classes... writing reviews that i was truly proud of... this sem is the total opposite... never have i felt more lost... more confused... more terrible about myself... i dont even feel proud of my writing anymore... i remember being really upset when my editor edited so much of my review when i first started... but now... i kinda wished it wasnt my name up there anymore... and although i have been quite bent on the banking/finance industry... everyone has been telling me to follow my heart... do what i like... but the truth is.. i dont think there can be anything that i would totally like... i just think it's too idealised... i dont even know whether i'll hate banking coz i've never been in it... urgh. i hate decisions... ----Stef stopped rambling at 01:44 --Link to Post |
| 26.9.07 |
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the guy has been helping out at his dad's office coz his mom is visiting relatives in Taiwan... just saw him 2 days ago... but i'm missing him like crazy already... so needy right? serene say i become very xiao nu ren... and while i fervently deny it... i think it's true... *pouts* i seriously need to snap out of it and concentrate on being my own person... *roar* ----Stef stopped rambling at 00:59 --Link to Post |
| 25.9.07 |
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people do remember my birthday! or maybe they read the very sad post and decided to console me... so it was sweet... thanks for the well-wishes... made me feel better about growing old...  the iDevil says HI! ----Stef stopped rambling at 15:16 --Link to Post |
| 23.9.07 |
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it finally happened... i'm 22... and i still cant drive... not sure if i'm happy or sad... but i am 22... sometimes it's times like this when you realise how good/bad a friend you really are... coz of all the birthdays i conveniently forgot... i've finally gotten it back by means of karma... i know i bo sim... but i dont even remember things i learnt last sem... how to remember complex permutations of days, months and names? =( the only sms i've received so far was from thousands of miles away... from the land of the tulips and windmills...  but all is not lost... the guy managed to squeeze in 3 Missed Calls before that SMS came in... quite a feat considering he would probably not have done it if it werent my birthday... i got my gift on time... so i'm a happy bambi other than the fact that my photo with Pluto is grossly disproportionate... think it's a bug with the photo program... weird face made here is an over-zealous and very-spontanteous attempt at a monkey face... actually i was trying to make my eyes look bigger... but i think i went overboard... i think i have bulldog eyes...  and i missed all those calls because i was busy drooling over Serene's work trips overseas... laughing when i was reading her newly launched blog... abit slow, that woman... thats why we call her the 386 in a world of Pentium 4s... (is that the latest? or am i outdated also?) but it's hilarious... and served to remind me why i love that girl... she wanted to bring me out for dainty afternoon tea today... but i mistook it to be buffet high tea... so i kiasu-ly skipped breakfast and lunch... actually the real reason was that i woke late... so she had to pay for my late lunch too... had lotsa yummy stuff at tcc... me, a fantastic aglio olio... she, a minty drink... and we split the cocoa mosiac and the dark devotion... i would have licked the plate if i were sitting in the corner facing the wall... but we were right at the entrance... fantastic for people watching... then we walked... and talked... so all it all it was a great afternoon... even though i din get the high tea i was thinking i would...   it was a pretty good pre-birthday so far... now just totally looking forward to the "festivities" with the family tomorrow... which, i think, is the most important group of all... ----Stef stopped rambling at 01:08 --Link to Post |
| 21.9.07 |
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been feeling lots of insecurities of late... as much as i would like to attribute it back to my FYP... i doubt things are as simple as that... i guess it's the inevitable and impending entry into the workforce... where incompetence is never tolerated... it's no longer a happy-happy 2 hour lecture day... no longer free days during the week... no longer hell-if-i-cant-do-this-i'll-get-a-C... it's hello-office-politics in a dog-eat-dog world... i dont think i made sense of that... but maybe some of you might know what i mean... i just keep thinking about how things will be like in jobs that i might end up in... banking/finance...advertising....writing... notice how engineering is out-of-the-picture... and i realise maybe i'm not up to all the challenges presented to me in those jobs... even if i am... i dont think i can last beyond a year before i start getting bored... i get pretty despondent thinking about all the rejections i'll be getting from the companies... coz my results suck... i dont have enough work experience... i dont have enough related knowledge in these fields... URGH. i need to stop having these thoughts... adding fuel to the flame... is my departure from the glorious phase of forever21... i'm like... gawd... i'm going to be 22... and i dont feel i've grown any bit since the days i stepped into secondary school... maybe thats an exaggeration... but i dont know... maybe i just dont want to grow up... thats weird though... considering i've been dying to join the workforce all the way up till now... when i'm finally in year4... i've been longing to grow up.... start earning my own money and contributing back to my family... but all this apprehension is kinda making me fearful... the guy always called me a scardy cat... and it is true... always afraid of the dark and unknown... all my little jobs here and there are really nothing compared to what i am about to dive into... i think i need a dose of Optimism and maybe two of Courage.... on another note... the guy was sweet again when he said he will support me if the situation ever calls for that... $200 a month... until i reminded him that it equates to about 7bucks a day... he then increased it to $600... which isnt entirely bad hor? ----Stef stopped rambling at 01:22 --Link to Post |
| 16.9.07 |
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my mom is so reading this these days... considering she has so much time at home... hi mom! not that i mind... but abit weird la huh... was working with the guy on my birthday present... weird that i worked WITH him on it... but he doesnt trust his own creativity... and i cant help that i'm better at photoshop than him... tried to talk him out of printing the scrap book of WATUSA that we compiled... coz it's gonna cost above 200... i'd rather he give me the money to fund my buy-stef-a-coach-bag campaign... but he's dead-sure he wants to do it... so much so that i wonder whether he wants it for himself instead... it's still sweet... coz he's been spending hours on it... despite the mounting schoolwork... and i was mean... insisting on re-doing some stuff... and removing his cheesy captions... while it's not the most professional of efforts... it was awesome working on it together... bringing back some great memories... ----Stef stopped rambling at 01:46 --Link to Post |
| 14.9.07 |
 i just love the way he calls me to tell me breaking news... the latest updates on the S/U option... even when it's 2.30am in the morning... it's crazy, i know... i do it too... but i guess it's different when the other person does it... coz you feel oh-so-important... and that the person doesnt hold back coz you're close enough to do crazy things like that... i think i'm queer... but aint we all, in some way or another? i should be sleeping... gotta wake at 9am... ----Stef stopped rambling at 02:41 --Link to Post |
| 12.9.07 |
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just made the decision not to carry on with the movie reviews... not the movie nor the writing that takes up my time... but the traveling to and from the theatres... sad... but oh well... back to work! ----Stef stopped rambling at 16:36 --Link to Post |
| 9.9.07 |
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i just understood how important reading is... especially for someone who attempts to write for a living... not quite a living... but for a little pocket money... i mean i was wrecking my brains about a review i was supposed to write.. and kept getting stuck with lousy sentence construction... the guy went to this movie with me... so he made a lot of great suggestions and stuff i should highlight... and i totally agreed with everything... sometimes i wonder how he can squeeze so much into that little head of his... this and that's economy is failing... so and so has previously acted in this, that, and this and that... Apple lauched new products... (that look awesome, by the way, especially the iPod Touch and the new nano...) and still manage the most complex of mathematical equations... thought you need memory space to process stuff like that... i do... that's why i keep forgetting names and dates... but the guy manages to do so... i really ought to start picking up the books again... i used to love reading so much i would dig around at home for the most mundane of brochures... or even food labels to read... but i guess that was donkey years ago... now i'm thinking maybe i should just leave movie reviews to him... or at least work on them together... think it'll be pretty awesome... outing with the basketball girls today was fantastic... rene, jieying and myself went to watch Hairspray... then met the rest for Fish and Co... it was good to meet up after so long... we had so much to say... so much to laugh about... and tease rene about as well... it is friends like these that would probably last me a lifetime... and they are probably the best thing that basketball has done for me... met sam for lunch on friday... and john for post-lunch drinks.... so it was a great week of catch-up... ----Stef stopped rambling at 01:39 --Link to Post |
| 7.9.07 |
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it's already week 4 of school.... haiz... quite mad really.... the crazy sorta mad.... not the angry sort... and now the school wants us to go back to our wheelchair project... just because it's gaining publicity of late... having just been featured in the papers... work has been getting harder... not sure why... but i'm finding it harder and harder to write... maybe it's because i dont write here that much anymore... and maybe it's more because it has been ages since my last writing-related module... i dont know... i just know it's stressing me out... coz the thing is... i know what i want to write... the content... but i can seem to phrase it all nicely... with flow and continuity... i did tell my boss i'm having some problems with writing... but she responded by giving me 3 assignments for next week... and 2 movies... -_-" i appreciate the trust and blind faith in my ability to improve on my writing... but hard when i dont even like my own writing... oh well... just have to see how the next week turns out... assigned venues i cant bear to turn down... yes... i'm very kiasu one... if i cant afford it on my own... it's probably once in a lifetime... i've got a new toy! dad renewed our MaxOnline contract and it came with a free iPod Nano 2Gb... i dressed it in a devil plastic cover... so from now on in this blog.. it shall be referred to as the iDevil... guy was super sweet on Wed... thought it was weird when he insisted on meeting me in my room before going for Barclay's talk. but i played along despite thinking it was abit late already... the guy actually bought a bouquet of gerberras and wanted to give them to me... he had them in a paper bag... stuffed properly so that no one would see... and he just "Nah." as he came into my room... avoiding the paiseh-ness of holding the bouquet in public... or giving it to me in public... so adorable hor? how not to love this guy? time to head to class! ----Stef stopped rambling at 09:11 --Link to Post |
| 2.9.07 |
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realised that it has been a donkey long time since i last blogged... but i guess my lack of enthusiasm is the main culprit of late... mom's better now... for those who know and have been asking... she's spending time resting at home... catching up with all the paperwork she piled up... school has been okay i guess... it's just 3 mods this sem... plus an FYP.... supposed to be rather relaxed.... but the FYP is giving me nightmares and making me stay up late at night... i guess it's not so much the idea of the FYP... but the lack of idea of an FYP... since my prof gave me the liberty to choose my own topic to do... and all i have been arriving at lately... is dead-end after dead-ends... new PGP room is pretty awesome... pretty inconvenient a location... but i have no complaints... still great to have a room to crash in... especially when i have 4 hr breaks in between lectures... back to work last week... boss kinda caught me on MSN... so i got an assignment... place was pretty awesome... i guess it has to be... considering people spend an average of $90 per pax per visit there... now i'm doing movies as well... so the guy and i will be heading off to free movies from time to time... at least this time i can take him along... am thinking how many assignments per week i should take up... coz by right... i should really be able to do more... but i guess i should really see how the FYP comes along... and Project 365 is kinda shelved indefinitely... not sure if i wanna continue... coz life's currently a bore... and it's irritating when i limit myself to a photo when there are days that are pretty darn awesome with tons of shots... and when i force myself to pick a shot when the photos really suck... oh well... we'll see... ----Stef stopped rambling at 21:26 --Link to Post |
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