| 21.9.07 |
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been feeling lots of insecurities of late... as much as i would like to attribute it back to my FYP... i doubt things are as simple as that... i guess it's the inevitable and impending entry into the workforce... where incompetence is never tolerated... it's no longer a happy-happy 2 hour lecture day... no longer free days during the week... no longer hell-if-i-cant-do-this-i'll-get-a-C... it's hello-office-politics in a dog-eat-dog world... i dont think i made sense of that... but maybe some of you might know what i mean... i just keep thinking about how things will be like in jobs that i might end up in... banking/finance...advertising....writing... notice how engineering is out-of-the-picture... and i realise maybe i'm not up to all the challenges presented to me in those jobs... even if i am... i dont think i can last beyond a year before i start getting bored... i get pretty despondent thinking about all the rejections i'll be getting from the companies... coz my results suck... i dont have enough work experience... i dont have enough related knowledge in these fields... URGH. i need to stop having these thoughts... adding fuel to the flame... is my departure from the glorious phase of forever21... i'm like... gawd... i'm going to be 22... and i dont feel i've grown any bit since the days i stepped into secondary school... maybe thats an exaggeration... but i dont know... maybe i just dont want to grow up... thats weird though... considering i've been dying to join the workforce all the way up till now... when i'm finally in year4... i've been longing to grow up.... start earning my own money and contributing back to my family... but all this apprehension is kinda making me fearful... the guy always called me a scardy cat... and it is true... always afraid of the dark and unknown... all my little jobs here and there are really nothing compared to what i am about to dive into... i think i need a dose of Optimism and maybe two of Courage.... on another note... the guy was sweet again when he said he will support me if the situation ever calls for that... $200 a month... until i reminded him that it equates to about 7bucks a day... he then increased it to $600... which isnt entirely bad hor? ----Stef stopped rambling at 01:22 --Link to Post |
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