| 8.10.05 |
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had a minor breakdown last nite... minor coz it happens ever so often... so i reckoned it was probably time to take a break from work and responsibility... though i had to finish up on the necessary emails and correspondence with the SC... did abit of reading... only because the book my prof recommended was quite an interesting one on Indian film... though it totally doesnt help in my 6000 word essay... and didnt go down to the beach... also because no one else seemed to be going... i realised otherwise the next afternoon... when the 4, 5 of them were calling me non-stop to ask about each others' whereabouts... getting me to send them numbers coz everyone didnt save the comm's numbers... but i realised this makes windsurfing seem like a liability to me .. when i'm supposed to be enjoying it... which is queer, really... when the very reason i'm at the helm of this committee is because i love the sport... i do... no doubt about that... it's been 7 years and counting... but feeling a sense of being tied down by it all... a sense of responsibility i cant shake... was talking to the guy about it last nite... in fact... i just snapped at him... and started questioning everything in the whole wide world... including us... which is my bad really... i guess it's just PMS acting up... but he made an accurate diagnosis once again... i'm expecting too much from my committee... bringing me to think about what Stella told me about the Science Fac-Club prez... who said that he "...is happy that these people even come, coz they are not obliged to." that applies here too i guess... i fantasized about great things, one too many... and i guess it all came crashing down when i realised it's not as easy as i thought... i know it's not right to conclude something like that now... when we have just started out... coz we CAN achieve great things together... i guess i just learnt not to expect things to go my way all the time... and act surprised when they do... it's just hard for me to act all indignant and fight for our sub-club's rights in front of the SC... then come back to find the things i said invalid... i do a lot of write-ups for our comm... so i paint every single thing in a pretty light... and sometimes... i feel like i'm dishonest... i can mislead.. but i dont lie... so i end up in a difficult situation... like i told the guy... i can work hard... really really hard... applies only to non-academic stuff... like mindlessly... but i need to feed off people energy... i need to have people working with me... in the same direction with the same goals... i felt that in Talentime '03... in Orientation '03... and that was what made Council so special to me... i felt that in NUS Championships '05... though it was different being an organizer and a competitor at the same time... i cant pinpoint what makes me feel this way all the time... i left my first job ever... crying... coz i guess business and money bring out the worst in people... and it was especially scary when i have begun to look to my boss as a friend, a mentor... teaching at MJ was emotional as well... not just me... but the rest of us who were doing relief there... i guess we put too much into what we do... being fresh from school and all... not like the rest of the teachers... who have probably hardened over the years... i cant remember whether i cried while at milk or not... but work was tough indeed... boss was french... a perfectionist? i think i broke down on the first few days.. when finding that dreaded fruit was so darn difficult... but i walked away from each job getting good feedback about the work i do... so do i, or do i not put so much into things i do? people say i'll do well in the world out there... with regards to my work attitude... although i'll like to believe that because it feeds my ego to the max... i quietly suspect i'm far from there... unless i can detach emotion from everything else... till then... my family and the guy have to put up with my occasional, yet oh-so-frequent outbursts... and kleenex will still get a lot of business from me... by the way... The Myth was so cheesy that the guy and i debated Newtonian laws during the movie... "Weightlessness without traction is dangerous. You might just end up floating for eternity and become fossilized." at first i was impressed... coz no one told me that before... and i had never thought of it... but we thought about it more... Newton 1st Law states that Every object in a state of uniform motion tends to remain in that state of motion unless an external force is applied to it. our point was... if air resistance was what made them stop moving while flying/floating from place to place... air = fluid... so they can always 'swim' out of their predicament... and not just disintegrate in mid-air over like 100 years... little maggots can also float to you, you know? what about in space... space is a vacuum... so there is no air resistance... space garbage simply orbit round and round without ever stopping... ...unless an external force is applied to it. (actually the above is crap that i just thought of so that i will win my argument with him... but if it were all true... i wonder whether the people behind The Myth know their physics... or that they just wanted to make that prof sound pro... coz really... this deviation from science wasnt very crucial to the story... so no point faking it...) other than the cheesiness... imagine korean princess breaking her hair pin and plucking out her long hair... just to sew Chan's wound up... and the trying-too-hard-to-appeal-to-the-Western-audience... the movie was entertaining... at least it drew the laughs... ----Stef stopped rambling at 23:53 --Link to Post |
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