| 31.3.05 |
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on an ANTI-MUGGING/PROJECT/TUTORIAL STRIKE again... man! i do this all the time! just needed to do something else... especially after killing gawd-knows-how-many brain cells over DM project... bumped into my steam-iron pal Vincent in FoE on monday... was surprised to see him.. considering he graduated last year... he has longer hair now... and he almost didnt recognise me... dammit... am i that forgettable? but it feels so good to bump into old friends... i was happily bouncing ard for the rest of the day... after all my passive gossip mongering in my younger days... how X doesnt seem suitable for Y... coz Y is so much prettier/smarter/handsome-er/taller/outspoken-er... blah... i think it's all coming back to haunt me... bad karma... not that i hear of any rite now... but sometimes guilt puts in in greater pain than an actual blow does... doesnt it? i know this is like overdone already... like i harped over it for way too long... but i havent gotten over the fact that he's too good for me... and he is, in fact... too good to be true... i'm not afraid of blogging it over and over again... despite him actually reading my blog... coz i think it's better that he is actively aware of it... not discover it like 10 mths later... and thus, decide to do something drastic about it... sometimes i look at him sleeping (pigging like alwaz) on the bed... while i am hard at work... i think to myself... ~what a wonderful world....~ okok... shant digress... i'm just thinking what is he gonna cost me in my next life... not that i believe in all those... but i still slap myself to see if i am dreaming... and i get so insecure sometimes i go crazy when he's not around... which is bad really... like i'm being too dependent on him... not being able to live my own life... i've alwaz prided myself on being independent... being able to walk alone to the canteen to buy food, go shopping alone... at one point... i preferred solitude to anything thing else... but i find myself being unable to do so any longer.. and i cant fathom why... i used to think that once i get a bf... i can just lie back and heckcare what the whole world thinks of me... but now... i realised... getting a bf is the reason why i have to care what the whole world thinks of me... queer sounding? abstract? maybe its coz u're not just responsible urself... but the two of you as a whole... gawd... if only i can understand what's going on in my mind... for now... i'll be content being a hermit... PGP is quite comfy... other than the fact that i havent been clearing my room properly... and the dust is getting to me... this sounds terribly wrong... but... it feels comfortin' to see ur guy in a terrible fluster when u start shedding tears... somehow... at least you know you're not shedding tears for the wrong person... people who know him, please dont confront him... he did NUTHING... i'm just making a GENERAL statement... just realised that zen is a superbly hilarious guy... he's the latest addition to my econs group... and boy... he's a humour mill... lame jokes... dumb oneliners.. and sometimes even simply the way he says things are just... DAMN FUNNY... and we get along fine... which is amazingly superb... ok... i think i just get along better with guys as a whole... so sue me! and we got to a mutual suaning stage in less than 2 weeks... i think thats amazing... wahhaha... maybe it's just that he's a nice and sociable person... I AM TOO! okok... digressing... to think i was thinking my econs klass is full of boring people... actually... it's really just that i havent had the chance of getting to know all of them better! no time, no time! laremy promised me a ride on his scooter! woohoo! free ride back to PGP after DM lesson maybe? lalala... i'm living it good! it's amazing how life's ups and downs can be so distinctly different... so... regardless of how life sucks/rocks... i think life is worth celebrating... simply for it's unique diversity... It's not fats, it's soft muscles... Cellulite? that's muscle definition... ----Stef stopped rambling at 00:43 --Link to Post |
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