| 12.6.03 |
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was talking to laoda on the bus today..
you know... his usual matter-of-factly fashion... things he said actually hit a nerve... not in the negative manner... but in the way that in invokes thought.... which sustained me in reflections throughtout the bus journey to ECP... seriously wat am i working so hard for??? my dad doesnt understand but he faithfully drives me home more often than not... my mom doesnt understand but she does my laundry everytime i come back from the beach... my siblings dont understand but they put up with my mood swings everytime i had a bad day at training... laoda was rite in a way... i put in effort for council... pple slam us... undermine us... insult us... criticise us... of coz they do praise us... and stuff... but seriously... do anyone appreciate our work? our sacrifices? i dunnoe... it sucks sometimes when i think abt it this way... but most of the time it is made good by the other councillors with me on this... at least i know i'm not alone... its a vicious cycle... windsurfing takes time away from my council work... council takes time away from my windsurfing... but ultimately... all these take time away from my family...studies...friends...myself... frankly... i feel distant from pple ard me... i have great friends in my klass... council and stuff... but i have no clique... not like it matters... but sometimes you just wished you were there when things happen... i dunnoe how to explain it... but i dont feel in... its not anyone's fault but my own... but i cant help it... i just cant find time for all the people, things, issues ard me... and ultimately... i dont haf time for myself... seriously i'm dead tired... which is ironic coz i'm here blogging... but i had to get this off my chest... supposed to be meet up with casey for lunch this week... wanted it on friday... but decided to give it up for the klass... changed it to thurs... but had to hold a meeting for EC... so its put off indefinitely.. i feel bad... coz i promised him... was supposed to meet the girl gang for ice cream last week... tuesday's half priced waffles... but they had to put it off coz of my gym training... i want a normal life... i want to go shopping... i want to sit home and play harvest moon... suddenly training seem pretty pointless to me... its like... we're training so hard... but we cant meet up to international standards... we cant even beat our seniors... we keep disappointing andrew... we are nowhere man... SK quitted... citing time constraints... wad abt me??? sometimes i do feel like throwing in the towel... but i dont wanna regret it in future... gosh... someone tell me wad to do... ----Stef stopped rambling at 22:38 --Link to Post |
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