. be resourceful
 
 
. wasted time
 
 
. sanity check
 
 
. carbon dating
 
 
. frozen time
 
 
26.11.02
something that has alwaz baffled me...
when i am in a group...
i tend to try to lead...
not that i want to...
but i do want to get things done...
coz if no one stands out...
i would...
not for the limelight...
or the leadership...
but just to get things done...

but its already a couple of times that i have been accused of taking it all...
'being insensitive to others'...
i guess its true...
coz i cant see myself and how i might appear to others...
it gets me quite sad actually...
coz its definitely not in my intention...

i'm an introvert...
a definite one at that...
so as it is...
it's already very difficult to get me talking...
much less try to lead...
and look as if i'm enjoying it all...
cuz in actual fact...
i'm feeling worse than any of them...
but it just seems that i'm doing it all wrong...
and thus i do get a little afriad when the occasion calls for it...

bball team was easy to manage...
everyone involve themselves in things...
so i din have to lead...
and try to make them work...
they just work on their own...
assisting me...
or rather...
we work together...
everyone's a leader...
TK was good...

i dunnoe why i cant replicate that in aj...
issit me thats changed?
or that ajcians are really that unresponsive that i have to do things in a more authoratative way...
to be frank..
i'm quite sick of it all...
i dunnoe how to go abt it all anymore...

help...

----Stef stopped rambling at 23:05
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