| 5.5.04 |
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ok...
i think when things start rolling downhill... it just keeps going man... today wasnt much better than yesterdae... in fact... i think it was worse... sat in for mr sung's pract with 215... which i usually enjoy... coz i have that funnie bball guy... asking me loads of questions... and some girls who can be utterly sweet... but all i needed was one guy to snigger... and take perversed pleasure in the fact that i corrected him wrongly... only becoz what mr sung wanted in their answers was different from wad mr lim and mr tan wanted... i can imagine that being all that the students want to see really... when your teacher falters... when your teacher makes a mistake... then break into celebration... and that was the very guy who said i was picking on him when all i wanted was to correct his technique... it sucks... i could jolly well sit silently in the klass... not opening my mouth the whole time... but i chose not to... just so they could get more accurate results... and hopefully better scores for their SPAssessment... this is wad i got... took over jas' klass... and that was worse... they probably liked her better... thing is... they were utterly unresponsive... which jas admitted... but liked... becoz she's used to a monologue lesson... guys were unmotivated... which she mentioned... pretty difficult to handle... and she actually asked me if i enjoyed the lesson... coz she usually did... !?!?!?!?! i think different teachers expect different things from their students... this is probably a klass i wont enjoy... i need dialogue and participation... thank goodness for 212/even 208... quite frankly... when your effort goes unappreciated... you kinda lose all motivation to continue doing what you do... doing it to the best of your ability... maybe i just need to change my approach... my war strategy... need to find the magic and fulfilment in teaching again... dont wanna throw in the towel... let's think of this as a challenge... wanna leave MJC thinking it was my best temp job ever... i wanna continue bouncing happily to school... on my way to work... remember the USP interview... when i told them that the person i admired the most was my dad... for being such a giving person... one of them asked... whether it was necessarily a good thing to be too giving a person... guess not... i was stumped... but i am finally seeing the light... the more important thing is to give without expecting something in return... that's something i have to learnt to accept... before i end up expecting things i do not get... and start having a major prb with the rest of the world... someone! brainwash me! probably need a good jog... maybe i should set my distance now... instead of when i downstairs later... running where the traffic lights take me... 2 rounds? think i'll be pretty worked out by then... get O2 into the clogged brain... talking abt clogged brain... got so traumatised by the students that i started stammering all over again... aint good... but at least it din happen during my CGH interview... wasnt stammering actually... just struggled with all the long and twisting chemical terms... so had trouble blurting everything out in one sentence all together... seriously... it's ten times easier to be a student... yearning to get back to books... to be on the receiving end... again... ----Stef stopped rambling at 18:42 --Link to Post |
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